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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
I have read the messages above. And, Lord knows, I have tried for a lot of years to keep the faith. But lately my mind is a jumble and nothing gets in that is positive. I am tired. I have a new knee and should be so thrilled and I just do not want to do anything. Most I do is post and read here. I am afraid but I cannot tell my husband or therapist because how can I admit that I am back in the black hole again????
Posted by pullmarine on October 24, 2000, at 15:57:13
In reply to What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
I wish there was something I could say to help you through this. I can only empathize and let you know that I know exactly the space you're in.
john
> I have read the messages above. And, Lord knows, I have tried for a lot of years to keep the faith. But lately my mind is a jumble and nothing gets in that is positive. I am tired. I have a new knee and should be so thrilled and I just do not want to do anything. Most I do is post and read here. I am afraid but I cannot tell my husband or therapist because how can I admit that I am back in the black hole again????
Posted by Cass on October 24, 2000, at 17:00:13
In reply to What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
I'm just barely out of the black hole myself, as you may know. How long have you been in it? I guess the key is just to NOT take any drastic action and to communicate so that you get the support you need. Now that I feel I am coming out of the hole, I feel giddy and grateful to be alive. Depression is a horrible things. Do you have a therapist?
Posted by coral on October 24, 2000, at 17:28:28
In reply to What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
Dear Dona,
Few people even begin to realize the amount of energy that depression consumes (except those of us who suffer from depression and know that while we're mere mortals, depression seems to be fueled by the Energizer bunny!) Coupled with the surgery (I'm presuming such from the comment about the new knee), you are worn out.
Allow yourself the time to rest and heal. The discomfort you're feeling about confiding in your husband and therapist may come from the shame that often accompanies depression. You haven't failed. You're battling depression and a new knee. It's not like putting new tires on a car and zoom, zoom .. . . I hope that didn't come out sarcastic, because I don't mean it that way.
If your therapist is competent, s/he won't be disappointed in you, won't blame you, won't condemn you, but will help you. Competent therapists KNOW that depression is often a recurring disorder and can help. If your husband is supportive, he, too, can help. My husband has told me that the most important thing I can do is be honest with him so he knows and can help.
Of course you're exhausted. It seems you're being hard on yourself. If you look at someone else in your present situation, what advice would you give them?
The medical profession is learning more about healing, too. For decades, the objective was to get the person off pain meds as soon as possible, to "resume" life. Studies have shown that if a person is kept pain free after surgery, their recovery time is significantly less. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the peace of mind to rest and recharge.
I'm almost out of the pit and out of the grasp of the beast and still, I have to be careful about energy usage. If I don't get enough rest (I need more rest when depressed), I'll delay my recovery.
Be gentle with yourself. Please take care.
Coral
Posted by Phil on October 24, 2000, at 19:14:56
In reply to What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
Dona, I've been slightly up and way down a lot lately. Mostly down or maybe just numb. It's easy to tell someone not to feel shame about this illness but I have that recurring feeling.
I can't offer any advice that I can't, won't try myself.
I do try to be as honest as I can w/ others but sometimes I tell my shrink I'm better than I really am just so I won't have to deal w/ another med switch, etc. Keeping my head just above the water line is better than dealing with a whole new set of side effects.
Anyway, I'm just coasting and watching the months go by like days and the minutes go by like hours.
Jeez, this post probably hasn't done much to help!
But...you are not alone. You have a whole lot of company in this world.
My thoughts are with you. That's all I can give.Phil
Posted by shar on October 24, 2000, at 19:30:33
In reply to Re: What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Phil on October 24, 2000, at 19:14:56
Dona,
Amazing as it is, we do usually go on. If you read posts here you get to see over and over how strong people (including you) are. It's amazing.The previous posts have mentioned getting well and all the rest it takes. That is so true. Plus I think surgery is a trauma to our bodies, and we have to heal from that, too.
Don't hesitate to tell your doctors and husband that you are not bouncing back as quickly as you would like, and you feel tired still. If you can let them know what is going on it will help them understand and (for hubby) not feel shut out.
The doctors may expect this, and even if they don't they should know.
In the meantime, if you can pamper yourself with simple things, please do. Like you would a child who's been hurt. Nothing quite like a tray with soup and crackers while you get to sit on the sofa and watch tv or something.
