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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lemonaide on August 11, 2008, at 20:50:44
Oh, by the way I did see my current T at the gym on Sat, the day after my first migraine. I was at the front desk talking to girl there about starting college, and in walks me T. It went okay, it didn't even feel weird, expect for the surprise of seeing him there at the exact time.
But anyways, I have been thinking about my life, what my old T and what I have gone through, I wrote out a few poems, got me feelings out. A lot of anger and hurt came through those poems.
Now I am thinking I really don't like my old T much. When I think about him as a person, even though we have a lot in common, there is something about him, maybe his arrogant attitude that puts me off. I just don't like him anymore. I don't know if this is progress, or maybe I have processed some of the hurt and anger some.
Tomorrow I am plan on reading my poems and telling my T what I am feeling now.
Having that migraine, was like a sign for me that I need to let go of all of this stress. Maybe the EMDR that I cried through last session, did help. The intensity of my emotions on Tues. session, followed by the release(EMDR) can bring on migraines. But after the migraine, I feel better than I have felt in a very long time. I feel happy and content, lighter.I am scared of feeling good because I don't want it to end, I want it to last. But something happened to me last week. It will be interesting to hear my T's response to this.
Posted by Phillipa on August 12, 2008, at 12:20:15
In reply to Thinking about tomorrow's session, posted by Lemonaide on August 11, 2008, at 20:50:44
Lemonaide well you will let us know? Phillipa
Posted by Lemonaide on August 12, 2008, at 13:39:20
In reply to Re: Thinking about tomorrow's session » Lemonaide, posted by Phillipa on August 12, 2008, at 12:20:15
Thanks Phillipa for asking!
I had a very good session. We talked about my writing and how it helps me work things out in my mind so I can put it to rest. My poems are also a justification of the harm of the abuse or mistreatment I have received from others. All my life I had to be silenced from my abusers, I no longer willing to hold onto all the crap inside me because I am telling. I am telling everyone what happened to me.
Plus making it into a poem, creates what was so horrible into a thing of beauty. Even sad and angry poems can be beautiful because it is part of lives. He agrees my poems are very powerful and full of what I feel. He feels it is a healthy way to talk of the rage I feel in much safer avenues. In the meantime I found a new voice to communicate how I feel. Maybe I will someday put them all in a book, maybe with others survivors poems, and sell them for charity to help prevent child abuse.We also talked about the pattern of men in my life since I was a teenager or a client, who sexualized the relationship with me, one where I trusted them as a child. My T's relationship falls within this too. Even though I was a child and a client in these cases, what did I do or not do to for these relationship to create this. Was it my looks? I feel more comfortable being overweight so I stop getting the attention from men in public. Why do I feel so intimidated from this attention from men, I do not attract this attention by my dress or actions, plus I am overweight. What can I do to stop this. Then we talked about trust and our relationship. It was a full session and I am ready to continue.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2008, at 14:11:28
In reply to Re: Thinking about tomorrow's session, posted by Lemonaide on August 12, 2008, at 13:39:20
It sounds like a productive session. Talking about our self image is always hard.
Posted by seldomseen on August 12, 2008, at 16:21:45
In reply to Re: Thinking about tomorrow's session, posted by Lemonaide on August 12, 2008, at 13:39:20
I'm glad things went well with your T today. Poems are a wonderful way to turn something innately ugly into something beautiful.
Your use of imagery in your poems is very striking. They can be simultaneously beautiful and shocking.
Turning something ugly into something beautiful... That's something a lot of us end up trying to do isn't it?
Peace
Seldom
Posted by Lemonaide on August 13, 2008, at 7:34:55
In reply to Re: Thinking about tomorrow's session » Lemonaide, posted by seldomseen on August 12, 2008, at 16:21:45
Hi Seldom,
Thanks, I am glad you can appreciate my poems. It just feels like something I have to do. It also gives what happened to me a form, not just constant telling what happened over and over, plus it concentrates on the feeling and not just the intellectualizing of what happened. Poems that just rely on intellect usually aren't all that good.
Writing a poem and having it on my blog or published, makes it almost like a tombstone of what happened. I of course will never forget, but it gives me something "solid" to show my grief of what happened. I think survivors are told so often, can't you just move on, why air you dirty laundry? Survivors are often not believed by some and having a remembrance of what it felt like, gives it some weight, but not on shoulders. I do plan to move beyond what happened to me, and I will feel different some day, but I want it to be know what abusers do to their victims, how much hurt they cause.
This is the end of the thread.
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