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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:24:51
She took me out to dinner for my birthday. It was really, really good to see her and it went really well.
Her move has been delayed again so I will probably get to see her again in 3 weeks. I feel so grateful that she has worked so hard to make this transition easier for me.
She gave me her email address tonight and told me I could send pictures of the dogs.
It's been a good birthday. Surprisingly good!
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2010, at 19:36:37
In reply to I saw T tonight!, posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:24:51
And I can't imagine a nicer way to spend it.
It's so wonderful that she's making it as easy as she can for you.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:45:21
In reply to Happy birthday! » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2010, at 19:36:37
Thanks, Dinah. I know -- who would have thought she could pull this out 6 months ago? It really has been a nice, easy transition to this new relationship so far, although I know it will be harder for me once she moves.
I have a hilarious story to tell from tonight, which I will post in a little while. I have to go settle the dogs down right now. They're wrestling on the couch.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 21:05:07
In reply to I saw T tonight!, posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:24:51
So tonight was the 2nd time I've had dinner with my T -- once was before she officially retired. The firs time, she ordered tea and I had water. Tonight, she ordered a glass of wine, so I ordered a beer. She had already said she was treating me for dinner, so when I ordered the beer, I told her I'd pay for that. As part of our budget crisis last year, the tax on beer and wine went way up and I haven't bought a beer out for less than $6 in months.
We finished dinner and the waitress came and asked if we wanted it all on one check. T said yes and I said, "Could you put my beer on a separate tab?" The waitress looked at me funny, but she went away and came back with the checks. I opened mine and it was $2.18. The funniest part was I had just $1 in cash, as I was planning to put it on my debit card. So T and I laughed and laughed and then she gave me $2 to pay for the beer. Maybe you had to be there, but that was so funny to me.
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
In reply to Happy birthday! » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2010, at 19:36:37
Wow TG it's my birthday today also. Happy birthday
Posted by annierose on January 21, 2010, at 6:55:45
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
I liked your stories from dinner ... especially both ordering non-alcoholic beverages the first time, then the better stuff the next time.
I can't imagine being in a place with my therapy that I could share a real meal in a real restaurant with my t. (I can't even look at her) So that you could do this and enjoy her company, is a testament to your relationship.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! what a special treat.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 21, 2010, at 7:00:08
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by annierose on January 21, 2010, at 6:55:45
Happy Birthday TG and Blah.
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2010, at 11:44:34
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2010, at 11:45:54
In reply to Re: Hilarity at dinner, posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 21:05:07
:)
I really am impressed with the way that you are proving able to transform and maintain this relationship.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 18:27:19
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Hope yours was good.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 18:28:22
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by annierose on January 21, 2010, at 6:55:45
Thanks, Annie. I'm going to try to remember this the next time it gets hard. I've been surprised, too, at how easily we have transitioned so far. It didn't feel awkward. I was just so happy to see her!
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 18:28:42
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 21, 2010, at 7:00:08
Thanks, Mystic.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 18:29:32
In reply to Re: Hilarity at dinner » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2010, at 11:45:54
Thanks, Dinah. I think this has gone well due mostly to her -- she has made it very easy for me so far. I know it will get harder once she moves, but she has so gently handled this in-between time.
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:16:51
In reply to Re: Hilarity at dinner » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 18:29:32
My therapist has been disconcertingly interested in how your therapist has handled this (both the good and the less than good).
He was very impressed with what I told him about your dinner. Then found it extremely funny when I told him that I didn't think I'd want to see him outside the therapy room (or whatever is serving as the therapy room).
I tell him how very glad I am that you stuck through the bad times, and saw it through to the end, and that you're doing as well as you are now. And then I tell him that once he tells me he is going to end our therapy, our therapy will end at once. He hopes that I will take the lessons I'm learning now to heart.
Sigh.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 20:04:43
In reply to Re: Hilarity at dinner » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:16:51
It is interesting, isn't it?
You know I know exactly what you mean when you say therapy will end immediately. But I have to say that being able to end on a much better note was worth all the heart ache from earlier in the year. At least that's true now. I don't know how it will be when she actually moves. But I have hope now, which I didn't before.
If and when the time comes, I will try to be there for you in all the ways you've been there for me, Dinah. I promise.
