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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
My former best friend, who has eased up ever so slightly in the past few weeks, has found a rescue dog she thinks might be a good match for me. I've been seriously considering it for the first time ever.
The huge pro: I was calmer during the 8 days I kept her dog at my house than I've been since January. Her dog is extraordinary, trained as a therapy dog and extremely easy. He also has just 3 legs and is not all that rambunctious. But I am really bonded with him and believe I could bond with another dog. I feel like this is one way I can create more of a real family for myself.
The con: I work 7 days/week and I'm exhausted a lot of the time. Even a well-behaved dog is additional work. So I worry a little that I won't have the energy.
My T is very, very encouraging about this. I think she thinks if I make a commitment to a dog, I won't hurt myself at some future date. I'm not sure about that, but I do think I have a lot of love to give a dog and that we might be good for each other.
What do you all think?
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2009, at 17:58:18
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
I think it's a great idea.
Especially if the dog isn't so young that it will require a lot of exercise and time.
Posted by sunnydays on April 21, 2009, at 19:35:07
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
I think you should - there's been all sorts of research about lower blood pressure and all sorts of stress-lowering benefits of having pets. I want a cat sooo bad, but I can't have one at my apartment. You may even find that you have more energy once you have a pet! (I know, I know, not likely, but it's a try!)
sunnydays
Posted by MollieQ on April 21, 2009, at 20:35:10
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
Sounds like a really good idea to me too. What breed of dog(s) are you looking at? If it is a mature dog rather than a puppy and not a high-energy breed, it can probably work with your schedule. If you have the money, you can get dog walkers as a back-up. But the more important consideration is that you have a lot of love to offer. The bonds we can make with our pets are incredibly powerful, and healing. Plus you'll feel good giving a rescue dog a good home. All very positive, sounds like a great opportunity!
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 20:44:31
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm looking at a mutt (we're not sure what she is and they haven't put up her adoption page yet because she just had puppies) who is about a year old, but very calm and easygoing. She's a little bigger than my fbf's dog, who is 25 lbs. FBF spent a little time with her at an event over the weekend and sent me pictures. She also wanted me to look at a small chihuahua mix with some special needs, but she has since applied to adopt that one herself. It looks like she's going to adopt 2 dogs for a total of 3.
Tonight, I found a Papillon/Corgi mix (fbf's dog is a Corgi/Sheltie mix) whose personality sounds perfect for me. They describe him as needing calm and quiet and being very laid back and snuggly. He's at a different rescue group and his adoption fee is higher, but he's also been chipped and I don't think the first dog has.
I'll keep you posted. It's at least exciting to think about. I get fbf's dog again overnight on Saturday.
Posted by MollieQ on April 21, 2009, at 20:57:12
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 20:44:31
This sounds so exciting! Have you looked at the website petfinders.com? It is a searchable data base with photos and descriptions of adoptable pets from rescue organizations all over the country. I'll bet the dogs you are looking at may be listed on petfinders. It's fun to look through and can help you focus on which factors might produce a good match.
It's good too that you and your friend are growing closer again. Having dogs can be bonding. Dogs are so friendly and loving it's hard not to want to follow their example.
Posted by no_rose_garden on April 21, 2009, at 21:39:23
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
I've been thinking about the same thing for almost a year. I'm actually not allowed to have pets at my apartment, but I was looking at moving just to get a dog.
I def. want a dog, but I think I need to wait until i'm settled down.
For now, I volunteer w/ the Dog rescue here and dogsit for my boss/friends :)
Some things to keep in mind: Cost, not just the dog, but vet, food, etc. There's a link on petfinder where you can look at how much it costs (approx) annually to have a dog. (dogs are actually cheaper compared to other pets!)
Time: Whenever I petsit for doggies, I lose sleep...I need a lot of sleep, though and dogs have to pee a lot.
Travelling: if you travel much, do you/can you find somebody to take care (probably friend ?)
If this is feasable, DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and make sure it's the right fit :)
Posted by DarkStarEtc on April 22, 2009, at 19:09:54
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
Do you mind if I play devil's advocate for just a moment? I realise that everyone else's postings have been really encouraging about this, and I just want to put in a few words of caution.
A dog is an individual. Just like we are. But they are also pack animals, (which in many ways, we humans are as well). They need close-knit relationships to give them emotional stability and a sense of security.
I don't doubt that you have an enormous lot of love to give to a dog... but I'm sorry, love is not enough. He needs you to BE there. A physical presense- and if you are working 7 days a week, that is not enough contact. You must be fair to the poor animal- how would you as a human being feel if you were left alone for the majority of the day with only VERY limited contact with another living creature???
