![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 0:37:25
Aaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhh! With my apologies to all brothers out there (save one), Brothers suck! Aaarrrggghhhhh!
My brother is the king of getting upset during a phone call, yelling, cursing, and then hanging up. I've always thought of this as rather, er, maladaptive behavior to put it kindly. Well tonight I did it myself. For once I was the one yelling, cursing, (including the F-bomb repeatedly!), and such. He hung up, but then I went and disconnected my IM program to cut off his continued ranting via IM, essentially hanging up on him online.
Bah!
And all because, as he says, that when I once called the local ER in the town where he lived since he had fallen, gashed his head open badly, and was walking to the hospital, I "messed up his life". Ahem. I wanted to make sure he arrived instead of falling down somewhere and lying there until who knows what. Well apparently, that "caused" him "major trouble" with the police. Ummm, bro? Any trouble you had with the police was from your own behaviors and history, not from a phone call to a hospital looking for you. Most average, everyday, law-abiding citizens would not encounter "major trouble" with the police from someone calling EMS when they were injured.
Oh, and bro? I didn't call to "interfere with your life". It wasn't and isn't about YOU, bro. I called because ****I***** needed to make sure you still HAD A LIFE, bro! In other words, I called because ***I**** was worried about ***YOU****, you *ssh*l*!
Bah!!!!!!!!
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him to call me when he understands that and not before.
Bah!
sigh
end of rant
I'll go call myself immature and maladaptive now, thank you. It's probably better than throwing my mug of beer at the wall.
sigh
gg
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2008, at 9:49:33
In reply to Well now I've gone and done it., posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 0:37:25
Sometimes I think that these moments of catharsis happen for very good reasons, and we actually serve ourselves well by allowing them to happen.
A couple of summers ago I wigged out on my sister during a cross country trip - it was disruptive enough to end the journey a few days sooner than we'd originally planned. Although I too used language that I don't usually in polite company - and definitely not in our uptight family, I felt that at that time, my sister had stepped over a line that simply shouldn't have been done. I trembled with the enormity and perhaps the irreparable damage that I might have done by what I said to her that day.
In hindsight, though, I'm able to see that I was struggling mightily on that trip to establish a much needed boundary that she had regularly and apparently joyously trounced all over me, for decades. For one hard won moment, I was able to flip it back on her, and hold my own ground.
We tippy-toe around each other now - which is appropriate, in my book. I SHOULD be wary of her, and she's got a new-found wariness of my behavior. Maybe, this is called Growth.
(((((GG)))))
Posted by Phillipa on September 14, 2008, at 12:29:42
In reply to Re: Well now I've gone and done it. » Geegee, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2008, at 9:49:33
So getting mad isn't a bad thing? I find myself mad right now at my husband and kids as usual. Love Phillipa
Posted by Racer on September 14, 2008, at 13:19:57
In reply to Well now I've gone and done it., posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 0:37:25
The F-Bomb is a wonderful tool -- did you know it can be used as any part of speech? What a versatile tool!
(I know, you're just not comfortable with it. Reminds me of a story Jessica Mitford used to tell, about an elderly aunt writing to her sister Nancy about the little mole she had on her writing paper: "in my day, one called that a c**t -- one never hears that word anymore..." Nancy, by the way, commented to her sister, "it's clear she doesn't hang around Kenneth Tynan's crowd...")
Sorry, I digress, but don't I do it well? Oh, look -- a butterfly!
HoneyChild, that's all perfectly OK. Sometimes you just can't get things across by reason, logic, gentle repetition -- a lesson I learned with a particular Bitch-Mare-From-Hell, by the way -- sometimes you have to get the message across by sheer force. Anger is OK.
Repeat that a few times: Anger is OK.
A wise friend of mine once told me that emotions just are. Not good, not bad. They just are. Your brother inspires anger in you. OK. That's just the way it is.
Wanting to be terribly, terribly controlled leads to -- well, it leads to being me. So, get the heck over it, woman!
xoxo
Posted by Poet on September 14, 2008, at 19:00:37
In reply to Well now I've gone and done it., posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 0:37:25
Hi GG,
I'm glad you didn't throw your mug of beer at the wall. That would be a waste of good beer. The exception would be if your brother were there in person and you threw it in his face.
The F bomb is a normal part of my vocabulary which has gotten me in trouble more than once at places where I've worked. Sometimes you just gotta say it and I'm rather proud of you for doing it and hanging up on your brother online, too.
Cyber slap to your brother.
Poet
Posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 20:30:14
In reply to Re: Well now I've gone and done it. » Geegee, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2008, at 9:49:33
It can be rough, huh? I've tried to talk rationally about this with him in the past. Honestly, I think laying into him meets him where he's at, so maybe it was a good thing. Felt good, anyway. And for me, swearing, hanging up, ranting a bit, and then letting it go has been good. He continued to go on and on for awhile, apparently. Today I found 3 emails in my inbox, two from right after and one from this afternoon. He's decided to not ever have any contact with me again. Must have hit a nerve. But hey, if contact with him always ends up the same way, I suppose it's a good thing. But oh, the projection in his emails! lol
sigh
So tippy toeing is good. Maybe we can improve to that someday down the road. In the meantime, he's far enough away that I don't ever see him anymore anyway.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 20:32:32
In reply to About the F-Bomb » Geegee, posted by Racer on September 14, 2008, at 13:19:57
Who was that masked, I mean wise woman, anyway? ;)
Thanks for the encouragement and support. It sure did feel good, though the argument itself was annoying at best. At least he didn't laugh at me the way my hubby did the last time I really let them loose. Must be getting better at it. Perhaps I should practice more???? ;)
Thanks,
gg
Posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 20:37:13
In reply to Re: Well now I've gone and done it. » Geegee, posted by Poet on September 14, 2008, at 19:00:37
> Hi GG,
>
> I'm glad you didn't throw your mug of beer at the wall. That would be a waste of good beer.Well, it was Miller Light after all. I'm not sure I would mind wasting that. I use it on the compost occasionally, to get it going again. I'd never do that with my Amstel Light. But we're all out of wine (whine whine!) and good beer. Only hard liquor here at the moment, which I can't have with Nardil. No electricity for much of the afternoon thanks to 40-50 mph winds, so I couldn't go out to get some today, either. May have to do a late run. Need ice cream, too. :)
> The exception would be if your brother were there in person and you threw it in his face.
Now THAT would be something to see! It might even make him speechless, something that pretty much never happens. (runs in the family)
>
> The F bomb is a normal part of my vocabulary which has gotten me in trouble more than once at places where I've worked. Sometimes you just gotta say it and I'm rather proud of you for doing it and hanging up on your brother online, too.Thanks. It's part of my GG only vocabulary, and very occasionally will slip out in front of my hubby, usually directed at certain politicians on the television, so he doesn't mind. Though he does tend to think that cursing is not very lady-like. But boy oh boy, did it feel good. Guess it's not all that bad for me to do on occasion. Doesn't mean I've "lost it" or anything.
>
> Cyber slap to your brother.
>Ah yes, thanks. :)
gg
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.