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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
Today I had my 2nd T and it was okay, but she kinda scared me off. And now I miss my T, the old one, he was a safe place. Now the unsureness of the new T makes me feel insecure. I have so many mixed feelings right now.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on October 7, 2008, at 14:58:42
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
((((Twin))))
Love, Sassy
Posted by lucie lu on October 7, 2008, at 16:02:04
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
> Today I had my 2nd T and it was okay, but she kinda scared me off. And now I miss my T, the old one, he was a safe place. Now the unsureness of the new T makes me feel insecure. I have so many mixed feelings right now.
Lemonaide,
You are used to deep connections with your old T - this new one needs time! You've only had two sessions. As I'm sure you are familiar from your own training, relationships take time to develop. There will be missteps, misattunements, readjustments, until you get on the same track. But she said all the right things, didn't she, when you told her why you had come? Why not wait it out, seek common ground with her? Obviously it's hard to say yet whether she is a good T or not, but she certainly seemed responsive to your needs and history, and it seems like she is on your side. That seems promising to me. I'd suggest just being patient and let the process happen. I think maybe you're just gun-shy by now, but don't let it derail what could be a positive therapeutic experience with her.
Just a thought, your last two Ts have been men. How do you feel having a woman T instead of a man? Does that feel somehow uncomfortable?
Lucie
Posted by Nadezda on October 7, 2008, at 16:05:21
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
How did she scare you off? Was it something she said, or just how it felt with her?
It does take time with a new T, and especially a woman, when you have anxieties about women. It's hard to know, at first, if someone is right.
Nadezda
Posted by seldomseen on October 7, 2008, at 16:10:57
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
My goodness! I'm sorry to hear that. How did she scare you off.
Seldom
Posted by rskontos on October 7, 2008, at 16:16:42
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
lemonaide,
i had written a long answer and somehow it got lost to cyberspace. so i am having to rewrite. i basically said the same as lucie lu. new relationships with t's take time. think back to your relationship with your old t in the beginning. and what you might say to a client yourself if you were a t. new relationships of any kind take time and yet you have a chance to try a new one and a chance to take your healing to a new level because with each new relationship we heal a little bit more don't we? can't we? i like to think so. i believe you need to give this therapist a little more time and a chance for you to see if you can trust her. i think each time we can learn to trust a new person is a chance for our soul to heal a bit. just my humble opinion.
it is ok to have mixed feelings. you started back to school, changed t's, lost your old one that represented safe space to you and a known trustworthy friend, as well as started an interinship all this is new and unchartered territory. You need to take baby steps, and give yourself some time to take all this in. But you can do this.(((((((Lemonaide))))))))
i think i said it better the first time, but this will have to do.rsk
Posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 22:53:51
In reply to Re: I miss my T, posted by sassyfrancesca on October 7, 2008, at 14:58:42
Thanks for the hugs Sassy, I needed them today.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 7, 2008, at 23:10:57
In reply to I miss my T, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 14:56:37
Hi Lemonaide,
Just thinking of you. I'm afraid I'm too tired to offer much but I will say that (as you know) starting new with a T is hard, can feel unsure and insecure. And on top of that you have your history. You are taking a risk to go after what you need and that is so inspiring!FMD
Posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 23:20:06
In reply to Re: I miss my T, posted by lucie lu on October 7, 2008, at 16:02:04
Wow you all seem to know me very well! lol One thing I have learned you can learn how to therapize other people, but when you comes to oneself, we are just as messed up as everyone. So even though I know relationships take time, it doesn't reply to me, okay. lol
You are right, I am used to the comfort my 2nd T offered me, and right now I just want to sit in his presence for that. I guess I am not at comfortable with my new T yet, that will take time.
She brought up the fact she is a women today and I might have issues around that. I agreed, I get along with males a lot better always in my life. But I am getting better at that, and she agreed.
I guess what I am uncomfortable about is what we are talking about, it is VERY personal. She wants to know what I am feeling, and where and yes today I tried not to cry talking about the abuse. She asked me why and I said I don't know. She told me it common for someone with my background to ignore my body responses to anger, and danger, till it gets overwhelming and I lose it. I have learned to dissociate the physical and emotional pain. It reminds me of my guinea pigs, when they perceive a threat, they freeze like little statues. I guess I have learn to not do this.
She talked about me not feeling, that I suppress my emotions, and what helped me survive in the past, now hinders me as an adult. She doesn't believe I am DID, but she know I dissociated in the true form while I was being abused. And sometimes when I am thinking, I lose myself in my thoughts. But I don't lose time or anything like that. But I got into 2 car accidents while being worried about my FIL dying and the other one was going to see my first T. (those were pleasant sexual thought though.)
We talked about what do I do when I feel angry, sad, etc. How does my body feel. Well I don't know, I couldn't answer most of that. I have for so long not had feelings, now I do because of last T, has brought them out. But now I have to learn to control them. I need to learn to compartmentalize my feelings in certain situations. What is interesting my family doc said the same thing to me last week.
She told me is going to ask me how I am feeling and where do I feel it while we are working together. She asked what I thought about that, and I said, It is scary for me. ( I don't know why) She want me to feel the feeling, hold the feeling and release the feeling. ugggh!So I guess today I just got out of my comfort zone with therapy. I guess there are some basic stuff we need to work on before we can even deal with my past. I notice she controls the session, not me, like I did with both T's. She lets me talk, but she doesn't let me get off the subject either. She doesn't let me go on and on about fluff stuff. lol
Next week is going to be so hard I think, it is Lia's birthday and the 1st anniv. of my brother's death. It is on my mind, but I feel kinda numb about it right now. I guess I want some comfort right now, I want my old T, to cry in his presence, and for him to emotionally hold me. That makes me sad that I can't have that now.
Posted by rskontos on October 8, 2008, at 9:27:55
In reply to ((((((((((((Everyone )))))))))))), posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 23:20:06
You know lemonaide, my t says to me that when therapy is the hardest things are working the best. And that does make sense. So what you are doing now is great work. You are getting to the heart of the matter. The things that really bother you. And to tell you the truth, if you can learn to trust her, as a woman and a therapist, I think you will gain a great deal of insight with this therapist.
Good luck sweetie, it will be a hard uncomfortable road, but isn't therapy suppose to not be a bed of pillows until you are ready to fly from the nest all better?
((((((Lemonaide))))))))
rsk
Posted by lucie lu on October 8, 2008, at 13:31:08
In reply to ((((((((((((Everyone )))))))))))), posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 23:20:06
Lemonaide,
You mentioned that you feel that she controls the sessions, and won't let you off the hook and talk about fluff. But there is an issue of pacing and timing within the sessions, and you should be an equal partner in determining that. It's something that should be negotiated. Since you are still in the early stages with her, it might be helpful to bring this out and right up front. Negotiate with her how you can let her know when you need more time and maybe a break. She can negotiate with you about how you'd like to be interacted with when she feels you'd benefit from not dropping something. Without such information, she may feel that you like her to take the lead. Remember that she is still getting to know you and what your needs are and how you operate. It will work out better if you can just talk directly about this with her. It is YOUR therapy, after all.
Good luck,
Lucie
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