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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Suedehead on March 3, 2009, at 8:11:10
I've been seeing my therapist twice a week since April. My insurance provider covers 50 sessions per year, and I've just run out (the year starts in September, so the period from April-August was no problem). Actually, I ran out sometime in February. My therapist and I obviously knew that this would happen, and we talked about it sometime last summer. He told me that when the time came, he'd charge me a reduced rate and we agreed that I'd get a part-time job once the coverage was up in order to help pay for it (I'm in grad school and working full-time during the school year isn't really an option for me right now). The thing is, when I agreed to all this, it wasn't really *real* to me. It seemed such a long time in the future, you know? I had this irrational sense that the money problem would just work itself out. That I'd magically have more money by the time my coverage ran out, or that my insurance provider would just decide to keep paying. Which I know is crazy, but still. And in my less fanciful moods, when I really was able to acknowledge the reality of the situation, I kind of suspected that I wouldn't really be able to work even part-time while in school, and I knew that even if I *did* get a job, I'd have a hard time being able to afford his fee (I'd be paying him more than I pay in rent). In other words, I knew I was agreeing to something I wouldn't be able to stick to.
So we've been talking about all this the last couple of sessions. We really need to figure out what we're going to do. We decided that the summer won't be a problem--I'll be able to work full-time, and then I really *will* be able to afford to see him (though I'm pretty thankful that my insurance will kick in again after a couple of months!). So what we're really worried about is the period from now until May. I can't work, I can't afford to pay him on my grant alone, and I can't just stop seeing him, because I am incredibly attached to him and feel that I'd just fall apart without him right now. Besides, we've just started working on some really serious stuff that I've been trying to talk to him about for months and months (but have been too scared to bring up). Bad timing. He suggested that we go to one session/week until May, but then said that he didn't really want to do that. Neither do I, obviously. He told me that in lots of ways he's tempted to offer me an even lower fee, or to charge me for just one session/week while I continue seeing him for two, but that he's worried that this would do more harm than good, in the long-term (he's probably right). So this is an impossible situation, right? He did say that one option would be for me to pay what I can until the summer and then pay him back the rest when I have a job. That seems like it may be the best bet. But it makes me really uneasy to go into debt to someone--I've never been in this kind of financial mess before.
Sorry to ramble on about this for so long. I imagine that this sort of thing happens a lot! Does anyone have any thoughts/advice? Thanks for listening.
Posted by Phillipa on March 3, 2009, at 12:38:42
In reply to What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by Suedehead on March 3, 2009, at 8:11:10
Suedehead don't want to sound selfish but I feel your're lucky to have a T you can work with. Still no luck here. Love Phillipa keep on trucking so to speak!!!!
Posted by antigua3 on March 3, 2009, at 13:09:19
In reply to What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by Suedehead on March 3, 2009, at 8:11:10
I'm kind of in the same boat w/my T. When I lost my job, I expected to have to quit therapy because I couldn't pay her, but she offered to take the pittance amount ($30) that insurance pays me for her $125+ visit until I was back on my feet again. This still makes me uncomfortable, and I think I'm going to pay her back the difference when I get a job. It's going to be a big debt for sure, but I feel obligated.
I cried when she told me. I asked her why she would do that and she said we had worked too long and hard for there to be a big gap in our work together. She didn't want to lose the continuity.
My pdoc refused to lower his rate or give me a discount at all. Not easy to pay for, at all, but I have to go.
Try to find a way to hold onto your T. It is important for the work you are doing.
antigua
Posted by B2chica on March 4, 2009, at 8:56:22
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » Suedehead, posted by antigua3 on March 3, 2009, at 13:09:19
Suedehead, my best advice is you have to do anything you can to continue going right now. if you've reached that point where you're FINALLY opening up about things it's SO easy to loose it and hide down those feelings again. So even if it IS for once a week don't stop. if you feel that once a week is not enough then go twice, see if T will reduce fee a bit more its for three months, not that bad. or if there is one month that you feel you can do every other week (once/week) then try that too.
it sounds like you have a great T that understands that what you have inside you NEEDS to come out.
My T was the same way when i approached her. i told her i could no longer afford to see her once/week but we were both concerned. she said that she felt it was Very important i continue every week so she agreed to write off every other session. it has been a God send. there's no way i could afford to go otherwise.
we just have No money right now. i am hoping that someday i can afford to pay her for each session again. as i feel bad enough, BUT i also know that i can't go without seeing her. its too important for my well being.
(yours too sweetie.)you'll make it work.
b2c.
Posted by rskontos on March 4, 2009, at 14:20:05
In reply to What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by Suedehead on March 3, 2009, at 8:11:10
I am in debt to my therapist. It was his suggestion because I flat told him that he was too much for me and since he is out of network the amount my insurance was paying was a pittance and on top of that they limited me to how many I could have a year too (despite they weren't paying all that much pisses me off but WTF can you do). So my therapist worked out an arrangement and I will pay him sometime in the future. It is hard at first to do this and I would harp on it each session but eventually I have gotten over it.
You know the actor Mickey Rourke's therapist did the same thing. He floated MIckey on his fees because the actor was out of work and ran up a therapy bill of $65,000 and now that he made that hit money paid him back. The therapist said he knew he could help him and he would pay him back.
