![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
I thought I would handle this better, but I feel like I fell into a bottomless pit. I don't know why I am handling this so badly after I have made all this progress. Does anyone have wisdom for getting through a long therapist separation?
Posted by rskontos on January 30, 2009, at 15:35:28
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
no sweetie, all I could do is loan you mine. I am all for avoiding mine right now.
i am sorry though you are feeling so bad. I wish I could help. since i am not so great myself i am just going to say i care and
send a cyberhug.
(((((((((((((raisinb)))))))))))))))))
rsk
Posted by fleeting flutterby on January 30, 2009, at 16:01:46
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
Sorry you're having a rough go of it.
Not sure if I have any wisdom to share-- but I can share one of my stories....
The very first therapist I ever went to was so kind and helped me to talk about some things I'd never ever talked about..... I'd started to feel that maybe there is one person on this planet that is not against me.... then.... she told me that she is moving 2000 miles away. I went numb.... she gave me a referral and we said goodbye. I never saw her again and the new T. was so not a good fit for me-- I went back into my shell for a while.
anyway-- what I'm getting at is to keep in mind that your T. will see you again and you will see her. It's time away-- yes,(which can be difficult) but she will be back. Do you have an appointment set for when she returns to work? perhaps you could count off the days and see that it's getting closer and closer to your appointment?
maybe, think of the good things-- like your T. is healthy, she's not retiring nor moving far away.
maybe keeping busy will also help the time to pass faster-- doing things with friends/relatives,
craft projects, maybe doing something around the house you've been meaning to get done, how about learning something new.... I recently bought some beads(I love jewelry) and I have started making my own bracelets.... soon I'm going to try moving up to making a necklace.anyway-- i do hope you "think/feel" better soon.
we're here to help you through.
thinking of you,
flutterby-mandy
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2009, at 17:22:43
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
No, other that when my therapist was away for six weeks, the pain was horrible at the beginning. Then I got rather numb and it only hurt if I heard from him. I was asking him not to contact me. Which didn't mean I was ok. But it did mean I'd put on a veneer of not feeling.
Did you say that you were going to see her fill in therapist? I think that actually did help me even though they were not at all like my therapist. Maybe it just felt like I was doing something.
((( raisinb )))
Posted by seldomseen on January 30, 2009, at 17:23:04
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
Dear raisin,
I so sorry about this loss. I know that bottomless pit feeling all too well. I can't bear this grief for you, but I can be here to share it with you.
Based on the information you have right now, this separation will end. My only advice is to take the separation each day as it comes. Day by day. Slowly those days will turn to weeks.
I get very poetic when I'm depressed, and I'm immediately reminded of a stanza in an Emily Dickinson Poem "If you were coming in the fall"
It reads
"If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls-
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse-".Each day, day by day. You will make it.
Seldom.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 30, 2009, at 17:51:14
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by seldomseen on January 30, 2009, at 17:23:04
You should definitely see the person covering for her. It's not her, but it's someone to talk to. You can even talk to the covering about how badly you miss her. It helps. I saw my t's covering when he went away for three weeks once when I first started therapy. It helped to talk to someone.
Posted by sharon7 on January 30, 2009, at 18:23:07
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
Oh, I'm sorry. )o: That is rough. I agree with the whole day by day thing. That's really all you can do. Oh, and about going to see the covering T, if nothing else, to get out verbally how you are feeling with the T you love being out on leave. There might be some releif to be had in that.
I think you'll get stronger with each passing day, and before you know it, your T will be back and you will have so much to share with her.
I'm sorry your heart hurts right now. I know the feeling well. Take care.
Sharon
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 30, 2009, at 18:26:35
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
No wisdom -- just keep yourself as busy as you can, try to take care of yourself, write (in a journal or otherwise). I did okay until the 5 or 6 week mark when my T was out for 9 last fall. Part of it for you, I'm guessing, is that you really didn't get a chance to have that last session before she left to have the baby. Try to remember that she is coming back to you. Other than that, do the best you can. I'm thinking about you.
(((((((Raisinb)))))))
Posted by antigua3 on January 30, 2009, at 22:08:10
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
My story is similar to others here and I made it through and so can you.
I got a call one evening from a friend or associate, not sure which, of my T's to tell me she wasn't going to be seeing patients for several months and that my T would call me when she was ready to come back.
I was frantic, mostly because the person wouldn't tell me what was going on and I was afraid my T was deathly ill or something terrible had happened to her family.
Two days later I read in the paper that her husband had died very unexpectedly. It was horrible, but at least I knew what was wrong.
I felt that it was my duty to be a "good" client and leave her alone, but I ached not knowing when she would be back.
It was several months before I saw her again. I didn't see anyone in the meantime (it wasn't suggested to me and I didn't even think of it).
But when I saw her again, I realized how right she had been to take the time she needed. She came back when she was ready to be fully engaged and after some adjustments and discussions over what her absence had meant to me, we were back up to speed pretty quickly.
