![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on October 23, 2000, at 13:11:40
I've experienced a lot of moods, but I don't even know what I'm feeling now. I've lost my baby and I am numb- I haven't cried or anything. I am hearing a baby's cry but can't find it. I feel confused and just not here. I see my pdoc in about a week, but don't know what to do until then. Thank you for any ideas.
Posted by shellie on October 23, 2000, at 19:08:56
In reply to am I depressed?, posted by judy1 on October 23, 2000, at 13:11:40
Judy, I'm so very sad for your loss. Remember Eliz Kubler-Ross and all the different stages associated with a death, including denial, grieving, etc. Whereever you are in that process, and whatever you feel, is the absolute right way for you to feel. Numbness may protect you for a while from sadness, and that's okay.
You are going to need a lot of support, from your SO, and from friends to get you through this loss. Please try to accept all your feelings as natural and lean on people (and this board) as much as you need to. Shellie
Posted by laural on October 24, 2000, at 9:28:56
In reply to Re: am I depressed? » judy1, posted by shellie on October 23, 2000, at 19:08:56
judy--
i'm sorry. shellie said it best, but just wanted to let you know that she's not the only one and truely does, i think, speak for us all. laural
Posted by judy1 on October 24, 2000, at 11:39:34
In reply to Re: am I depressed?, posted by laural on October 24, 2000, at 9:28:56
Thank you for your kind words, I guess I don't have any coping skills- judy
Posted by pullmarine on October 24, 2000, at 15:51:08
In reply to am I depressed?, posted by judy1 on October 23, 2000, at 13:11:40
You've given very little information, but if you've lost your child, grievibng, numbness and the other things you describe are part of bereavement. Perhaps a bereavement group would help you through this.
Are you thinking of death and suicide? any guilt or shame?
Posted by shellie on October 24, 2000, at 16:46:44
In reply to To Shellie and Laural, posted by judy1 on October 24, 2000, at 11:39:34
> Thank you for your kind words, I guess I don't have any coping skills- judy
Judy, what are you saying when you say you don't have any coping skills? Are you in danger? Do you have any support? What about your family? Your partner? Was Pullmarine on target? A support group is good, but it's sounding like you might need something immediately, like NOW. Or maybe I am misunderstanding you, and you are still feeling numb. Miscarriages (if I understood your message) are very tramatic because they often go unacknowleged. Please let us know how you are doing, if you can. Shellie
Posted by judy1 on October 25, 2000, at 11:45:37
In reply to Re: am I depressed?, posted by pullmarine on October 24, 2000, at 15:51:08
Yes, I miscarried; I was in my 5th month. I can't go to support groups because I have panic attacks. I feel really bad, if I tell my shrink he will put me in the hospital and please believe me, that will make me worse. I really am grateful for your support. Thank you.
Posted by Noa on October 25, 2000, at 14:19:06
In reply to am I depressed?, posted by judy1 on October 23, 2000, at 13:11:40
Judy, I am so sorry for your loss! I hope you can allow yourself to grieve and to get the support and comfort you need right now.
Posted by pullmarine on October 26, 2000, at 19:40:41
In reply to Re: am I depressed?-Pullmarine and Shellie, posted by judy1 on October 25, 2000, at 11:45:37
> Yes, I miscarried; I was in my 5th month. I can't go to support groups because I have panic attacks. I feel really bad, if I tell my shrink he will put me in the hospital and please believe me, that will make me worse.
I belive you. But you must know that legally, he cannot hospitalize you without your consent, unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Thus, I'd really recommend that you talk about your anxiety and panic with him in order to find a solution. Other than that, I think what you're going through is normal, but bereavement is a long process that is very different from one person to the next.
>I really am grateful for your support. Thank you.
that's what we're here for.
JOHN
Posted by judy1 on October 27, 2000, at 19:25:41
In reply to Re: am I depressed?-Pullmarine and Shellie, posted by pullmarine on October 26, 2000, at 19:40:41
They (the shrinks) can and have put me in hospitals without my consent. I think I'm afraid of my pdoc. I went off my meds because I was pregnant, I thought I did everything right. I must have something evil inside of me, I'm sorry I'm not real clear today.
