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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ivoovi on December 18, 2001, at 20:23:35
So I'm on medication, and I've been trying to find the right medication for the past year. My dad thinks I should just go off all medication completely, and my mom shares this attitude. They don't understand - my dad is just concerned with the bottom line -- how it all hurts his bank account. I was wondering if there is any book or anything I can get to educate them about it.
thanks,
chris
Posted by Fi on December 20, 2001, at 8:46:39
In reply to Family not supportive, posted by ivoovi on December 18, 2001, at 20:23:35
First, the most important person in this is you. I'm really sorry your parents arent supportive. Dont get too stressed trying to educate them if they wont listen; look after yourself first.
Also, another option is for them to speak to your pdoc so he/she can educate them too, rather than it all being your task.
There are loads of books out there (see the 'books' page on this website), so it partly depends on what angle you think would be most likely to make sense to them. For example, Lewis Wolpert's book 'Malignant sadness' is written by a (very) eminent scientist who has had severe depression, so if that's the kind of thing that might make them pay attention, fine.
But another thing to consider is the sort of less detailed literature, which includes things you can get free via the internet. Dr Bob has a page of links. There's also some basic quality-checked info via healthfinder (http://www.healthfinder.gov/) eg the leaflet via http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depressionmenu.cfm(which actually says that one thing families can do to help is encourage people to stay on medication long enough to treat an episode!)
Another option is to get them to contact one of the information/support agencies in this field. I'm assuming you're in the US and I dont know about groups over there, but at a guess there is one called the National Mental Health Association (url http://www.nmha.org/). But I'm sure other Board members will be better informed than me on that.
Good luck!
Fi
> So I'm on medication, and I've been trying to find the right medication for the past year. My dad thinks I should just go off all medication completely, and my mom shares this attitude. They don't understand - my dad is just concerned with the bottom line -- how it all hurts his bank account. I was wondering if there is any book or anything I can get to educate them about it.
>
> thanks,
> chris
Posted by Mair on December 20, 2001, at 18:25:59
In reply to Family not supportive, posted by ivoovi on December 18, 2001, at 20:23:35
> ivoovi - there's a book specifically for families and loved ones called something like "When someone you love is depressed" I think it's been around awhile and is pretty well known. Robinibor on this board is married to Dr. Richard O'Connor who wrote a book called Undoing Depression. It's not written from quite the same perspective, but i thought it explained depressed people quite well. It's been a few years since I read it but I remember that when i was reading it, I kept thinking to myself that it was something that my husband should read as well. It, too, is widely available and of course you could get either of these on Amazon.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2001, at 18:20:54
In reply to Family not supportive, posted by ivoovi on December 18, 2001, at 20:23:35
It sounds as if your family's attitude is like a brick wall. We cause ourselves the most pain in our lives by trying to knock down brick walls by butting them with our heads. In the end, it's probably better just to accept that the brick wall is there, that we wish it weren't there, but that there's nothing we can do about it.
The key to good family relationships is lowered expectations.
Just my own humble opinion and painful experience.
Posted by cmcdougall on December 24, 2001, at 9:56:11
In reply to Re: Family not supportive » ivoovi, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2001, at 18:20:54
I really understand what you're going through. What finally "clicked" with my mom and dad - I explained that the meds regulate chemicals in my brain in the same way that insulin regulates sugar in a diabetics blood. If I were diabetic, they would never recommend not taking insulin, right? In the same way, your meds keep you healthy and to quit taking them could literally mean death.
There is still such a stigma attached to mental illness. It is commonly believed that you should just "buck up" and get over it. Again, a diabetic would never be told to just get over it.
Good luck,
Carly
Posted by sid on December 28, 2001, at 10:31:57
In reply to Family not supportive, posted by ivoovi on December 18, 2001, at 20:23:35
I never told my family about my depression. I was in another country when I had major depression, so it was easy to conceal the fact. Now that I am left with chronic depression, it is not a problem because I have had chronic depression my entire adult life. I know I'm not quite where I should be yet, but they don't. Overall, I consider it is none of their business. They should take care of their mental health themselves, but they are too clueless to realize that. So I won't run to them for help. Also when I was younger, I needed support from them at difficult times, and they were never there for me, except for my mother who is rather helpless herself due to functional illiteracy and lack of drive in general. In fact I had to take care of her at different times. So I quickly learned I needed to depend on myself only.
My sister is obsessed about the cleanliness of her house and she is afraid of everything outside her house, but she doesn't realize that it's not normal. Plus, her obnoxious husband, who likes nothing more than put me down all the time, would have more ammunition to bug me if I said anything, so I prefer they don't know. I should be helpless and somewhat of a slave to a man like my sister for him to like me - I'm the opposite of that ! I studied, worked and lived in 4 different countries over the years, I speak 4 languages and have a PhD - I am so different from what a woman should be, according to him, that he will always do his best to put me down. So I keep my mouth shut about anything personal. And finally, my mother is too old to worry about me, I leave her out of this. She deserves some peace and quiet at this point in her life.
But that's me. Others deal with it differently.
> So I'm on medication, and I've been trying to find the right medication for the past year. My dad thinks I should just go off all medication completely, and my mom shares this attitude. They don't understand - my dad is just concerned with the bottom line -- how it all hurts his bank account. I was wondering if there is any book or anything I can get to educate them about it.
>
> thanks,
> chris
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