So if I can do it and Mickey Rourke can do it so can you. Take the pay what you can until you have more funds option and keep going.
rsk
Posted by Suedehead on March 4, 2009, at 21:59:45
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » Suedehead, posted by Phillipa on March 3, 2009, at 12:38:42
That doesn't sound selfish, Phillipa! I'm sorry that you haven't been able to find someone to work with. I know that I'm lucky to have my therapist; it took me several years to find a good match. I'm sure you'll find yours eventually, too.
Posted by Suedehead on March 4, 2009, at 22:13:30
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » Suedehead, posted by antigua3 on March 3, 2009, at 13:09:19
Wow, that was really nice of your T! Did she ever express any hesitation about doing it, or did she just proceed as if it were the natural thing to do? I ask because my therapist seems to *want* to do something like this, but also seems convinced that it would be somehow inappropriate or dangerous to go through with it, and I wonder how unique he is in having these concerns. My sense is that it's sort of just the 'human'/compassionate thing to do--I mean, a lot of therapists make very decent money, and if they have clients in need of treatment who can't afford to continue seeing them for some reason, why *shouldn't* they waive/reduce their fees, at least for a time? Is my T just really selfish, or does he have some sort of countertransference thing going on that's making him think that giving me a reduced rate would be a mistake? I dunno. Anyway, I think your T sounds really genuine and caring, and I'm glad that you were able to keep seeing her.
Posted by Suedehead on March 4, 2009, at 22:17:41
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by B2chica on March 4, 2009, at 8:56:22
Thanks for your message, b2c. Your therapist sounds really great, and I'm glad that she agreed to a reduced rate for you.
I know that I've got to keep going. It would be really bad to stop now, since I feel like I've just started to *really* trust him, you know? We've made huge strides in our relationship over the last couple of months, and a three month break would be disastrous. The thought of going just once a week until I have more money is pretty excruciating, but I know that if it's the best we can do, I'll have to make the most of it and work really hard not to shut him out again.
Posted by Suedehead on March 4, 2009, at 22:25:26
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymo » Suedehead, posted by rskontos on March 4, 2009, at 14:20:05
Hi rsk, thanks for your message. I didn't know that about Mickey Rourke! That's pretty cool.
I'm definitely considering doing what you're doing, so it's heartening to know that it's working for you. I'm just terrified that if I go into debt to him, the bill will grow and grow and I'll be struggling to pay him back for years. It's very scary to think that I could put myself into such a precarious financial situation. I mean, if I *weren't* in therapy, I really wouldn't have to worry about money at all.
Posted by antigua3 on March 5, 2009, at 6:51:34
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » antigua3, posted by Suedehead on March 4, 2009, at 22:13:30
No, she didn't hesitate. When I told her I was going to have to stop seeing her--after 17 years--she just said this was what she was going to do because she didn't want there to be a lapse in our therapy and she knew how tough things were. (And yes, there are still many things to talk about after all these years. So much stuff to deal with..)
My T doesn't make a ton of money, either. She struggles, I know, and so this was an incredibly generous offer and since I have such a thing about money (bad experiences), I will pay her back because of what she means to me and the sacrifice I know she has made so that we can keep going.
I just need a job, and while that's slow going, I have faith something will come up. I don't want to get so far behind, as you mentioned, that I feel overwhelmed.
good luck,
antigua
Posted by Suedehead on March 5, 2009, at 13:21:08
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by antigua3 on March 5, 2009, at 6:51:34
Wow, that was really generous of her, particularly as she doesn't make much money. It sounds like she really values the work you do together and knows how important it is for you to continue seeing her. 17 years is a long time and I can imagine that the two of you must have a really strong bond after all that, which is really cool. Sometimes I fantasize about being with my T for that long--we'll see, I guess!
Speaking of my T, I saw him this morning, and we came to an agreement re: payment. He told me that he's been thinking about it a lot, and that he refuses to see me just once a week--that he truly believes that I should keep seeing him twice a week, and that I can pay him what I can for now and pay him back when I'm able to (there's no real deadline, though). He's charging me a reduced rate, too, so even when I pay him back, I won't be paying him his full fee. I'm feeling relieved and grateful and really cared for. I was totally freaking out about all this, but it seems to have worked out alright.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 5, 2009, at 16:20:01
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » antigua3, posted by Suedehead on March 5, 2009, at 13:21:08
Posted by antigua3 on March 5, 2009, at 22:03:34
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore? » antigua3, posted by Suedehead on March 5, 2009, at 13:21:08
That is so great! I'm glad you had the guts to stick it out and make this work. You'll be happy you did.
antigua
Posted by cmac13 on March 8, 2009, at 14:08:19
In reply to Re: What to do when you can't afford therapy anymore?, posted by antigua3 on March 5, 2009, at 6:51:34
I have been working with my therapist for 17 years now and she is one of the most wonderful caring compassionate dedicated persons I know. I have had some difficulties over the years paying her - at one time I owed her over $3,000 but she never once told me I would have to stop seeing her. I eventually paid her back after I finished school and began working. Currently we have discussed options should I get laid off and have no health care coverage and she is willing to give me a reduced rate - no problem. Our therapeutic relationship is strong and I feel blessed to know her and be able to work with her for this long.
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