![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 47. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
I wish we could get a Babble therapist convention together.
Can you guys describe your therapist? What is their best quality? Their worst? What is uniquely "them"?
My therapist is a large man. Very tall but also broad. He has that deep voice that large men sometimes have. He makes me feel small, which helps me a lot to access the less defended part of me.
I always described him as very receptive and open, yet with a very firm inner core. He describes himself as very even keeled, but not necessarily stable. :)
That quote from Monk really describes his therapy demeanor. Unflappable.
"At least I never dug Trudy up and stuffed her." "I've always been proud of you for that."
There is nothing I can say that can seriously throw him off balance. I used to try a fair bit.
The flip side is that he's terribly disorganized and always late. He almost never calls me back before ten after, and later isn't unusual. He barely can remember a thing. Although that isn't all bad, because I can tell him something over and over again and it's all interesting and new to him.
I have the impression that he can be self indulgent at times. Yet he works harder than anyone I've ever known. He's full of contradictions really. Yet he's also perfectly predictable.
He almost never tells stories about his other clients - past or present. I like that about him because I trust him not to tell stories about me.
He's ridiculously optimistic. Both about himself and about me. That annoys me. I think he doesn't see trouble until it's upon him. Not bouncy optimistic. That I couldn't take in a long term therapist. More deluded optimistic.
He's not really warm and fuzzy, even if I do compare him to a Newfoundland. He's not overly sympathetic. He stays in his chair, and doesn't thrust his psychic presence on others. He doesn't overwhelm me. But I suspect there are those who would find him a bit distant. I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times we've run over time. But I've totally lost count of the number of times he's shorted me on time. I've only seen him look really emotional once, when we put the down payment on the house in another city. He's certainly never cried.
He has dreadful taste in friends. But his taste in clothing and furnishings is nice enough to intimidate me at times.
He can be incredibly dense and say very foolish things at times. Yet... He's so grounded in some ways.
Well, I've written a book. Did I capture his essence? I'd love to put a word picture together for everyone's therapist. It would help put posts in context, I think.
Posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:46:54
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
Dinah a big pupper dog!!!! Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:52:20
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:46:54
Yup.
http://store.encore-editions.com/dogplates/dogplate324.html
http://store.encore-editions.com/zzx144zzx.html
That's him all right.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:55:27
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
I forgot.
He somehow manages to meet me wherever I am, and makes it seem like the most natural thing in the world to be just there.
Yet he also has the distance to see it as it is to others, so if I ask "What do people think when..." or "Do other people feel/see things/do..." he can very calmly admit that I'm a bit odd. Without it sounding the least bit like a bad thing.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 21:27:15
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:55:27
In the wave that is our therapeutic relationship, I'm clearly experiencing a crest. A long one I hope. I like those much better than the troughs.
Posted by no_rose_garden on November 24, 2008, at 21:52:55
In reply to Hmmm....., posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 21:27:15
He looks soft Dinah :)
I'm glad it's going well.
Posted by onceupon on November 24, 2008, at 22:11:31
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by no_rose_garden on November 24, 2008, at 21:52:55
I know I'm an infrequent visitor here, but I thought I'd put in my description anyways.
My therapist (female) is warm, but not overly so. She is petite, and just a little taller than me, which is to say, not very tall. I was surprised to find this out recently, having always thought that she was much taller. She seems to remember things pretty well from session to session, which is nice, because I don't always remember them myself.
She seems willing to let me direct the course of sessions completely. This is nice, but I also wish sometimes that she would direct a little more, especially when I'm feeling lost.
It sometimes seems as if her life spills out on her desk. She has pictures that her kids have drawn and photos and often, what looks like a half-eaten lunch lying about. Earlier on, I was distressed by the pictures and the messiness on her desk. But over time, I've come to appreciate it for representing some of her imperfections, which I think are good and necessary.
She sometimes draws analogies that I don't quite understand.
She is always gentle. I wonder sometimes if it would help for her to push me more. On the few occasions that she has spoken most directly to my most vulnerable parts, I have felt deeply cared for.
Dinah, I'm curious about how you know about your therapist's taste in friends. I spend a lot of time wondering about my therapist's "outside" life, but have never directly asked about it. Oddly enough, I work with one of her friends, who sometimes mentions her, but without knowing that I am her client. This can be weird sometimes.
