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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bonnie_ann on March 24, 2002, at 0:15:27
I truly am annoyed with the happy people/or the ones who aren't who pretend they are-that constantly have to make conversation.
Like the biggest gripe I have - Good Morning How are you today? From the same people every day.
Ok my life hasn't changed drastically from one day to the next and depending on what I'm thinking about at that time usually isn't hearts and flowers etc. It's usually something going on in my life that concerns me.
I never have nothing on my mind - do you all have times in your day when your not thinking about this or that? I guess I get pissed when I have to stop what I'm doing to acknowledge them talking and looking at me, I am busy trying to do my job. I know damn well they don't give a crapt how I am this morning and if I told them the truth - what would their reaction be? for instance if I say "Oh yeah I'm thinking of my handicapped sister who's hot to trot and bound to get herself in trouble on of these days. And I'm truly concerned for her well being" Or business is bad and I'm afraid of being laid off and how I will manage and my father is an as-----. I have this tape that plays in my head, I guess I just try to work it out.(I mostly work independently and only have myself to talk to and I'm very good at it. I know that my problems are not any worse than anyone elses. I don't go out of my way to get in other peoples faces. I go about my business, I'm not out to hurt anyone. Should I care? I don't think it's right that people talk to you just for the sake of talking to you. I just find things about these people annoying- like It's a crime if I'm not smiley and sociable. What if I just don't plain like them- It's so tough to respond - it's usually a grunt or I totally ignore them.
But If they are complaining about someone or something I feel at ease and can talk to them.Are these the symptoms of depression?
I get anxious just thinking about having to say or acknowledge someone that I don't want to, just because they throw out that little phrase," Hi,How are you today?"Can someone give me some advice on how to handle this. I read somewhere "It is better to use the insincere gesture of friendship (fellowship) thant the sincere gesture of hostility.(sovereignty)
Thank You,
Bonnie
Posted by LiLi80 on March 24, 2002, at 2:02:44
In reply to Depressed or Realistic?, posted by bonnie_ann on March 24, 2002, at 0:15:27
Shitty and U? is my response to people that ask how i am. I hate that they ask because they dont really want to know they just want a quick answer. So i shock them with the truth, but then I get "dont say that things are looking up today is nice outside and everything", blah blah. When I say that people, get very quiet sometimes cause they dont expect it at all and then they desperately want to leave at that moment. Its a bubble bursting technique. My ex used to say that I was a horribly pessimistic person but i was really realistic, pessimistic means nothing good will happen, optimistic means something good could happen. And realistic is expect the worst, but hope for the best. I will complain about good things that wont happen, but i dont really think they will never happen, cause I still hope good things will happen. Its the hope that makes a person realistic. Depression is a whole other story, which I am sure you know about.
ttysoon
lili
Posted by CtrlAlt n Del on March 24, 2002, at 4:28:48
In reply to Depressed or Realistic?, posted by bonnie_ann on March 24, 2002, at 0:15:27
Hmmmm,
I'm usually ignore and change subject then when I get to know someone I tell them not to ask how I'm feeling or how are you etc...
I just detest falsness on their part -petty conversation- cause they're stuck for something to say...
You either play the social skills game or just politely smile (often I can't even do that)
Just think that they're just as nervous and stuck for something to say as you are...suppose.
..or imagine them naked playing a kazoo ; )dreamer
Posted by ST on March 24, 2002, at 4:33:27
In reply to Re: Depressed or Realistic?, posted by CtrlAlt n Del on March 24, 2002, at 4:28:48
I usually say: "Fine, thanks". No way will I offer back an insincere: "And how are YOU?". When I don't have enough energy for that, I simply cock my head and smile at the "I-know-you-don't-really-care-so-why-are-you-saying-that?" smile. It's not a challenging one, but more a bemused one...
Sarah
Posted by Phil on March 24, 2002, at 7:00:06
In reply to Re: Depressed or Realistic?, posted by ST on March 24, 2002, at 4:33:27
Posted by trouble on March 24, 2002, at 21:59:28
In reply to Re: Depressed or Realistic?, posted by ST on March 24, 2002, at 4:33:27
> I simply cock my head and smile at the "I-know-you-don't-really-care-so-why-are-you-saying-that?" smile. It's not a challenging one, but more a bemused one...
>
> Sarah
Very elegant, cool, classy, restrained, self-composed, intriguing, and perhaps, a wee bit challenging? But in a sorta flirtatious, let's-be-adult-way, or at least that's how I imagine you, sophisticated lady, Bravo!trouble
Posted by Penny on March 24, 2002, at 22:25:37
In reply to Depressed or Realistic?, posted by bonnie_ann on March 24, 2002, at 0:15:27
I respond with "I'm here." And, occasionally, some smart ass will respond "Better than the alternative." To which I usually say, "maybe..."
You'd think that after asking us things like this day after day they'd get the idea that, Uh...things aren't peachy with me! So shut up and stop asking!
But, I certainly never put on a false front, unless my job depends on it, and then only some of the time!
Penny
Posted by fi on March 25, 2002, at 7:17:26
In reply to Depressed or Realistic?, posted by bonnie_ann on March 24, 2002, at 0:15:27
Personally, I find this sort of thing is a greeting rather than someone really wanting to know. So if they say'hi, how are you?', I usually say 'fine; how are you?' Unless feeling really awful, and they were a friend, in which case it would be 'a bit grim' or something, but not going into details unless they asked.
I think its important to acknowledge them, not just grunt or say nothing, as that can come across as aggressive/dismissive and quickly loose you the basic goodwill of colleagues.
Fi
Posted by IsoM on March 25, 2002, at 12:20:24
In reply to Re: Depressed or Realistic? » bonnie_ann, posted by fi on March 25, 2002, at 7:17:26
So true, Fi. After learning about diff languages, I've found that most languages have this stylized greeting consisting of a phrase that no longer means what it originally said. When someone asks how we are, they're not actually asking. It's more like "howareyou?" - a new word meaning Hi. Check out idomatic greetings in other languages & you'll find the same thing.
Mind you, that doesn't mean I'm not stubborn - I refuse to say it to others. I simply say 'Hi' & if I really do want to know more about the person, I'll ask "how have things been going with you?" That's real & they know it.
This is the end of the thread.
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