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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
We are going to meet twice a week now for as long as it takes.
I was very very honest with him. Told him that I was in a major crisis and that I needed his help.
In fact, I just did a total emotional dump about everything. The cutting, the guilt I felt about all this happening when he had a death in the family, the horrible phone call, how I was worried that he was disappointed in me when I was doing so well previously.
Then I pretty much rounded out the session by making him promise he would never leave me again like that.
He was very supportive and reassuring.
He definately had his therapy hat on and it wasn't the same old gibberish.
I'm so glad I don't have to wait a week, I don't think the feelings will have time to build up again before I see him again.
He kept the check by the way ;) (in all fairness, I pretty much had to beg him to though)
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:42:24
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
Posted by rskontos on April 21, 2008, at 18:04:24
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
Seldom,
I am glad you worked it out. And good for you to cleanse your soul and dump on him. Don't feel bad or worried that you were doing better and now you aren't doing so well. Things come in cycles anyway. Everyone tells me that things like remembering abuse comes when you are ready. You were getting ready to terminate right. And that is when this remembrance of SA came to you. Just before you terminated. Good thing it came before and not after. Right when you were ready, you said yourself you were in a good place. I think that is were you need to be to handle something like that. Now you are ready, where his help to deal with it. And I guess maybe money talks. And maybe he would have accepted you without it who knows you did say you had to force it on him so that may mean he was ready to be there with you, we shall give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he always meant to be there for you. Hooray, something went right for someone today. I am thrilled. I think it will be a uphill fight to get where you need to go, but you will do it because you were already in a good place to start.
I am glad for you.:)
rsk
Posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 18:54:33
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
Hi Seldom,
I am so glad you are able to go twice a week right now. Plus good for you for telling him what you needed, and getting it. Asking for help can be hard, but you did it.
I just read your story above about the accident and how 3 weeks later you started to have these really bad nightmares. Has your T said you have PTSD? Your symptoms are the very classic example of it.
The trauma of the accident triggered those same frightened out of control feelings of your abuse, because they felt simular to your body. Your body reacts, sometimes a delayed onset of PTSD. It all makes sense to me, and what I see is what happened to me, although different circumstances, but still the same level of trauma.All the depression and anxiety, anger, and stuff sounds like reactions to the events, even many years later.
You don't have to mentally remember what happened to you for you body to remember.
All I do know it that it feels awful. It makes me angry that people like you who is so kind and generous, has to suffer because some people in this world are abusive. It makes me sad too.I hope your T has a plan of action for you. I know desensitization is tough, no matter how he does it. EMDR makes it a little easier, but even that is hard too.
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2008, at 19:28:35
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
I'm glad. :)
I really did have confidence in his willingness to be there for you. You've been together too long for it to be otherwise.
My therapist would have kept the check too. :) From time to time I force a check on him, and he never seems to mind much.
Posted by sunnydays on April 21, 2008, at 19:54:45
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 18:54:33
What sort of a plan of action do you mean hf? I'm just curious because I have PTSD and I don't think we really have a plan of action. My T is more psychodynamically, not CBT oriented, so our 'plan' I guess is that we just talk about whatever feels important when I come into session. Desensitization I thought was an approach that, unless in the context of EMDR, was kind of frowned upon because it can retraumatize the person if they are forced to retell and relive a memory they aren't ready for. I know my T always stops me if I'm talking and getting to emotional, so that I won't get overwhelmed. I'm just curious what you mean. My T isn't trained in trauma therapy, but I think he does pretty well anyway. Do you (or anyone else) think there should be some sort of concrete timeline? Because I personally always thought that was kind of impossible because you never know when someone is ready for something. But I could be wrong.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on April 21, 2008, at 19:57:44
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
I am so so so glad for you that you went in and were so honest and got what you needed. It sounds like he is a great T and that you two had just a misunderstanding of each other last week. That happens sometimes - happened for me last week. It's hard, but we have to trust a little that we can work things out. Hold on to this week as a reminder that you can work things out and of how great your T is. Hard times ahead (and probably present), but you will make it through.
sunnydays
Posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 20:16:00
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out » Happyflower, posted by sunnydays on April 21, 2008, at 19:54:45
Good questions Sunnydays, I will try to answer. I don't think there is a timeline or anything, the client has to be ready when they are ready.
