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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by workinprogress on August 9, 2009, at 0:53:53
Hey there all. I'm a little stuck and wondering if anyone has some thoughts. I've spent much of my therapy unlearning the childhood habit of "pushing back my feelings" because feelings didn't work so well in my rational family. I've done a pretty good job of learning to recognize and name my feelings. To think them through and figure out what's going on. I've learned a lot in that department in the last two years.
However, I can get stuck in them too sometimes, something my T calls "perseverating". It's a great word really, here's the definition for those that don't know (I didn't):
perseverate:
continuation of something (as repetition of a word) usually to an exceptional degree or beyond a desired point
Basically it means to ruminate and get stuck.
So, I'm perseverating on perseverating if you can believe that. I'm trying to figure out how to find the sweet spot between not denying my feelings and not perseverating on them. What does that mean? I know that probably many people on this board have worked with their therapists on the basics of feelings. Recognizing them, acknowledging them, trying to understand them- accepting them/not pushing them away. But what's the middle ground between pushing them back and perseverating on them?
In particular, and this fits with some other threads going on... I'm noticing that it hurts, is painful, to love my T as much as I do. She's awesome and wonderful and really a gift. But, I love her so much it hurts. It hurts because I wish I had her growing up and I didn't. It hurts because I wish I could have more of her than I do. And it hurts because, well, it just hurts.
So, I'm trying to not push that feeling away, but I'm also trying not to perseverate on it.
Does that make sense to anyone? Does anyone have ideas for how to find that middle ground? What it looks like?
Any tips would be lovely...
WIP
Posted by antigua3 on August 9, 2009, at 13:16:03
In reply to Not pushing back feelings AND not perseverating..., posted by workinprogress on August 9, 2009, at 0:53:53
I've tried to learn to let the thoughts come on into my consciousness, feel them and then let them float out of my body. I'm used to holding things too tightly, but I'm learning to let things go now, too. "If they're important, they'll come back," is some of the best advice I've ever gotten, so it has freed me to just let the feelings flow in and out of my body.
Probably not much help, but that's what I've learned to do. Unless, of course, I'm trying to figure something out and then I do practice holding onto the feeling until I can identify it, and I then I am able to let it go. Oftentimes, this can take a while, but I am trying to not obsess so much over thoughts and feelings and to let them go.
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
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