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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 5, 2008, at 17:29:25
This is the first time that I've felt strongly that it's happening at a bad time for me. Too many things going on for me to process easily - I posted on the Social board about them.
She said I could call and leave a message and that she could call me back at some point when she was on a break during her trip - she was that concerned about how I was doing. I think I would rather do that than call the "on call" therapist, whom I've never spoken to.
I feel like I'm flailing here. Like I finally have gotten to the point in therapy when I've been able to tell her honestly when I'm not doing well, and the timing is such that her vacation came up just as I would have been seeing her more often. Just circumstances.
And of course, I turn to babble and this place is rather quiet. I'm so needy and that's not one of my more likable qualities about myself. I do look at my issues and problems and can't help but compare them to others who face much more serious things, and I feel so, well, inferior. (I've been using that word a lot lately. At least it's a change from loser.)
Posted by antigua3 on August 5, 2008, at 17:58:53
In reply to My T is on vacation too, posted by Partlycloudy on August 5, 2008, at 17:29:25
Mine too. For me, I can't figure out if I'm more needy because she is away, or because life really is more difficult right now. The chicken or egg kind of thing.
I kind of hate her today, our regular appt. day. Thing is, she would love to hear me say that so we could discuss. But I won't feel that way when she comes back, because I'll be so grateful she is back.
Yes, I know, write it down. But I don't want to. I'm being stubborn.
So you're not alone.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
In reply to Re: My T is on vacation too, posted by antigua3 on August 5, 2008, at 17:58:53
Way too many therapists away on vacation. There ought to be a rule. No vacation longer than a long weekend.
And absolutely no vacations during a crisis for us. It absolutely astounds me how many horrible external events happen while my therapist is gone. :(
Posted by Suedehead on August 5, 2008, at 21:35:51
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
> And absolutely no vacations during a crisis for us. It absolutely astounds me how many horrible external events happen while my therapist is gone. :(
You too, huh? Ugh. This is seriously the worst possible time for mine to be away. I'm so angry with him, though I know that's not really fair.
I really do wish there were a rule...
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:45:35
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort » Dinah, posted by Suedehead on August 5, 2008, at 21:35:51
Mine's not away at the moment. He doesn't have any vacation plans this year that I know of, although he is going away for half a week to a conference or something.
It's not that every time he goes away something horrible happens. It's more that whenever something horrible happens, he seems to be away.
Yours is away too? It must be August.
Posted by Phillipa on August 6, 2008, at 0:43:53
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort » Suedehead, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:45:35
Yup it's August. Can't believe summer's almost over. Phillipa
Posted by Daisym on August 6, 2008, at 0:49:06
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort » Suedehead, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:45:35
Being angry for them being gone is hard to hold. Because intellectually I think we all know that they need vacations to be capable of doing their jobs. And let's be honest, is there really a good time for them to go away? I do sometimes think that I create a crisis just so that I can prove I need him - not that I'm saying anyone else here does that.
No need to apologize for being needy. This is the place to bring it. I hope we provide some support and distraction. I'll bring the Angel-food cake and strawberries to Camp Comfort. Any other requests?
Posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 1:56:05
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
It's so weird, and I really don't know if should post this. I may regret it. But probably not - I'll just disappear and run away like I do. But my former T. I still email many times a week is also on vacation starting tomorrow. We only communicate when he's working, as it also was when I was a *real* client. I'm happy for him as I know he needs a break and it's for a happy family event, but of course, I hate it, too. It seems worse now....and if I allow myself to think of it, oh how I resent his clients, because for them, no matter how lonely, difficult, sad, seemingly unbearable the absence is, they'll ALL have that great day where - he -- comes -- back.
But not me :-( {tears}
(Okay, yes, he *comes back* through email, and I'm so grateful, but....it's so, so not the same.)
