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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Tonight was just awful. First of all, my meds are all screwed up right now and I am in an agitated state most of the time. I am bipolar II. My dh got mad at me tonight because I said to my almost 5 year old that I was going to beat her tail if she did not mind me and get up and go brush her teeth for bed, My dh had just gotten up and did not realize I had been fighting this strong willed child ALL NIGHT and was just damn TIRED OF IT. He said he was afraid I was going to damage our children.
This completely crushed me. I love my 3 children (ages 4, 3 and 1 ) with all my heart. We are supposed to go to the beach this weekend and I told him to go with the kids and I would just stay home or check into a treatment center. I feel like shit. I took 2 mg of Klonopin and just want to go to bed. Maybe they WOULD be better off with a better mother. I just don't think I can do this anymore!!!!! Someone tell me I am not alone!!!!!
Anna, having a HORRIBLE night (hubby left the house mad :*(
Posted by kazoo on August 28, 2001, at 23:59:47
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
> Someone tell me I am not alone!!!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Anna, my dear, you are not alone.
In fact, WE are not alone.
Scientists say that there is a strong probability that there is life on other planets.
You, as well as myself, haven't found the right one yet.
However, I have hope, as you should, too, because your "hope" lies within your kids ... within their dreams and aspirations ... who need you more than they need your ol' man, plain and simple.
Go to the beach, have a good time, and ponder the significance of changing the universe by moving one grain of sand.The wonder of it all ... takes my breath away!
kazoo
Posted by anna on August 29, 2001, at 0:15:02
In reply to Re: Argument with my husband , need support » anna, posted by kazoo on August 28, 2001, at 23:59:47
> > Someone tell me I am not alone!!!!!
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> Anna, my dear, you are not alone.
> In fact, WE are not alone.
> Scientists say that there is a strong probability that there is life on other planets.
> You, as well as myself, haven't found the right one yet.
> However, I have hope, as you should, too, because your "hope" lies within your kids ... within their dreams and aspirations ... who need you more than they need your ol' man, plain and simple.
> Go to the beach, have a good time, and ponder the significance of changing the universe by moving one grain of sand.
>
> The wonder of it all ... takes my breath away!
>
> kazooThank you for your encouraging thoughts! You are so right, I guess I will go to the beach after all.....
Anna
Posted by Jane D on August 29, 2001, at 0:33:44
In reply to Re: Argument with my husband , need support » kazoo, posted by anna on August 29, 2001, at 0:15:02
And the next time the child is that strong willed wake her df (dear father) up to deal with her while you put your feet up with a good book.
Jane
Posted by mair on August 29, 2001, at 7:28:33
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
> Anna - I can only tell you what my therapist continually tries to remind me. The irritability and impatience you describe are part of the human condition and appear to be an understandable under the circumstances. If you know this, don't let your husband's comment throw you off since his was obviously a knee jerk reaction. Maybe he'd even appreciate it if you gave it the credence we give any knee jerk reaction. By all means go to the beach.
Mair
Posted by mila on August 29, 2001, at 10:08:09
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
anna,
i hope this morning life looks a bit brighter.
please, do not threaten your child, unless its a love threat :) they are too young to behave in a rational manner 24/7, but are sometimes way too smart when it comes to pushing our buttons to get attention. I totally admire you. 3 little kids! you are my hero!
best wishes
mila
Posted by Krazy Kat on August 29, 2001, at 11:46:39
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Anna:
I would call your pdoc, too. Maybe there's something he can do...
Good luck.
- K.
Posted by paxvox on August 29, 2001, at 12:02:23
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Anna, I can give you a "mirror image" of the same problem from the male perspective. You can check my earlier posts on family support. I understand exactly how you feel, as I have to get my 6 year old daughter fed, bathed,ready for bed and stories at night. Sometimes it can be as painful as pulling teeth. I know you love your kids, but they would NEVER be better w/o you. Sometimes we have to be firm as a parent, and at certain ages, a little sting on the tail becomes necessary if previous warnings don't work. I have found that at around 4 or 5 that denying them privaledges (that doesn't look spelled correctly) works better than just about anything else. As far as your spouse, more difficult problem. I have found that my spouse does not respond as well to me when I am stressed, especially concerning family necessities. I have to believe that we were put together for a reason, and that we have to find a way to work around our problems. But as someone has told me, don't let them pull you into their own darkness making you all the more depressed. Get yourself "OK" then tell your spouse what you think, ask if he needs help, then go about your business. I realize this is only a truncated version that doesn't exactly apply to your situation. The bottom line, however, is get yourself right so that you can deal with the "normal" problems of life. God knows, there are plenty of them, and they are hard enough to deal with when you are "normal" let alone mentally "challenged" :) like me. Let us know what's going on.
PAX
Posted by Greg A. on August 29, 2001, at 14:07:56
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Anna,
Another voice from the male side. I too have ‘lost it’ with my teenage daughters. To the extent that my wife packed them up once and left for the night. She was afraid I would hurt someone. Like you I was in the midst of getting meds sorted out - again! – and I over reacted. I do love my kids though and I know that most of the time that shows. I’m sure you are the same. You didn’t do anything new. It has been done by every other parent. I’m with kazoo – get back to normal and go with the family. The sooner they see that you still care about them, the sooner things are normal. I’ve explained to my kids how I feel sometimes and told them if they ever feel like that to tell someone because there is help out there. I don’t want them to think I am perfect. I want them to think that I try hard to be a good parent and I will talk to them about any issue. And that it is perfectly human to make mistakes. You are not a bad parent - in fact you care so much about your kids that you are being overly critical of yourself.
