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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this board, but after reading some of the posts, thought maybe someone would have some helpful advice for me. I started seeing my therapist about 3 months ago. At that time I googled her - I'm naturally curious and frequently google people. I saw that she has a facebook account and that kind of concerned me. I didn't at all expect her to be facebook with a picture of herself. Her profile is private, but I think she probably doesn't realize that anyone can still see her list of friends, and then look at any of her friends' pages if they have public profiles. Well, I did just that. I've seen a bunch of comments that she's posted on her friends' facebook profiles and I feel horribly guilty for it. I know she has a child and is married, but that's only because it has been mentioned in some of her comments. Now I'm nervous that I'm going to accidentally reveal some information about her that I shouldn't now. I feel like I want to tell her that I've looked, but I'm very afraid that she'll be angry or think I'm stalking her. On the other hand, I also think she may appreciate knowing that her information is easily accessible on facebook. I'm wondering if I've already ruined the relationship because I know too much about her. She's very careful in our sessions to not answer personal questions, so I think that this may cause her to terminate therapy. Anyone else encountered this situation? Thanks for your help!
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 12:44:29
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
My t has his picture, etc....on facebook; he was the one who mentioned it....as a way to stay in touch with people.
Obviously if anyone puts themselves on the internet, they realize anyone can see it.
Why would she be angry? It is out there for all to see.
Sassy
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 12:58:08
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook » Trident, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 12:44:29
There's a website with a list of therapists and each lists a profile about themselves married kidst etc speciality and what insurance they take and e-mail addresses. Unfortunately picked the wrong one no longer see her but if out there they want to be seen to me anyway that my personal take. Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 12:59:07
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook, posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 12:58:08
Tident and welcome to babble. Good to meet you. Phillipa
Posted by Cal on November 10, 2008, at 13:07:27
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
> Hi everyone,
>
> I'm new to this board, but after reading some of the posts, thought maybe someone would have some helpful advice for me. I started seeing my therapist about 3 months ago. At that time I googled her - I'm naturally curious and frequently google people. I saw that she has a facebook account and that kind of concerned me. I didn't at all expect her to be facebook with a picture of herself. Her profile is private, but I think she probably doesn't realize that anyone can still see her list of friends, and then look at any of her friends' pages if they have public profiles. Well, I did just that. I've seen a bunch of comments that she's posted on her friends' facebook profiles and I feel horribly guilty for it. I know she has a child and is married, but that's only because it has been mentioned in some of her comments. Now I'm nervous that I'm going to accidentally reveal some information about her that I shouldn't now. I feel like I want to tell her that I've looked, but I'm very afraid that she'll be angry or think I'm stalking her. On the other hand, I also think she may appreciate knowing that her information is easily accessible on facebook. I'm wondering if I've already ruined the relationship because I know too much about her. She's very careful in our sessions to not answer personal questions, so I think that this may cause her to terminate therapy. Anyone else encountered this situation? Thanks for your help!I had to take a double look when I saw your post...this is something that happened to me 2wks ago...I did kinda of "spy" for a couple of days and found out stuff about her that I thought I'd always wanted to know and realised, I dont want to know...I deactivated my account and felt much better for having done so...I know the internet is a huge media and one shouldnt expect to much privacy blah, blah, blah, but it broke my own moral code...
Posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 13:48:20
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook » Trident, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 12:44:29
> My t has his picture, etc....on facebook; he was the one who mentioned it....as a way to stay in touch with people.
>
> Obviously if anyone puts themselves on the internet, they realize anyone can see it.
>
> Why would she be angry? It is out there for all to see.
> SassyI think she'd be upset because it is an invasion of privacy. I've asked her a personal question in therapy before and she said she would answer some things, others she won't. She feels that the less the patient knows about the therapist, the better. Her facebook account isn't public, so I am looking at the comments she has posted on her friends' pages. I'm pretty sure she thinks that having a private profile means that nobody can see what she is writing on others' pages. I feel extra creepy for doing it and now wonder if I should come clean, or just stop doing it and move forward....