That's all I can think of for now. Interesting topic.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 22:27:59
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:52:20
Hey I wonder if we could find just the right dog for mine? I think an image like that would be funny in a smile-to-yourself way, and also comforting. But I don't know the dog breeds all that well any more...
I mean, if it's okay if I "play?" Not that it's a game or anything. I mean, I feel like a poser as I don't know if I do or don't have a therapist any more. Nothing officially stopped or anything, but our post-moving, long-distance, therapy-by-email and/or phone (for free) relationship is a little bumpy right now. But I know this board has always been accepting - if *I* say I still have a T. and something therapeutic is going on - then it is, right?
Since Dinah, you wanted to put threads in context, well, maybe I'll decide to post so you can. Or maybe not. I feel like I need my own board/community - my situation is so unorthodox.
Anyway, if I can think of some qualities, maybe a dog will come to mind....
He is unflappable like yours, but does come out of his chair when he really gets excited about some idea, or reassurance he's giving.....one time he tapped my knee with his finger! (We had to have a whole session about that touching...!) And, he gets louder, but not scary. Enthusiasm! He is full of joy about life mostly all the time. And not in an annoying way because it is *so* authentic.
He can be silly and corny and is unashamed to try out any analogy, any joke that pops into his head, if he thinks it'll make me smile to break tension, or help me understand what he means by something. He's very quick, bright, and at 62, easily knows as much about technology, etc., as someone decades younger might. He loves food and calls himself lazy re: exercise, getting unpleasant tasks done.
He has kind eyes and a gentle voice, but doesn't use the latter often enough. I think he tries, yet it sometimes comes out sort of patronizing and silly. I don't tell him that - it may be just a feature now of hearing him on the phone, which is incredibly weird and frustrating. He's okay on the phone, but so much is lost.
He's fairly short for a man, balding, overweight all in the tummy area. Smiles a lot and has the *most* infectious laugh - if you can listen to that without laughing yourself, well....I'd be amazed.
He can sit with strong feelings in the room so well. He can be so still while tears stream down my face. Quiet - but you feel his heart there with you, imagining how sad, bad, hurt you must feel. I really miss that. No one else in my life could really do that - a husband who got angry at tears, another who left the room, a SO who used to freeze, become mute and look terrified. My dear D. now - she tolerates it, and is polite and certainly not rejecting, but doesn't feel nearly as open and accepting as my T. I think it's the nearly-2-year-old g-daughter that's the best. She looks all somber, pats me, looks worried, sometimes tears up herself....but feels like she "gets" it. Like we don't *do* anything about crying - it just is. For me, that's cool. Why not, right? Who are better experts on strong emotions and tears than toddlers?!!! But I digress terribly.
Hmm..I know there are lots of other ways to describe him. Maybe 'cause I think he's acting so weird right now, I'm having trouble thinking of them. Distant, unresponsive and cryptic come to mind, and that has so *never* been him before!! So, disregard those.
Maybe my T. is like a mature Benji, from the movie? Or a sheepdog? Benji was a mutt, I'm sure, which I love. But a sheepdog might be close. Aren't they bright and happy and friendly and love people and helpful.....T. qualities, all. But T. doesn't feel "shaggy" enough.
When I was still there, he was dependable as a rock. Double-booked my appointment time once in 3.5 years. Only too sick to work one time. Sometimes runs late, but gives 60-65 minute sessions anyway, to all who want them, so it never mattered. Remembers really well all the stuff I've told him. Has some fidgeting habits that are really not cool. Rubbing fingers together, messing with his pants. Swiveling his chair. But he'll stop if you call him on it.
Well, I was scared to do this as I thought I might miss him more, but I feel a tiny bit better.
Sorry for the crazy leaps, digression and making it all about dogs! But I love that idea. I wish I had a dog.
This is/will be a great thread.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 22:30:41
In reply to Hmmm....., posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 21:27:15
I'm envious.
I think I am either at the edge of a waterfall, or in a whirlpool. Not all that much about it to like.
Posted by lucie lu on November 24, 2008, at 22:38:47
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 22:44:54
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 22:27:59
I think Lucie might be right.
The sporting breeds definitely come to mind. Retrievers or spaniels maybe. :)
I do like your description. I hadn't appreciated that aspect of your therapist until now. I had pictured the warm and nurturing side, but not the more playful and bouncy side.
