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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
Hi, everyone,
This is a sad time for many of us (though other reactions like feelings of shock, hurt, guilt, and even anger are perfectly natural, too). It may be hard to know what to do.
I thought maybe this could be a thread in which we remember Sar. Say something about her, or how she affected us, or quote, or link to, something she posted.
I know that to some extent this has already started, but I thought it might be nice to collect posts like that here. If you've already posted something, feel free either to repost to link to it. But this is just an idea, no one should feel obligated to post anything.
She's going to be missed.
Bob
Posted by IsoM on April 8, 2002, at 9:24:17
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
A nothing much repeat of what I wrote of sar & my reactions:
the unreality - she's gone - who was she - we knew so little yet so much of her - the emptiness - the utter aloneness - a vacuum - the finality - the rush of emotions returning from losing a friend 8 years ago - blank, staring at the monitor for long moments, no thoughts, nothing - just staring, empty, sar's gone - she's really gone - she's really gone?
Posted by Ritch on April 8, 2002, at 10:45:48
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
New kitten
Night
Stoned Immaculate
Posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 20:21:41
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
although i think it's very nice. but i'm not feeling very nice i guess.
am i the only one who is riding a wave of anger mixed with sorrow?
Posted by tinaboo on April 8, 2002, at 21:02:01
In reply to i can;t do this yet, posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 20:21:41
Of course you aren't alone in your anger and sorrow KK. Grieve in your own way and in your own time. Some just need to share their memories but if you aren't ready, it's ok. Take your time, do what you gotta do. There's no blueprint for mourning.
My heart goes out to you.
tina
Posted by Mair on April 8, 2002, at 22:02:32
In reply to i can;t do this yet, posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 20:21:41
KK
Sorrow comes at me in waves. I'm ok for awhile and then I go back and read something she wrote (particularly about suicide) or check my email and see her last message and I just feel overcome. And of course I think about what things must have been like for her and i get angry at the lack of resources and family support available to her and I wish I had emailed her at least one day before she killed herself instead of 3 days after. I'm also not ready to reminisce too much although thinking about what i'd write seems to help some.
Mair
Posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 23:39:57
In reply to Re: i can;t do this yet » Krazy Kat , posted by Mair on April 8, 2002, at 22:02:32
you summarized it perfectly for me.
Posted by mist on April 9, 2002, at 1:01:17
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
I found the news of Sar's suicide shocking, saddening and distressing. It's very strange that she can no longer post here. She was such a presence on this board. I always read her posts even when I didn't have time to read too many or the energy to respond much. I enjoyed her writing—the honesty and effortless sparkle of it. She had a rare talent that way, she came alive on the page (screen, in this case) and seemed to hold nothing back.
Sar had so much going for her, but she was clearly tormented by depression and other problems. I'm sad for her and wish she could have found peace in life instead of only in death.
Posted by Cass on April 9, 2002, at 16:24:34
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by mist on April 9, 2002, at 1:01:17
I've been reading Sar's old posts to me during a time when I was seriously suicidal. She was so supportive and witty and uplifting. Bittersweet is the emotion I felt reading those posts. Hippie_feet@Yahoo.com is the email address she gave me at the time. I wrote a note of sympathy to whomever, if anyone, is checking her email now. I feel so sorry for Sar, and I hope she is at peace now.
Posted by wendy b. on April 9, 2002, at 18:17:35
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
Dr. Bob,
Maybe a topic for PSAdmin, but see the following:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020403/msgs/21794.html
for a suggestion about another page added to PB for those babblers we've lost. Just an idea...
Wendy
> Hi, everyone,
>
> This is a sad time for many of us (though other reactions like feelings of shock, hurt, guilt, and even anger are perfectly natural, too). It may be hard to know what to do.
>
> I thought maybe this could be a thread in which we remember Sar. Say something about her, or how she affected us, or quote, or link to, something she posted.
>
> I know that to some extent this has already started, but I thought it might be nice to collect posts like that here. If you've already posted something, feel free either to repost to link to it. But this is just an idea, no one should feel obligated to post anything.
>
> She's going to be missed.
>
> Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 9, 2002, at 19:22:57
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by wendy b. on April 9, 2002, at 18:17:35
> a suggestion about another page added to PB for those babblers we've lost.
I think that's a nice idea. Maybe the posts to this thread could be a starting point?
As for me, you all know I'm obsessed with civility. So one post of hers that I really liked was this one, on "good conduct":
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14102.html
She had a great sense of humor, and a way with words in general. Another one that stuck with me -- and literally made me LOL -- was:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20011216/msgs/2880.html
I'm going to miss her,
Bob
Posted by Gracie2 on April 9, 2002, at 20:47:20
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 9, 2002, at 19:22:57
I liked her post on good conduct but it did bother me that she always used a small "i" when referring to herself...I know this is a red flag in handwriting, maybe also in type...
Gracie
Posted by kristi on April 9, 2002, at 23:06:02
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Gracie2 on April 9, 2002, at 20:47:20
What to say in memory of sar..... I'm at a loss, a total desperate loss. Sar.. I loved her. I love her.
Posted by Jonathan on April 10, 2002, at 0:18:11
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
I'm an outsider here, because my depression makes me insufficiently spontaneous and articulate to chat online or even to post often enough. I still feel that I knew Sar through her posts, and that they made a positive difference to my life.
Perhaps not all outsiders read the PB Books board, as I do (despite my inability to finish this month's book: it's not the book - it's my illness). Kiddo has put together a list of five books which Sar recommended:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/books/20020206/msgs/363.html
I've ordered two of these - one I had long intended to read but never got around to, and another which I'd never have considered if Sar hadn't touched my life. When I read them, she will again be making life a little better for me.
