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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by vwoolf on July 2, 2008, at 11:11:11
My T is going away on holiday soon and I only have one more session before she leaves. As always she asked what I need while she is away.
I never know what to reply. I mean, what I really need is for her to not go on holiday, but I guess that is not going to work. In the past I have asked for telephonic contact and she has always agreed to that, no matter where in the world she is. But it doesn't really help.
Do your T's ask you what you need? What would you need? Does anything work?
I'd love some suggestions.
Posted by lucie lu on July 2, 2008, at 11:29:04
In reply to What do you need when your T is away, posted by vwoolf on July 2, 2008, at 11:11:11
Hi vwoolf (good name, can I call you virginia?) - summer is nice except that our T's all go away for vacation. See the thread above ("how do we deal with T separations?"). There were a lot of good suggestions. The most intriguing, at least for me and if I can do it, is to "reframe it" (I think daisym's wording but it was mentioned in a couple of posts) and try to make it into a growth opportunity or at least something other than gritting the teeth and suffer feeling abandoned. I mentioned this idea to my T, since it has always been a problem for us even over 5 summers (we're 6 years in the fall)! We agreed to try to look at the reframing possibilities before he goes in August. Will keep you posted if we get any new insights, but do check out the thread above. A range of useful comments. Maybe someone has thought of something else in the meantime and can add it to your thread. Seems like you can't have too much discussion on this topic - that's how we know it is summer ;)Best, Lucie
Posted by raisinb on July 2, 2008, at 12:06:24
In reply to What do you need when your T is away, posted by vwoolf on July 2, 2008, at 11:11:11
Hi vwoolf,
It always helps me when, before missing a session, my therapist says that I can call her if I need her. Somehow, this magically makes her "appear" in the back of my mind during the break, as opposed to her "disappearing" when the session ends.
But you said telephone contact doesn't help, so maybe the "reframing" suggestion is a good one.
Oddly enough, my therapist sometimes seems to make it worse by making a big deal out of it when she misses a session. I'll go in feeling pretty unworried about missing just one or two, and she'll say she feels like she's leaving me alone for a week, that it's a long time, that she wants me to know she is thinking about how hard it will be for me. Then I think, "Wait! It IS going to be hard. Now I am upset!" So maybe the solution is to ignore it :)
More seriously, I always find that keeping myself busy with friends and phone calls to family really helps. When my therapist is away, I worry that I am totally alone. Seeing other people who care shows me that being connected to the human race isn't contingent on her.
Also, I journal a lot, trying to assess my progress. I work hard to find little ways in which I've changed that I might have overlooked, in addition to the big things (if you keep a regular journal, the material is already there; you just have to go back through it.) This makes me feel really good and helps me like myself a little more, which is helpful when I feel abandoned. Also, it helps me look forward to the time when I can do for myself a little of what my therapist does for me--I start to know that I'll take this with me always, even if therapy ended tomorrow.
Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2008, at 12:15:58
In reply to What do you need when your T is away, posted by vwoolf on July 2, 2008, at 11:11:11
On occasion I spend my session fee on a pleasurable distraction. Or bury myself in an enthusiasm.
But then, my coping skills are rarely all that adaptive.
Posted by Phillipa on July 2, 2008, at 12:30:33
In reply to Re: What do you need when your T is away, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2008, at 12:15:58
With vacations guessing not a good time to find a T. Oh well. Love Phillipa ps have no coping skills seriously.
Posted by backseatdriver on July 2, 2008, at 15:52:01
In reply to Re: What do you need when your T is away, posted by Phillipa on July 2, 2008, at 12:30:33
I try to remember to check my meds and be sure to have enough to cover the break. I try to remember how much he cares about me. I think about how I know this for sure -- I know he cares, because I feel like he does. My feelings are reliable sources of knowledge about other people and how *they* feel. This is a big step for me, a lesson I keep learning.
Sometimes, I read books by psychiatrists about psychiatry. Samuel Shem's MOUNT MISERY is a favorite; also novels by Irving Yalom.
I've been holding our last session for ten days now and I'm starting to lose my grip. Good thing we're meeting again early next week. Trying to reframe this feeling of "loss of grip" as well.
I felt the loss this morning, & took double zoloft. Breakfast of champions. Upping the meds a little helps, too, as a last resort.
Posted by Daisym on July 2, 2008, at 21:17:50
In reply to Re: What do you need when your T is away, posted by backseatdriver on July 2, 2008, at 15:52:01
Sometimes I need something tangible - like his talisman (with picture inside) and sometimes I need to feel held in his mind. I have something that is very special to me that I give him to hold while he is gone, or if I am gone.
I also usually need to know where (generally speaking) he is going. That way if there is a flood/tornado/earthquake/hurricane/bridge collapse/plane crash/hostage situation/hostile take-over/stock market crash...I'll know he isn't effected and I'll not worry. (You can plainly see that I don't worry much...)
I journal a lot, sometimes writing as if I'm talking to him. And I try to stay busy, which works about half the time.
My therapist goes on vacation next week but I haven't seen him in almost two weeks because of my injury. We are doing phone sessions, which isn't the same but helps some. So perhaps we need to open camp comfort - with ramps for some of us this year!
This is the end of the thread.
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