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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tammy on January 21, 2002, at 23:44:36
hi everyone, help me decide or atleast let me know if im doing the right thing......
last yr. i was having panic attacks, promised to quit smoking, and thru me right into shock... "i loved smoking" so i went on paxil, 20mg dec of 2000 till i gained 30lbs and wanted off april 2001 (4months)... paxil did help keep the urge of smoking away... probably cause i was sleeping :) most of the time.... but i thought paxil was a miracle cause i left my old job of 10yrs to move to something new which was stressful to decide..... so i pick a medical field which for myself i love the knowledge, but to combine the knowledge for me.... to someone else.....i cant do it..... i get so upset to see someone sick in pain or hurting....... i have 4 months to go for my lpn certificate (good grades) and i cant finish, this has been bugging me since end of november which 2wks away from a yr. (not smoking) got me to light up again..... well then down hill from there.... i felt not only did i let myself down on the smoking, but i was gonna let myself down on the nursing too...... then hit me harder thoughts of feeling hopeless and worthless..... took me down fast....
so 2wks ago....i couldnt handle any more smoking or worrying what to do at this point my mind is spinning and i hate everyone fruious with tension..... dr. gave me wellbutrin i was more afraid of the thoughts that i was having then anything........ so im deciding all this stress and nonsense thinking, has got the best of me i have to get rid of what is causing my stress and depression..... (which is school) i've decided to quit the program, but i feel like i let everyone down..... but really im the kindest person ud ever want to meet, and would take care of u in a heart beat... but to see all the sick and everything else that goes on, (behind the scenes) that i really didnt need to know...i thought i was helping myself with knowledge (cause i like to know all about illness's)and rule out signs and symptoms so "i" dont have it... :) instead i was returning myself to anxiety and depression...... as i layed in my bed and thought i cant handle this anymore im quiting ...... a huge sigh of relief was lifted from me.... and i could breathe again..... my husband is so supportive he told me to quit when i first started getting aggitated but no i thought i had to prove something..... do i?
am i wrong? everyone i tell i think im gonna quit they say o my gosh only 4 months to go...... thats not long!!!!!!maybe not for school but 4 months is an eternity for stress and depression.....
any reply is greatly appreciated..... sometimes we all need encouragement that everything is ok.... and i need it..... :) :) thanks alot.....
tammy..... smiling on the outside :) :) :)
thanks so much in advance....
Posted by Chris A. on January 22, 2002, at 0:47:31
In reply to need some help....long but advice is needed.. thx, posted by Tammy on January 21, 2002, at 23:44:36
Nursing is increasingly becoming a more stressful field and definitely is not for everyone. It's better to realize this now than when you have more invested. Personally, I loved one-on-one patient care, but that was a long time ago when the patient's needs came first. Now it seems to be 90% paper/computer work/litigation prevention. Ask if your school has a subscription to BRIDGES, a web site that helps a person explore different occupations. My daughter is a college freshman and has found it to be an excellent resource.
Take care of yourself. It is ok to do that. I haven't worked at a paid nursing job since we moved overseas and started our family - 21+ years ago! That makes me really old. I have thought about going back and working hospice after a refresher course, but then just the thought of the magnitude of the responsibility it entails stresses me out, so it's probably not a good idea. I could do mental health nursing, but my own issues would get in the way.
Relax.
Blessings,
Chris A.
Posted by jane d on January 23, 2002, at 1:05:28
In reply to Re: need some help....long but advice is needed.. thx » Tammy, posted by Chris A. on January 22, 2002, at 0:47:31
Hi Tammy,
I definately agree with Chris that if nursing is not what you want to do the sooner you find out the better. If you never want to work as a nurse I don't see any reason to suffer in school any longer. And you're right that even 4 months can be way too long if you're stressed and depressed.But the drastic change in what you want today and what you wanted a few years ago makes me a little nervious. Especially since you have been on and off antidepressants and on and off cigarettes. I'm sure you know that quitting smoking can trigger depression in many people, especially if you are predisposed. And so can leaving a job of 10 years to go back to school. So my question to you would be what has changed? Is it just that you know more about the job now? Things that, if you had known them before, would have kept you from ever wanting to be a nurse? If yes, than the sooner you can get out the better. But if you think that you are what has changed I would worry that it is depression shading your judgment and I would suggest you try to delay making a final decision if possible. Perhaps try to get a leave of absence and see if you still feel the same way when the Wellbutrin kicks in.
Jane
Posted by Gracie2 on January 23, 2002, at 22:54:23
In reply to Re: need some help....long but advice is needed.. thx, posted by jane d on January 23, 2002, at 1:05:28
I'm in the medical profession myself and understand completely about the stress and depression brought on by caring for patients, particularly if they are dieing. Most medical professionals have problems with a particular ailment or condition that might actually make them physically ill, even though they normally perform well in every other aspects of the job.
