![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 15, 2010, at 13:27:43
Hi...haven't posted in some time, thought I would pose this question, as my T sits next to me...I can go into detail if anyone is interested, but will make this brief
Some of you will remember that I have loved my t for many years.
As an aside, I won a women's scholarship because of what I wrote about my life and am a fresman (social work/psychology) at age (gaccckkk) 64! Wrote my book, Sanctuary of the Soul and have a website (poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration)
Am still amazed at my endorsements: Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Drs. Alice Miller, Larry Dossey (14 in al)
Love to my "old" friends and "hi" to those I haven't met.
Posted by pegasus on November 15, 2010, at 14:08:27
In reply to Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 15, 2010, at 13:27:43
You mean, like on the couch, during a session? No, I would be really uncomfortable if my T (this goes for any T I've ever had) sat next to me.
- P
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 15, 2010, at 20:53:56
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by pegasus on November 15, 2010, at 14:08:27
I couldn't even imagine such a thing. My p-doc sits in an office chair by his desk and I sit across from him in an armchair. We never touch, don't even shake hands except on the first visit. It would be so weird to sit beside him on a couch or something. It would make me uncomfortable and uncertain of the boundaries. He is very big on clear boundaries and I think this has been helpful to me.
Congratulations on your book and scholarship.
Posted by Helana on November 23, 2010, at 17:11:28
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by pegasus on November 15, 2010, at 14:08:27
Hi,
I haven't posted in awhile, but I keep up on reading everyone's post.
I just ended therapy recently, but my T used to sit next to me once in a while on the couch. Sometimes she just did. Sometimes I asked her to sit next to me. It was always uncomfortable...but, it was also very comforting. It was a paradox, we agreed.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 24, 2010, at 7:26:23
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by Helana on November 23, 2010, at 17:11:28
I asked my t (male) to sit next to me last July and he still is; we have been together for 7 years. Unfortunately, I have been in love with him for that amount of time, but haven't acted on it. He knows all about it. How long were you with your t? Was it difficult to terminate?
Posted by Helana on November 24, 2010, at 9:15:01
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you? » Helana, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 24, 2010, at 7:26:23
I was in love with my T too...probably always will be. It was painful to terminate but not difficult. I cried very hard my last session. It didn't help that there was no comfort there. That made it easier though to follow through with my descision. It's only been not even three weeks. I think of her everyday. It's sad to think I'll never see her again...but she'll always be in my heart and noone can take away what we shared for over three years.
I hope this gets easier though, cuz lately my heart's been starting to hurt more when I think of her.
I think it's very good for your T to sit next to you and do intimate things without it becoming sexual. It's important to learn how to love someone and feel and be intimate without having it turn sexual...does that resonate with you or am I just projecting lol?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 29, 2010, at 13:20:38
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by Helana on November 24, 2010, at 9:15:01
> I was in love with my T too...probably always will be. It was painful to terminate but not difficult.
I am glad it wasn't so terrible.
I cried very hard my last session. It didn't help that there was no comfort there. That would be the worst!
That made it easier though to follow through with my descision. It's only been not even three weeks. I think of her everyday. I understand that!
It's sad to think I'll never see her again..Can you go back for a "touch-up"?
.but she'll always be in my heart and noone can take away what we shared for over three years.
> I hope this gets easier though, cuz lately my heart's been starting to hurt more when I think of her.
> I think it's very good for your T to sit next to you and do intimate things without it becoming sexual.It's important to learn how to love someone and feel and be intimate without having it turn sexual...does that resonate with you or am I just projecting lol?
Projecting, LOL....actually it is a loong story, but it has been a personal relationship, also.
Posted by Helana on December 1, 2010, at 13:15:00
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you? » Helana, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 29, 2010, at 13:20:38
Not having any comfort was really aweful but I guess that's the way I wanted it. Towards the end she didn't offer anything up unless I asked for it and then of course even then she didn't do it if she felt uncomfortable ya kno. I could have asked to sit by her. I could have cried in her lap even (most likely, since I did before) but for some reason I'd rather not. Sometimes I regret it when I'm lonely, but for the most part I'm glad I did it that way. I feel a sense of freedom and independence I've never felt before, ever.
I assume I could go back for a touch up, but she never offered it and I was extremely hurt by that. I know that if I ever get to a point where I 'needed' a touch up I would...but I'm not going for pure desire to see her. I, no offense to her, don't want to give her that satisfaction. I know she owes me nothing and had no obligation to take care of me, but it doesn't change my wishes and wants. It's not that I want her to pay. It's that it hurts so much what she did or didn't do and it seemed that no matter how much I talked about it she never did anything different and I never could get myself to feel different, so instead I just decided to live with it...happily. She will never be my friend, lover, mother, whatever...I will never get what I wanted from her or anyone else. It just won't happen. I will continue to feel the ache of that void probably forever. I'm ok with that cuz I see now how strong I am and yes it hurts like crazy at times but it'll pass and I will be fine...more than fine, I will make something great of my life that actually is a gift and not a curse. My childhood was cursed, but I can change the rest of my life now...and I choose happiness and love and laughter and all the good thoughts I've always wanted for myself and letting go of the pain and lies and guilt that holds me in the past so I can finally live in the present! I have no idea why I just ranted that but I feel the need to share it, so I'm sending it :)
Posted by sassyfrancesca on December 2, 2010, at 16:05:40
In reply to Re: Would you Like it If Your T Sat Next to you?, posted by Helana on December 1, 2010, at 13:15:00
(((Helana))) GOOD FOR YOU!!! We cant' change the past, and the only choice we have as adults as to LIVE life and fully as we can....quiet the pain down to a liveable (?) level so we can function.
At age 64 (acckkk) I am in school because I won a scholarship, because of what I wrote about my life. I am a freshman, LOL! I am older than these kids' parents, but i don't care. I joined the army right out of high school, after an abusive childhood, molested, extreme poverty, no father, blah, ...married the original abuser (mother) and tried to fix the past for 31 years, got a divorce then my church voted me out of membership, but i was albe to make EVEN that experience a positive one with my poetry website (churchabuse, etc); I hve written my memoir, and a book of poetry, Sanctuary of the Soul; I am still amazed at my endorsements: Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, 14 in all. I will never stop living and trying to make a difference; I bellieve that is why we are here. I am also the moderator of an abused survivors' group and member of the American Counseling Association. You go gurl! Hugs!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.