![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:13:11
HelloErmm been finding out about my brother on internet..haven't seen him for about 26 years..so don't really know much about him.
He's successful and happy with family and owns two big beautiful lakes in France...WOW!
I don't want to freak him or be apart of his life in fact I just want to go to the lakes : )
I have all of his contact details I want to do it clever ..by showing him some of my design/fine art --his website isn't to clever... but not saying who I am..
Or do I say who I am ???any thoughts
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2002, at 22:25:21
In reply to HELP...advice please, posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:13:11
Hmmm. Hard to say without any background...
But I would think a simple honest statement would be best. Along with the website offer. If you didn't tell him, would you ever? If you're expecting to tell him at some point, he might resent not hearing it up front. Would he be able to tell who you are the way you were able to tell who he was? Is there someone in your family who knows the situation who could give you some sensible advice?
Just take care dear Dreamer. While it could turn out to be a wonderful reunion, it would seem that there is also a reasonable possibility for pain there. And I would hate to see you hurt. Keep up those defenses. That's my best advice. Whatever you decide, keep up your defenses.
Sorry I have no practical advice.
An ever-cautious,
Dinah
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:38:52
In reply to Re: HELP...advice please » Ctrlaltndel : |, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2002, at 22:25:21
Hi Dinah..Thanks..suppose I just felt impressed and my present situation is like I want to run somewhere pleasant-not into his arms...
I feel nothing for him..no love ..just he looks alot like me in a male way..supposed if we met he would recognise me..
I don't have family well don't have contact no more..
he seems pretty sane which is suprising : )
I feel slightly like I want to impress him..anyway just a idea for a free holiday..yeh I really feel nothing.thanks honey~petal
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:45:48
In reply to Re: .advice , posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:38:52
It's damn selfish of me , I'll leave him alone.dreamer
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 4, 2002, at 22:47:35
In reply to Re: No I'll veiw from afar, posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:45:48
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2002, at 23:03:30
In reply to Re: .advice , posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:38:52
Dreamer, is that really true?
A sane member of the family who looks like you and you say you feel nothing for him and want nothing but a free holiday? And when you have no other family that you are in contact with? I suspect you're motives are not as selfish as you would like to think.
There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to connect with someone who is after all your brother. I know I would want to, in the same situation. And wanting to impress him is also perfectly normal.
Without knowing your specifics, (and probably even if I did know them), I have no way of giving you any sort of advice about whether or not to contact him.
So now I have two pieces of advice, neither directly to the point. Guard your heart, and don't feel guilty for wanting something else.
Dinah
Posted by Bobby on August 4, 2002, at 23:06:14
In reply to Re: No I'll veiw from afar, posted by Ctrlaltndel : | on August 4, 2002, at 22:45:48
Hey! I don't know your name but I've seen you on the board and you seem nice. I try not to stick my nose into other peoples' business but on this one--I must throw my hat in the ring. I must say that Dinah took the words right out of my mouth(she's so smart). Anyway, it seems to me that you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I can't see a man anything but thrilled to find a long lost sister.however, If not you sound as if you can weather a storm--you're an artist so you must sleep with pain-I know. Maybe you two can develope a symbiotic relationship where you both are the victors. I know i've probably got constipation of the brain and diarhea of the mouth but I see nothing but potential. Bobby
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 4, 2002, at 23:24:26
In reply to Re: No I'll veiw from afar, posted by Bobby on August 4, 2002, at 23:06:14
Hmmm ..
Can't really get into specifics..just that childhood was not normal.. one day he left home and never came back..we got on very well a bit too well--- if you know what I mean...I did ask him if I could go with him : )
There's not much love in the family..
Hmm very tricky...I have a very messy past..I can't say certain things--feels similar to being publically naked although safe in anonymity...anyway
I have no idea how he'd react..probably the same as me..I think I'll just ponder and wait until the stresses in my life settle
thanks...
dreamer
Posted by SandraDee on August 4, 2002, at 23:31:18
In reply to Re: No I'll veiw from afar, posted by Bobby on August 4, 2002, at 23:06:14
I don't know your situation but I agree with Dinah that you should probably remain a bit on the guarded side. I have a half-brother and half-sister that were given up for adoption before I was born. They came out and found my/our mom. At first I was sooo thrilled. I always wanted siblings. (I was/am an only child.) I couldn't have been happier to have family, and my brother even has kids, so I was an aunt too. I never thought I'd be called that. Anyhow, that was 10-12 years ago, and we are far from "close". I guess I watched too many reunion shows and saw all that love. It's hard to make something be there when it's not there. No water fights. No hiding in closets and giggling in the night together. Hard to make a sister or brother be a sister or brother, when you don't have all those brothery sisterly memories. Just MY experience. Hope that doesn't bring you down. I still suggest you try and reach out to him, ya never know unless you try, just don't expect it to be roses without a few thorns. Be well - SD
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2002, at 23:31:26
In reply to Re: this is so tricky dinah/bobby, posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 4, 2002, at 23:24:26
Hmm. Waiting until the stresses settle might be a good idea. Whether it would turn out well or poorly, it would be bound to add stress of some sort to your life and that can be so bad for people with problems like ours.
Once you are set up somewhere safe with your dear kitty, you will be able to decide and follow through from a place of strength. And if you do decide to see him, feeling more stable yourself can only increase the chances that it will go well.
It sounds wise, dreamer, and you know your situation best. But there's no harm in dreaming and remembering the good times... Something to hold on to when things get bleak.
Just my humble opinion of course.