Posted by Geegee on November 10, 2008, at 14:00:46
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 13:48:20
You've done nothing wrong. It's quite common and natural to feel curiousity about our Ts. She may indeed react as if this is a boundary crossing, but in my opinion, that would be naive of her. Still, it could happen. You're right taht she may not realize how much someone can see about her even though her profile is private. She may indeed appreciate hearing about that. And your curiosity and subsequent feelings about all this are good material for therapy. I hope she responds appropriately, and that you find some relief in telling her, if you decide to do so.
Good luck!
gg
Posted by LadyBug on November 10, 2008, at 14:13:45
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Any info we find on the internet becomes public, so if it's out there and we see it, oh well. I wouldn't tell your T about it.
Posted by Nadezda on November 10, 2008, at 16:38:23
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Your T is a bit naive at best if she thinks patients won't 1) quite possibly have their own facebook account 2) have some curiosity about her and therefore 3) one day, plug her name into their facebook search just to see if she's there. I can't say whether it's a good idea to tell her, because it really depends a lot on your relationship with her, how she sees you (ie does she think you might be overly interested in seeking her out?) and how she does therapy. Her reaction could range over a great spectrum-- from receptive interest to criticism, to suspicion of your motives-- but unless there's some other reason, I can't imagine the last one would be likely. That seems a bit overreacting to me.
Another thing you might think about is why you're worried she might think you're a stalker? do you feel that uncomfortable about knowing? do you feel some desire to violate her privacy, in some way-- or (what seems to you like) a too-intense desire for intimacy or connection (not that it necessarily is too intense, but it could feel that way). The answers might tell you more about whether to talk about it-- if you feel these feelings, they might be important to address.
But in itself, I don't see that googling your T, or checking out her facebook page is somehow wrong. How many patients have done this? Scads-- With the internet and how often people google other people-- it's quite natural.
But your T is, also, I think rather heedless in letting that sort of information out-- I mean, it really isn't helpful for patients to be able to find out things-- and Ts have an obligation to be very circumspect IMO. So she really should give it a second or third thought--
Welcome to Babble, by the way.
Nadezda
Posted by Abby Cunningham on November 10, 2008, at 18:27:25
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Well, I found my psychiatrist on facebook in a different way--she belonged to "ReadingSocial" an application that can be tied to facebook, which she did. While surfing for a review of a book "The Secret Fan" I found a review she had written and it was also tied to facebook.
I looked at her "reading Social" page and because I have a facebook account somehow I saw that it looked like I wrote on her wall at facebook!!! I did not and soon after that she deleted her facebook account entirely!!!
She never brought it up to me and I am too chicken to say anything, so she probably thinks I was stalking her also. I do tend to look up therapist and psychiatrist, but this was totally accidental that I found her on facebook. Oh well.
Posted by Trident on November 11, 2008, at 13:30:25
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Hi All,
Thanks for your helpful words of wisdom, and for welcoming me to the board! I will let you know how it unfolds. Although, at this moment I think I'm just going to unsubscribe to facebook to avoid any temptation of digging any further. And I think you guys are right, my T should be more careful about letting her information out there. I'm not so sure that I will let her know at this point....
Posted by Looney Tunes on November 11, 2008, at 23:45:16
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 11, 2008, at 13:30:25
HI and welcome. I know I am a little late posting, but I wanted to tell you what happened with me, just recently.
My T is also private in session, but I googled her and found stuff about her family, etc. Computers are amazing. LOL
I told her about it and we talked about it and how it affected me to know all that stuff, blah,blah, blah. I mean I even found a picture from her high school reunion.If therapists are going to use the internet for personal reasons, they have to assume that clients are going to search. I think it is very natural.
Also, there is a difference between curiousity and "stalking." I don't feel the need to drive past her house, or call her home phone. I just gave in to a natural urge of curiousity.I would talk with her because keeping it in, will get in the way of your therapy. Good luck.
Posted by softheprairie on November 12, 2008, at 2:11:47
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook, posted by Looney Tunes on November 11, 2008, at 23:45:16
I feel bad or weird about searching on Facebook and finding not t but his children. I'm closer in age to his young adult children than to t himself. One of his children has the less private setting, and I have looked at the child's pages several times, and see some family pictures and references to activity done by child and t.