Greg
Posted by Willow on August 29, 2001, at 14:10:06
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Anna
I disconnected from the internet and plan to take the afternoon in responding to your post. First I'll introduce myself. I too am the mother of three children. Mine are not as closely aged as your own, mine being 6 < in a few days >, 7 and 10. I have "chronic fatigue syndrome" which is a modern way of saying physically and mentally exhausted.
I am presently counting down the days till my youngest goes to school full days all week, only SIX more sleeps. I totally forgot his first birthday, so I can clearly imagine what you are feeling.
I would like to invite you to join us in the evening on the open babble chat. You have to sign in after you hit the open link down below. If you get it to remember your password then it is easier. I find it a great way to unwind at the end of the day and the other chatters are great support.
My lifesaver when the children were younger was a babysitter. Everyday I would have the sitter take the children out of the house for an hour long walk. Ask your husband to take the children out once a week for a three hour spell, this way you get a chance to have the house to yourself. Also, take a three hour trip out of the house alone, maybe to go sit at a deserted beach or the library, whatever suits your fancy.
For some unknown reason,(to me anyway,) children listen better to their fathers. Mothers have to be firm and consistent to get any respect from these little rugrats, and when both parents stand together it helps moms have an easier time. Once everyone is calmed down a good talk may help things out.
Gees, I bet you thought I was going to be able to give you a real hand after taking an afternoon to type this. Sorry! It just takes that long to do anyghing with my rugrats around.
Weeping Willow
Posted by Krazy Kat on August 29, 2001, at 15:12:46
In reply to Re: Argument with LIFE, need support, posted by Willow on August 29, 2001, at 14:10:06
Posted by Krazy Kat on August 29, 2001, at 15:22:28
In reply to Re: Argument with my husband , need support » anna, posted by paxvox on August 29, 2001, at 12:02:23
> Pax:
I am not going to post what I have been thinking today. O.K. maybe a little.
Why is your wife not helping you with your child during the stress of bedtime? How can you handle so much? You're not both working are you? (I'm sorry, I'm prying.)
I cannot even imagine keeping my patience with children. My poor dogs get a good scolding every day. And when your meds are off, which they are often... (well, many folks meds are off, often)
Yikes.
Best of luck to all the parents.
- K.
Posted by Waterlily on August 29, 2001, at 20:52:57
In reply to Argument with my husband , need support, posted by anna on August 28, 2001, at 23:26:49
Mothering is a challenge even to people without mental illness. So you threatened a spanking...it hardly makes you a child abuser. Your kids don't need a better mother - they need YOU. Go to the beach.
Posted by Greg on August 29, 2001, at 21:31:44
In reply to On being a good parent, posted by Greg A. on August 29, 2001, at 14:07:56
From one Greg to another, that was well put. I too blow up at my kids from time to time when my depression strikes. I found that when I sat them down and took the time to explain it to them (as best I could), it made it a bit easier for them to accept. I have a 24, 14 and a 11 year old, and it's really helped our relationship for them to understand something about my dis-ease.
Greg
> Anna,
>
> Another voice from the male side. I too have ‘lost it’ with my teenage daughters. To the extent that my wife packed them up once and left for the night. She was afraid I would hurt someone. Like you I was in the midst of getting meds sorted out - again! – and I over reacted. I do love my kids though and I know that most of the time that shows. I’m sure you are the same. You didn’t do anything new. It has been done by every other parent. I’m with kazoo – get back to normal and go with the family. The sooner they see that you still care about them, the sooner things are normal. I’ve explained to my kids how I feel sometimes and told them if they ever feel like that to tell someone because there is help out there. I don’t want them to think I am perfect. I want them to think that I try hard to be a good parent and I will talk to them about any issue. And that it is perfectly human to make mistakes. You are not a bad parent - in fact you care so much about your kids that you are being overly critical of yourself.
>
> Greg
Posted by paxvox on August 30, 2001, at 6:47:38
In reply to Re: Argument with my husband , need support » paxvox, posted by Krazy Kat on August 29, 2001, at 15:22:28
Boy is that a long story! However, as strange as it might sound, that time at night putting a young child to sleep can be a very precious time (once you get past the chaos). I think that it is a bonding experience that we only have one chance at in life with our kids. It gives me a chance to let her know how much I love her, so that she will never have to question that some time later in life when times may not be as civil (see teenage years). No, my wife doesn't work full-time, but she does get her off to school and picks her up. There are other issues that need to be dealt with, but that will come in time.
PAX
Posted by Krazy Kat on August 30, 2001, at 13:43:18
In reply to Re: Argument with my husband , need support » Krazy Kat , posted by paxvox on August 30, 2001, at 6:47:38
O.K. - I could see that. I'm imposing my very carefully watched "don't do too much" right now AND "feeling guilty because I wish I was doing more to help my husband" agenda on you.
Good luck!
- K.
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