Of course it is perfectly right for you to post here. To some extent, once a therapist always a therapist. He is your therapist, and I'm sorry things are difficult with him right now.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 23:02:37
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by onceupon on November 24, 2008, at 22:11:31
I'm glad you did describe her. I love your description of her desk. It really does paint a picture of her. My therapist's desk is messy, but yours sounds like a warm kind of messy.
Well, I base my opinion of his friends on one friend. He is very good friends with my former pdoc, the pdoc from H*ll. I disliked him very much, and can't picture what my therapist sees in him. My therapist just smiles tolerantly at me and tells me that he isn't nearly as bad as I think. And I figure that if my therapist weren't so accepting, and didn't have such a good way with difficult people, he wouldn't be nearly as good a therapist for me.
What does your mutual acquaintance say about your therapist? I think I'd feel very uncomfortable and worry that I might hear something that might make my life difficult.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 23:12:42
In reply to Golden retriever... (nm) » Dinah, posted by lucie lu on November 24, 2008, at 22:38:47
Was that for mine, Lucie? Or yours...or Dinah's? No, hers *is* a Newfie!
If mine, it does fit. Or maybe a Lab? I love black Labs. A relative had one when I was a kid and he always let me (dog, not relative) lay on him, and hug him and lean against him, and I remember I always thought that dog was smiling.
Guess my T. wouldn't let me do those things. Not literally, at least.
Pity, that.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 23:18:55
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by no_rose_garden on November 24, 2008, at 21:52:55
Yes, soft, but firm too.
It's going well tonight. But then I haven't seen him for a few days. Likely tomorrow I'll go in brimming with good will for him, and he will be of course totally unaware of this and do something totally wrong and I'll slide off the crest at least a bit.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 23:22:53
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by onceupon on November 24, 2008, at 22:11:31
Hi onceupon,
I liked the desk description, too. Much like I remember my T's (I have moved across country from him but we are still in touch) without the food. Just an empty soda can or water bottle around.... It matches his personality well, I think. Somewhat of a controlled chaos.
Your T. sounds so comforting. That's a huge deal to me. But I can so relate to the need for more pushing sometimes. I absolutely can't get my T. to do that. Seems he just *can't* even when I almost insist. Not in his nature or part of the Rogerian way he's conducted therapy for 32 years, I guess. I tell him he 's so laid back he follows me to dumb places that waste time...but he says they aren't dumb and no time we've talked has ever been wasted.
I'm glad you posted. I'm glad *we* both posted. It's been extremely hard for me to do that for a long, long time.
(and thanks, Dinah, for the thread)
Posted by seldomseen on November 25, 2008, at 7:10:01
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
Well, mine is in his mid - late 50s. He is very thin with blonde hair and a space between his front teeth. I have that space too. Both of us had braces and still that space. We are about the same height. He is not an imposing presence at all. In fact, there are times when he completely disappears.
He is very provincial, old-fashioned - even wears a pocket watch. He wears long-sleeved starched dress shirts year round. He always wears a tie.
His desk and office are very neat, done in leather and dark wood, very opulent and masculine.
He comes from a very important family of physicians and lawyers in our area - like buildings named after them important.
He received his training at one of the most prestigious research institutions in the world, but never got into research.
He says treating patients feels like home to him.
He can be very compassionate, tender and quiet. He also can be distracted, stubborn and defensive.
I wouldn't describe him as empathetic, but experienced. I realized long ago our life experiences are just too different for empathy.
He makes mistakes with me when he gets lazy and is always lobbying for me to be in a relationship. He likes to talk about sex.
He is fascinated by my interest in tigers and all things predatory. He thinks the supernatural is infantile. He is Christian.
Sometimes his existence on this planet makes me mad. Other times, I love him with all my heart.
Seldom.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 25, 2008, at 8:10:33
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
> I wish we could get a Babble therapist convention together.
So do I. Actually, if anyone is interested, I can give you his webpage.
>
> Can you guys describe your therapist? Yes.What is their best quality? Hmmm.....I think everything about him is the "best" (except when he makes me angry, LOL)
Their worst? What is uniquely "them"?
He is the most deeply intellectual human I've ever met---and that turns me on more than anything.
