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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mist on August 19, 2002, at 19:49:10
I have to gear up and look for work. It's been hard to get motivated because I find workplaces and relating to people in a work or business context so boring. The work is sometimes boring too but sometimes okay. I'm wondering if I just get bored too easily, pathologically so, from depression, ADD, anhedonia, or whatever, or if most people feel this way about their jobs? I'm talking about the kind of boredom where the whole world seems to have a gray cast and I just want to literally die so I don't have to experience it anymore. It happens when I feel trapped in a work role or work environment. It's like, if this is life, why bother?
Posted by madison88 on August 19, 2002, at 23:04:51
In reply to Is anyone not bored by their job?, posted by mist on August 19, 2002, at 19:49:10
Recovering from a major depressive episode, I am trying to get out and talk to people, to be more social. I don't know why, but I am so bored by everybody I come into contact with. They all seem so completely stupid, all airheads. I see lots of faces and hear lots of names, but I never remember any of them. I can understand how work, esp with people could be such a drag. i wonder if, having gone through really tough times, if I am just not able to lighten up, to put up with small talk and little quirks that people have. Sometimes I think its got to be the fact that my sex drive is so inhibited by medication. Is not sex a big motivator to engage in social situations? When you are busy thinking about how sexy somebody is you fail to notice the (little indicators) evidence that they are an idiot.
Posted by Heather66 on August 20, 2002, at 10:36:18
In reply to Re: Is anyone not bored by their job?, posted by madison88 on August 19, 2002, at 23:04:51
Bored by my job. Yes. But more than that it's the people. Over the last two years I have been struggling a lot in my personal life and when I would go to work, I would pretend everything is fine. EVERYONE - EVERY DAY - asks in the hall (sometimes 2-3 times a day) "How are you? How's it going?" and EVERY time I respond with a smile, "Good" and I think to myself what a stupid, F**King question. Stop being so idiotic. Stop it!! Ask me a question if it is relevant to work. Ask me a question if you really want to know the answer. But do not ask me how I am. I am not fine. And that is how I go through every day at work. I am lucky to respect the intelligence of some of the people I work with. They are well educated and smart.
But then, outside of work, every person I meet is COMPLETELY Boring and predictable. Especially men. So predictable. I know when they are going to ask me out. I know when they are going to send me an email. I know when they are going to call. The rare times I have gone out to dinner or a baseball game with a new person, I am bored out of my mind. Can't wait to get home and I never talk to that new person again. I haven't met one new, interesting person in years. They are all boring. And most are complete morons.
Posted by mist on August 21, 2002, at 14:15:04
In reply to Bored by people., posted by Heather66 on August 20, 2002, at 10:36:18
Madison and Heather,
The feelings you describe feel familiar, although I tend not to be that bored by people I meet outside of work. But then, I don't have a lot of contact with them or meet new people very often.
I agree that having gone through dark times, light chit chat can sometimes seem empty, pointless, not worth the time, and just plain irritating.
However, I tend to be most bored when I have to play a role and not speak what's on my mind, which is the case at work.
Regarding the sex drive issue, that could be part of it. I also have a low sex drive at the present time although I attribute it to the depression.
Posted by Medusa on August 25, 2002, at 13:05:43
In reply to Bored by people., posted by Heather66 on August 20, 2002, at 10:36:18
> Ask me a question if it is relevant to work.
OMGOD, I'm the same way. My former boss took me aside and told me to just play the game, because a lot of people were just trying to be nice and couldn't understand my curt responses to their "how was your weeeeeeeeekend? SMILE SMILE!"
> every person I meet is COMPLETELY Boring and
>predictable.yeah. even when I went to lectures and goal/subject-oriented 'social' stuff, I still met boring people. and the most full-of-themselves men.
sorry I'm not in a good space to ... I don't know what you wanted, maybe just to vent, so I can read vents, and I sure can identify. maybe don't go out - just give yourself the isolation you need, or if you don't need isolation, buy a book (anything interest you when you're depressed? right now I'm null) or something and ... I don't know , there are other ways to get needs met, besides being with all those boring people.
I've cut off most of my former friends. No reason. Just depression, and shame about depression. And a few of them are mad or hurt about that. And I've cut off intentionally a few who were BORING, whether I was depressed or not. But I still have to see some of DH's friends, well once in a while, and when he visited one couple the last time, alone, the wife pestered him about whether I thought they were boring. YEAH baby, you're not so stupid after all.
Boring is okay, if people own up to it, own it, live it. What drives me crazy is the bores who are convinced they're the most exciting, interesting thing on the planet. now THAT's boring. They keep insisting with their boringness. DH is not Mr. Adventure or anything, but doesn't pretend to be, and that's cool.
M
Posted by wendy b. on August 26, 2002, at 0:33:17
In reply to Re: Bored by people. » Heather66, posted by Medusa on August 25, 2002, at 13:05:43
At the risk of sounding not only boring but also stupid, what is DH (designated husband? dumb human?)?
I like this thread on boringness, I just wrote to Dreamer on 2001 about being bored by my own problems, but I'm not the type who often uses the word "bored," always believed there was too much of life that was interesting, so much to learn. I'm usually interested in lots of things... Just not interested in examining my own navel all the time.
But boring co-workers, now there's a theme... It's just an inability to do the small-talk thing, like, who wants to go around patting each other on the back all the time, lying to each other about how great everything is? I certainly never did. Confronted with others wanting to know how I am, I usually answer these fools with: "Well, how many hours do you have?" Say that a couple of times, that usually shuts 'em up. None of us depressed types really does well with regular office work, though. 9 to 5 is a killer of souls... Boring is what we're afraid of becoming. I just never wanted to do ANY kind of work long enough to get the watch, you know? Doing the same thing every day for 25 years... is it a bad thing to not want to fit into all of that? Just don't have the stomach for it...
boringly yours,
Wendy> > Ask me a question if it is relevant to work.