I want to participate here, but it seems, having an ex-T., that I can't, won't think of as ex...well, it's all so triggering - the whole board. I even envy the awful problems and pain some have with their T's because they *have* their Ts. I know that's terrible, and I hope anyone who just read that and is suffering can forgive me. But I'd rather be fighting or not trusting or hurt by him than never see him again. I miss him so much.
Anyway, now I've brought this thread way down to the dumps....
He did leave me this great voice mail early this morning (I asked for it) which I ought to go listen to again. I've only listened to it 4 times today :-) He's not great at those, because it's awkward, but this one is pretty good. Maybe my favorite thing was that he acted like an ex-client of 3 months is perfectly justified in asking for a comforting voice mail - he never missed a beat, and I kept apologizing for being a big, clingy baby...
He's so sweet and patient and unchanging, but I think he just doesn't realize at this rate, he'll never be rid of me. He says that's fine, but that's, well, that's crazy, I think. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" applies totally in this situation and I wonder if he really realizes that.
Thanks for making a safe place for my occasional blurting. Maybe one of these times I can stay around somehow. Bah humbug on vacations.
Posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 2:00:13
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Daisym on August 6, 2008, at 0:49:06
...whipped cream, nuts, maybe chocolate sauce or chocolate of any kind....
.....hmm, lemme think some more...
Posted by Annierose on August 6, 2008, at 8:23:33
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 1:56:05
Don't apologize. I totally get what you are saying ... it makes perfect sense to me so it's not weird (grin).
I love how your therapist is taking care of you since you moved. It's nice that he is allowing the e-mails and left you that voice mail.
Since grief is so painful, have you thought of finding a therapist in your new area to help you with the loss and/or to continue the work?
Posted by Annierose on August 6, 2008, at 8:27:56
In reply to My T is on vacation too, posted by Partlycloudy on August 5, 2008, at 17:29:25
I'll be joining Camp Comfort next week ... new arrivals are welcomed daily.
This is becoming annual poor planning on my part ... when my therapist gets back from vacation, I will be gone on vacation ... so I won't see her until after Labor Day. (But I do get to visit Daisy ... so it's like REAL CAMP COMFORT FOR ME for a few days before the vacation with my in-laws/out-laws begins ...)
Posted by raisinb on August 6, 2008, at 9:50:00
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 1:56:05
10der, don't feel bad for saying that. I'd feel the same way. As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel a little ashamed of breaking down over all the issues with my therapist, when there are people here whose therapists have abruptly left--emotionally or physically.
It sounds like you and your therapist have a wonderful bond. Not too many therapists would do what he is doing. And I'm sure you don't have to apologize to him for it. He is doing it because he wants to and because he cares.
I'm sorry he's on vacation. Sounds like it's bringing up all the feelings related to leaving him all over again. I know it feels like for you, he won't come back--but he will, right? not in person, but he'll continue to be there for you long-distance. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 6, 2008, at 9:54:41
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
I'll bring a quilt so old it's softened to flannel. Lightweight and cuddly. A bowl of raspberries with seeds that never get caught in our teeth. Some bluegrass music to listen to. A pond to look out over. Some iced tea brewing slowly to sweeten or not as we see fit.
I'll be right there.
Posted by antigua3 on August 6, 2008, at 9:58:31
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
I want chocolate. Milk chocolate. M&Ms maybe, and some good books. The weather has to be warm so the sun feels good on my face, but not so hot that I'm uncomfortable. The nights should be cold. Comforter required; a really, nice cozy one and a pleasant room to sleep in, one that will let the morning light come streaming in.
for breakfast, I want us all to get together for coffee or tea, so we can talk & and have stimulating conversations in our comfy clothes without worrying what we look like; we can just be ourselves.
Oh, and a place to take nice long walks, along the water.
That's what I want,
antigua
Posted by antigua3 on August 6, 2008, at 10:24:25
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by antigua3 on August 6, 2008, at 9:58:31
I just described how it is when I go to my mother's!!!!
antigua
Posted by Nadezda on August 6, 2008, at 10:56:29
In reply to Scary thought, posted by antigua3 on August 6, 2008, at 10:24:25
What is it with these Ts and August. Is there some unspoken law that all Ts have to leave town at the same time? Is it mass hysteria?
