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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 15:05:56
The T I am seeing right told me today that she is going to expect me not to use "name calling" during our sessions as one of her expections in seeing me. I told her I have never called her names, only once said, "for someone with a PhD you sound stupid". She acknowledged it was only once and I said, "do you want a phony to come in here. sometimes i call people names". she then went on to explain that she wanted to use the sessions as a way of me to "learn" not to use name calling when I am angry but to say the words instead "I am very angry". I don't know why I am posting this but was very embarrased since I have never made it a habit of calling her names! I am shocked she would take one stupid little example of me using the word stupid and making a policy of it! I told her I consider her very sensitive if this has been festering and I don't think she expected to hear that either.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 18, 2010, at 20:40:26
In reply to T gives me ultimatum, posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 15:05:56
I thought you were quitting seeing that T and looking for someone else?
Posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 22:56:49
In reply to Re: T gives me ultimatum, posted by emmanuel98 on January 18, 2010, at 20:40:26
I had planned on it but am very confused right now. Everything I have said has been honest feelings about her. The wanting to change T's and all that. But I haven't said goodbye to her because I haven't found a replacement. I feel scared without having a T in my life. I say scared because my big issue is depression and I never want to go into a depression like I came out of. So I almost feel I want and or need a T in my life to be able to at the very least observe me. I swear it sounds paranoid but that is how serious the depression was that I came out of.
Posted by obsidian on January 19, 2010, at 0:26:04
In reply to T gives me ultimatum, posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 15:05:56
what's up with that? do you think she sees you as attacking?
-sid
Posted by sassyfrancesca on January 19, 2010, at 13:08:45
In reply to Re: T gives me ultimatum » rnny, posted by obsidian on January 19, 2010, at 0:26:04
No one likes to be called "stupid"--that is verbal abuse. Your t isn't being "too sensitive" or sensitive. Sounds as if she cares about you and is trying to help you.
(I say this as a person verbally abused as a child and in 31 years of "marriage"). You may want to consider reading the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans (NOT that you are), but knowledge is so valuable.
I say this with love and kindness. Sassy
Posted by annierose on January 19, 2010, at 13:18:31
In reply to Re: T gives me ultimatum » obsidian, posted by sassyfrancesca on January 19, 2010, at 13:08:45
I agree with Sassy. You are blaming your bad feelings on your therapist but forgetting your responsibility in creating the dynamic.
Is what she is asking of you --- not calling her names --- so difficult? If this is the first time you have ever called someone a name, then it shouldn't be a problem. In your posts, there is a sense of attacking your therapist. All she is trying to do is help you see ways you currently interact that might interfere with your full potential with others.
Imagine this scenario: A husband notices his wife burnt dinner. "You are so stupid. Couldn't you keep a better eye on the dinner?"
Wife: I do not like being called names. It's not helpful to our relationship.Husband: Well that's so stupid. I don't care if it hurt your feelings. I hardly ever call you names (so it shouldn't matter).
But it does.
This is the end of the thread.
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