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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
Would your T or psychiatrist honestly answer you if you asked him/her to provide his/her perspective on you so you could get a feel for what they think about you, and what your problems are versus what you may think they are?
Would you trust them to answer honestly, or do you think they would censor themselves?
I want to ask my psychiatrist about this because therapy has been so confusing lately, I'm not sure exactly what's going on.
I'm thinking it's time for a reality check.
Also, is it OK to ask if they've ever shared your case with a colleague or supervisor? That's the kind of answer I want. If you were describing my case to a colleague, what would you say? Or is that forbidden?
What do you guys think?
antigua
Posted by frida on October 7, 2009, at 12:58:20
In reply to Would your T answer this question?, posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
HI!
I think it´s a valid question, I´d ask my T the same. She has told me about this freely , how she views what happens to me, and what she´d say..and I believe her.. I didn´t have to ask, but I definitely would if she hadn´t told me or I wanted to know how she views things now.
I would expect an honest answer too.I think it´s perfectly OK for you to ask that question...
I hope everything goes well ,
Love,
Frida
> Would your T or psychiatrist honestly answer you if you asked him/her to provide his/her perspective on you so you could get a feel for what they think about you, and what your problems are versus what you may think they are?
>
> Would you trust them to answer honestly, or do you think they would censor themselves?
>
> I want to ask my psychiatrist about this because therapy has been so confusing lately, I'm not sure exactly what's going on.
>
> I'm thinking it's time for a reality check.
>
> Also, is it OK to ask if they've ever shared your case with a colleague or supervisor? That's the kind of answer I want. If you were describing my case to a colleague, what would you say? Or is that forbidden?
>
> What do you guys think?
> antigua
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2009, at 15:51:58
In reply to Would your T answer this question?, posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
I think they are valid questions and that your T should answer them honestly because there is no reason to lie. Good luck.
Posted by BayLeaf on October 7, 2009, at 20:11:08
In reply to Would your T answer this question?, posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
It's a great question to ask.
Personally, I would call ahead and ask it in voicemail and let them ponder it a bit. It's not an easy question to answer, and it's important to you. I'd want him/her to think about it a bit and give me a well thought out answer. It would also feel less like a pop-quiz to the T, imo. Who likes a pop quiz? Not me! Like - here is this really important question, your answer may break my heart, you'd better say everything exactly perfect, etc. Well, what if T didn't get enough sleep the night before? or has allergies? Ya know? It's important,...so maybe give him/her a heads up.
I do think it's a great question and will be wonderful to discuss. I've had this discussion...took us weeks to process the whole thing. I draaaagggggged it out. :-)
B
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2009, at 0:22:30
In reply to Re: Would your T answer this question? » antigua3, posted by BayLeaf on October 7, 2009, at 20:11:08
My pdoc told me what she thinks my problems are and so did the last T I had and I didn't ask the T she just told me. Now the pdoc had to kind of ask. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2009, at 4:55:17
In reply to Would your T answer this question?, posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
It's definitely a fair question, even a good one to ask.
I'm not entirely sure I trust my therapist not to censor himself.
The session we had recently about five words he would use to describe me also included my asking him how he would describe my issues, in some form or another. And it's a question I've asked him in many different ways over the years.
He says he's being totally honest with me. I still worry that he's holding back or choosing carefully how to express himself. Then I worry just as much that he isn't. That this really is all he sees.
In any case, it is an excellent question, and whether you totally trust the frankness of his answer or not, it may well help you learn something about yourself and yourself in his eyes. Which may not be precisely the same.
I like framing it as how would you describe it to a colleague. I wonder if I should ask that one to my therapist. He's intimated before that professional communications may be phrased in such a way that clients may feel needlessly hurt by the clinical tone. It would be interesting to hear what he'd say now.
But trust him not to censor himself, or at least think carefully *how* to say whatever he decides to say? That I don't think I could ever do. My therapist laughs and says that's who he is, and it's part of the package.
Posted by Daisym on October 9, 2009, at 2:27:58
In reply to Re: Would your T answer this question? » antigua3, posted by Dinah on October 8, 2009, at 4:55:17
I think this is one of those "be careful what you ask for" kinds of issues. My guess is the way most therapists would answer this is, "what do you think I would say to a collegue, or why do you want to know, especially right now? What is driving this question?" Because sometimes what we really want to know is, "do you like me?" and other times it is, "do you still think you can help me?" and even more often it is, "do you secretly sigh after I leave or worse, think I'm making mountains out of molehills?"
I think it is super important to really, really be clear about why you are asking and what you want to know.
I know in my own work, I might write in my case notes something like, "X is a sweet little boy who presents with extreme mood swings. He is easily given to outbursts and tantrums when he doesn't immediately get what he wants. His mother seems limited in her ability to set limits or redirect. Mother is often harsh or jokes cruelly with her son."
Now - I would never use these words with the family - especially describing the mother as cruel. It wouldn't further our work together and it would hurt her feelings - which would never be my intent. It isn't that I'm not truthful, it is just that when I talk with a parent, I'm careful about how I choose to frame whatever it is I'm trying to say. I want them to be able to take in the information and make changes, not just hear some clinical description of themselves. Because really, short of insurance billing, what is the point?
I think this could be a really dangerous conversation. If you really force this, you might hear a really cold, formal description of your pathology that reduces you to "just" your diagnosis or patient #4 on Tuesday. The relationship you've worked so hard to build could suffer.
This is one of those therapy realities - the understanding and empathy and warmth that comes from our therapists in the moment, is typically not present when they are doing case presentations to other clinicians.
Clearly from what I've written here I have strong feelings about this, which I didn't really realize. But I think it would hurt terribly to find out that my therapist has been "pretending" all along. While I don't think that is true, I see no reason, for myself, to dig into that hole.
Good luck with this. I hope you figure out what you need and he gives it to you.
Posted by pegasus on October 9, 2009, at 9:17:41
In reply to Would your T answer this question?, posted by antigua3 on October 7, 2009, at 12:02:14
I think Daisy has some wise words on this. I also wanted to toss in my results, when I asked essentially this question.
My T first explained that he was reluctant to answer the question because he was concerned that I would put more weight on what he said than on my own experience of myself. So, then I'd start thinking of myself in terms of whatever he said, even if it didn't match what I was previously thinking. But the more accurate assessment would probably come from myself. So, he thought I should answer the question for myself, first, and trust my own experience of myself more than his description.
We went back and forth on that for a while, and then he did eventually answer. He said it was because he trusted me to consider carefully what he had said about believing my own experience first. And to tell you the truth, I can only remember a couple of things that he said. It was a scary, exciting moment, and I couldn't really take it in. So, in the end, I am mostly left with my own thoughts about what I expected him to say. Maybe he's right that that is a more authentic description of me anyway.
peg
Posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2009, at 14:59:50
In reply to Re: Would your T answer this question?, posted by pegasus on October 9, 2009, at 9:17:41
I need to think about this. Things have been very rough lately with him, and I'm having a hard time because I've been so hurt when I thought/trusted things were stable, but they're not. I'm going to just sit with this for now and not push.
Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your responses.
angtigua
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