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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.
Posted by ksvt on December 2, 2000, at 22:58:03
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
>Sandee - it seems like we had a discussion here a few months ago about being "normal." I'm not sure anyone really knows what that means. Some people might not get told that they're different because they struggle to their detriment to conform, or discourage discussing themselves. Is "departure from the norm" your term or someone else's? I rather like the sound of it, because I find most people who fit that definition (and who may be willing to acknowledge it) to be interesting and, to use another phrase, a "breath of frest air." What do you think people mean when they say that about you? ksvt
I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
>
> I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.
Posted by Todd on December 2, 2000, at 23:54:38
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
Sandee, take a really deep breath. Not the kind you take in anticipation of something dreadful, but the kind that relaxes your whole body. I'm not kidding. Feel it build way down in your abdomen, and let it rise slowly until it fills your stomach and then your chest. Gently hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale. Let the air escape naturally back down the direction you breathed it in. Do this a few times until you feel warm and relaxed. Are you through? OK, now you can giggle.
We're ALL the same, Sandee. I think anyone who is really intent on getting to know themselves well feels or has felt the same way you do. People call me "different" and "weird" and "a departure from the norm" all the time. If they don't outright say it, I can read it from their body language. That used to make me feel very uneasy too. Now I take it as a compliment, a signal that I am being myself and not anyone else. That's a wonderful thing. We all have a spirit that longs to break through insecurity and fear. A spirit with a completely unique perspective and a very important truth to be told. Getting to know your spirit and letting it shine brightly is of the utmost importance.
I would say that since you asked this question, you are already quite aware of your uniqueness. Nothing wrong with that, in fact, it's quite the opposite. Shine on, Sandee. When you jump, the net will always appear. Peace and love.
Todd
Posted by felix on December 3, 2000, at 0:44:54
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
> I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
>
> I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.I have been slighly eccentric my whole life. It has'nt got better. Is it a problem ? is it bad. Thats a whole new thread in itself. I reckon the unease is the surprise at how off the mark I am when I reflect. But on other times I hit places that are unique and do well because everyone was looking in a different direction.
Felix
Posted by Bruno on December 3, 2000, at 12:42:18
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by felix on December 3, 2000, at 0:44:54
Hooray for a difference!!!
It's what makes life interesting.
We can't all be the same. We have psychos, control freaks, nymphos, reclusives, eccentrics, and boring accountants. That's great.
Posted by S. Howard on December 3, 2000, at 19:02:37
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
Sandee-
Oh sure they do. However, this puts you in excellent company (besides us).There is good evidence (admission to an asylum or psychiatric hospital, alcoholism or drug addiction, suicide or suicide attempt)that throughout history, many extremely gifted people suffered from severe depression or manic-depressive illness. Here is a partial list:
POETS-
William Blake
George Gordon, Lord Byron
Emily Dickinson
T.S. Eliot
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Sylvia Plath
Edgar Allen Poe
Ezra Pound
Anne Sexton
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Dylan ThomasWRITERS-
Hans Christian Andersen
James Boswell
Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)
Charles Dickens
Ralph Waldo Emerson
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Ernest Hemingway
Herman Melville
Mary Shelley
Robert Louis Stevenson
Leo Tolstoy
Virginia WoolfCOMPOSERS/MUSICIANS
Irving Berlin
Noel Coward
George F. Handel
Charles Parker
Cole Porter
Sergey Rachmaninoff
Robert Schumann
Peter TchaikovskyARTISTS-
Paul Gauguin
Vincent Van Gogh
Michelangelo
Adolphe Monticelli
Edvard Munch
Georgia O'Keefe
Jackson Pollock
Dante Rossetti*Okay, from this very partial list, consider all the incredible beauty and awesome talent that these "wierd and different" people brought to the world. Now consider the Joneses, who believe you're a "departure from the norm", and what they've contributed to the world: a need for more tract housing and grocery-getters.
It would be a drab world indeed without us.
-Gracie
*Source: "Touched With Fire" by Kay R. Jamison
Posted by Sandee on December 3, 2000, at 19:45:44
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird or different? » Sandee, posted by ksvt on December 2, 2000, at 22:58:03
Well, when they say that I'm different, they sometimes have kind of a wrinkled nose expression. That usually indicates rejection or negativity. When that happens, it makes me uneasy.
The "departure from the norm" is my expression. However, I take great pride in being a non-conformist, though it happens naturally. I know that I have the courage to be an individual instead of a clone. Many people WISH they had the courage to be who they truly are instead of resigning to conformity. I am just hell bent on being real, I suppose.
But every now and then, it does *sting* when someone makes that comment that you're "different" and you know that they don't mean it in a positive way. But I was just curious to know how many of us have been on the receiving end of that comment.
Thanks for the response guys,
Sandee
Posted by Ted on December 3, 2000, at 23:18:36
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
Hi Sandee,
I was wierd long before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now they call me wierd because I am not ashamed of my illness and I talk openly about it.
Don't let other peoples impressions hurt your self esteem. It isn't worth it. You are YOU and normal is only relative anyway.
