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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2009, at 18:25:55
Well, at least I think so. My bad one was caused by me, not my therapist. I was distracted by work and superficial enough that even he commented on it.
Does it hold true when it's my fault rather than his?
We did have a reasonably enjoyable cocktail party type conversation. It just wasn't therapy. I'll try to be more present next time.
Posted by 10derHeart on August 21, 2009, at 18:34:10
In reply to You should have a good session, Therapygirl, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2009, at 18:25:55
>We did have a reasonably enjoyable cocktail party type conversation.
I have those sometimes. Well, maybe not exactly cocktail party, but superficial enough I get a little worried and frustrated. Especially since I have those precious 2 hours per month of actually hearing his voice... Ours may be more like "buddies shooting the breeze," or something. I know it's different, the ways we each relate to our therapists, but I relate to the fact it isn't therapy. My T. doesn't help stop it much, unless I periodically remind him to help - he enjoys it too much. Which is really nice - just not therapy.
I think I have a love-hate attitude toward superficial sessions. I wish I could have parallel realities - in one I'd have straight therapy every single time, go deep and feel something was more healed, and in the other reality, we'd just talk to have fun :-)
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 21, 2009, at 20:18:53
In reply to You should have a good session, Therapygirl, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2009, at 18:25:55
Yeah, that's what we had. Since I've agreed to only talk about retirement every 2nd or 3rd week, we don't have much to talk about in between. This week we talked about dogs a lot -- I had another health crisis with my foster guy and I was worn out. We talked briefly about her upcoming move. That's about it.
Sorry about your session.
Posted by antigua3 on August 21, 2009, at 21:42:22
In reply to You should have a good session, Therapygirl, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2009, at 18:25:55
Well, my psychiatrist has a different take on these superifical-type sessions. He says they are absolutely necessary sometimes, and often big things come out of them later.
For us, it's a give and take--I give (describe a flashback or something) and then I pull back the next time.
Just my thoughts. But if it went on for more than one session (which it hasn't) I would be angry that I was wasting my money. I say this to him a lot, because I'm so impatient, but he says it's necessary sometimes.
But when he brings up the weather, I cut him off right away. I'm not paying for a metereologist!
antigua
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 8:46:42
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on August 21, 2009, at 20:18:53
Oh no, another one? It can be very stressful to take in dogs with problems. What happened, if you feel free to say?
I was wound up yesterday, from work. And when I'm wound up, I tend to babble on incessantly. Not necessarily about whatever wound me up. My husband just asks me to calm down and cut it out, although he has little hope of success. My therapist isn't really in a position to do that of course. He was indulgent of my condition.
But of course once I was less keyed up, I felt really bad about losing the time. Each hour may not be as precious as the hours with your therapist are, but they are expensive and infrequent enough. He'll be away the second half of next week. :(
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 8:57:00
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl » Dinah, posted by antigua3 on August 21, 2009, at 21:42:22
That's true enough. We have bonding sessions sometimes, and I don't mind those. But I don't like it when I'm not fully present any more than I do when he is not fully present.
I think I spent the first quarter hour or so indulging my curiosity about him, and asking him impertinent questions. He answered to the extent it was proper, then was more directive than he normally is and asked how things were since my last session, mentioning a few things in particular. I realized that I couldn't really remember! In that moment, I was tired, I was keyed up, and I could really not remember anything well earlier than that morning. After a few minutes of focusing I was able to remember, and gave him an update on what few things had happened. But then verged off into inconsequentials again. This time he had different views than I did, and we had a lively discussion before I left. I promised to do better next time, and he smiled and said he knew I was all wound up.
But really, I don't accept that excuse from him for not being fully present, and I don't wish to set bad precedent by accepting it for me.
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 9:07:47
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl, posted by 10derHeart on August 21, 2009, at 18:34:10
I do treasure up those times of mutual enjoyment and laughter. Even though he sometimes shocks me when he's being himself. And I'd count him as someone I really wouldn't want to see on a social basis, quite apart from our status as therapist and client.
I think that's a big difference between your relationship and mine.
But I do enjoy our discussions on topics we both enjoy. We both like talking about religion, both theology and the personal dynamics at churches. And since he has an interest in the dynamics of groups, he sometimes enjoys my talk of Babble on other than a "how to best help Dinah cope" level.
And as Antigua said, while they aren't strictly therapeutic, something therapeutic often comes from them. In fact, sometimes I think I'm more likely to say something revealing a deeper issue when I'm speaking more casually than I might when I'm speaking in therapy mode. I sometimes find those things revisited from him in a more serious context. Not directly usually, but indirectly.
But in those we're generally both present. So I suppose that my main objection wasn't the superficiality of the session, but the fact that I was as lacking in presence as he is sometimes.
Both of us need to add our focus and energy to the therapy space in order to transform it into the therapy space. If that makes sense.
Posted by antigua3 on August 22, 2009, at 9:44:57
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 9:07:47
>>sometimes I think I'm more likely to say something revealing a deeper issue when I'm speaking more casually than I might when I'm speaking in therapy mode.
Exactly. That's what I meant. I think it's interesting, however, that you asked "impertinent questions" as you described it. Was there any anger involved? I only ask because I do that sometimes about an issue we're talking about--really, I can be very sarcastic and it's never anything about him personally since I want nothing to do with knowing anything about him outside our therapeutic boundaries, and I usually discover that the questions are motivated by anger.
You have a good T. I refuse to engage in mutually interesting discussions! Unless they have to do with therapy.
take care,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 9:57:16
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl, posted by antigua3 on August 22, 2009, at 9:44:57
No anger. Mine were about him personally.
Really not all that probing. But in general, while he volunteers information about himself on occasion, I have this vague idea that it would be intrusive or against the rules for me to ask questions about his personal life or him personally. Unless, like general vacation plans, they have a therapy purpose. I might possibly say something that leaves it open for him to reply if he wishes. But I don't usually just up and ask him something.
I guess I wasn't thinking enough to put that brake on my tongue, and just asked him the sort of questions you might a friendly acquaintance who was not your therapist. I can't really recall the specifics of the session, since I was zoned out, but I do remember asking him his future plans about something that had nothing whatsoever to do with me or my continued therapy.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 22, 2009, at 11:20:50
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 8:46:42
He has 3 different kinds of intestinal worms now. Apparently the rescue vet was supposed to send me home with dewormer originally, but they didn't. Bloody diarrhea everywhere. It was both gross and scary. So we went to the animal hospital Tuesday night and then I had to take him back to the vet the next day because he wouldn't eat or drink anything and he was getting dehydrated.
He seems okay now, but it was quite stressful.
Sorry about work for you. I hope you have a quiet, peaceful weekend.
Posted by 10derHeart on August 24, 2009, at 16:19:28
In reply to Re: You should have a good session, Therapygirl » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2009, at 9:07:47
Yes, I think I understand all of that.
I think just because I never stop feeling the hurt and loss of going abruptly from 8x/month down to 2x/month (by phone) - all bets are off, so to speak. We had to /still have to, figure out new ways of getting this to "feel right" most of the time. I didn't care all that much how many bonding or light sessions happened with 2x/week. Now, I care a lot. It even seems devastating at times if we fritter away the whole hour. Then, I besiege him with serious emails (well, one or 2 the day after a session like that - but it seems like besieging though he claims it's okay...), and usually he'll make time to answer somehow.
So, it's hard for that reason.
But I'm not complaining, really. Just venting sometimes as this arrangement is both wonderful and terrible simultaneously, which makes for a rocky path.
This is the end of the thread.
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