I don't want to sound harsh- but I used to work at a veterinary hospital, and one of the problems on the increase are pets that are developing neurotic problems primarily caused by spending too much time alone.
Isolation is not good for us.
And it's not good for them.There is another option... have you ever thought about 'pet-sitting' for people who are going away on holiday and need someone to look after their pets? that way you could pick and choose what times you would be most able to spend with an animal, and then you would both benefit.
If you don't have the time to 'baby-sit', then the odds are that it would be difficult for you to give a dog a fair amount of your time, and it might end up causing you more stress, because of the pressure and guilt.
I'm honestly not trying be discouraging- it's just because I've been there, and I know.
Please think it through!!
DarkStar Etc.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 22, 2009, at 20:08:28
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » TherapyGirl, posted by DarkStarEtc on April 22, 2009, at 19:09:54
Thanks, DarkStar, you bring up some good points. I do work from home part of the time, so the dog would not be alone all 7 days. My FBF is also adopting one or two new dogs and she works close by (we work for the same place, but different offices) and lives in my neighborhood, so she will be able to check on my dog mid-day if I need her to. I will also be able to take my dog to work with me part of the time. So I think that part will be okay -- it really is an energy issue more than an alone issue.
But I am still considering all the options. I have been pet sitting for FBF and her dog has stayed overnight with me, so I do know at least a little about what is required.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 22, 2009, at 20:10:36
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » TherapyGirl, posted by MollieQ on April 21, 2009, at 20:57:12
Thanks, Mollie. It has given us a more positive direction to our relationship, or what's left of it.
I did find PetFinders.com and I've spent HOURS looking through it. There are so many dogs who need good homes.
My fbf and I had to go to another co-worker's house today (she works from home) and she just got a Jack Russell puppy. Good Lord, that baby was cute. I know I'm not up for a puppy, but while I was holding her, I was thinking it would be fabulous.
I will obviously need to meet whatever dog I'm seriously considering, so I think that's the next step in this process.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 22, 2009, at 20:12:09
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by no_rose_garden on April 21, 2009, at 21:39:23
Thanks, NRG. Definitely things I'm thinking about. I'll be sure to check out the cost information on Petfinders. My FBF has been giving me her budget information, too.
Sleep is not a big issue -- I usually only manage 5-6 hours/night, so I think that will be okay. But it is a major commitment and I want to be sure I think it all through. Thanks for the advice!
Posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 2:47:42
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » TherapyGirl, posted by DarkStarEtc on April 22, 2009, at 19:09:54
In addition to DarkStar's advice, I'd like to emphasize the importance of considering the breed. If you won't be excercising him/her a lot, then you don't want something very high energy, like border collies or some of the smaller breeds. They can bark a lot or even get destructive in the house if their social and exercise needs are unmet. Greyhounds, which need homes after their racing careers are over, are actually sweet couch potatoes as long as they can run around, say in a secure yard at least once a day. Same thing with some of the really sweet, steady, calm dogs like golden retrievers and labs of various colors; otherwise they can get fat and unhealthy if they cannot be at least somewhat active. I have heard that bulldogs are also low-key, very sweet, and easy pets. You can develop a very intense, one-on-one relationship with a husky although they need to be kept active and often tend to be one-person dogs. So there is a tremendous amount of variabiity. Mutts usually reflect many of the traits of their parents.
There are several websites who help you select a good match for you. One of the best I've found is Animal Planets Dog Breed Selector site. They have a fun and very informative online quiz ""http://animal.discovery.com/breedselector/dogselector.do"" where you put in your circumstances, expectations, and desired qualities in a pet and they come up with a bunch of breeds that fit those criteria. Then you can look up those or other breeds, also on their site, and there are detailed descriptions, including comments about temperament, energy levels, intelligence and trainability, who they're best for, etc. It's an excellent site, and a good, useful counterpart to petfinder. I think it is well worth taking the time and thought to consider the breed (or primary component(s) in a mixed breed) and get a good match. This legwork will allow you to make the match in heaven that you may be longing for.
It's like marriage, TG. It's a lifelong commitment but potentially one of the most profoundly rewarding relationships you can be in. And although falling in love is important, the better matched the two of you are, the better the marriage is likely to be.
Good luck! IMO dogs (and other pets) are the best anti-depressants ever in the long run. They can improve your health. They are also good for creating and maintaining social connections for their owners.
Mollie
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 23, 2009, at 6:12:30
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » DarkStarEtc, posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 2:47:42
Oh, thank you Mollie! I will check out the Animal Planet tools. I have been taking into consideration individual personalities of dogs I've been looking at when that information is available. But it will be even easier if I also have the breed information.