>
> My therapist is a large man. Very tall but also broad. He has that deep voice that large men sometimes have. He makes me feel small, which helps me a lot to access the less defended part of me.My t is 5 feet 10 inches, brown hair. The first time I spoke with him via the phone, I fell in love with his voice. I still love it.
>
> I always described him as very receptive and open, yet with a very firm inner core. He describes himself as very even keeled, but not necessarily stable. :)Mine is stable. BUt he makes me feel UNstable when he flip-flops between professional and personal.
I told him that "sometimes you drive me crazy. you exhaust me, LOL"
>
> That quote from Monk really describes his therapy demeanor. Unflappable.
>
> "At least I never dug Trudy up and stuffed her." "I've always been proud of you for that."
>
> There is nothing I can say that can seriously throw him off balance. Me either, he has an answer for everything. I used to try a fair bit.
>
> The flip side is that he's terribly disorganized and always late.Mine is always on time.
He almost never calls me back before ten after, and later isn't unusual. He barely can remember a thing. Although that isn't all bad, because I can tell him something over and over again and it's all interesting and new to him.
>
> I have the impression that he can be self indulgent at times. Yet he works harder than anyone I've ever known. He's full of contradictions really. Yet he's also perfectly predictable.
>
> He almost never tells stories about his other clients - past or present. I like that about him because I trust him not to tell stories about me.Mine shares some client stories.
>
> He's ridiculously optimistic. Both about himself and about me. That annoys me. I think he doesn't see trouble until it's upon him. Not bouncy optimistic. That I couldn't take in a long term therapist. More deluded optimistic.
>
> He's not really warm and fuzzy, even if I do compare him to a Newfoundland. He's not overly sympathetic. He stays in his chair, and doesn't thrust his psychic presence on others. He doesn't overwhelm me. But I suspect there are those who would find him a bit distant.I need warm and fuzzy. I pull the chair up within inches of him. He has commented a few times that i am too close. Ha, ha!
I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times we've run over time.
I always get an hour and a half; in years past it was 3 hours!!
But I've totally lost count of the number of times he's shorted me on time. I've only seen him look really emotional once, when we put the down payment on the house in another city. He's certainly never cried.
My t cried (I am a writer, poet) when I wrote a poem about his father (his father abused him). He had to leave the room.
>
> He has dreadful taste in friends. But his taste in clothing and furnishings is nice enough to intimidate me at times.I am "toast" when a man wears a sports coat or suit; my t usually wears a sport coat (with cashmere sweater), dress slacks and those shoes I love; expensive with the tassels.
In the Summer he wears (eeeeuwww) Hawaiian shirts; i have told him what a turnoff those are!!
>
> He can be incredibly dense and say very foolish things at times. Yet... He's so grounded in some ways.
>
> Well, I've written a book. Did I capture his essence? I'd love to put a word picture together for everyone's therapist. It would help put posts in context, I think.yes, yo captured his essence. I wish I could meet all of these therapists!
Hugs, Sassy (still in love with my t)
Posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
In reply to Re: Golden retriever... » lucie lu, posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 23:12:42
> Was that for mine, Lucie? Or yours...or Dinah's? No, hers *is* a Newfie!
I guess that was pretty cryptic, wasn't it? It's my bipolar tendencies, alternating between terse and loquacious (lol) I meant my T. But the Newfie definitely fits my image of Dinah's T and I like the black lab for yours. Great breed.
> If mine, it does fit. Or maybe a Lab? I love black Labs. A relative had one when I was a kid and he always let me (dog, not relative) lay on him, and hug him and lean against him, and I remember I always thought that dog was smiling.
Really glad to see you back posting, 10der. I don't think there is any requirement to have a current T! This is not a T board, it is a psychology board, right?
Lucie
> Guess my T. wouldn't let me do those things. Not literally, at least.
>
> Pity, that.
Posted by onceupon on November 25, 2008, at 8:58:07
In reply to Re: Hmmm..... » onceupon, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 23:02:37
I like your reasoning behind your therapist's taste in friends :)
> What does your mutual acquaintance say about your therapist? I think I'd feel very uncomfortable and worry that I might hear something that might make my life difficult.