>
> OMGOD, I'm the same way. My former boss took me aside and told me to just play the game, because a lot of people were just trying to be nice and couldn't understand my curt responses to their "how was your weeeeeeeeekend? SMILE SMILE!"
>
>
> > every person I meet is COMPLETELY Boring and
> >predictable.
>
> yeah. even when I went to lectures and goal/subject-oriented 'social' stuff, I still met boring people. and the most full-of-themselves men.
>
> sorry I'm not in a good space to ... I don't know what you wanted, maybe just to vent, so I can read vents, and I sure can identify. maybe don't go out - just give yourself the isolation you need, or if you don't need isolation, buy a book (anything interest you when you're depressed? right now I'm null) or something and ... I don't know , there are other ways to get needs met, besides being with all those boring people.
>
> I've cut off most of my former friends. No reason. Just depression, and shame about depression. And a few of them are mad or hurt about that. And I've cut off intentionally a few who were BORING, whether I was depressed or not. But I still have to see some of DH's friends, well once in a while, and when he visited one couple the last time, alone, the wife pestered him about whether I thought they were boring. YEAH baby, you're not so stupid after all.
>
> Boring is okay, if people own up to it, own it, live it. What drives me crazy is the bores who are convinced they're the most exciting, interesting thing on the planet. now THAT's boring. They keep insisting with their boringness. DH is not Mr. Adventure or anything, but doesn't pretend to be, and that's cool.
>
> M
Posted by Medusa on August 26, 2002, at 2:26:16
In reply to Re: Boring question » Medusa, posted by wendy b. on August 26, 2002, at 0:33:17
> At the risk of sounding not only boring but also stupid, what is DH (designated husband? dumb human?)?
Not a dumb question, Wendy! DH= "dear husband" (or dumbass, or decrepit, or discouraging, or any number of other things depending on the day), I post on a MIL (=mother-in-law) board a lot, and tend to transfer the lingo too much. I almost referred to my husband as "DH" in a phone conversation with my sister - clearly, too much of my human contact is taking place on-line!
> being bored by my own problemsSign me up ...
>but I'm not the type who often uses the word "bored,"same here - I just get bored by uninteresting persons who insist they're hot stuff. well, deep depression kills interest in pretty much everything for me. but in a 'normal' or only somewhat depressed state (which is still clinical, severe depression, say the dox) I have too many interests. so much to learn.
> "Well, how many hours do you have?"Good one. People tend to come to me with their dumb problems though ... the scientist who wailed on and on about the movers ripping the top on his convertible ... so I told him about my father's illness, and he quit swinging by my office, and nervously said a brief hi when he had to walk by. Ha.
>None of us depressed types really does well with regular office work, though. 9 to 5 is a killer of souls...
yeah unfortunately as soon as I get a job, it'll be more like 7 - 7, to get going and recognised and paid, and the world's in a slump, and where I am there's a standard 6-month trial period, in which either party can cancel, and you're paid much less that what you'll get if you're eventually hired, and employers do take advantage of that for cheap(er) labour.
>Boring is what we're afraid of becoming.
I dunno, I wouldn't mind the stability a lot of bores seem to enjoy! I don't think I'm in danger of becoming boring ... but I'm sure I've convinced people I find boring (party types) that I'm the dullest nail in the box.
Posted by sjb on August 27, 2002, at 12:19:33
In reply to Bored by people., posted by Heather66 on August 20, 2002, at 10:36:18
I feel the same way a lot of the times. Your fortunate that you have smart co-workers, however. I work for a state government and a lot of the steroetypes are true. Everybody thinks there a know-it-all and most don't know know jacks***. They play video games, complain, complain when they have it pretty darn good. No one reads the NYTimes or listens to NPR. They just read the local rag and listen to right-wing, flame up radio and think they're getting hard news. I just close my door most of the time and keep to myself.
My personal life is different. My husband is VERY interesting and very smart and our marriage is better than ever, even though we had some rocky patches, due in no small part to my depression/eating problems. However, I find a lot a female friends boring, one who was obsessing about every little detail about her daughters extravegant wedding. I'm not into these things. I was thinking, why don't they just elope and use Dad's money for starting out, house, etc? I DO NOT understand over-the-top weddings and gross consumption. It doesn't matter now, cause I don't see her anymore. I've lost a lot of my friends due to depression and disinterest in things they want to do.
You may want to look for groups or activities that may have folks that are more stimulating for you. I was thinking of joining a reading group at one time, just because I thought it might attract intelligent people and it would be would be different than the therapy/support groups I've been in for eating disorders. Guess what you talk about there? I've also met knew people at my gym, a class is a good place to start to initiate conversation, etc.
I'm rambling and will stop now.
Posted by mair on August 27, 2002, at 17:05:25
In reply to Re: Boring question » Medusa, posted by wendy b. on August 26, 2002, at 0:33:17
I think I've posted this elsewhere, but we have a family friend who's typical response to the question "how are you" is "much the same and more's the pity." I always thought this summed things up pretty well.
I've challenged my therapist with my assertions to her that she must get really bored listening to me talk because I get bored listening to me talk. This seems particularly so when we talk about stuff we've talked about before (which is most of the time). We spend alot of time analyzing one issue like for instance, the impact of a full work schedule on my mental state. I make no changes to my work schedule; inevitably I get over-stressed and then depressed, and we're back to talking about my work schedule again. I imagine my therapist thinking something like "she had to know this was going to happen; when is she finally going to get it?" Is it repetition that we all find so boring?
Mair
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