Posted by rnny on January 23, 2010, at 0:37:23
In reply to I saw T tonight!, posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:24:51
I would love to comment in the same way others are but I don't understand your relationship with your T, and so it is hard for me to know what to say. For example, there is no way my T would be keeping in touch with me and taking me out to dinner a few weeks after our therapy ended and then us seeing each other again in another 3 weeks in a non-therapeutic context. So because my T was like that, I can't make believe I know what your situation is like since mine was very different. I would like to know how your situation works but I had always thought that outside contact with a T after termination of therapy was off limits for one year. Or in some cases, off limits period. Am I saying that what I know about this stuff is more than what others know about it? No. Am I saying that my way of doing things is how it should be done by all? No. But I am concerned about seeing a T for therapy and then seeing her almost "socially". Concerned that complete termination won't take place and will leave the client in the long run, wondering if the T is still a part of their life and things like that. Not that socially has a negative context but I don't understand the transition from therapy client to seeing T outside of therapy. I only ever saw my T in the office and staying in touch was not something she was willing to do.
Posted by rnny on January 23, 2010, at 0:46:16
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
Happy Birthday to both of you, you included blahblah!
Posted by workinprogress on January 23, 2010, at 2:21:32
In reply to I saw T tonight!, posted by TherapyGirl on January 20, 2010, at 19:24:51
TherapyGirl!!!
I want to run up and hug you both!!! You say it is a testament to her, but it is to you both, and more importantly, to your relationship and what you did over the years to build it. I think it's such a beautiful, heartfelt story of rupture and repair. Rupture is inevitable in relationships, repair is what doesn't always come. For a while there I think we were all (and most of all you) fearful that repair wouldn't come.... but it seems to have done so at the end, just in time (breathing a sigh of relief) and in as I said before, such a touching and graceful way.
Grace, it really is the best word I can come up with... you both handled this with such courage and grace. When you see her again, tell her babble is raising a glass for the two of you and cheering, because that's what I'm hearing here.
And I know so many of us have taken lessons from your story. Thank you so much for trusting us to share it. I bet you'll never know how many people you've helped by doing so...
((((((((((((((TG))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((TG's T))))))))))))))))))))))xo
WIP
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 23, 2010, at 17:40:01
In reply to Re: I saw T tonight!, posted by rnny on January 23, 2010, at 0:37:23
Yeah, I know your T handled it very differently and I don't have the answers to your questions, I'm afraid. I do know there is some latitude for Ts to figure out what boundaries they are comfortable with. I know many Ts do not hug their clients, yet that was a huge part of my therapy. Because for years and years and years I didn't hug anyone, so when I finally asked T for a hug, it was a major breakthrough.
All I can tell you is that this transition to our post-therapy relationship has been easier so far than I imagined. No, we're not getting drunk together and talking about our sex lives. She shares *slightly* more about her life than she did before. But we're also not having therapy in a restaurant.
So I don't know, except this approach is working for me and I'm grateful I have a T who agreed to it. Part of the reason I am seeing her every 3 weeks right now is because after the next time, she will be moving to the other side of the state. This was her way of letting me slowly get used to life without her, rather than having the abrupt no contact. I suspect some of her flexibility on these issues has to do with her own experience with grieving her husband's death, but I don't know for sure.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 23, 2010, at 17:44:57
In reply to Re: I saw T tonight! (and belated happy birthday!), posted by workinprogress on January 23, 2010, at 2:21:32
Thanks, WIP. You are giving me way too much credit (you'll recall that T pretty much dragged me kicking and screaming to the courage/grace thing, LOL), but if this last year has been helpful to anyone, then I'm grateful for that.
I honestly would not have made it through this without the support of you and so many others on this Board. You all get it in a way that none of my other friends can or do and you all did a great job of "talking me off the ledge" over and over and over again. You also helped me think through all the ways my therapy could end and encouraged me to work for what I wanted. Finally, sometimes you guys were able to articulate what I needed from T better than I was, so I would take your words with me into therapy and tell them to T.
So I say we should raise that glass for all of you, too. You guys rock!!!!!!!
((((((((WIP)))))))))
((((((((Babblers))))))))))
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2010, at 22:35:54
In reply to Re: Hilarity at dinner » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 20:04:43
I'm glad if I've been able to help you in any way.
I hope I never need to take you up on your offer, but if I ever am in that place, I know I'll be looking to you for support and wisdom.
Posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 10:25:03
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Blahblahblah on January 21, 2010, at 5:56:26
Happy Belated Birthday to both TherapyGirl and Blahblahblah!
(((HUGS)))
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 25, 2010, at 7:21:43
In reply to Re: Happy birthday!, posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 10:25:03
Thanks, Verloren!
Posted by muffled on January 28, 2010, at 0:01:28
In reply to Re: Happy birthday! » Verloren, posted by TherapyGirl on January 25, 2010, at 7:21:43
:) :) :)
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 31, 2010, at 15:26:16
In reply to Happy birthday! » TherapyGirl, posted by muffled on January 28, 2010, at 0:01:28
Thanks, Muffly! :-)
This is the end of the thread.
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