It's mostly innocuous stuff. She'll start of conversations with, "I have a friend who..." and I kind of piece together through the context that she's talking about my therapist. Since my coworker doesn't know that I'm seeing her friend, or that I know her at all, she doesn't have much reason to say anything too out there. She did mention something once about my therapist's parenting style when we were talking generally about parenting that I found a little uncomfortable. It sounded like a great parenting style, but I found that I just didn't want to know that information about her. It's funny, because it's the kind of thing I *thought* I wanted to know, but hearing it from a third party just made it weird. I haven't yet told my therapist about that conversation. Now I'm wondering if I should.
Posted by onceupon on November 25, 2008, at 9:08:05
In reply to Re: Hmmm..... » onceupon, posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 23:22:53
Hi 10der,
I like the phrase "controlled chaos" - it sounds like just the kind of quality I'd want in a therapist. Not too sterile, but also not overly chaotic.
It's kind of funny to hear you describe my therapist as comforting. It's not a word that I usually associate with her. On the other hand, when I go back and read the description I wrote, I can see comfort in there. It's nice to see that from another perspective :)
Do you agree with your therapist about having never visited "dumb places" in your therapy? I can see both sides of it. I think the process, whatever it is, is definitely important. But I'm also reminded that I'm paying for her time and it can be frustrating to go down what feel like dead ends. I have gotten better at just abruptly changing topics (after asking permission - heh). Before, my extreme sense of politeness would have prohibited me from doing that.
I'm glad you posted too :) It sounds like you had, and have a wonderful relationship with your therapist. I'm sorry to hear that things feel a little rough right now (if I read that correctly from what you wrote). I had a similar, but not quite the same situation several years ago. I had been seeing a therapist for about a year and a half, and then had to move 1000 miles away. She encouraged me to phone her, initially, and later on, to connect via email. Our contacts immediately after I moved were more "therapeutic." I had ongoing worries that I was contacting her too much, bothering her, etc. She always reassured me that she liked to hear from me. Now, more than four years later, I email her maybe 3 or 4 times a year to say hi and check in, and I'd say our contacts are more "friendly." I don't feel the same intense need to talk to her all the time that I did in the first year. There are still times when I wish I could see her - as a therapist - but I think I've come to terms with the current nature of our relationship. Someday I might completely lose contact, but I hope not.
Oops, I set out to write a response and then wrote a book instead. I do hope you keep posting, 10der. It's nice to hear your story.
Posted by antigua3 on November 25, 2008, at 9:32:13
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by onceupon on November 25, 2008, at 9:08:05
My T is in her 60s probably and is always dressed to the nines, hair and makeup too. Always wears pants or nice pants suits and isn't afraid to wear a beautiful cream colored one in the winter.
She's tall and wears high heels all the time.
Her desk is a mess, and she's a mess, and says she looks forward to being with her patients because it means she doesn't have to think about her own things!
Totally compassionate, never forgets anything and doesn't take notes. Calls anytime I need her, even if it's midnight.
She laughs a lot and has the greatest way of tying things together at the end that I would never think were linked.
I wouldn't have posted, but this thread made me sad. My T called me late last night to tell me her beautiful dog had died. I don't like dogs, but I loved hers. She was a T's dog all the way. She would come sit on my feet when she knew I was having a hard time, and if my T had been away, she could be as pesky as child who missed her mother. She would always greet me when I came in and would sit w/me while I waited for my T, and we would talk a little. I grew up w/a horribly mean German Shepherd my dad had when I was a girl so it took me a while to warm up, but we developed a nice relationship.
My T and I are friends although we are different too.
She is the best and I'm feeling so badly about her losing her precious pet.
antigua
Posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
In reply to Re: Golden retriever..., posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
He's slender and fit-looking, about 5'10", 65 years old, but looks more like early 50's. He has sandy-grey hair, but not much of it except around the back of his head. His face is handsome- not very many wrinkles. He has rather thin lips, a wonderful smile; his best feature is his eyes. They are blue-grey, with a very penetrating gaze, and capable of expressing many different feelings, from empathy, concern and sadness to joy, humor and affection. His voice is deep but rather quiet.
Knowing that he was president of our city's psychoanalytic society, and that he held other national, and even international analytic positions, I was pretty sure he would always be wearing a business suit and tie- not at all! He walks from his home to his office, a distance of about three miles, so his regular office attire consists of running shoes, chinos and a sweater. As I walk into the office, there is always a ski parka and backpack hung up on pegs. But every Friday, he does wear a suit or jacket and tie, plus beautiful Italian loafers. I've never asked, but I think that's the meeting day at the analytic center. I like how informal he is; I am, too. On days when I don't have to dress for work, I also wear running shoes, slacks and a sweater.
