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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on April 9, 2008, at 16:45:34
In the past several months, I've been making a lot of progress in therapy, despite all the drama. Or, at least, I'm starting to see and integrate a lot of the progress I made before.
But it also seems like I've been fighting off a level of depression I haven't experienced in a long time. I feel profoundly bored and disconnected from everything in my life. In the work arena, for instance, things are up and down and, in the past, I've often dreaded coming in or experienced intense rage about work conflicts, but lately, I wake up and feel--like--what's it all for? I do the job, but it seems no longer as meaningful to me--both in good and bad ways--as it was.
I have also, most of my life, been searching for love to fill deep holes in myself. Recently, I've realized that those holes are no longer so deep, and also that I have so many people in my life who love me. But lately those relationships feel kind of--boring, or like I'm not sure why I'm in them.
It's like, I am seeing a future in which many of my goals are met, but I feel like...what do I do now?
Has anyone else experienced this?
Posted by Phillipa on April 9, 2008, at 17:18:46
In reply to does anyone get depressed when you make progress?, posted by raisinb on April 9, 2008, at 16:45:34
Seriously have you experienced depression in past? Sounds like depression. I'd do things you enjoy and maybe excercise to see if you can ward it off and maybe you need a change of career no idea what it is or age. Sorry you feel this way Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2008, at 22:12:31
In reply to does anyone get depressed when you make progress?, posted by raisinb on April 9, 2008, at 16:45:34
It's possible there's some depression there.
But...
I had a dog who drove me nuts. He was in every way a very bad fit for our family. But he made me feel alive in a way I hadn't felt for ages. I was miserable constantly, yet I adored him.
My puppy now is sweet and gentle and a perfect match for my personality and my family. And sometimes I look at her and instead of feeling the love and devotion I should, I feel sad that she's not the other one.
We go to therapy to learn to manage things so that we don't have those wild swings up and down. But if we're used to them, life without them can feel sort of flat.
I guess that that's only the first part of therapy maybe? Learning to modulate? Then the second part is learning to cope with being well? Because most things serve a purpose. Even the things we go to therapy to stop doing.
Posted by raisinb on April 10, 2008, at 9:29:03
In reply to Re: does anyone get depressed when you make progress? » raisinb, posted by Phillipa on April 9, 2008, at 17:18:46
Hi Philippa, yes, I'm prone to depression, but usually it's a response to some trigger that's very negative (like a big loss or a difficult situation that causes me a lot of anger). It also doesn't tend to last very long. The only time I've been on medication is when I was depressed for more than two weeks, which was and is very unusual for me.
Right now, there doesn't seem to be any negative trigger (at least not one that's different from anything I deal with regularly); as a matter of fact, I don't feel angry or sad or anxious nearly as much as I used to. But I'm still bored and depressed. And it's been this way for a couple of months.
Posted by raisinb on April 10, 2008, at 9:31:04
In reply to Re: does anyone get depressed when you make progre » raisinb, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2008, at 22:12:31
That's how it feels--"flat."
I loved the puppy analogy. It made me think of my relationship with my therapist and a lot of other relationships I've had.
I wish there were a happy medium between "well" and "flat" and "in crisis and miserable with wild mood swings."
Posted by I need a hug on April 11, 2008, at 1:09:56
In reply to does anyone get depressed when you make progress?, posted by raisinb on April 9, 2008, at 16:45:34
Do you think this could be at all related to Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Posted by raisinb on April 11, 2008, at 10:17:48
In reply to Re: does anyone get depressed when you make progress?, posted by I need a hug on April 11, 2008, at 1:09:56
Well, it's possible, but that's never happened to me before. If anything, I'm much more depressed in the summer because I don't have enough to do.
Posted by seldomseen on April 12, 2008, at 7:56:21
In reply to does anyone get depressed when you make progress?, posted by raisinb on April 9, 2008, at 16:45:34
I have a few ideas.
Therapy can bring about a lot of changes as you realize who you are and move into your true self. Some of the things that you thought we we right may no longer fit this person you are becoming. It may be time to seek out new thinkgs in your life that are more in line with progress you are making in therapy.
Also, in my experience, therapy can be exhausting. Most of us have only a finite about of energy, and when that energy is put into the emotional work of therapy, sometimes there isn't a lot left over for other things. You may just be emotionally depleted. Perhaps you may need to let things settle in therapy for a little while - not stop, but take this time to reinforce the progress you have made.
Finally, I don't know what kind of progress you have made in therapy, but sometimes there IS a fair amount of grieving that is involved when we realize how much we have lost. It can be very depressing.
As always, I think you should definately talk to your therapist about it.
Congrats on your progress.
Seldom.
Posted by raisinb on April 12, 2008, at 8:11:07
In reply to Re: does anyone get depressed when you make progress? » raisinb, posted by seldomseen on April 12, 2008, at 7:56:21
Hi Seldom,
Those are all very astute observations. The first is what scares me most. I'm worried that this disconnected feeling will lead to the realization that I need to change almost everything in my life--job, friendships, etc. Just when I've built so much...
I may be exhausted. I've been sick a lot, had a major accident, lots of therapy drama, lost a lot of weight from stress--it's possible.
The third is scary, too. I think giving up the fantasy of "getting" my T (or at least, seeing that's not really what I want) is not a process that I've completed, but I've started it, and it's hard to confront that. There are also other fantasies I'm having to give up, I think. It's a tough process, to reconcile yourself to reality--as rich and fulfilling as it can be, when you fully engage with it. But you do lose a lot.
This is the end of the thread.
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