Posted by SandraDee on August 4, 2002, at 23:35:19
In reply to Dreamer dear... » Bobby, posted by SandraDee on August 4, 2002, at 23:31:18
That wasn't for Bobby, just dear Dreamer. I'm just a dork that doesn't pay attention when I'm posting. Next I'll start double posting! Sorry!
Posted by Gabbi on August 4, 2002, at 23:46:25
In reply to Oh my, Gabbi's rubbing off on me..., posted by SandraDee on August 4, 2002, at 23:35:19
HMMMPH Snort,
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!No actually glad to have company.
Dorks unite
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:08:50
In reply to Re: this is so tricky dinah/bobby, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2002, at 23:31:26
But there's no harm in dreaming and remembering the good times... Something to hold on to when things get bleak.
I admit I do feel something. It was an (lots of memory blanks I was only about 9 years old he about 18 -not sure but I can remember a few things)intimate relationship we had , suppose to escape into and I felt at the time (what I can remember) that it was not wrong or bad...I still don't
He doesn't feel like my brother..I think he looks cute ..yeh I know it is strange..
Posted by Gabbi on August 5, 2002, at 0:15:21
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............., posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:08:50
I'm sorry for rudely interrupting your thread. I just zoned in on my name, and automatically responded without reading the other posts So sorry
Gabbi:(
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:33:52
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............., posted by Gabbi on August 5, 2002, at 0:15:21
Posted by .tabi.T.ha. on August 5, 2002, at 0:34:42
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............., posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:08:50
Sounds complicated. You must miss the closeness at least.
Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:55:38
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............. » Ctrlaltndel : ), posted by .tabi.T.ha. on August 5, 2002, at 0:34:42
I'm Miss Complication.. : )
Gentle is what I remember..and teasing/laughter..
Oh well , these things happen... always love impossibilities
Posted by .tabi.T.ha. on August 5, 2002, at 1:04:52
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............. » .tabi.T.ha., posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:55:38
Sounds very missable, especially if you were so young. I remember teenagers seemed godlike to me at that age. Yes those impossible loves.
I was not close to my brother at all, he was pretty abusive in fact. He's still pretty awful, but I can't shake that memory of being small and alone together, around 4 yrs old, before he turned mean. We were the only 2 people in the universe then. I tried to recreate that feeling with men later, though it's not always so healthy to be twins in your own world together.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2002, at 8:19:43
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............., posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:08:50
Not so strange, Dreamer. You were a little girl, only 9, who was in a difficult situation and starved for love. To feel what you felt for your brother wasn't wrong or even strange or odd, especially given our tendency to confuse sexuality with other expressions of love. If you don't mind overly much, I won't state what I think of his behavior, because I know you hold warm feelings for him.
But maybe when you're feeling in a strong enough place, and are ready to handle the positives or negatives that might come from contacting him, you might contact him from that level, honestly. You remember him with fondness and affection. That's not such a bad thing to tell him. And if he acknowledges his behavior, he might (or might not) be harboring a lot of guilt over it. And you might be able to help him with that.
It is a tricky situation, because I don't know your brother, and I don't know why he did what he did or how he feels about it now. It does make a reunion a more precarious prospect.
But I do know that how you feel about your brother or what happened isn't bad or wrong. A child copes as best as she can in an impossible situation. And feelings are never wrong or bad.
I do wish I could air-mail my therapist to you. These things are the very core of therapy. Have you worked on them in therapy?
A thousand hugs to you, dearest dreamer.
Dinah
Posted by SandraDee on August 5, 2002, at 10:19:14
In reply to Did U just say you caught your Dorkiness from me. » SandraDee, posted by Gabbi on August 4, 2002, at 23:46:25
That's for sure, and I have references! :) Let's just say "school pictures" and "best friend since 9th grade who also knew me in second grade".
Posted by Ctrlaltndel on August 5, 2002, at 16:32:10
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............. » Ctrlaltndel : ), posted by Dinah on August 5, 2002, at 8:19:43
Think I'll just move on...work is my therapy..haven't been doing much of that lately.Tangent...
I rescued a mouse from the jaws of my cat..it was barely alive but seems a little more perky.. tried to give it water on my finger the little buggar tried to bite me : )
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2002, at 16:58:43
In reply to Re: .thanks 4 help, posted by Ctrlaltndel on August 5, 2002, at 16:32:10
Sorry I couldn't be of any practical assistance.
I hope your work goes well for you. And I'm very glad you enjoy it and that it's therapeutic for you. I've got to go slog away at my miserable job.
(And that ungrateful little wretch. Doesn't he know most folks would have left him to the mercy of the cat?)
Take care,
Dinah
Posted by Willow on August 6, 2002, at 22:37:47
In reply to Re: .thanks 4 help, posted by Ctrlaltndel on August 5, 2002, at 16:32:10
Only you can make me smile this way during a total crisis. If you do manage to get a pass to camp out on a lake in france let me know I'll get my passport in order and will be on the first flight there. Well maybe not first flight I would have to fly standby, couldn't afford full fair cost.
Re rescuing mice, don't do it. They'll just go on to breed more and they do transmit infectious diseases in large numbers. The good lord made us good company for kitties for a reason. My cat is getting on in age, only one mouse a week and I'm seriously thinking of adding a younger more frisky cat to our house. My brother rescued a few chipmunks in our youth and got them stuck on his thumb. Rodents aren't the most grateful of creatures.
Blowing Kisses onto a easterly wind hoping it'll cross the Atlantic.
Whistling Willow
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.