![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 9:24:04
Hi all, I'm new so am figuring I won't get too many/if any at all responses, but I really need to vent.
I've been seeing my therapist for over 3 years - seem to have a good relationship with him and mostly, when I'm feeling sane, I see what a lot our sessions have done for me. Anyway, am not starting to ramble so will get to the point. He runs these workshops and suggested it might be a good thing for me to join one - 2 days - Saturday and Sunday - with a group of 12 people.
He told me I was the only one of his clients to be there, so typically I thought - oh great, so I'll be the special one *rolly eyes* - Course how it worked out was quite different.
I went along to work on my issues of intimacy and inability to connect with others. Not only did I feel like a complete outsider, which kind of negates the point of being there, but I felt stupid and fake, plus jealous of all the other people in the room whenever my T spoke to them.
I left early, and spent most of the evening in tears. Still feeling dreadful today.
My next session with my T is tomorrow (Tuesday) evening and it's like I can't wait - it's tortuous. I'm not sure if I'm more angry for him suggesting it, jealous of sad. Just feeling quite desparate.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 10:08:04
In reply to Can't wait..., posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 9:24:04
nice to meet you tallulah :)
welcome to babble
I'm sorry that you're feeling so uncomfortable right now. Isn't it awful when you wish that a T appt. was OVER with and DONE? (that's how I'm feeling at the moment, anyways!!)
Do you have the kind of relationship with your T that you can tell him all or part of what you wrote in your post? It might make you feel better to talk about that, I think.
So many feelings, no wonder why you're feeling mixed up. Yeah, it can feel special to be singled out, but then the jealousy too. (those are in contradiction) the wish to belong and the feeling of not belonging-- tough stuff.
Let us know how it goes,
-Ll
Posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 10:52:46
In reply to Re: Can't wait... » Tallulah, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 10:08:04
Thanks Ll for the post and the welcome :0)
Even after 3 years of seeing my T, I'm still unsure what to say and not to say. I'm getting better and more forthcoming lately though!
Yes I think I will broach it with him - and no doubt will discover it's all down to my skewed perceptions.
I've been reading other threads in here about crush's on your T and I think I'm suffering from that as well at the moment - just to add to the confusion.
This site is great - wish I'd stumbled across it before....
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 11:07:58
In reply to Re: Can't wait..., posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 10:52:46
Tallulah, you have to ask him why he wanted you to come and how it made you feel in order for you to get through any more of Therapy sessions. It may be an important breakthrough. If after three years you are still uncertain then it is time. I would but this is me because of how I am probably blurt it out and be mad then cry. But that is how I alway do thing s and be upset because I cried. But my t and I have had some good sessions that way. Remember in our sensitive states and we are becuase of the need to go to therapy renders us that way, we sometimes takes things ways we see them not the way the other person might have meant it. So give him a chance to explain for both of your sakes. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Good luck. rk
PS I have therapy today and I am dreading it. I am thinking of going and not saying anything.
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 11:08:50
In reply to Re: Can't wait... » Tallulah, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 10:08:04
Posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 11:17:10
In reply to Re: Can't wait..., posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 11:07:58
Hi rskontos and thank you.
I so feel like I'm walking on egg shells with most people that the degree of openess I've been able to show with my therapist is pretty amazing! I think you may be right re the breakthrough though - I'm determined to be more honest with him tomorrow about the anger and jealousy - though I think I might hold back on the "crush" thing, that's one step too far at the moment. Just thinking about saying something to him about that makes me feel hideously embarassed and a bit sick.
Posted by lovelorn on December 3, 2007, at 11:50:03
In reply to Can't wait..., posted by Tallulah on December 3, 2007, at 9:24:04
Hi Tallulah,
I am recently new here too. I've been in therapy for just over a year. I would suggest you take a read of the Archives as well when you have time - it will give you a good feel of the people and issues that are talked about here. A great place from what I can see to discuss issues of therapy and feelings and thoughts of what we go through, each with our own issues to work out.
Maybe you should ask yourself how or why you thought the workshop would help you - why you decided to go. Did you go just because your T suggested it and thought it would give you extra time with him somehow and so maybe you felt you did not get that from him? As it didn't go as expected, I can understand where you might be angry or miffed with the T for even suggesting it. What did he say you migh get out of the experience. It could be a matter of mixed messages and motivations on your part and his if he suggested or somehow implied you would get something and you did not. In essence, it sounds to me you went there with certain expectations and did not get the expectation met. Was your expectation realistic and did your T really contribute to that unmet expectation or not - maybe approach your thoughts from that angle.
