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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 17:38:18
Tired of trying so hard to be a good girl. Tired of failing. Tired of trying to fulfill my obligations and falling short. Tired of worrying about disaster striking. Tired of worrying about being abandoned. Knowing that I don't have to be abandoned to be alone. I am always fundamentally alone anyway. Alone to deal with myself, a task I feel unable to cope with.
Discouraged at the return of the gruesome, but highly improbable, images of self injury. Sad, oh so sad. And knowing that in a few days I'll feel less sad and knowing that the sadness will return, just as the anxiety returns, just as the happiness returns.
Knowing that reaching out here won't touch the aloneness. Because I'm alone IN HERE, trapped in my mind.
And so tired.
Posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 19:24:38
In reply to I get so tired sometimes, posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 17:38:18
Woke up this morning feeling uncharacteristic rage.
Woke up this afernoon feeling intense sadness.
Woke up just now feeling nothing in particular.
Going back to bed.
Posted by paxvox2000 on April 20, 2002, at 20:36:01
In reply to Feeling better already., posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 19:24:38
It's strange. My wife does that a lot of late. I have always thought I was the problem ,because much of the anger is directed toward me. But I am not the problem. I have dealt with my illness, I have gotten treatment, I will talk to someone about what's going on. Why do some people think they can just keep running away? Run away by sleeping all day. Run away by making themselves mad at you. Run away by shopping until all the money has been spent (and then some). Run away by sequestering themselves in the back room watching TV in the dark. There is only one other place to run, and if it weren't for our children, I think she would think about running there. How can I get her to get help? Every time I have addressed the issue over the past several years, she withdraws even deeper and for longer. For a time in DEC-JAN. I thought she was coming out of it when she started Wellbutrin, but she has regressed. It scares me, it exacerbates my depression and anxiety. My 7 year old is picking up on it.. "What's wrong with mommy"? How can I get her the help she needs when she won't admit there is a problem? How can she not? Maybe it's the guilt from these things that causes her darkness to get deeper? Friends can't help, her family can't help. They don't see it like I do, because she can put on the facade for a little while around them. But I see it every day. Darkness, sadness ...hopelessness?
Calling all cars.....
PAX
Posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 21:32:01
In reply to Re: Feeling better already. » DinahM, posted by paxvox2000 on April 20, 2002, at 20:36:01
I'm terribly sorry, Pax, that I don't know the answer.
Posted by judy1 on April 21, 2002, at 15:02:43
In reply to Re: Feeling better already. » DinahM, posted by paxvox2000 on April 20, 2002, at 20:36:01
So sorry- I've been there so many times I've lost count, and my children keep me from hiding too when depressed. All I can suggest is family counseling- tell her you and your son are going and invite her along, if she goes (and kids have that effect) great, if not face it and you go with the kids and learn some ways to cope better. Since she's on meds, hopefully that will help soon (remember it takes 6-8 weeks for some AD's); but I really think therapy is a huge part of this. I wish you and your family all the best- Judy
Posted by judy1 on April 21, 2002, at 15:04:04
In reply to Feeling better already., posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 19:24:38
Well, sounds very bipolar. I'm glad you are feeling a little better- are you the Dinah from before? Take care, Judy
Posted by DinahM on April 21, 2002, at 15:14:29
In reply to Re: Feeling better already. » DinahM, posted by judy1 on April 21, 2002, at 15:04:04
Thanks Judy,
Yes it's me. I was/am so overwhelmed with the essential aloneness of being human that I felt compelled to reach out. Perhaps that doesn't make any sense.
Anyway, thanks for answering.
Dinah
Posted by DinahM on April 21, 2002, at 16:32:45
In reply to Re: Feeling already. » judy1, posted by DinahM on April 21, 2002, at 15:14:29
> Thanks Judy,
> Yes it's me. I was/am so overwhelmed with the essential aloneness of being human that I felt compelled to reach out. Perhaps that doesn't make any sense.
> Anyway, thanks for answering.
> DinahThinking about it, it doesn't really make any sense. It's easy to feel alone in a group, perhaps even easier than feeling alone by yourself. So reaching out is futile.
So as Roseanne Roseannadanna would say - "Never mind"
Posted by Manda on April 21, 2002, at 22:16:04
In reply to I get so tired sometimes, posted by DinahM on April 20, 2002, at 17:38:18
Dinah,
I can't tell you how familiar that sounds. It fits me perfectly. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, or at least encouragement, but I'm in trouble myself. I hope that you have a good day tomorrow. (Don't you love those good days- the ones where you're actually happy to be alive?) Take care of yourself.
Pax,
Manda
Posted by judy1 on April 22, 2002, at 11:00:09
In reply to Re: Feeling already. » judy1, posted by DinahM on April 21, 2002, at 15:14:29
Hi Dinah,
Why don't you visit the other board (2000), maybe you'll feel safer and we can post each other. When I feel depressed I go inward too, I think most people do- try remembering how you feel when you're not and how giving and wonderful you are with advice to others and know this will pass. Take care, Judy
Posted by DinahM on April 22, 2002, at 11:13:26
In reply to Re: Feeling already. » DinahM, posted by judy1 on April 22, 2002, at 11:00:09
Thanks Judy. I do appreciate your kind words.
I'm not eligible for the other board. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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