It's hard in one way for you because this is a joyous occasion for her, while I spent my off time worrying about how she was. I guess it gave me something to focus on, as silly as that may be. A new baby can make one feel jealous, which can bring out all sorts of feelings that you'd like to discuss w/your own t. You can't right now, so try to use the T who is covering for her to help you through this time.
Good luck, and just try to hold onto the good things about your T during this time.
antigua
Posted by Looney Tunes on January 30, 2009, at 23:29:59
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by seldomseen on January 30, 2009, at 17:23:04
Ok, how about this.....
Go to a bookstore and read TONS of children's books. Happy ones, silly ones. Stupid ones.
Just look at the colors and the drawings and the big-print.
If you can afford to, buy a couple and then get some ice cream and go home under a blanket and read them! Read them out-loud.(And after this whole thing is over, donate the books to a shelter, group home, etc)
I am being TOTALLY serious...whenever I feel horrible, I goto the children's book section and just enjoy...
Posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2009, at 0:15:42
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by Looney Tunes on January 30, 2009, at 23:29:59
Maybe sillier but how would you feel about buying her a small gift for the baby to show you care? Might or might not help. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2009, at 9:05:54
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2009, at 0:15:42
I think Phillipa has a good idea, though I'm not awake enough to express my thoughts on why.
I don't know if this is something you can *do*, but I often develop an enthusiasm to help moderate emotional distress or stress. I don't set out to do it, but it happens.
My husband yelled at me last night about my current enthusiasm of home improvement. :(
And I'm taking up stained glass-making! Even though I'm unbelievably clumsy with my hands.
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:13:30
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by rskontos on January 30, 2009, at 15:35:28
Than you RSK. Maybe I should take your therapist for awhile. I think I need about ten to replace mine right now ;)
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:14:14
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by fleeting flutterby on January 30, 2009, at 16:01:46
Thank you, FF (Mandy). I know I'm lucky that she is coming back. I am trying to hold onto that.
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:15:05
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2009, at 17:22:43
I decided I would see him. I made an appointment for Thursday morning. He remembers me from the last time she went on maternity leave (about 3.5 years ago).
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:15:42
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by seldomseen on January 30, 2009, at 17:23:04
Beautiful. Thank you for the thoughts and the poem. I am glad it won't be a whole year.
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:17:03
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by antigua3 on January 30, 2009, at 22:08:10
Yes, I know you are right. I can't imagine having that long--and not knowing exactly when she would be back. Not to mention worrying about whether she would or not--and struggling with how to bring things up when she got back.
Thank you for the wisdom.
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:17:56
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by TherapyGirl on January 30, 2009, at 18:26:35
Thank you, TG. I'm torn about whether journaling would be healthy or simply too much focus on my emotional life and my therapist's absence. But regardless, I've made it to day 4 :)
Posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:18:33
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2009, at 9:05:54
I have decided to play online Boggle for hours on end. As of now, it is working somewhat :)
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 31, 2009, at 18:45:55
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » TherapyGirl, posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:17:56
Yeah, your instincts are probably right there. But keep it in mind if it feels like you need to let the emotions out -- pen and paper are always there for you.
(((((Raisinb)))))
Posted by onceupon on February 2, 2009, at 9:27:26
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » Dinah, posted by raisinb on January 31, 2009, at 16:18:33
Online boggle is the best :)
Take care, raisinb. Post lots too and let us know how you're doing.
Posted by backseatdriver on February 2, 2009, at 13:10:12
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2009, at 0:15:42
Just wanted to add my two cents. Enthusiasms really work for me. I love languages so, for my therapist's August vacation, I took up Bengali, which I have always wanted to learn more about.
The absence still hurt like hell, but at least I was distracted. In the language I found a whole new world to explore. I haven't talked with him about this, though - it is as if I want to keep it "mine". I think this is good, too -- to have enthusiasms of one's own apart from therapy.
I also find it helps to concentrate on small things, lively things, whatever you can find in your environment that connects you, as a living precious person, to the living world in some way. I feel like, we only get so much time - and it takes time to find (and enjoy) your bliss, whatever it might be.
BSD
Posted by raisinb on February 4, 2009, at 18:45:37
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
Thank you everyone so much for the support. I know I'm going to keep needing it over the coming weeks.
I am feeling (fingers crossed) better in the past few days. I still miss her horribly, but I am able to enjoy other parts of my life too. I think I have climbed out of the black hole a little bit.
Plus, I saw my pdoc and I have to say, a little Xanax goes a long way (oh look, it's a poem ;).
Posted by Sharon7 on February 10, 2009, at 20:21:25
In reply to I am doing awful. Any suggestions?, posted by raisinb on January 30, 2009, at 13:47:09
Hey, Raisinb. Just wanted to check in to see how you're doing this week. I hope you're doing okay.
Sharon
Posted by raisinb on February 14, 2009, at 12:31:33
In reply to Re: I am doing awful. Any suggestions? » raisinb, posted by Sharon7 on February 10, 2009, at 20:21:25
Thank you for checking, Sharon. I'm okay, as far as I can tell. I'm hitting my stride (sometimes I think of things in terms of running)--and I'm definitely hitting the point where I think I might be able to ride it out.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.