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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 13:07:02
I posted in TG's thread above (bit of a hijack, sorry :)) about my pdoc appointment yesterday.
I went in and wasn't doing so well (obviously). We talked about tenure and therapy. I wasn't going to get into therapy, but she kind of pressured me into it. I kept saying, "oh, long story," and she kept saying, "well, give me the short version." I ended up telling her a lot about it. I've only been seeing her for about eight months and have never talked in depth about therapy before.
I finally ended up telling her a lot of details. She kept saying, "Raisin, that's a huge red flag" (about my therapist crying) and "you need a healthier counseling relationship," and then told me to get her a list of providers so she could recommend someone on my insurance. I was going to go away and think about it, but she kept saying, "so, you'll get me a list?" "When?" I told her if I left my therapist I wouldn't be doing so well. She said, "sure, it'll be a loss," but that I could make more progress with someone else.
Finally, we sort of compromised on me signing a release so that she could call my therapist and discuss things. My pdoc's practice is fairly busy and it often takes them days to answer calls, call in scrips, etc., so I figured I'd have several days before this conversation happened.
But my pdoc called me as I was driving home. Evidently I'd written down the wrong phone # for my therapist (my brain wasn't working--or maybe it was unconscious resistance) and she was calling to get the right one. I gave it to her.
So I think it's safe to assume that by this afternoon (when I technically have a session, but am not planning on going), my therapist may very well have been chewed out by my pdoc. My pdoc is a very strong personality and has chewed me out (in a professional, but a take-no-prisoners way) before. I am sure she's different with other clinicians, but I am worried about this situation.
Am I splitting? I didn't intend to. But...
Posted by onceupon on April 9, 2009, at 14:49:09
In reply to am I 'splitting?', posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 13:07:02
It seems like your pdoc pushing you so hard to discuss what's going on in therapy precludes the concept of "splitting." I don't get the sense that you're idealizing your pdoc at the expense of your therapist, but rather that you are considering her opinion as a sort of consultation. But then again, I'm no expert on psychodynamic concepts.
It's funny - I find it to be sort of a red flag that your pdoc is so pushy with things that you're uncomfortable with - and that she doesn't seem to get the complexity of the therapeutic relationship (if she simply suggested, "sure, it'll be a loss" to switch therapists).
OTOH, it does seem like she's trying to stand in your corner, so to speak, and it may be that the distress you expressed in your session prompted her to want to take action on your behalf - that's perfectly understandable.
What worries you most about the situation?
Posted by rskontos on April 9, 2009, at 18:13:10
In reply to am I 'splitting?', posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 13:07:02
raisin,
I think your pdoc just reacted to some of the same signs that some of us thought was not great about your T. ie. crying. I think your p-doc just raised the red flag.
Personally, (I have a p-doc that does my therapy, all of it pyscho-therapy plus meds), I know that maybe your p-doc is all business etc but for her to be concerned and to realize that something was wrong is a good thing.
Please don't take on your T's well-being nor that your p-doc called and "chewed her out". I would imagine that p-doc spoke to t very professionally and maybe it will jar your t into knowing just how off she has been.
All in all it could be a good thing. I don't think you are splitting.
I think your p-doc was doing a good job of sizing up the state you were in and decided to act on your behalf.Don't assume naturally that this will be a bad thing. I am sort of glad she felt like she did and I think it was a good thing she wanted to discuss things with your t.
take care,
i think it will be ok. In some ways you seem like someone that needed to be coaxed even heavily into revealing what was going on inside of you.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2009, at 20:33:50
In reply to am I 'splitting?', posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 13:07:02
How did you feel about your pdoc's intervention? Are you offended by her stance? Or sort of happy that another professional will mention the things that she doesn't take seriously when you mention?
I have to admit I'd be like Onceupon. I'd find the statement "sure, it'll be a loss" offputting, and I'd likely be offended at the... vehemence.
But then I'm very contrary about things like that. A statement like that from my pdoc would likely make me grab my therapist around the ankles and never let go.
But there were times when I wished my therapist would intervene for me in another relationship. He never would. He would talk to me about what I should say. But he never would say anything himself.
I'm interested to find out how it went. Keep us up to date?
I'm not enormously fond of those psych terms like splitting. Sometimes I don't even like "transference". I'd think being aware of your feelings about what's going on, without labeling them, would be more helpful. I rarely find simple labels sufficient for the complex layered reactions I have. But even with that being said, I don't see what you did as splitting at all. Your pdoc's reaction was too strong for me to see it that way.
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 21:39:19
In reply to Re: am I 'splitting?' » raisinb, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2009, at 20:33:50
Initially, to tell you the truth, I thought it was funny. I imagined my pdoc telling my therapist off in her inimitable way and laughed all the way home. I disagree with my pdoc frequently, but I still gotta respect the fight in her.
However, I am not fond of being pressured into things. That's the last thing that's going to work with me.
My pdoc can be too pushy. After all, it is not her decision to make--though I'll certainly consider her opinion, it might be time to set some boundaries about whether she can pressure me into things.
All of this, of course, is separate from my issues with my therapist.
My therapist left me a message when I didn't show saying she was "disappointed" that I didn't come (nice lukewarm response, there). And then my pdoc left me a message about half an hour later saying my therapist had called her and was concerned, as was my pdoc, and to please give my therapist a call to let her know I was okay. She also said they'd had a conversation earlier in the day. They seem to be working together fine, so I suppose my pdoc's concerns were allayed.
However, I haven't called either of them, because I need a little breather.
Posted by Phillipa on April 9, 2009, at 21:39:44
In reply to Re: am I 'splitting?' » raisinb, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2009, at 20:33:50
If you were splitting one would be the bad guy the other the good guy and you'd say bad things about the therapist to the pdoc and bad about the pdoc to the therapist doesn't sound like you did this. Just that the Pdoc saw something maybe you didn't and wanted to discuss with the therapist. Kind of a consult. Love Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 21:41:15
In reply to Re: am I 'splitting?' » raisinb, posted by rskontos on April 9, 2009, at 18:13:10
I think you are right, rsk--i'm sure they had a very professional conversation, from the sounds of things.
I guess I was worrying too much about my therapist and her feelings--and whether she'd take them out on me.
Thank you for the support.
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 21:44:01
In reply to Re: am I 'splitting?', posted by onceupon on April 9, 2009, at 14:49:09
Yes, she didn't get it at all--I mean, after ten minutes of conversation, unequivocally recommending a change of therapist doesn't sit right with me. I found myself looking over at the wall at her diplomas to decide whether her degrees made her more trustworthy.
I'm sure she is trying to help, and I'm glad she got the seriousness of where I am right now. It just felt a little too high-pressure. Maybe she should've been a salesman :)
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 21:45:31
In reply to Re: am I 'splitting?', posted by Phillipa on April 9, 2009, at 21:39:44
the idea that someone else--my pdoc--may have an influence on my therapy relationship. Now that things seem to be changing so much, that isn't something I want to think about.
Posted by Phillipa on April 10, 2009, at 18:55:15
In reply to I really don't like » Phillipa, posted by raisinb on April 9, 2009, at 21:45:31
So they don't work together in the sence of consulting? Some do some don't. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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