My own problem is that I cannot deal with seriously wounded children. Several years ago, I was unfortunate enough to be on duty alone in the radiology department when a terrible accident occurred close to the hospital. An entire family who had been "night-fishing" until 4am were driving home, and the father - who had been drinking- pulled the car onto the highway directly into the path of a speeding tractor-trailer. The kids on the stretcher unloaded from the ambulance - a 3-year-old boy and 4-year-old girl - did not resemble children so much as bleeding piles of hamburger. I was so horrified that I literally went into shock...I couldn't move, and I knew that I was going to pass out. Finally, one of the doctors grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. "You're the only
x-ray tech here!" he yelled in my face. "If you don't snap out of it, these kids are going to die!" Somehow, I was able to put myself on auto-pilot long enough to do my job until the life-flight helicopter arrived and transported them to a children's hospital (the little boy was DOA).
By the time that the morning staff arrived a short time later, I was completely unhinged. I was sitting in the corner of the darkroom trying to wipe the blood from a stack of x-ray cassettes, crying so hard that I couldn't explain what happened. They cleaned me up and sent me home. Later on, I got a serious talking-to from the ER doctor who had been in charge. He said that prehaps I was not suited for trauma work and I agreed. Soon afterwards, I found a very good job at Shriner's Orthopedic Hospital, which has no emergency room. Although I spent a great deal of time watching very small children having major surgery, it didn't bother me because these children were not dieing, and the surgery being performed was to help them live better, more functional lives. It was an important distinction for me.The point is, there are many jobs and many aspects of nursing, and you should be able to find your own niche. If you don't like trauma or dealing with terminal patients, avoid the ER, ICU, Oncology and similiar areas. Work in a rehabilitation unit or a clinic or doctor's office. Of course, I am suggesting this only if you enjoy nursing. If you don't like it, I suggest you cut your losses and quit now, because there are few things worse than spending your lifetime working at a job that you hate.
As for smoking, try Nicotene patches and Nicorette gum. If that still doesn't work, decide on the amount of cigarettes that you will allow yourself to smoke each day...say, five...and simply refuse to let yourself smoke any more. You'll find that you "time" yourself to smoke when you most crave a cigarette, and eventually your body will adjust so that you don't suffer as much between "fixes", and you might even be able to drop a cigarette or two over time. This worked for me. Except when I drink beer.
-Gracie
Posted by IsoM on January 24, 2002, at 2:06:07
In reply to Re: need some help....long but advice is needed.. thx, posted by Gracie2 on January 23, 2002, at 22:54:23
Your advice is for Tammy, I know, but it hit a spot in me. I won't go into detail. Thank you for sharing your experience & thoughts, Gracie. It's given me something to think about.
Posted by Gracie2 on January 24, 2002, at 13:24:12
In reply to Thanks for your story and advice » Gracie2, posted by IsoM on January 24, 2002, at 2:06:07
Posted by finelinebob on January 25, 2002, at 1:41:09
In reply to need some help....long but advice is needed.. thx, posted by Tammy on January 21, 2002, at 23:44:36
I've got an ABD (all but dissertation) at the end of my name and not a PhD (piled high and deep ... true all the same, tho) because I was too screwed up to know I needed help. "Seven years of college down the drain"....
I am perfectly happy with that ABD, tho, after living with it for five years, because I finally learned that I could do what I wanted to do with my life and not what I thought I **should** do with it. After being an educator for 18 years in one form or another, I finally woke up to the fact that (1) while I'm an extremely good teacher and (2) I enjoy the act of "teaching" immensely, (3) the world of education as it exists these days was making me ill. I quit, got a job doing what had been my hobby (web design) and, for the first time in my life, was able to "take refuge in my work" when life was kicking me elsewhere.
Well, that is, until I lost my job. But that's another story ;^).
Anyway, by the time you're ABD, writing that last paper is more an exercise in jumping through hoops than writing. I was willing to do the writing AND willing to jump through the hoops ... EXCEPT that where I'd land on the other side of the hoops wasn't where I wanted to be. Apparently, my subconscious was five years ahead of my conscious mind on this one ... it knew even before then that I was doing the wrong thing.
hope that helps...
btw -- did your doc tell you (or do you know) that Wellbutrin is also marketed as Zyban? The "anti-smoking-addiction" drug? (And, I hear, they charge four times the cost of Wellbutrin if you get it as Zyban!). I never smoked, but Wellbutrin made me psychotic. Have you thought about acupuncture? My primary care doc, who is also an acupuncturist, uses it for smoking cessation as well as for treating anxiety. Now, the idea of getting stuck with needles as a way to reduce anxiety may sound bonkers, but this needle-phobic nailbiter is a convert.
cheers,
flb
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