Thanks, Sar, for sharing your love of reading with everyone here.
Jonathan.
Posted by beardedlady on April 10, 2002, at 7:00:18
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Jonathan on April 10, 2002, at 0:18:11
Sorry for posting this again. I realized it wasn't in the tribute spot, and I guess it should be. I hope you will forgive me for the duplicate. It's just a simple thing.
-------
threads (for sar, the board)
a string of words is sometimes
enough to hold on, these thoughtstied together like bed sheets
and flung out the window--a sort of rescue from the house,
from a mind on fire.the post is often tall and sturdy
the hard wood of wordspiled atop one another,
propping up a canopy,keeping the sky from falling
blue by blue, cloud by cloud.when all seems unraveled we
we dangle, we hang on onlyby a thread and sometimes it can
hold us and sometimes wefall and then there are no
words for the rest.and then there is no
rest for the words.
the bearded lady (lfm)
Posted by Greg A. on April 10, 2002, at 11:26:08
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
sar . . .why couldn’t I help you the way you helped me? I would have like to have done something . . . said something. Something to make a difference. The way you made a difference. You made me laugh. With your insight into your own behaviour, you made me take a long look at myself. You had that rare combination of a wise person looking at the actions of a young girl and revealing so much of herself in the process. We cannot all do that. See the paradox behind our behaviour and laugh at it.
And yet you suffered. More than I could know. I could see the vulnerability in you and yet I could sense an ability to endure as well. How much you must have kept hidden while being so open.
I told you I loved to read your posts. Anything you wrote seemed to strike something in me. I shall miss that . . .a lot.Goodbye sar.
Posted by Lini on April 10, 2002, at 12:50:33
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Greg A. on April 10, 2002, at 11:26:08
sar,
there is no
re: from me to you
but I wrapped your words
around me like
a blanket,
and marveled
at your walk across my screen.you could not
possibly know, that
a girl in connecticut
clicked on your name, and found a smile.tonight, over Merlot
I will think of you
and your sweet chariot.wishing you soft light
and burdens down,
may you ease
into the sky.
Posted by kristi on April 10, 2002, at 13:00:24
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Lini on April 10, 2002, at 12:50:33
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 17:37:29
In reply to that was really beautiful (nm) » Lini, posted by kristi on April 10, 2002, at 13:00:24
I came across this post that touched me, so I'd like to share it here:
bitch
Posted by sar on September 10, 2001, at 1:39:06
dear all,
i feel i've been going through a glorious
horrible metamorphosis. a summer + 2
hospitalizations + 2 meds have given me some
verve, some kick, some sarcasm, some
outgoingness, more petulance than i've ever
had.my old friends and family are alienated and
shocked. they are used to a sluggish,
submissive, secretive (name here)...and i'm
just not like that anymore. i seem to amuse my
new friends quite a bit and make them easily,
but these old friends and my parents seem to
not like me too much anymore.i'm happier with my new self, and i suppose
that is the important thing.i'm curious, though, if anyone else has
experienced anything similar. they accuse me
of being a "bitch" when i feel i've finally gotten
a *backbone.* (previously very shy and
submissive before--always strong-willed, but
now it shows alot more).reconciliation of 2 selves...it was such a qucik
evolution that i suppose it set some heads
spinning.i never want to be my old self again.
but how the hell do i know if i'm really the
bitch they accuse me of being?!!sar
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 18:04:11
In reply to In memory of Sar, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2002, at 9:00:34
This excerpt, from a post entitled Sister, My Sister (March 5) is so striking:
"the last time i was hospitalised (january of this
year) everyone said, "What are you doing
here? you seem so normal. happy-go-lucky.
yang. *What* are you doing here?" i was
there because i go along and go along and then
i decide to kill myself. just the other night i was
drinking and having a fine time, but then i
twisted up my sheet and tried to hang myself
from the shower rod, but it fell! the downstairs
neighbor made a noise complaint on me! sadly
funny...anyway, everyone i know thinks i'm normal! i don't act weird...just a lil wild..."I think sar describes here some of her complexities, and how hard it would be to predict when she was ok and when she was not.
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 18:05:06
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by mist on April 9, 2002, at 1:01:17
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 18:08:23
In reply to i can;t do this yet, posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 20:21:41
KK, your feelings are normal. i think it is also probably harder for some of you who were much closer to sar than others, like myself, who weren't. Hang in there. Everyone needs to grieve in there own way at their own pace. Maybe you can share some of the angry feelings here. Would that help?
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 18:11:34
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by beardedlady on April 10, 2002, at 7:00:18
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 18:12:41
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Lini on April 10, 2002, at 12:50:33
Posted by Greg on April 11, 2002, at 19:35:44
In reply to Re: In memory of Sar, posted by Jonathan on April 10, 2002, at 0:18:11
Dearest sar,
I was going to say that I didn’t know you well, but I think I knew you better than I thought I did. You were always one of the people who’s posts I always read because I wanted to know what you were up to. You amazed me with your passion. But I rarely responded. I didn’t know why that was until today. You always seemed to bring out the Father in me. I would read what you were doing or planning to do and would think “No, don’t do that!, You’re making the wrong choice.” I was always tempted to talk to you, as I would have one of my own children, but you were a big girl and I felt you didn't deserve that. I’ve spent the last few days reading every post of yours I could find and being amazed at how much you cared for those you loved even thru your own pain. That’s what I should have told you. I would have been proud to have a daughter like you.
If I had it to do over again I would have told you how I felt. And I would have told you how special I thought you were. Even if it made you mad, at least you would have known I cared.
Somehow I hope you know now.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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