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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
In another hour, the appointment will have been over, and it would be just a week till I see my therapist.
I don't really have anything urgent or pressing to say. I can do this without the distress it used to cause me.
Why do I find that so terrifying? What is it about me that needs to need? What can be soothing about needing?
Posted by Verloren on March 2, 2010, at 11:24:38
In reply to It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
How did it go?
((((Dinah))))
Posted by floatingbridge on March 2, 2010, at 17:29:44
In reply to It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
Maybe that there is a real safe connection? That you are comfortable being connected?
Just thoughts....
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 23:44:29
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Verloren on March 2, 2010, at 11:24:38
I did without him just fine. Other than feeling a bit melancholy.
I'm not sure it's a true test since there was no immediate crisis and since I'll see him in one week.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 23:46:00
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment. » Dinah, posted by floatingbridge on March 2, 2010, at 17:29:44
I think that's probably it.
My therapist says that I can feel connected even if it's not need, even if it's just want.
But for me, I think the connection is much stronger with need. I think I like that stronger connection.
Posted by tetrix on March 3, 2010, at 18:25:51
In reply to It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
soothing and needing are on two opposite sides of a spectrum for me..
Posted by Daisym on March 4, 2010, at 22:04:17
In reply to It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
Perhaps it isn't so much needing to need as it is being allowed to need. Having a need, and getting it met reassures the self that it "matters." So needing your therapist, and having him allow that needs, tells your (mostly emotional part) that it is allowed and wanted and valued.
Who wouldn't want that?
Posted by Tabitha on March 5, 2010, at 0:35:01
In reply to It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by Dinah on March 2, 2010, at 9:54:36
Uh-oh, I am out of the loop. Did you quit? Or just cut back?
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2010, at 9:00:34
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment. » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 5, 2010, at 0:35:01
Neither, at this point. He's just on vacation right now. However, I'm thinking about cutting back, except in times of crisis. I just don't seem to have as much to say as I used to. And he rarely has any new insights to offer me. I sometimes get frustrated because he seems to be willing to just sit around and talk. He doesn't even criticize me anymore! Well, he was never critical, but he used to gently sort of suggest that maybe I could have done things differently and achieved different results. Or that I'm thinking of things in a twisted way.
Not that he thinks I don't think of things in a twisted way anymore. It's just that he accepts that I'll never change, and either smiles and is indulgent, or sighs and tells me he knows he'll never change my mind about it.
I'm even considering doing the d*mn egg just to force him to come up with something else. Mind you'll I'll do it badly and with ill grace and a resentful spirit. But at least it will knock him out of the "do the egg" stance whenever I point out that we aren't doing much.
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2010, at 9:09:59
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment. » Dinah, posted by Daisym on March 4, 2010, at 22:04:17
That may be a part of it. I also think what I was jogged to think about and wrote in your thread below is part of it.
Certainly we both think that the reason I still need therapy is that even though I have quit hating and deliberately silencing my emotional self, effectively the result is still the same. My natural tendency is to distance myself from my emotions and live mainly in my head. Which not only leads me to have to scream to have my emotions heard (with lots of bad behavior and feelings) but also I lose so much of the better part of myself. My therapist helps me keep in touch with all of me. So does Babble. Even cutting down is problematic, because a week is long enough to forget who he is and to forget who I am.
Maybe to some extent that's why I need to need him. Because needing him is what keeps part of me alive, in the sense of interacting with the world.
It might also have to do with the undoubted fact that I *like* to be a daughter. I like it and I'm good at it, and maybe needing is part of what it means to be a daughter. Of course in being a daughter (at least in my personal experience of it) the need is mutual. I sort of wish the need was mutual.
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2010, at 9:11:44
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment., posted by tetrix on March 3, 2010, at 18:25:51
I often have odd reactions to things. :)
Certainly needing and not having my needs met would not be at all soothing.
But needing and having those needs met well enough (if not perfectly) is very soothing to me.
More soothing than not needing at all.
Posted by tetrix on March 5, 2010, at 23:54:44
In reply to Re: It's time for my Tuesday appointment. » tetrix, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2010, at 9:11:44
Yeah I know what you mean, I rarely have that kind of experience though so I guess I find it hard to relate to
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