Take good care and don't forget to talk and breathe.
Shar
Posted by ksvt on October 24, 2000, at 20:12:29
In reply to What happens? We go on., posted by shar on October 24, 2000, at 19:30:33
>
Depression for me means alot of being ok and alot of being down. Sometimes you just get really sick of having to deal with the down periods particularly when you feel like you shouldn't be having them. What is stressful for me may not be stressful for lots of people. That being said, what you've been through with surgery would be stressful for anyone, and physical and mental exhaustion are so interrelated. I can't add much to the good advice you've gotten here other than be kind to yourself even if that just means telling yourself that it's ok that you don't feel like you're rebounding. Hang in there. ksvt
Dona,
> Amazing as it is, we do usually go on. If you read posts here you get to see over and over how strong people (including you) are. It's amazing.
>
> The previous posts have mentioned getting well and all the rest it takes. That is so true. Plus I think surgery is a trauma to our bodies, and we have to heal from that, too.
>
> Don't hesitate to tell your doctors and husband that you are not bouncing back as quickly as you would like, and you feel tired still. If you can let them know what is going on it will help them understand and (for hubby) not feel shut out.
>
> The doctors may expect this, and even if they don't they should know.
>
> In the meantime, if you can pamper yourself with simple things, please do. Like you would a child who's been hurt. Nothing quite like a tray with soup and crackers while you get to sit on the sofa and watch tv or something.
>
> Take good care and don't forget to talk and breathe.
>
> Shar
Posted by Dona on October 25, 2000, at 12:28:44
In reply to What happens when you are just too tired to go on, posted by Dona on October 24, 2000, at 15:22:36
I appreciate everyone's words, but it is so hard to focus--and last night, my husband came home and may lose his job of 23 years!! I just want to crawl in bed and never get out---but I must try to be ok for him. His company moved us here three years ago and now if he loses his job, we are stuck in a place with both of us jobless and few friends. Oh, I could go on and on and on. My mind is finding it very hard right now to be positive. So what could is the anti-depressant when life just keeps assaulting you????
Posted by coral on October 25, 2000, at 19:52:11
In reply to New kick in the pants, posted by Dona on October 25, 2000, at 12:28:44
Dear Dona,
I am so sorry. No chirpy, cheery words . . .
Just let me point out the "if" in your message. Your husband "might" lose his job, "if" he loses his job.Life does have a way of assaulting us, doesn't it? I think that's the genesis for the old Gypsy saying: Don't hunt for trouble. It'll find you soon enough."
My husband is a Zen Buddhist and when I get trapped in the "what if's", and I've forgotten the Gypsy saying, he asks me to take an accounting, an accurate accounting of this VERY moment: Am I warm? Am I hungry? Is there a roof over my head? EVEN if I say, "Yeah, but there won't be a roof if we don't get the new client, etc...." he'll say "That's NOT at this moment." Even in excruciatingly painful times, such as the death of my father, he'll say "Yes, the grief is horrible right NOW."
The whole point that has gotten me through some of the most god-awful moments is that it's NOW, the unspoken truth is that it's passing, and to worry about the past or the future is futile. It takes great practice to master this and there are times I flat-out fail miserably, and using the Zen philosophy, that failure is temporary.
Besides, who says you have to be positive right now? Life's kicked you and it hurts, damn it.
Please take care, Dona . . .
Posted by quilter on October 28, 2000, at 1:01:53
In reply to Re: New kick in the pants, posted by coral on October 25, 2000, at 19:52:11
One of the phrases I find useful is also the name of a good web site.
NOW IS NOT FOREVER!
Try to let tomorrow take care of itself while you recover.
Quilter
Posted by Noa on October 28, 2000, at 12:26:06
In reply to Re: New kick in the pants, posted by quilter on October 28, 2000, at 1:01:53
> NOW IS NOT FOREVER!
I like that. Thanks.
Posted by Noa on October 28, 2000, at 12:28:06
In reply to Re: New kick in the pants, posted by quilter on October 28, 2000, at 1:01:53
Apropos of your post, quilter, it occurred to me that it would be interesting to collect everyone's favorite (trite tho they may be) sayings that can help get them through the hard times:
1. Now is not forever.
2. Leave no stone unturned.
Y'all go ahead and add to this!
This is the end of the thread.
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