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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 27 to 51 of 51. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 17:56:41
In reply to Re: Mind Games, posted by johnX2 on March 13, 2002, at 9:42:13
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 18:00:55
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa, posted by beardedlady on March 13, 2002, at 14:37:31
>
> I worry, too, that this board might hurt some people. I have noticed a few folks here who really need help (!), and I don't think this forum is healthy for them--either because they are too sensitive or because they seem to be missing life. But that's their business, not mine. It's just an observation.
>
> bearded lady : )>
>
You're right. And I'm one of those people. I am too sensitive and I admit it. I'm working on it but I think that is one therapeutic goal that will never be reached.
Posted by IsoM on March 13, 2002, at 18:14:36
In reply to Re: Dinah herself, posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 17:43:54
Dinah, I understand very much about feeling vulnerable. I don't get that feeling myself but I've seen it in my son who has Asperger from the time he was little, growing up in an uncertain & unsympathetic (to him) environment. He was often in tears about the hurt he'd experience from other mean kids, but he'd very often get hurt from children who meant no harm but he just didn't understand their social interactions. Children can sometimes be brutally cruel to each other. He took absolutely everything at face value. I learned how to talk with him in a very straightforward yet gentle manner. I wish far more people would be straightforward with each other but 'couch' their words with tenderness so even when there's disagreement or constructive critisism, no one is hurt.
If you wish to e-mail me back in the future, please feel free to. I truly value your views & perspective. If you'd rather not e-mail me, I won't feel hurt or take it personally. You're too fragile now, I'll understand.
Posted by johnX2 on March 13, 2002, at 18:21:51
In reply to Re: Mind Games, posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 17:55:58
> Do you mind my asking what is an "identity swizzle game"? Is that an internet term?
>
> Thanks
Hi Dinah,I'm not sure of your whereabouts at the
time, but I think this post best sums up
the "identity swizzle game" (a psycho-babble thread phenomena)http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020308/msgs/3426.html
Best Regards,
John> >
> > Which newsboard were all these problems occuring on besides the obvious few outbreaks that I was aware of on the psychobabble board (the identity swizzle game).
> >
> > I guess I'm oblivious to this mind game thing
> > and this beligerent posting dealy. Maybe I do
> > a good job of avoiding those threads or just taking them with a grain of salt.
> >
> > Thanks,
> > John
> >
> >
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 18:29:04
In reply to Mea Culpa, posted by trouble on March 13, 2002, at 12:22:24
Geez, trouble. You really need to look up the definition of mea culpa. That was more of a shea culpa. My gremlins? Setting you up? Yikes. I guess this mea culpa thing is new to you.
Don't worry about it though because I didn't find it particularly insulting. It was just too far off the mark. My self esteem is just fine, thank you very much. I have a very clear and accurate picture of my strengths and weaknesses and I have come to terms (for the most part) with both.
I will reiterate however, that my only game was not playing any games at all. I asked you about middle class values because you had expressed the sort of viewpoints that led me to believe that you would be able to explain what I had never clearly understood. I stated clearly that this was my reason for asking you. I wasn't at all insulted or wounded by your answer and didn't see it as a personal attack at all. And I left the board for the sake of my own mental health, which was frighteningly precarious at the time, not to play games with you.
The problem came about from your love of ambiguity and my fear of ambiguity. You don't like to spell things out. I do. And if things aren't spelled out, I tend to try to connect the dots myself. I may or may not do it correctly, but it is frightening to me. I think I actually told you this, although the point of my post may not have been clear. I told you that I was terrified of the Unspoken. And I am. Perhaps I should have been more clear.
Apart from the ambiguity, I always enjoyed our exchanges, as I not infrequently told you. It isn't often that I find someone of your wit and verbal abilities with whom to spar in a friendly manner. I wish that we could continue the exchanges. But I'm afraid that I overestimated my own ability and my own ego strength - not to mention my own mental health.
As I said before, no hard feelings. I wish you all the best.
I am again being totally honest and vulnerable. I hope that you can take it in that spirit and not be offended or angry. And if you find my reply pathetic and worthy of ridicule, I ask you to keep that to yourself. I know you don't suffer fools gladly and I fear that I have been very much a fool my entire time on this board.
Oh and thanks for the "her usual creative wit and metaphor". It means a lot coming from you. And I'll politely not notice the less flattering parts of this and the previous posts on this thread.
Fondly,
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 18:33:18
In reply to Re: Dinah herself and Her E-mail Address » Dinah, posted by IsoM on March 13, 2002, at 18:14:36
You appear to understand the situation perfectly. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 18:34:16
In reply to Re: Mind Games » Dinah, posted by johnX2 on March 13, 2002, at 18:21:51
I found myself frequently confused trying to read this thread. Thank you for clearing that one up.
