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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
So that makes 3-4 labels that I have now, depending on how you count them:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Mild
Attachment Disorder (this is kind of the optional one since it goes with the PTSD)and now...
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Yup. I told my T yesterday about the compulsions, the things I've been too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I have to do. They've been going on for years and years now, and they get worse with stress and better with less stress. Right now is high stress, so they're really bad and really upsetting me, so I bit the bullet and told him.
He was great. I told him after telling him many times that he couldn't think I was weird, and him agreeing, and saying he only thought supernatural stuff was weird. And that I was worried he would tell me something was wrong with me, and him saying, "I don't think I've ever found anything to be wrong with you, sunnydays," in a really gentle voice.
And he totally got it that I can't help it and it's not as simple as just not doing it, and that I hadn't told him because I was embarrassed. He totally got it. The catch is now he wants me to see pdoc and change meds to try to help with it. I hate changing meds.
And he just made it seem totally normal, and said this stuff is a continuum and it's really treatable for most people and that he was glad I told him.
So how come I still feel like now there's just one more thing wrong with me that I have to deal with? And that I'm totally defective?
But it's a lot better knowing that someone else knows and it's not a total secret anymore. It's just sooo embarrassing.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on June 6, 2008, at 12:50:17
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
Sunnydays no got it too when stress is hight it's worse. Used to count license plates numbers and add them and only drink a certain number of sips of water. Now have to do everything same way daily. Part of the stress syndrome which does go with PTSD my first or second diagnosis. Phillipa
Posted by muffled on June 6, 2008, at 15:56:07
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
OCD is not so rare.
Its hard.
I have a relation w/it and its hard to see him struggle with it at times as he refuses to deal with it.
I understand it can be helped alot w/meds and T.
I am glad you told T SD, that was good.
You still the same, labels are just that labels only.
M
Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 6, 2008, at 16:37:27
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
I agree with Muffled-- labels are just labels-- you didn't just start this struggle because you got a label-- it's been a part of you for a long time-- you are still you.
I have several "labels" too. (PTSD, OCD, major depressive disorder recurrent- moderate, and various personality disorders and dissociate at random) I think we are not defined by our labels- they are just a mere part of us that is always subject to change.
Maybe think of it this way-- knowing what you struggle with gives you a direction to go, to work on things-- being given a label can be a positive thing if used to ones benefit. gives one a starting point sort of.....
It sounds like your T. is very understanding-- that's a plus. :o)wishing you inner peace,
flutterby- mandy
Posted by rskontos on June 6, 2008, at 16:56:11
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by fleeting flutterby on June 6, 2008, at 16:37:27
Sunnydays, if you want my opinion I personally believe that when we have something wrong say maybe it starts with an attachment disorder, or depression or something like anxiety and it goes untreated or unrecognized by say us or our docs because we don't fully disclose, then something gets added to the mix because we or rather our brains try to compensate. Just like our bodies do when we don't get enough of a certain mineral or vitamin our bodies try to compensate in another fashion and soon we have a different issue or it becomes compounded. I would venture that we all start our with our basic fundamental needs not being met and from there our
brains compensate all in different ways for our individual needs. This is all that happened to you. So what if now the professionals need to label it in order to treat you. You are you. Sunnydays with some unique characteristics that make you the special individual you are. Sure you have some flaws that your world created. But, you are trying to get help to right them best you can. It is ok. I admire you coming clean. That is bravery of the highest degree. I am awed by that. I only admit a small portion of mine. Perhaps that is why my therapy is stymied at the moment.So you go girl I am proud and awed by you.
rsk
Posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:46:37
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
They are only labels.. Not something new wrong with you..Lables su*ck but aren't so bad if they give you an idea of how to deal with things with your meds. We aren't defective, we just are what we are and it's not our faults at all.. I am sorry though for all of usw..
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 6, 2008, at 18:01:38
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label » sunnydays, posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:46:37
SD,
to tell your T about something that's been bothering you for so long takes tremendous courage. I'm really proud of you.I think you knew that you had the label already. That just adds to the stress really, because we often keep ourselves just barely below diagnostic criteria so that we won't have another problem to deal with. But it catches up on you in the long run.
So, you have OCD? Well, perhaps just think of it like "OCD-like tendencies that need special care and attention"
I'm sorry about the med changes. That's no fun, but the potential for relief is THERE and that's what matters.
I think you deserve an ice cream cone.
-Ll
Posted by DAisym on June 6, 2008, at 19:36:30
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by llurpsienoodle on June 6, 2008, at 18:01:38
I like the ice cream idea - with sprinkles and marshmellows. You really did do a very brave thing. My therapist would ask, "Why now? What made it safe enough for you to finally tell me?" I bet your therapist was really, really glad you shared with him.
I think we all have little rituals and things we do that are embarrassing and a bit distressing. But when it bothers you - the one who is doing it - then it is time to get help for it. Medication really can help switch it off, even if it is just for a short time so you can learn a new way to sort of deal with stress and just be in the world without these behaviors. The idea is to let go - not replace them, necessarily. But be careful, sometimes after we tell, we want to quit things cold turkey. This can be dangerous, because without your coping mechanism, you'll be even more stressed and near that edge. So be gentle with yourself.
Your therapist, who always gets gold stars from me, gets a really big one today. I'm glad he handled it in his usual gentle fashion.
:)
Posted by Dinah on June 6, 2008, at 20:02:27
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
It may be one more label, but not necessarily something totally separate from anything else. Just another manifestation.
I often find that when I deal with one thing, like OCD tendencies, another pops it's head up. They're all ways to deal with stress, and my finely tuned nervous system.
It'll be ok. And I'm glad you trusted him to tell him.
Posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 23:25:07
In reply to so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 11:31:48
Wow. Thanks everyone. I do realize on some level that it's just a label. But there's still that young part of me that came home from T, flopped on the bed and cried because, "I don't want anything more to be wrong with me."
Telling has made me much much much more aware of all the little rituals and things I do. But I'm not really trying to stop them. I figure that maybe will have to come later and there's no point stressing myself out about it now.
I also told him at the end that I was starting to realize that the trauma stuff wasn't going to just go away and never have happened and that I was going to have to find a way somehow to deal with it and integrate it into a part of who I am. Because I really want to get to a point where I can talk about it without it bothering me and be able to bring it up when it's relevant and stuff. My T thought it was really profound, which I guess maybe it is, but I hadn't thought of it that way.
My T is really nice. :)
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on June 7, 2008, at 11:54:04
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 23:25:07
There is nothing MORE wrong with you, thats just the point.
You still the same. Ya, still sucks...I know....
Just another label attached. A piece of paper. But you the same.
You smart cookie OK.
Ya you T is nice :-)
M
Posted by Poet on June 8, 2008, at 11:02:52
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label, posted by sunnydays on June 6, 2008, at 23:25:07
Hi Sunnydays,
I keep telling myself my label(s) are for insurance purposes only. Though I think all the writing Dr. Clueless does is like the Far Side cartoon where the pdoc is writing "just plain nuts" on the chart.
Poet
Posted by sunnydays on June 8, 2008, at 12:26:23
In reply to Re: so now T knows... and I get another label » sunnydays, posted by Poet on June 8, 2008, at 11:02:52
That made me smile. :) I've been told I'm perfectly normal for so many medical things, even thought it's not typical-normal, that things like that make me laugh. I'm so abnormal that I've swung around to normal again! :) That probably doesn't make sense, but it does to me.
sunnydays
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