But their are ways to speed up the recovery of desensitizing the issues so you will stop being triggered so much. But talking about it with your T, is in a way like exposure therapy, it will eventually will work, but it will probably take a long time.
Before EMDR and after, they used to do desensitizing of the traumatic event ever and over. You would think about the trauma several hours every day, until the memory loses it's power. It works, but it is very had and takes a long time.
Others use exposure therapy like the Penn Baker method where you would journal thoughts every day until the thoughts lose their power. This worked well compared to traditional therapy for Katrina victims. But EMDR trumped both of these methods.I think it also depends on how you are functioning to begin with if they want to do this. But there comes a point to where the benefit of making the client uncomfortable for the sake of healing is better then to let them avoid it. Eventually the triggers will lesson.
Even T's do this as part of their training in dealing with the horrendous things they learn from people's experiences. That is why they can hold it together when you tell the worst story, because they have been somewhat desensitized to such horrible things. Not to say they don't feel, but they are able to keep their wits about them to help you. But it is a balance thing though, for being totally out of touch with a client isn't good either.
My T said once crying for therapist is only bad when they are crying harder then the client is. lol
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 20:36:23
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out » seldomseen, posted by rskontos on April 21, 2008, at 18:04:24
While I will say that we were in the process of terminating, we had not yet even come close to setting a date.
I was in a very good place, until the accident. It either crossed my wires up, or ignited a strong memory of trauma. Who knows? Things started to bubble up and out they came.
I was so afraid just before therapy. I didn't know if I was going to go in mad, or begging, or just not saying a word.
I just decided to be as honest as I possibly could. I don't think he knew (becuase I really didn't tell him) what a terrible place I was in.
Well he knows now.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 20:40:58
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 18:54:33
It was about three weeks ago when I started to have the dreams.
It may be a delayed reaction to the accident. I don't know. I certainly had the symptoms of PTSD after the accident that's for sure.
I appreciate that my therapist could respond to me today and that I was able to do a complete emotional dump.
Thank you again for your kind words.
Tough times are ahead, but I least I got a little help in my corner today. And to think - all I had to do was ask!
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 20:43:12
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2008, at 19:28:35
When I saw him and just told him how bad I was, we just sat down and went right to work.
My old T was back (or maybe he never left, I just couldn't see him).
Ah money, the cause of and solution to all of our problems! ;)
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 20:45:55
In reply to Re: well, i went to therapy and we worked it out » seldomseen, posted by sunnydays on April 21, 2008, at 19:57:44
thanks sunnydays.
It seems like when things are tough, the relationship with our T's get a little strained as well.
All I can say is that mine, once he fully understood the magnitude of the situation, we went to work.
I think you have a great T as well.
Seldom
Posted by raisinb on April 21, 2008, at 20:47:22
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
Good for you! I thought he'd come through--from reading your posts it sounded like there wasn't much chance he'd wouldn't eventually.
Your honesty is admirable I wish when I were having a difficult time, I could be that brutally honest with my therapist. That shows how much work you've done already.
This will be so hard but I bet you will come through it.
Posted by seldomseen on April 22, 2008, at 7:33:04
In reply to well, i went to therapy and we worked it out, posted by seldomseen on April 21, 2008, at 16:41:45
this morning.
It's so nice to have some one in my corner (well, IRL - you guys are great).
Yes he took the money, but he's going out of town the first of next week (he's seeing me 2x before he leaves) and maybe he will have some spending money now or something.
I gotta say, even after 8 years (I thought it was 7, but it's actually 8) of therapy, it's still about taking risks and just plunging forward even in the face of potentially getting hurt.
I don't know if my experience is generalizable, but man you just gotta trust and hope against hope that it all turns out okay.
The inability to trust is a remnant from our childhoods and the only way to get over it is to just do it.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2008, at 9:00:45
In reply to I simply can not believe how much better I feel, posted by seldomseen on April 22, 2008, at 7:33:04
That has definitely been my experience.
Even though sometimes I take a risk with my therapist and am disappointed, overall I am always glad I tried.
This is the end of the thread.
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