Posted by pullmarine on October 27, 2000, at 21:05:52
In reply to John, posted by judy1 on October 27, 2000, at 19:25:41
> They (the shrinks) can and have put me in hospitals without my consent.
Were u a danger to yourself or others?
>I think I'm afraid of my pdoc.
then fire him and get another one. or join an anti-psychiatric or a psychiatric survivors group.
I went off my meds because I was pregnant, I thought I did everything right.
> good reason to get off meds!
>I must have something evil inside of me.
NONSENSE!!!!
>I'm sorry I'm not real clear today.
Everyone has days like these!
JOHN
Posted by shellie on October 27, 2000, at 22:19:56
In reply to John, posted by judy1 on October 27, 2000, at 19:25:41
Judy, many many women miscarry and they are not evil. Your thoughts are really getting irrational though this loss and grieving. You do not have anything evil in you. You did a really brave thing by going off medication when you were pregnant. Some times even in the most healthy women miscarriages occur. I can't remember the statistics off hand, but lots and lots of women miscarry and most of those go on in later pregnancies to give birth to healthy babies. Probably the baby had a malformation and wouldn't have been able to come to full term.
At least get on the internet and read about miscarriages. Find out how common they are, how much loss people feel--you will realize that you are not alone, and despite doing everything right, it just happens. And it is very hard not to blame yourself, but it is not your fault. Shellie
Posted by quilter on October 28, 2000, at 0:37:02
In reply to Re: miscarriage » judy1, posted by shellie on October 27, 2000, at 22:19:56
Judy, I am so sad to read about your loss. You did everything you could to take care of your baby. Now it's time to take care of yourself. You can get back on your meds, and begin to grieve without fears and illogical thoughts prolonging your recovery. Don't forget that your hormones are also in a state of flux, just as they are after any pregnancy comes to an end. Things will get better eventually. Please be honest with your pdoc, and please, please don't act in haste. Take the time to heal physically and regain your mental balance.
Quilter
Posted by Racer on October 28, 2000, at 23:06:40
In reply to am I depressed?, posted by judy1 on October 23, 2000, at 13:11:40
I've got good news and bad news, Judy1. I've had at least a dozen miscarriages so far, and I'll tell you that you're going through something normal. The hormonal changes alone will make you feel numb, as nature's way to help you through it, and then you have to grieve. Anyone who says it's stupid to be upset about a miscarriage is male -- not bad, not crazy, not anything other than totally clueless.
Listen, my first miscarriage happened in 1979. I still think about that one, how old he/she would be, the specific emotional 'feel' of him/her. Same with many of the others. There's grieving you ahve to go through.
The good news is that you do get back on your feet and go on. Once your hormones are normal again, you'll feel better and you can start trying again.
As for miscarriages, about 40% of all conceptions end in miscarriage, by current figures, and one theory is that it's much higher than that: that a lot of painful late periods are actually very early miscarriages.
And I'm here to hold on to you: my 'false alarm' led to a period which lasted three times as long as usual, was painful as hell, and I think was actually a very early miscarriage. Here's my hand, hang on to me and I'll hang on to you
Posted by judy1 on October 30, 2000, at 23:12:42
In reply to Re: am I depressed? » judy1, posted by Racer on October 28, 2000, at 23:06:40
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kindness. My doctor told me that my baby was a boy and he was normal. So I keep thinking how this was caused by me, I can't think of any other reason. My shrink put me on a bunch of meds today - he said (like someone else here- sorry I can't remember) that I am having irrational thoughts or maybe delusional. I had cut, but he didn't put me in the hospital- my husband said he would help me. Anyway I am on depakote, klonopin, celexa and risperdal. If I didn't already feel numb this would probably do it. I'm sorry you had so many miscarriages Racer, I have had several but I don't like to think about it. I'm usually pretty good at pushing things down. I hope everyone is okay and thank you again.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.