Even if I don't end up with a dog, even thinking about it this week has given me the best week I've had emotionally since Archie stayed here with me.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 23, 2009, at 6:22:12
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » DarkStarEtc, posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 2:47:42
Okay, I have lots of options now. LOL
Corgis and Shelties were both on the list (FBF's dog is a mix) and so are Beagles (the dog I'm seriously considering is part Beagle).
What the heck is a Bedlington Terrier, btw? No offense to anyone here who may have one, but that dog looks like a llama. LOL
Posted by Dinah on April 23, 2009, at 8:29:22
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » MollieQ, posted by TherapyGirl on April 23, 2009, at 6:22:12
> Corgis and Shelties were both on the list (FBF's dog is a mix) and so are Beagles (the dog I'm seriously considering is part Beagle).
>
> What the heck is a Bedlington Terrier, btw? No offense to anyone here who may have one, but that dog looks like a llama. LOLNo offense to any of the dogs I'm about to mention. There's a breed for everyone, and the important thing is a good match.
What are you looking for in a dog? A quiet house potato? Or a lively companion? Do you like one who is sweet and compliant? Or one who is independent and has a sense of humor?
Shelties vary widely in temperament because they've been popular for a long time. Checking for temperament is very important. They can be fabulous dogs or they can be high strung and snappy and nervous. Most are not overly friendly with strangers, even if they aren't shy. Part of the desired part of the breed is a bit of reserve. They like to be given things that challenge their brains. When you meet a potential sheltie adoptee, worry a bit about the ones who run away and have to be captured to meet you. But if they politely sniff your hand while not making eye contact, instead of greeting you with the enthusiasm of a long lost friend, this is entirely normal. That same dog might hurl itself at its masters feet once it accepts that person as master.
Corgis can be great dogs. But they are also shepherds. Some need a fair amount of exercise, just like Shelties. And their natural inclination is to herd by nipping heels. If a puppy has a proper upbringing, this can be channeled productively. But I've heard of Corgis who could be problems.
Beagles are great, but they are hounds, and it's important to remember that. Some are quite vocal. That's not an insult to them, it's their job. They also have the potential be a bit stubborn and on occasion like to roam. Again, this was necessary for what they were bred to do. It wasn't beneficial for them to be looking back to their owners for instructions.
Older sighthounds are surprisingly happy as couch potatoes. I've heard great things about retired racing dogs. They can form fierce attachments to their people, but they aren't slurpy extroverts.
Cavalier King Charles Spaniels manage to capture the sweetness of the spaniel while not having the energy of a spaniel. They are the exact opposite of high strung. I really really recommend them for people who want to bring a dog to the workplace. Especially if the workplace has other people around. I've seen them in many workplaces, and recommended them to many people in that situation, and everyone I've recommended it to has ended up falling in love. I'm not sure how available they are as rescues, even as mixes. But I'm sure there is a breed rescue group. I adore the breed myself, while admitting that I personally am drawn to dogs that are a bit less perfect.
Obviously individuals within the breed can vary widely. But breed traits do tend to persist. I have a book by Daniel Tortora that I've found very helpful. "Right Dog For You" I like that he accurately pegs some breed quirks that aren't always widely understood. I'm not sure he has some of the newer breeds included.
Breed specific rescue groups can be a great way to get a dog. They usually do extensive temperament testing and work hard to match dog and owner. They don't only have purebreds. Most breed specific rescue groups also get called to rescue dogs that are part that breed, or sometimes even vaguely resemble that breed. They can be a little fussy about placing their dogs, but only because they want a good match and a forever home.
If you have any specific questions, let me know. I've made something of a study of it. I always thought in my retirement years I'd get involved in rescue, and I've really looked into it. I'm not sure I'm cut out for it though. I have zero dominance. If you want to babblemail me privately, I've owned many breeds of dogs over the years, congregated mainly among spaniels, sheepdogs, and sighthounds. But I've had fairly extensive acquaintance with many many others.
People are very different in what they like in a dog. And dogs, bless them, come in all shapes and sizes and temperaments and intelligences. As if God designed them to be our friends and helpers, and recognized that one size definitely does not fit all. I've read that the potential combination of genes is extraordinary.
BTW, I think Bedlingtons are groomed to look like lambs. My mother has coveted one for years. Terriers as a whole tend to be lively, scrappy, independent little things. I've always figured they would run rings around me. Though I've also always wanted a Skye terrier, who is known as a very bonded one person dog.
Posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 10:16:08
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by Dinah on April 23, 2009, at 8:29:22
I'm with Dinah. I've always been a dog person, and she's right about those breeds.
