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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2009, at 19:55:16
It's that time of year for therapist vacations. I was expecting the vacation this time and didn't get surprised by it. I got surprised by the fact that he didn't think to just not tell me and let me assume it was a vacation, but that he told me it was all very sudden and he has to go away for a couple weeks for a medical thing for a family member. We talked about it and he will be back (in three weeks). He's in no health danger at all.
I get so scared of being abandoned. I get afraid that he will go and never come back. We talked about that. He says to be gentle with myself and to just acknowledge that I feel this way and that it makes sense. Period. He says I don't need to go into where I usually go, which is that I shouldn't feel this way, need to change, yelling at myself, kind of place. He said that since my primary caregiver would frequently reject me, leave me, or otherwise make me feel like I was wrong, it makes sense and there is a lot of reason for me to be afraid of being alone and abandoned. And that I will probably feel this way for quite a while. That it will lessen in intensity, but "it really did a number on you", and that I should be gentle and just try to accept it as a feeling. And just because I feel like I'm being abandoned, that doesn't make it reality, and to remember that I've been seeing him for a long time now and he always comes back, even if something does happen to him, he's always been back.
And we talked about how a lot of my fear right now is tied to projections around what happened with my mother and around my fears of my father's aging. And it is.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I just felt like I needed to get it down. I'm kind of sad and scared tonight. None of these feelings feels good.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 25, 2009, at 19:59:30
In reply to he's gone..., posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2009, at 19:55:16
(((((((((((SunnyDays)))))))))))
I wish I could make this better for you. Do what you can to distract yourself. Hang out here for a while. I bet Daisy or someone will open Camp Comfort for you.
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2009, at 21:20:49
In reply to he's gone..., posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2009, at 19:55:16
Even if you were certain he wasn't abandoning you permanently, he's abandoning you temporarily. Three weeks can seem like an eternity or a moment, depending on what's going on.
Even now, when I feel more confident in my ability to do without my therapist, I'd still feel like three weeks was forever.
I suppose I still have a few issues in the area myself.
Can you plan things for while he's away? Camp comfort? Anything to increase the chances of passing the time more quickly?
He's right, be kind to yourself. And maybe treat yourself extra nicely while he's gone.
Posted by obsidian on June 25, 2009, at 22:21:41
In reply to he's gone..., posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2009, at 19:55:16
yeah...it's alright to talk about it
I can be so seriously triggered by separations. It's beyond reasoning and rationality for me.
It's just how it is, and I have to find ways to cope with it.
keep writing if you need to :-)
take care,
sid
Posted by Phillipa on June 26, 2009, at 12:54:34
In reply to Re: he's gone... » sunnydays, posted by obsidian on June 25, 2009, at 22:21:41
Separations from anyone are horrible for me. Abandonment issues in childhood. Melanie Klein one. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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