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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 11:27:52
My T is retiring in Oct - obv this brings up a lot of bad stuff for me and it's fair to say I am having a traumatic raw time.
I'm trying to set about the business of looking for a new T, without much success. I accept that no one is going to 'be' her or replace her, but what I had with her was a very special connection. It has been THAT which has helped and healed.
Every time i meet a new T this gets reinforced and i go back to my terrible grieving rather than trying to be positive about the future.
How do I find another 'right' person with who i can 'click'??? Any advice/words appreciated
Posted by B2chica on May 13, 2008, at 12:20:04
In reply to Trying to find a new T, posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 11:27:52
did you ever watch M*A*S*H ??
i remember i loved frank burns and when he left i knew they were going to replace him.
but instead of trying to find someone that was sniveling ferret face like frank they went completely different and got charles emerson winchester the III.
and it was brilliant.ok windy. but my point is. this is such a new move for you it will be hard to search for one while you are still hanging on to the other because you know what you have and you want to look for THAT in the other. COMPARISON...it will be hard but you just can't do it.
you wont find it.when i had to find another after my FAV T left. i went to one but she was terrible but i needed something for a few months. finally i went without for a few months. finally i started looking again. fresh. for me that made the world of difference.
i needed to separate myself from what i had to what was real and what was out there.
what you have is great but every person is different, so even if chemistry is Great the dynamic or personality wont be the same, it just will never be the same as what you have now. So you need to see that AND accept that. the sooner you do the sooner you can be open to finding that next appropriate and great new fit just for you. you may possibly find something just as wonderful heck maybe even better if that's possible, but not without separating your potential T from your current T.
*********************so pick out points that you like about your T, both professional and personal and take out the personality. put them on paper.
you may not need or want something completely different, but maybe so.
and maybe you need to try something you wouldn't normally try, different gender, picking names out of the phone book rather than referral. etc.
these are just ideas.
if you are nervous enough no need to vere from what you are comfortable with.
after all this is your health. and you need to be comfortable before you can open up and trust right.best wishes
and keep us posted.
HTHb2c.
Posted by Phillipa on May 13, 2008, at 12:34:58
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T » myrtledog, posted by B2chica on May 13, 2008, at 12:20:04
I seriously don't feel what I would like from a therapist exixts. Oh course I have medicaire so the best don't accept it. So I take what I can get. Phillipa. Use your computer too and type in your area and therapists and maybe a list and their education and specialty will be there I have one for my area. Good luck Phillipa
Posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 12:36:07
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T » myrtledog, posted by B2chica on May 13, 2008, at 12:20:04
Thanks so much for that - it really helped, a lot
Posted by B2chica on May 13, 2008, at 15:07:20
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T, posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 12:36:07
no prob.
its never easy finding a "good fit" T. but its especially hard when you've got the best T already.
i understand, i've been there. but i was lucky in that i was able to take a break for a few months before i started looking for another. (plus i had that crappy one in between)
but i did switch genders which i NEVER in a million years thought i'd go see a female T since i have so many "female/trust" issues. but my former (FAV) T, strongly suggested before he left that my next T be female for exactly that reason. to help me move past them.well, i may not be past them. but it so happens that she actually Dx properly with DD and now i know what's going on with me and its much better to understand and get a handle on...well at least better than not knowing. plus she knows JUST how to handle me/them.
best best luck.
b2c.
Posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 15:26:50
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T » myrtledog, posted by B2chica on May 13, 2008, at 15:07:20
Yeah I really thought about changing gender - feels a real scary prospect to have a male T. I have csa issues and am constantly craving 'mommy', so to choose male would probably be a step forward. I dont' know. It's all so raw at the moment.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on May 13, 2008, at 21:07:34
In reply to Trying to find a new T, posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 11:27:52
Have you considered trying to find someone totally different---older, younger, different gender, etc.? Someone who wouldn't replace her at all, someone who would complement the work you've done. I recently moved and had to switch T's. My new T is different in her approach (more talkative, directive), younger, and I have a more peer-like transference with her rather than a maternal one. I still miss old T very much, but the differences have eased the transition.
Just a thought. Good luck with this difficult transition.
Best,
EE
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on May 13, 2008, at 21:12:12
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T, posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 15:26:50
Okay, I just read the avbove posts and they totally gave the same advice I did. Oops. Sorry to be redundant. :)
Best,
EE
Posted by B2chica on May 14, 2008, at 8:01:30
In reply to Re: Trying to find a new T, posted by myrtledog on May 13, 2008, at 15:26:50
i think the best thing might just be to 'feel them out'. to just go and meet some people, males too. and see how it makes you feel. if nothing else, if you do end up seeing a female again, at least you can say you tried. you saw males but it just didn't feel right...etc.
and hopefully you have a few months do i remember you saying that. was it august...or october can't remember sorry brain dead here.
anyway. hopefully you have some time to do all this so it isn't overwhelmingly at once.good luck!
b2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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