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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:40:49
He doesn't know it yet, but how do I do this? I keep thinking I should cancel the appointment and write a letter, so I say what I really want to say. I don't know if I can face this.
I guess I want to tell him all the good stuff he has done for me and maybe how hard it is for me to leave, but I need to for me.My lady T has done something that he couldn't/wouldn't do, she gave me validation that what my first T did was harmful and inappropriate behavior as my therapist. She has not said anything about herself, she is keeping me on the focus, not herself. I see her the day after I do this, so I hope I can do this.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 8:58:03
In reply to Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist, posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:40:49
My feeling is that you should go - seeing him one last time might feel very difficult and perhaps a bit risky (i.e. potential for it not to go as you would like) but I think it's the best way to provide closure. This way there is a dialogue, rather than just sending a letter and perhaps never receiving acknowledgment/a reply.
If you are afraid how it will come out, how to say it, why not write that letter and take it and read it to him? Then you get to say what you need to but you make sure he hears it and you can talk about it afterwards. When I've had very difficult/uncomfortable things to tell my T, I've written it down and just read it to him aloud. It's hard but it keeps things on track and ensures I say what I need to. I know your situation is different as this is your last meeting with this T.
I hope you get the closure you need. I'm sure your new T will help you process this too. As for your old T (old geazer T, not dirty sleazer T!), it seems he's given you a lot of positive things but in some ways failed to give you the validation you need - and that's quite a pity given the reasons you started seeing him - namely to process the relationship with your ex-T. Could it be positive in some way that things have gone as they have i.e. him no longer being fit to carry out therapy with you - at least now you are seeing a T with very firm boundaries who can hopefully validate your earlier experiences and get you through the feelings associated with them?
Witti
Posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2008, at 9:57:31
In reply to Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist, posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:40:49
I agree with Witti. Write it down so you don't leave anything out.
You will make it. We are all cheering you on,
antigua
Posted by Phillipa on October 10, 2008, at 10:57:35
In reply to Re: Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist » lemonaide, posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2008, at 9:57:31
This is therapist two right? Good luck. Phillipa
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 13:32:12
In reply to Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist, posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:40:49
Hi Lemonaide,
I'm sorry to ask this. It's selfish in a way because I know if I try to go back over all the old posts to put this together I will get overwhelmed and I am really wanting to follow along with you right now. Can you please clarify your situation a little? I didn't know you were still seeing T number 2... this is the one who has helped you in some ways, but was also inappropriate (the long list of wrongful disclosures, for example). Right? You had a terrible, terrible transgression on the part of T number 1, correct? And now you have just started with T number 3 (a woman) and you have had two sessions with her. Am I on the right track? I AM SO SORRY to summarize so much - I know that can feel like it's trivializing. I really would NEVER want you to feel like that. I just want to get it clear in my mind, OK?Now, have you told your new T that you are breaking it off with T #2 (if I have it right)? Can she support you in this? When do you see her again?
I definitely agree with everyone on writing it down to be clear, but seeing him in person if possible.
Please feel no pressure or obligation (OF COURSE) to answer ANY of my questions...
And I'm not sure what kind of support you would like around your brother's death but I would like to offer something... But in any case, I'm really thinking of you.
FMD
Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 15:22:47
In reply to Can I ask for clarification so that I can follow » lemonaide, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 13:32:12
FMD,
I think the long list of disclosures were courtesy of Lemonaide's first T (T1).
She then saw T2 to work through the issues surrounding T1. T2 also disclosed quite liberally by the sounds of it but not in the same way as T1. The problem with T2 was that he had major surgery and since then his memory is not the same and he doesn't remember crucial things already discussed and denies there being a problem.So reluctantly, Lemonaide now has started seeing T3 (this time a woman), who keeps far stricter boundaries and doesn't bring her own life details into the therapy - i.e. very strict about self-disclosure.
Lemonaide will now be seeing her T2 for the last time to end the relationship. He's helped her - she wants to acknowledge that and let him know and end the relationship in the right way.
I hope I explained this correctly - I think this is basically what's happened.
Witti
Posted by 10derHeart on October 10, 2008, at 16:11:02
In reply to For » FindingMyDesire, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 15:22:47
Wow, Witti what a great summary. That's sure the way I understood things. I'll bet lemonaide will appreciate it, too. (Don't mean to speak for her, though) You are very, very good at doing that.
That will really help people wanting to follow lemonaide's situation, but who maybe are newer here and/or find it difficult to recall the details, etc.
Thanks for that :-)
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 16:21:14
In reply to For » FindingMyDesire, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 15:22:47
Dearest Witti,
Thanks so much for that. What a great community Babble is to have such wonderful people watching out for each other. I sure appreciate you taking the time to post.10derHeart - thanks for understanding!
FMD
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 18:52:36
In reply to Re: Next Wed is my termination day with my therapi » lemonaide, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 8:58:03
Hi Witti,
I have decided to go ahead with meeting with him. I did call today and gave him a message that it will be our last session, so it is just sprung on him and so it goes I hope in another direction. I think he stills wants to defend that he is okay, and now that doesn't matter I believe.
My last session was were I brought up him forgetting things and I was in many tears trying to tell him, I am sure this will be more emotional. I think for me I care a lot about him, maybe more than I should, and that is interfering with my therapy. I am glad my lady T is keeping the boundaries, I don't know anything about her except what is on her website.
I think I will write him a poem if it comes to me over the weekend. He was like my adopted father in a way, he gave me something I never had from anyone, unconditional acceptance that has helped heal some parts in me that needed that. Some of my wounds have healed because of him.
Thanks for explaining my T situation on this thread, I have been busy all day painting my dinning room. I forget how hard that is to do. lol You are a good friend Witti, thank you so much for everything.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 18:53:48
In reply to Re: Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist » lemonaide, posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2008, at 9:57:31
Thanks for you support antigua! But save some for next week when I might lose my nerve to do this. lol
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 18:55:04
In reply to Re: Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist, posted by Phillipa on October 10, 2008, at 10:57:35
Thanks Phillipa,
Yes this is T #2 who I am terminating with. I know have a lady T who will be my new T, I have seen her 2 times, and so far, it it is good.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 18:55:21
In reply to Re: Next Wed is my termination day with my therapist, posted by Phillipa on October 10, 2008, at 10:57:35
Thanks Phillipa,
Yes this is T #2 who I am terminating with. I know have a lady T who will be my new T, I have seen her 2 times, and so far, it it is good.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 19:05:08
In reply to Can I ask for clarification so that I can follow » lemonaide, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 13:32:12
HI FMD,
OH, please don't try to read all my posts, I have been on Babble for at least 3 years now, and that is a lot of reading. Plus I am sure there are things I would rather not remember.lol I don't mind you asking, I would have responded earlier, but today I was painting my dinning room, so I have been off the computer most of the day.
I never thought I would even have a T, let alone 3 of them. The list of disclosure was T #1, and Witti explained everything very well. Probably better than me and it is my T story. ;-)
I will be having a hard week next week, my brother died last year and my granddaughter was born 2 days after my brother died, and she passed away 28 days later too. I don't know either what I will need. Oct 15 is the nat'l remembrance day of miscarriage , and infant loss, so maybe light a candle for that at 7pm for an hour, if you wish.
Thank you so much for your support, you are a great addition to Babble.
This is the end of the thread.
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