Ted
> I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
>
> I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.
Posted by NikkiT2 on December 4, 2000, at 11:54:32
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
I know I think I'm wierd.!!! I just see things in a different way, different things make me laugh.
I don't *want* to be wierd though. People are always commenting on the fact that I always give "wierd" gifts (I think they're great gifts!), or laugh at the wrong time, find strange things hilariously funny.
But, I think alot of people find their wierdness unique. It makes them abtter artists, or writers or whatever. I ahve no real skills, so I don't see that it enhances my life. Why was I given this strangeness if I ahve no way of using it??
Oh well, back to my wierd little world!!
Nikki
Posted by Ted on December 4, 2000, at 14:58:23
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by NikkiT2 on December 4, 2000, at 11:54:32
Hi Nikki,
> I know I think I'm wierd.!!! I just see things in a different way, different things make me laugh.
Good! If we were all the same, wouldn't life be SO BORING? Think about it.
> I don't *want* to be wierd though.
Wierd is relative. If you came to stay with my wife and me, we would probably call you normal. :-) Don't look at it as wierd, instead you are just *different* from everyone else. That is NOT bad! By the way, did you ever consider that you might be "normal" and your friends are the wierd ones?
>People are always commenting on the fact that I always give "wierd" gifts (I think they're great gifts!), or laugh at the wrong time, find strange things hilariously funny.
You could be a relative! All I have to say is SO WHAT.
> But, I think alot of people find their wierdness unique. It makes them better artists, or writers or whatever. I have no real skills, so I don't see that it enhances my life.
I am CERTAIN you have something valuable to provide society. If nothing else, you would make a great partner for someone else who is a little off-normal. And it does enhance your life in that you can find beauty and humor in places others can't. That alone is a benefit I would like.
>Why was I given this strangeness if I have no way of using it??
You use it all the time. Certainly an artist or musician or actor whom others consider "wierd" would be appealing to you. In that way, your condition makes their work more appealing.
> Oh well, back to my wierd little world!!
It's not just yours! You have to share!
Take care, and don't let this control you or your life. It really is not important. ALL that matters is that you can get some happiness out of life.
Ted (quite wierd myself)
Posted by Sandee on December 4, 2000, at 21:27:21
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by NikkiT2 on December 4, 2000, at 11:54:32
"I don't *want* to be wierd though."
I hear ya Nikki. I sometimes feel that way too. Sometimes I wish I didn't do something that caused a person to give me "the look." You know the look. Sometimes I want to believe that God had a heck of a sense of humor when he made some of us! LOL Other times, I just wonder why He made us this way. *sigh*
But all in all, I think it's a good thing. It just has its darker moments.
Posted by Craig on December 5, 2000, at 2:24:16
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
My sister told me this peculiar story about her 7-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter (and Grandpa). She picked her son up from school and on the way home, John and Sarah were chatting. She said, "I missed you today, Johnny." He said, "You did, honey? I missed you too. Did you grow today when I was at school?" She replied, "No, but I have a nice shaped head."
And here's where Grandpa is weird: The nice shaped head remark is something my dad repeats about his grandchildren. He has been saying it for over 10 years and it is bizarre beyond words. I guess that since he doesn't know how to relate to children, apparently his compliment is to remark that they have a nice shaped head!
********************************************
> I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
>
> I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.
Posted by Noa on December 5, 2000, at 6:16:00
In reply to My dad is weird, posted by Craig on December 5, 2000, at 2:24:16
Craig, that is funny.
My mom, although she does relate well to babies and kids, has something similar--she always says she likes certain babies, because they have that "nice, clean look" (accompanying gesture=touching along her jawline with tips of her fingers).
Posted by Noa on December 5, 2000, at 6:18:00
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 4, 2000, at 21:27:21
I guess if you think about it, wierdness itself isn't really a problem. It is a problem if one's wierdness is also annoying, hostile, etc. But, wierd is in the eye of the beholder.
Posted by Adam on December 5, 2000, at 11:41:01
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
I've always felt my problem is I'm not weird enough. Sometimes I think there is a real weirdo inside of me trying to get out. When it does, on occasion, people are usually quite entertained, and I have a good time too.
The key is to be yourself, and, if you can, make weird work for YOU. Think of Weird Al. He's taken his intrinsic weirdness and leveraged it into a profitable and long-lived music career, which is no small feat for someone who might otherwise have wound up consigned to an indefinite purgatory of Friday Night Polka Buffets at a rural midwestern Holiday Inn lounge.
Of course, that's "good weird". There is "bad weird" as well. I remember once when I was in high school, my then girlfriend and I were approached by this bedraggled homeless man who I think was also fairly deranged. He walked right up to us and said...
"What's a unicorn?"
We didn't know how to reply at first, but I eventually offered, "it's a horse with a horn on its head."
He looked at me very intensely. I noticed he had some thin but strong-looking rope or heavy twine in his hand, and he kept looping it around his palm like a garrotte and pulling it tight. This made me uneasy.
"It's a mythical beast," said my girlfriend.
He looked at her with equal intensity. "Why's it mythical?" he demanded.