As to who he really is, as a person, he is still something of a mystery to me. I feel there's a lot which he is very willing to show me, but many other aspects which I can only speculate about. What comes to my mind first is that he is tremendously honest. He will never say anything unless it is completely true, and he trusts himself enough to say spontaneous things- that they will be absolutely true, and that they will probably be helpful to patients struggling with connection and attachment.
He is also very optimistic. A lifetime of work with hospitalized as well as less ill patients does not seem to have discouraged him. This basic attitude can be so helpful- I know he's not going to crumble when I show him the worst aspects of myself. In fact, he sometimes reminds me that it is "wonderful" to be able to bring those things into therapy because then I won't have to be alone with them.
He doesn't reveal much about himself, but occasionally something startling happens. Recently I mentioned that I was reading Nabokov's "Speak Memory" for the second time. He said, "I am, too" We gaped at one another for a few moments and then started laughing!
As a therapist, he focusses on keeping me steadily in mind as I'm speaking. He only rarely gives detailed verbal interpretations.
He also uses his body language, not in a calculating way, but just as part of his response to me. Often he will start leaning forward in his chair during tough moments for me. The unspoken message always is, "I'm here with you- you're not alone with it any more."His office is a mixture of cluttered and interesting. He has an open laptop on his desk showing a lovely snow scene of the Rocky Mountains, but the desk itself has lots of papers and open calendars. There are two large bookcases- the one near me seems to have as many works by Shakespeare. Tolstoy, etc. as it has analytic texts. There are some unusual pictures on the wall- for example, an enormous one of a manual typewriter.
I'd say he was not especially demonstrative or outgoing, but he's not reclusive either-kind of in the middle. Is there anything I don't like about him? No. But I wouldn't mind redecorating his office and making it really pretty!
Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:57:25
In reply to what he's like..., posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
My T is in his late 60s. He's a retired professor and has written quite a number of books on Freud, analysis, dreams, existentialism... in Holland he's well known - probably one of the most well known analysts. A while ago he had an interview on the radio and they announced him as the country's leading expert on Freud. Is that a good thing?! I only know this through things I have read about him - he is very humble and modest about himself. He doesn't have any certificates hanging on his walls and doesn't like to be referred to as Dr. or Prof.
So, he's about my height (5"7), slim build, spectacled, grey hair and not much of it - not really an imposing character. Gentle and soft in his movements and in the way he holds himself. His eyes are dark brown. He's not a fashion guru - he'll sometimes be wearing a tweed suit - other times he's wearing jeans and a pull-over. On occasion he's worn this terrible blue and brown shirt which I assume he got during a visit to Africa - I always have to stop myself giggling when I see it - it clashes so badly!
His room is packed full of books - mostly analytic books and in several different languages. He speaks quite a number of languages and often quotes things in Latin, French, German or Dutch. He's very well read, which I like. Besides all the books, he has a lot of interesting objects collected from his travels or presumably gifts from his patients. He has a lot of interesting paintings/drawings decorating the walls both in his room and in the hallway. One of my paintings hangs framed on his wall - I gave it to him a while ago as a gift and to my surprise he had it framed. He also has a desk with a computer and a typewriter! The back window looks out onto his garden. There are always fresh flowers in a vase in the middle of the room. The room has double-doors to make sure nothing can be heard from the hall. There are two red chairs orientated at 90o from one another - in theory it's possible to kick him from where I sit although I haven't yet felt the need to put that to the test! On the other side of the room is a real Freudian divan - in the same deep red upholstery. I've only tried lying down a couple of times but it was too soon or just not right - I might try it again one day.
As for his manner - he divulges some details of himself but he isn't overly forthcoming - he'll share something if he feels it will help me in some way. He listens extremely attentively and like others have described, he will adjust his body posture in reference to the intensity and subject matter of the session. Once or twice I've seen him mimicking my posture - perhaps a coincidence. He doesn't give lengthy verbal responses and doesn't overload me with questions - he's comfortable with my silences too. I like this approach.