One last thing for you to consider (!) in terms of where you get the dog. As Dinah said, there are breed-specific rescues in case you have your heart set on a given breed. The people at those rescues know everything there is to know about the breed and will help you decide it it is a good match for you. Rescues want their animals to go to good, permanent homes and never be given up again for adoption, so most will pre-screen adoptive owners as well. This can be helpful for both sides as it can help you think through the issues.
The shelters, e.g. ASPCA, even if they are no-kill, usually do not have the resources to get to know their charges as well as those from rescues. Many rescue organizations regularly visit the shelters (particularly kill shelters, those that do practice euthanasia when the populations are too high, which is the usual case; no-kill shelters will keep the animals until they find homes). The rescue people identify animals that look particularly promising for adoption, e.g. good health, good temperament, adequately socialized. They may adopt such dogs from the shelter and foster them for a while. They give them physicals, shots, and neuter them. The foster homes (just regular people with a willingness to take care of a foster animal) take these animals in, further socialize them, often start training them (incl house breaking, hopefully). They can then tell you lots of specifics about the animal's personality, habits and behavior, intelligence, training level etc. IMO this is the best and safest way to adopt a new dog, especially if you have not had a lot of experience as a dog owner.
There are many, many dedicated people out there, mostly volunteers, who are devoted to the animals they are committed to helping. Many, if they have enough human support, can be a good source of information and assistance to would-be and new owners. Most rescues will insist on your bringing the dog back to them if, despite everything, the adoption just doesn't work out.
Disclaimer! Note that I am generalizing and do mean to imply that any one group of adoptive agencies cares more about their animals than another. Also, what I describe goes for my part of the country and may differ elsewhere - although it is my impression from the internet sites I visit that most places do things similarly.
We have always gotten our dogs through rescues, and the last two dogs we've had came through the kind of rescue orgabnizations I described above. They came exactly as advertised and we knew exactly what we were getting. They have been absolutely wonderful pets and dear friends, and I cannot imagine not having had them in our lives. There is a lot to be said for unconditional love freely and warmly offered when the soul is weary.
Please feel free to b-mail me too. I love talking about animals.
Mollie
Posted by sunnydays on April 23, 2009, at 12:02:22
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » DarkStarEtc, posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 2:47:42
I wouldn't recommend a lab if looking for low energy - I've had one, and she's low energy now, but it took a good three or four years when she was a puppy before she settled down.
sunnydays
Posted by raisinb on April 23, 2009, at 16:53:39
In reply to Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 21, 2009, at 17:53:50
Pets are so important. I think you are thinking about it for just the right reasons. And a dog without a leg will not require the same level of exercise outside that a young puppy with lots of energy would.
All the animals I've had in my life have taught me something--about myself, about my issues, about love in all of its forms.
Posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 18:39:03
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » MollieQ, posted by sunnydays on April 23, 2009, at 12:02:22
Yes Sunny, I think you're right. Most labs I know have exactly 2 speeds: crazy high-energy or "don't wake me up." They do tend to calm down with age, but most of us do ;-)
> I wouldn't recommend a lab if looking for low energy - I've had one, and she's low energy now, but it took a good three or four years when she was a puppy before she settled down.
>
> sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 23, 2009, at 19:31:02
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? » sunnydays, posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 18:39:03
You guys totally rock. I really appreciate all the advice, information and web site references.
I submitted an application for Sunkist last night and got an email from her foster mom tonight. I've called and left her a message to set up a visit and we'll go from there. She said she would tell me all about her. It will be several weeks before she's ready to be adopted, so that gives me time to get to know her and see if we're compatible.
I'll probably be babble mailing quite a few of you as I go through this process. I have a lot to learn.
Thank you all so much for being so supportive about everything. My T also thinks you all rock.
Posted by no_rose_garden on April 24, 2009, at 21:04:06
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? )) ALL, posted by TherapyGirl on April 23, 2009, at 19:31:02
YAY!!! Let us know when/if you get her!
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2009, at 18:32:35
In reply to Re: Is it a bad idea for me to adopt a dog? )) ALL » TherapyGirl, posted by no_rose_garden on April 24, 2009, at 21:04:06
Thanks, NRG!
I met her last night and she is a total sweetheart. She also appears to be VERY laid back. I am a little concerned that I'm seeing the tired, worn-out version of her because the puppies are just 4 weeks old and she had been nursing them, etc., until last week. She refused after that because they were scratching and biting her and she just got too sore. So now they're trying to dry up her milk and she's on less food than usual.
They said I could foster-to-adopt, which means I could bring her home for a couple of weeks and see how we both adjust. She has had such a hard life that I want to make sure this is a good home for her.
I'll have a day off next week, so I may also see if I can bring her for an overnight visit.
It's a big decision and very difficult to make when I'm still battling some depression and thyroid-related stuff.
This is the end of the thread.
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