Posted by trouble on March 14, 2002, at 9:23:24
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa, posted by Lini on March 13, 2002, at 13:42:42
Ho Lini,
I'm almost bashful about responding since your post says it all, whether you *kmow* it or not, but let me tell you what comes to my mind when I pretend my life depends on providing an opinion on all that defines games and their playing, not that I've ever found myself in that situation...
I imagaine a child who has seriously hurt himself,
but remains absolutuely stoic about it.
take care,
trouble
> Maybe this is what happens when this board takes on too much significance for people. I mean, I think this whole chat thing is great, but this mind games things has thrown me for a loop. Are mind games being deceptive? Being sarcastic? Are mind games saying you'll tell a story but only one sentence at a time or if a certain condition is met? Are mind games logging in as two different people and then arguing with yourself? Are mind games answering everyone's posts, trying to make friends with everyone and becoming popular/known on the board? Are mind games saying one thing on PB, another thing on PSB and something else on PBA? Telling on people on PBA? Being offended by little remarks? Saying you'll never come back?
>
> Maybe if we had an agreed upon definition of what a mind game was, we could avoid it. Or if people simply explained when they're hurt and gave other people a chance to apologize/be supportive.
>
> This whole thing has gotten so highschool. Can't we just take this all a little less personally?
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:31:22
In reply to Mea Culpa, posted by trouble on March 13, 2002, at 12:22:24
O.K., I'm going to get into real "trouble" for this post. This is a case where I should go for a walk and then come back to respond. But I'm not going to - I'm going to let my anger guide me and this will upset Dr. Bob. I apologize beforehand.
trouble, I have no idea who you are. I have learned nothing about you from your posts. You are quite eloquent at times, but never forthright from what I have seen.
I have Absolutely no idea what you are talking about in this last post. I have paid attention to most of Dinah's posts b/c I enjoy her so much and none of this makes sense. It seems that you are placing some sort of psychosis onto her, when in fact, I Know, and You Know, that psychosis is in you. (ooo, that's cryptic, kind of like your posts - take it as you will.)
You've sort of "taken over" with your personality here, and that is actually one of the reasons I'm not around as much.
You Absolutely owe Dinah an apology for your instigations and you need to take a good, hard at yourself.
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:33:21
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa » trouble, posted by mair on March 13, 2002, at 16:34:22
You said it much better than I did.
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:42:13
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa » trouble, posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:31:22
Two clarifications:
By "the last post" I meant the one re: Dinah playing games (????) with you. She's completely forthright, there's just no basis for this.
And the final phrase should have been:
"take a good, hard Look at yourself".
And maybe get a little therapeutic help as well.
Posted by Lini on March 14, 2002, at 13:07:55
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa » trouble, posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:31:22
I read Trouble's last post as an apology, a realization that people are delicate and one must tread lightly. And Dinah seemed to actually be agreeing with alot of Trouble's points - they were coming from different places and crashed at the intersection of each of their own personal issues. It happens. Game, complication, PB addicition, whatever you want to call it, people over focus on this board and need/expect too much from it and then get let down. Learn from it and move on.Krazy Kat, as a trouble/Dinah fan I hate to see anyone taking sides and giving orders. I think that Dinah and trouble have both found a way to hurt each other and also a way to apologize and hopefully learn from their interactions. Trouble DOES have a strong personality around these here boards, but why not enjoy it? Why does everyone get so threatened by someone in love with this community? Trouble even admitted that it was kinda absorbing, and I am sure was working through it. And, Dinah has her own things to work out, and while trouble may exacerbate them, she didn't cause them and she can't be held responsible for their existence.
I think I have said this before, and BearedLady ala Ani, also pointed this out: we're an online community, and this type of relationship has limitations, no point in wanting, or needing more than "we" can give. I mean look at Lou - he's waiting for us in Tennessee for christ sakes!! So, let's just all relax and enjoy what we can give each other here, and find real live people for the things we can't.
the hopeless referee
Posted by IsoM on March 14, 2002, at 13:17:42
In reply to Whoa!! Everyone needs a V8!, posted by Lini on March 14, 2002, at 13:07:55
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 14:11:05
In reply to Whoa!! Everyone needs a V8!, posted by Lini on March 14, 2002, at 13:07:55
I was not giving orders. I was giving a suggestion. trouble has caused a lot of trouble and I have a right to point that out. Her post re: Dinah was instigating and cruel.
I have no problem expressing my anger about this. I love this board, and when the tone changes, it bothers me.
No one asked you to be the referee. Just take my post an expression of my frustration. I'm just being honest. That's all I have to say on the point.
Posted by Lini on March 14, 2002, at 14:26:56
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa » trouble, posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:31:22
>
> You Absolutely owe Dinah an apology for your instigations and you need to take a good, hard at yourself.Uh, looks kinda like an order to me.