I am too embarrassed to bring up in therapy that I look t up online, let alone know about his kids' lives from Facebook. I could imagine a bunch of therapists wouldn't mind so much that we look them up, but when it includes their children, they could be mad.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 12, 2008, at 11:37:51
In reply to Therapist on facebook, posted by Trident on November 10, 2008, at 10:35:11
Hi Trident,
I'm sorry I'm a bit late here but I just wanted to welcome you to babble. It's a very supportive place.
Greetings!
Witti
Posted by rskontos on November 12, 2008, at 17:33:46
In reply to Welcome to babble » Trident, posted by Wittgensteinz on November 12, 2008, at 11:37:51
Trident,
I too just want to welcome you. My T I am sure doesnt have a facebook account but then I don't want to know personal stuff that would make him a person and i try to avoid that.
Take care,
rsk
Posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 18:52:32
In reply to Re: Therapist on facebook, posted by softheprairie on November 12, 2008, at 2:11:47
What do you think?
> I feel bad or weird about searching on Facebook and finding not t but his children. I'm closer in age to his young adult children than to t himself. One of his children has the less private setting, and I have looked at the child's pages several times, and see some family pictures and references to activity done by child and t.
>
> I am too embarrassed to bring up in therapy that I look t up online, let alone know about his kids' lives from Facebook. I could imagine a bunch of therapists wouldn't mind so much that we look them up, but when it includes their children, they could be mad.
Posted by muffled on November 13, 2008, at 19:30:25
In reply to Any responses to my post? » softheprairie, posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 18:52:32
well my old T was pretty Ok w/stuff w/her, but then I was kinda pushing to see her boundaries, and she essentially said of I showed up at the front door of the family home, she would call the cops. But thats cuz she had kids. I don't spose it'd have been an issue otherwise.
I'd be same way.
VERY protective of kids.
My 2 cents.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 19:35:12
In reply to Any responses to my post? » softheprairie, posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 18:52:32
There's always the possibility that you're right.
I think over the years therapists have become more internet savvy and we don't hear as many therapists responding badly. Most respond with empathy and professionalism. But that's not to say any given therapist couldn't find it upsetting. And perhaps more if her kids were involved.
It's hard to know from the outside where any given therapist would stand. What do you think? What sort of indicators has she given out?
I always talked a lot about Babble, so I knew my therapist's general stance on any number of issues. He always responded with the assumption that I was secretly talking about myself. Although I don't think I actually brought him any hypotheticals that had any bearing on me directly. At least at the time. But if you know how they react in general it's easier to apply it in any given case.
Posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 21:52:44
In reply to Re: Any responses to my post? » softheprairie, posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 19:35:12
Thanks both. I don't have the guts to bring it up soon; maybe some day in the future.
Posted by maysie on November 15, 2008, at 16:11:29
In reply to Re: Any responses to my post?, posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 21:52:44
Hi SouthPrairie,
I personally don't think it's important either way. It was on Facebook, you found it. Maybe he/she's looking for old friends. Truthfully I wish a lot more T's and professionals would be on Facebook or have a blog. These relationships are too important to be secret service protected on one side and open and vulnerable on the other. That's my opinion, at least.
PS. about calling the cops if you come to their home, why do so many T's work out of their home???
Posted by olivepit on November 15, 2008, at 16:18:22
In reply to Re: Any responses to my post?, posted by softheprairie on November 13, 2008, at 21:52:44
I personally would not recommend you bring it up. Its so normal these days to do it, esp if you are curious by nature. But my guess is that your T would be upset. I do believe that most, in particular the ones who aren't internet savvy, (there are still lots of people who aren't), have no idea the info you can find out about people. Especially off facebook. My T has told me two stories where patients violated his privacy. One he terminated and the other he got very close to doing.
I think its better just to know that most people search people, but not everyone is ok with it.
Posted by softheprairie on November 15, 2008, at 23:54:18
In reply to Re: Any responses to my post?, posted by maysie on November 15, 2008, at 16:11:29
I appreciate hearing multiple posters' perspectives!
This is the end of the thread.
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