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 13:38:32
In reply to Re: Can't wait... » Tallulah, posted by lovelorn on December 3, 2007, at 11:50:03
Tallulah, I have just now gotten the courage to tell my T what I think. I used an email because in the past I never told people I just left them. I don't trust them so I left them. Once hurt they never got the chance again was my motto. Obviously you can not do that in Therapy and get well. Or try to get well. So now I am trying to establish my position in Therapy and it is hard. I think most of us are just used to giving up our control and running away in our heads or wherever we can to be safe. And when we do get in therapy it is hard to feel safe, to tell things to a person we don't know, we can get attached because we do finally feel safe and we still have problems saying how we really feel because maybe for some of us we couldn't do that in our past. Therapy is tough. It unravels parts of us that we have hidden so long that maybe we don't even recognize it anymore or for some never knew. If you are like me you probably went cause he told you too and you never thought about how it might help and what to expect you went cause he asked. Never thinking you might get hurt. I do things like that all the time. If you had thought about you might have had time to get your guard in place. Again, I hope this can help you and your T get to a better place and then it wasn't a loss but a growing experience which in therapy isn't always fun and sometimes does hurt but is necessary.
But in my experience all of us are not new to hurts and we are strong and weather them not to say we want to but we can!! We are fighters and we will be ok........Babblers are good caring tough strong supportive folks!!! Glad you are here......
Let us know how t goes. I will let you know how mine goes. I am talking to everyone else so I don't have a panic attack before I go......I am so DREADING it.....take care,,
rk (((((((((((((tallulah))))))))))
Posted by star008 on December 3, 2007, at 15:04:16
In reply to Re: Can't wait..., posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 13:38:32
I am sorry that it happened that way for you with the workshop. did u feel like an outsider because it was just strange or ws it because of the group of people??did they all know each other making you feel like an outsider or do you have trouble with groups of strangers?
I wouldn't bring up the subject of the crush either.. Ihad one for a long time now it seems like he is more "parental" or something and the thought is long gone..lol.. I have thought about how I used to feel andnow it is kind of "yuck".. Not that I don't love him dearly but it is not an attraction thing anymore. that part of therapy s..cks.. Happens to all of us I think and the T's have to be aware of how common it is whether we say anything or not. After being on babble I have seen that it isn't just me by a long shot.
The jealousy thing is just a part of you that wants the attention and doen't want to have to share.. LIke an inner kid that is mad when someone else gets attention.. Even a crush won't make you jealous just when someone focusses on someone else.. I think it is probably the needy child part of you that was jealous. You could explain your jealously to him in that way if it fits for you.. Then you don't have to say anything about a crush and can still get your message across.. I could be way off here but that is kind of how it feels to me.. try not to stress so much. I understand you are upset but really if you look at it, you went to a workshop that you hated and felt left out of and part of you was jealous.. It makes sense and is nothing to be embarrassed about. take care
Posted by Tallulah on December 4, 2007, at 3:16:43
In reply to Re: Can't wait..., posted by star008 on December 3, 2007, at 15:04:16
Wow, you guys are lovely - what a supportive place - thank you all.
I genuinely thought I would get something from the group therapy - but my low self-esteem and my usual feeling of being the outsider got the better of me. Along with my feelings of jelousy of course!
I am feeling better today, which seems like a good and a bad thing...I kinda wanted to rant at my T tonight and now I don't feel so angry/upset the moment seems to have passed.
Sometimes I don't want the anger and sadness to pass as it somehow feels more real - particularly in T sessions.Anyway, will see how it goes tonight...
Posted by Bodhisattva on December 10, 2007, at 9:52:27
In reply to Re: Can't wait..., posted by Tallulah on December 4, 2007, at 3:16:43
Tallulah. Take the perspective of an outsider reading those postings. You, a person who has trouble connecting with others, chose to go to a place where not only is that a possibility but a goal. Then, after taking that step, you take yet another. In response to those strong emotions you felt by going to that workshop, you come here and post your feelings for all to read. Two situations in which you immerse yourself in all these strangers.
I congratulate you.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.