And I know that no one asked me to referee, hence the "hopeless" in front. but just as you have the right to express your anger, i have the right to referee. (isn't american great?!?) I disagree with you about the "cruelty" of trouble's posts, but I think I'll take that walk now, rather than argue further. . .
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 14:31:49
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa, posted by Lini on March 14, 2002, at 14:26:56
Lini:
I don't "order" people. That was a observation expressed in frustration. No more to say.
- KK
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 14, 2002, at 20:11:08
In reply to Re: Mea Culpa » trouble, posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 10:31:22
> This is a case where I should go for a walk and then come back to respond.
I understand you're frustrated, but I agree, I wish you had.
> You are quite eloquent at times, but never forthright from what I have seen.
>
> psychosis is in you.
>
> You've sort of "taken over" with your personality here
>
> You Absolutely owe Dinah an apology for your instigations and you need to take a good, hard at yourself.Please be sensitive to their feelings even if they hurt yours. It can be therapeutic to express yourself, but this isn't necessarily the place. And please don't post anything that others could take as accusatory. Thanks,
Bob
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies, and complaints about posts even if they don't have to do with posting policies, should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. But maybe we could just move on instead?
Posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 1:19:27
In reply to Re: please be civil » Krazy Kat , posted by Dr. Bob on March 14, 2002, at 20:11:08
>
> > You are quite eloquent at times, but never forthright from what I have seen.
> >
EXPOSTULATION:One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.
Abrose Bierce, the devils dictionary 1911
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2002, at 8:28:16
In reply to It's A Lonesome Old Town, posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 1:19:27
I'm going to assume, trouble, that you aren't intending to answer my olive branch post. That's fine and it's no problem. It's just that I'm going to stop checking this board again on a regular basis.
And I hope that, as Dr. Bob suggested, we can let this thread gracefully die, so that if I do wander by here again, I won't be disconcerted by seeing myself discussed in third person. But hey, if you all want to continue to discuss me, that's fine too and certainly a right of free speech. I'm not trying to give orders or pressure others. Just wanted to let everyone know that this board isn't exactly behind my back. I thought it only polite to warn everyone that I might drop this way again. That's not meant as a rebuke or anything, just polite notice.
Oh, I'm getting all twisted up in my words so it's probably time to stop.
Best wishes to all.
Posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 14:34:10
In reply to Re: Closure - Trouble and all, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2002, at 8:28:16
> I'm going to assume, trouble, that you aren't intending to answer my olive branch post. That's fine and it's no problem. It's just that I'm going to stop checking this board again on a regular basis.
>
>Hey Dianh,I didn't realize you wanted to hear from me again, but I was happy to see this note today.
I'm not going to continue putting our misunderstandings on display here, but would like to keep our lines of communication open. We started out as friends. That's something.
Anyway, here's my email address:trouble
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2002, at 14:56:43
In reply to Re: Closure - Trouble and all, posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 14:34:10
> > I'm going to assume, trouble, that you aren't intending to answer my olive branch post. That's fine and it's no problem. It's just that I'm going to stop checking this board again on a regular basis.
> >
> >Hey Dianh,
>
> I didn't realize you wanted to hear from me again, but I was happy to see this note today.
>
> I'm not going to continue putting our misunderstandings on display here, but would like to keep our lines of communication open. We started out as friends. That's something.
> Anyway, here's my email address:
>
> flawedplan@aol.com
>
> trouble
Thanks for the offer trouble, but I don't really feel comfortable with e-mail. I probably won't be posting here either, but I might lurk from time to time.Good luck & best wishes,
Dinah
Posted by mair on March 15, 2002, at 17:26:39
In reply to Re: Closure - Trouble and all, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2002, at 14:56:43
Dinah
Never say never, but it sounds like a good plan... maybe a plan without flaws. (:
Mair
Posted by Zo on March 16, 2002, at 18:29:21
In reply to Re: Dinah's friend w/ADD » Zo, posted by Dinah on March 13, 2002, at 17:46:11
My goodness, I found a whole *pile* of posts that could have driven anyone right off the board! And I think at least one of my replies to you was misplaced, belonged in a thread to Judy1. Your next post (nm) seemed to suggest you were wearying of the "games". . .but I never meant it that way, and am glad to see you back.https://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19268.html
https://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19276.html
https://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19275.html
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 17, 2002, at 10:52:03
In reply to Re: Dinah's friend w/ADD » Dinah, posted by Zo on March 16, 2002, at 18:29:21
Sorry to be eavesdroooing, but I thought these were all Great, esp. the middle one. Absolutely hilarious.
Posted by Zo on March 17, 2002, at 21:10:12
In reply to Geez, Zo, posted by Krazy Kat on March 17, 2002, at 10:52:03
You can eavesdroo anytime you want. I, of course, thought it was funny too, but sometimes my jokes are hard to see. I need more emoticons.
Thanks,
Zo
This is the end of the thread.
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