He has a high opinion of me and my capabilities - it can feel good but it can also feel like too much at times - I don't want to disappoint him. He truly feels like an ally to me. He's not a cuddly bunny - we shake hands when meeting and departing but no hugs or anything like that. He is very quick to reply to mails or requests to see him for an extra session. If I wrote to him now for example, to ask to see him tomorrow, he'd most likely arrange it.
I've enjoyed discussing art and travel with him - two interests we share in common. He's lent me art books and he's read books of mine in order to help me. One time I was hungry during a session - my stomach was rumbling so he went and got me an apple and said something like "Freud did the same with the Wolf man"! I also recall a time when I admitted to trying cocaine once as a student and afterwards worrying how that revelation would change his view of me - again he said something to the effect of "well, Freud had his thing with that too, you know". When he heard I was in the hospital he came within the hour to see me and talk to the doctors there. He is very dedicated. Something I really like about him is the way he makes me feel equal to him - we can share things on an equal level. I respect him deeply but I don't feel he looks down on me. Perhaps this is because I know he also had a very difficult time of things when he was my age - perhaps some of the same struggles - he really knows how it is for me, in that respect. Diagnoses are not important to him - he sees me as me.
I came across his CV once - it had been accidentally published on-line (I wasn't intentionally 'spying' on him but happened across it while in search of his post code, which I needed for something). To my amazement he'd initially trained for the Catholic priesthood then at 25 or so abandoned that path altogether and later went to Paris, the Sorbonne to study psychology and started his analysis. He's no longer religious as far as I'm aware. I've not asked much on it - it wasn't supposed to have been on-line in the first place and he was grateful I told him so he could have it removed.
He's quite an active man - cycles a lot, goes for a long walk each Thursday, takes a swim each day in the summer in a local lake etc.
Overall, he's a very genuine, dedicated man and I'm fortunate to have him as my T.
Sorry this is too long - well it gives an impression of him.
Witti
Posted by JayMac on November 25, 2008, at 16:04:42
In reply to So here he is..., posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:57:25
Wow, I've enjoyed all your posts!
My T is sweet. Sometimes she is soft spoken. If I mention a subject I know she likes, she perks up and her eyes get wide. She is a little bit vertically challenged. I'm sure I could easily pick her up. She is intelligent. She doesn't know how to turn off her cell phone so it frequently rings during our time together. She always apologizes though.
She told me early on that she struggled with the same "diagnosis" that I had when I first started seeing her. She's sensitive. She makes me laugh. I make her laugh.
When she's cold she wraps a blanket around herself. The first time she did this, it made me feel like we were in a living room and just so happened to be talking about my life.
She always wears black or other dark colors. She used to be the "shawl" queen, but she's let go of that. She often wears the same shoes. Her toes are cute (sorry I have a thing for feet, I find them facinating, I swear it's not sexual....most of the time, lol).
Her office is eclectic. She has the most RANDOM pictures and paintings in her office. She has a Freud action figure in her office. Her office has WAY too much furniture.
She's addicted to tea (in my opinion). We both have a sweet tooth. We wakes up hours before dawn to write. She's inpatient. Yet, she's a psychoanalyst, which intails years of work with one patient!!! Lol.....that makes me laugh. She's proud of her accomplishments and likes to display them. She went to the same grad school that I'm currently attending. I learned I was accepted about a month into therapy and she gave me a hug (the only hug we've shared thus far).
She's stubborn!!!! And so am I!! I became aware of this very early on. We started arguing about something. I laugh at her and she doesn't take offense. She is proud, but not stuck up. She's artistic. She's VERY sarcastic. She's impulsive.
She is who she is.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:28:01
In reply to Re: Golden retriever..., posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
Whoops. I misunderstood. It was so like what I was thinking about 10der's therapist. Sheepdogs are so reserved and cautious under that fuzzy exterior, and I think they'd make for the more challenging type of therapist. Analyst maybe. They're the best listeners around, and have that intense gaze, and are inquisitive, energetic and totally focused. So I read her post and thought hmmm... more like a retriever. :)
Is your therapist like 10der's? Or does it resemble a golden retriever in other ways? The dependable child's companion? The quick responsive obedience Golden? The lively bouncy splash-in-mud-puddles Golden? The up for anything anytime Golden? The lying by the fire Golden?
Have I mentioned I'm a doggy person?
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