My t always says he can't have anyone cover for him-- because no one he knows is around. Unless I press him really hard, he can't come up with a name. Maybe he's particularly resistant to it-- and actually I don't think anyone else could come into the situation and say much. But in principle, it's important to have someone cover.
Seriously though-- even though they need the break-- there should be a limit on time length of it, I think. Four weeks is too much (IMO). Not when you have people really depending on your consistence and presence.
Mine does keep in touch-- and I hope all of them make some effort to be at least a little available-- to email, letters, or the occasional phone call to their voicemail. The abruptness and completeness of their absence otherwise seems awfully harsh.
Nadezda
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2008, at 11:38:23
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 1:56:05
I can certainly understand. It would hurt me so much to not see my therapist in person.
You really have something special. Your therapist is staying in contact in a way that many or most therapists wouldn't. My therapist, when he was gone to Europe, emailed me so briefly and formally that I rather wish he hadn't bothered. You may feel envious of people with therapists, but I feel envious of you. He really does care about you, person to person.
I know you know that. And it probably doesn't help to point it out. It probably just makes it harder in some ways.
It really does stink in some ways, this therapy relationship.
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 6, 2008, at 12:24:40
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
Please accept my enrollment application for as many sessions as can be squeezed in during the month of August. I promise to be a good camper. When we go swimming I will try not to go off the deep end. I will also bring something to the picnic. Can I bring finger food? I am very regressed.Love, Lucie Lu
Posted by Fallsfall on August 7, 2008, at 7:10:40
In reply to Dear Camp Comfort... » Dinah, posted by Lucie Lu on August 6, 2008, at 12:24:40
Today is my last session before my therapist goes on vacation for two weeks.
I'm going to bring my Wii with DDR to Camp Comfort. Does anyone else have a DDR mat to bring? It is really fun when two people (try to) do it at the same time.
See you there!
Posted by onceupon on August 7, 2008, at 10:27:56
In reply to Re: Dear Camp Comfort..., posted by Fallsfall on August 7, 2008, at 7:10:40
Can I join in as a temporary enrollee? My therapist isn't on vacation (that's in 2 weeks), but she just called and cancelled on me for today. Not fair to cancel so close to her vacation :(
I'll bring the perfect cherries I have in my refrigerator and some sand. I'd like the feeling of warm sand under my feet right now.
Posted by Nadezda on August 7, 2008, at 11:06:27
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2008, at 11:38:23
I propose that we have a meditation or mindfulness group here. We can do all sorts of useful practices to turn out minds to something other than our Ts or our sense of abandonment or loss.
It doesn't need to be a large group. One or two other people besides me would be great.
Nadezda
Posted by antigua3 on August 7, 2008, at 14:05:07
In reply to Re: Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Nadezda on August 7, 2008, at 11:06:27
Count me in.
antigua
Posted by Suedehead on August 7, 2008, at 18:58:09
In reply to Re: Dear Camp Comfort..., posted by Fallsfall on August 7, 2008, at 7:10:40
Count me in at Camp Comfort too, please! For the next 10 days...
And Fallsfall, I love DDR, so I will definitely play with you.
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 7, 2008, at 20:21:25
In reply to Re: Dear Camp Comfort..., posted by Suedehead on August 7, 2008, at 18:58:09
OK, I'll bite... what is DDR?
Posted by Suedehead on August 7, 2008, at 20:44:20
In reply to Re: Dear Camp Comfort... » Suedehead, posted by Lucie Lu on August 7, 2008, at 20:21:25
>
> OK, I'll bite... what is DDR?It's a video game. Basically, you jump around on a platform that has four arrows on it (up, down, left, right) while listening to music and watching a video screen that shows you which arrows you're supposed to hit. It's a lot of fun and can get pretty tricky/fast depending on the song/level you're playing.
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