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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on November 20, 2007, at 2:11:18
Okay so I was joking with Dinah about how T's sometimes forget what you say and it was really kind of funny cuz sometimes you can use it to your advantage by not repeating it or use it again to judge their reaction a second time when they have no idea you already told them the story already. It was funny, Dinah and it is not your fault at all but I got a big trigger from it.. Never know what is safe and what isn't sometimes.
I remembered that I told my T that I had an affair with my high school teacher and got pregnant as a result. I told him about it a long, long time ago but when i brought it up he acted as if he had never heard about it before. He didn't associate with the guy but knew him since they worked for the same school system. He went back in his records and apoligized and said that I did, in fact tell him. I was and am still hurt that he didn't rememeber such a huge issue. I realize the limitations of a therapeutic relationship and accept those limitations but how could somehow "forget' such a huge thing?? I tend to think he didn't believe me and that is why he let it go. I was a senior in high school and got pregnant before graduation..While everyone was all happy graduating I was hiding this huge secret that would have put me on the front page of the newspapers..When he looked back he said that at the time I didn't want to pursue it. I was over 18 then and had a choice but how could T FORGET?????? I am just a client and I realize that but HOW??? What do I do now?? Do I bring it up or let it go?? It was so long ago but it still hurts, obviously.. I don't forget things and let them go easily..Now I am so bummed.. Laughing one moment and feeling like s... the next.. Please don't feel bad Dinah.. You couldn't know,. You made me laugh
Posted by JoniS on November 20, 2007, at 7:17:26
In reply to a trigger hit me, posted by star008 on November 20, 2007, at 2:11:18
Hi Star
Welcome to Babble. It has helped me lots. I've been reading but not posting lately.
I just wanted to say that your situation with the T forgetting about the HS affair & pregnancy would be so painful. I am sorry that you're still hurting from his forgetting. I am sure that I would be hurting from that too. If it were me, I would need to work with my T on that a lot, telling him how much it hurt me that he forgot. Then, after I got that out, I'm sure that I'd have to work on forgiving him (my T for forgetting) because I know Ts are human. Working through all those feelings and your relationship is a hard but healing process. I am so grateful for Ts who can handle things like this - realizing they're not perfect and allowing the client/patient to heal. Obviously you have to deal with this in the way that works best for you. I wish you well with that. thanks for your post.
Joni
Posted by star008 on November 20, 2007, at 7:31:00
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me » star008, posted by JoniS on November 20, 2007, at 7:17:26
thx for your response.. I thnk all I can do now is to tell him that the hurt me and try to clear things in my head.He wants to do inner child work and with this in the way I don't know if I can let the walls down.. I do forgive him. He has such a gentle heart and I know he didn't mean to hurt me.. I need to know how and why he forgot something so important.I know he saw this teacher and must have thought about it..I just don't know how he forgot. How could anyone forget?? that is why I think he didn't believe me.. that hurts too. thanks for your support.. I will talk to him about it.. ancient history but in my head it isn't
Posted by rskontos on November 20, 2007, at 9:48:44
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me, posted by star008 on November 20, 2007, at 7:31:00
Star, My T did the same thing to me. She forgot something and also she did something else that broke my trust. We finally had two different sessions that dealt with it. I finally brought it up during a panic attack that I walked in with. It took that to help me blurt out everything that has ever bothered me in my head. I don't deal with things I keep them to me. She understood it but the forgotten thing well it was forgotten. She realized it and apologized. It was written done but she is human. She knows the trust issue must be worked on again. But she knows I don't do trust well so......I need trust first then will think about the forgiveness thing. So talk to him. It will make you feel better it did me. But it was a huge step for me. Probåbly is for you too. Go for it. Don't wait for a panic attack much harder......rk
Posted by Phillipa on November 20, 2007, at 11:55:28
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me, posted by rskontos on November 20, 2007, at 9:48:44
I told my T about how she sided with my husband when he was in a session once and it hurt my feelings she apologized and never did it again. So that problem solved. At l8 my highschool sweetheart started our family. l9 first born. 27 tubes tied after third and glad young when had them. But a high school teacher is a violation so sorry for you. Phillipa
Posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 6:09:54
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me, posted by Phillipa on November 20, 2007, at 11:55:28
Feling really bummed.. My trigger is not on my mind now and doesn't feel like it is bothering me so much but the depression came back today so maybe it triggered it.. I jsut don't know.. could be anything.. I told my T I wanted to jumpstart my therapy since I have been stuck so long but now I am owrried about the pain... blah
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2007, at 9:03:45
In reply to a trigger hit me, posted by star008 on November 20, 2007, at 2:11:18
I'm sorry, star.
What I'm *hearing*, which is not necessarily what you're saying, is that there is more here than anger that he forgot. Even though forgetting does hurt despite knowing that therapists are just human, I think I'm hearing that it's awakened a lot of memories about not being taken seriously and fears about having been believed and understood. And maybe other things as well.
If I'm right, which I'm very much likely to not be, it seems perfectly valid to discuss this with your therapist. It isn't a criticism of him, or a refusal to let go of hurts between you.
Posted by JoniS on November 21, 2007, at 12:32:34
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me, posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 6:09:54
Star,
I am so sorry you are depressed. Wish I could help. I'll be thinking of you. ((((Star))))
Dinah has great words of wisdom. I usually find her feedback to be very insightful.
Take care of YOU!
Joni
Posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 20:11:33
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me » star008, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2007, at 9:03:45
Dinah,,
After reading your post i think I agree with you.. I think there is much more there than the anger and hurt at that situation. Thanks for your insight. I learned at an early age not to say anything at all about things that happened to me. It was either put on me as being my fault, or I got in trouble or was shamed for something. It took alot for me to say anything at all.. I kept the whole thing secret and even went through, God for give me, an abortion all alone.
Yes, it is alot more than that.. It just opened up alot of other things that were hiding.
Posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 20:13:42
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me, posted by JoniS on November 21, 2007, at 12:32:34
Thx Joni
This is nothing new for me.. Triggers get me alot. It will pass.. Just is so hard to be in the middle of it. I wish I could work it all out piece by piece so that triggers wouln't be able to hit me out of the blue.
Posted by Muffled on November 21, 2007, at 21:57:27
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me » Dinah, posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 20:11:33
Posted by antigua3 on November 23, 2007, at 6:52:47
In reply to Re: a trigger hit me » JoniS, posted by star008 on November 21, 2007, at 20:13:42
I agree with Dinah, talk to your therapist. Maybe it's an old pattern--maybe you "tried" to talk when you were young and nobody listened. I know I have that with my mother. At times, I must have tried to tell her things, but she didn't "hear" what I was saying. I could be all wrong, but it's just an idea.
It will make for a good session; maybe not the first time, but anything like this can really help with therapy if you discuss it.
welcome to babble!
antigua
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