"Because it doesn't exist," I replied. Our new friend didn't like this answer at all. In fact, he stared right at me in a most unnerving way, loosened the cord around his hand and took a step toward me.
"Well, no one has ever seen one before," my girlfriend quickly interjected.
The man stopped, turned to her, and smiled (she being the far prettier and diplomatic one). "You're a smart girl," he said. "You're a VERY smart girl."
And then he continued on past us.
OK, so this is "bad weird." If you can avoid this sort of behaviour, I say with great confidence that you're a perfectly normal weirdo, and everybody else just needs to DEAL.
Cheers!
> I'm just wondering if people find you to be weird or different than most. If so, how does that make you feel?
>
> I have been told that I am definitely a departure from the norm. Sometimes it makes me uneasy.
Posted by Neal on December 31, 2000, at 13:18:17
In reply to Do people think you're weird or different?, posted by Sandee on December 2, 2000, at 18:33:59
This message is for the men on the board.
I was going to start this as a separate topic someday, but will just mention it now, as it relates to this thread.
I want to talk about this issue from a different angle, and this does not mean to take away from the artistic and spiritual posts preceding.
In the book "Listening to Prozac" the author relates the stories of how his patients had respoded to the (at the time) new SSRI's.
Then he has some chapters on studies of monkeys in groups. I found this to be more illuminating that the SSRI material. In these monkey groups, the male monkeys with low serotonin, or if the scientist has taken the new born and raised it in isolation, then re-introduced it to the group; - these monkeys are always picked on, dominated, beat-up etc., to the point where they sometimes have to leave the troop.Well, this is my message to the males on this board. You know damn well this applies to homo sapiens as well. My apologies to those of you who are religious, but my thesis is based on the fact that we are "smart monkeys".
And as males, especially if you had early-onset depression with a social anxiety aspect, you know you had to face the same kinds of behaviors in male groups, - classrooms, sports teams, military, guy groups in general. And then later in life, comes the work group, profession, corporation, job, what have you. There, you face the same thing all over again. Any of this sound familiar, guys?
In that last 2 years there have been several threads where guys have talked about their troubles at work, getting fired, finding new jobs, etc. Why does this happen? Because any group of humans is comparable to what happens in a monkey troop, ie., the dominate or alpha males grab the power and proceed to badger and humiliate the other males. Of course this is done in subtle ways, if in say, a corporate structure, but it is still done. Any of this sound familiar? Are there exceptions? Yes. If you have special skill or a genius at what you do, poet, artist, techno-geek, scientist etc., -then you will have a special pass out of this pecking order.
It's just that I haven't seen a thread by the men on this board about these issues specifically. But it's something we have to face every day. Have you ever been passed over for a promotion at work? Have trouble holding a job? No one talks to you at the office party? Have trouble talking to women? Been insulted by other men? It's the animal in us. They can sense the depression. (Of course in their minds it's not depression; it's weakness, something to be exploited).
I don't mean to paint a picture that's overly bleak; life has many facets, and this is but one, but it's an important one.
Be interested to know what the other men on this board think. Does any of this sound familiar?
Posted by mr. man on December 31, 2000, at 19:20:58
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird -for men, posted by Neal on December 31, 2000, at 13:18:17
I hear you man, it really sucks that its like that isnt it, we are animals, theres no getting around it, we have evolved but our minds are still have primative thoughts and emotions and our testosterone levels are too high, we grow up in our communitys, we are brainwashed, we have no pure individual thought and very little perspective, I have experienced what you talk about all my life, because I am not as social as others, because of depression, I dont get any respect, even in a company I cant move up the ladder, just recently someone with a quarter of the experience I had and been in the company half the time I had been moved up to a supervisor position because he was in the marines and so was the big boss and the second boss became best friends with this guy, I could have done the job twice as good as this idiot but I wasnt outgoing enough, and not only that but this same guy wouldnt listen to me when I told him something even though I have been working there way longer than him 3 times the experience(like i said before) no he just absolutly refused to believe me, instead he just continued to fuck up these parts we were making, and then later on he actually yelled at me, for turning off the radio because I was sick of listening to it and I couldnt take it anymore, he was totally pissed off at me, but guess what, theres another lady that works there that doesnt just turn the radio off when its on, she actually takes the plug out of the wall, and does anybody yell or get mad at her, no
Posted by Noa on January 2, 2001, at 11:33:23
In reply to Re: Do people think you're weird -for men, posted by mr. man on December 31, 2000, at 19:20:58
Recommended reading: Why Zebras don't get Ulcers, by Robert Sopolsky. Talks about the effects of chronic stress on our bodies. Some animal examples show how social stress (like hierarchy/status issues for males) actually cause increased cortisol which causes breakdown of muscles and other tissues, which furthers the status problems. We also know that chronic stress can change the brain, leading to depression.
However, I don't see us humans (male or female) as being completely "scripted" by our animal-ness. We do have the power to use our smarts to think of new and different strategies for coping and for manipulating our environments. It can be hard, but I believe it is possible.
This is the end of the thread.
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