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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
I think I know what you all are going to say, but if I don't post I think I'm going to go crazy.
About two weeks ago, my pdoc added Lyrica to my meds. He said there were no side effects. In researching the drug, I found out weight gain is fairly common. I know the lit says only about 10% but anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise.
I started the drug, but as soon as I found out about the weight gain, I stopped eating. I have ED issues, and it comes and goes according to how things are going, and lately I've been losing weight. Not bad, still within the chart ranges, but have no appetite.
So, it dawned on me what's going on with me. It's my relationship with my pdoc. Irrationally, I think he betrayed me and prescribed a drug that would make me gain weight. A little more thinking, and of course it's about me having no control and my father having it all, and how I rebel against authority.
Did he prescribe the drug for this reason? It's killing me. Rationally, I know he probably didn't, but my emotions are tearing me apart. It has brought forth a lot. I'm shaking as I write this.
I know you'll tell me to call him, get it resolved so the feelings will lessen and I can move on. But that's the problem--contacting him.
When he didn't call me back before in a crisis (he was busy, he said, HA!), I swore to him that I would never, ever, ever call him again if I ever needed him. I could get past my pride and call, but what if he doesn't call me back again? I think it will make things so much worse. And we had just started to make things better.I don't see him again until next week.
If I can hold out, I can talk to my T about it this week, but it's not about her.
antigua
Posted by sunnydays on October 8, 2007, at 13:43:44
In reply to Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
Can you call your T and see what she suggests? You know rationally he didn't prescribe the med to make you gain weight, so I don't need to repeat that. Your T might have some more insight about whether he'd call or whether it would be a good idea for you to call. Maybe she could make the call for you? It's not about her, but she can help you with this.
sunnydays
Posted by DAisym on October 8, 2007, at 15:25:55
In reply to Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
(((Antigua)))
If it was anyone else, you'd talk to your therapist about it. This is not different. She already knows the struggle in this relationship. Could it be that you don't want to "tell" on your pdoc...the way you didn't tell on your dad? There are several theraputic opportunities sitting here: telling - you need to do this and be honest about how you feel, don't rationalize away motives because it isn't about that. And confront - your pdoc with your feelings next week. (Or this week if you can get in to see him.) I don't disagree that you probably don't want to set yourself up for another phone call not returned. But can you make an appointment for this week? The reason I'd be careful is that you are so vulnerable right now - new medication, not eating, shakey, clearly trauma feelings rising to the surface - so YOU control the situation right now to protect yourself.
I'll repeat what you said to B2 in the above thread. CALL YOUR THERAPIST!
I'm glad you posted, even if you already know that we'd say all of this. I think it is helpful to be reminded you are not alone. Because you aren't.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 16:14:03
In reply to Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
Yes, I've learned to follow advice. I did call my T after I posted this morning and I'm still trying to connect with her--I've missed her call twice!
Daisy you make a great point about "telling on my dad".
You know what guys? I wouldn't put it past my pdoc to have done this deliberately. He has before (like integration). He's a big believer in using my own strength, and really hasn't offered any strength of his own to help me. It's his style, and as I've said, if it doesn't work, I will find another. Here's another dam*ned test I've got to go through
thanks,
antigua
Posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 21:46:01
In reply to Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
keep forging ahead.
Thats what my T said in her voicemail.
Its so hard sometimes.
Ya, proly talk to your T is good. This is obvo a sensitive potentially dangerous issue for you.
I dunno bout that p-doc of yours....
Keep us posted.
Take good care,
M
Posted by RealMe on October 8, 2007, at 22:06:46
In reply to Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 8, 2007, at 9:09:57
First, does pdoc know you have an eating disorder. My therapist/analyst/pdoc did not know until I told him, and then he got concerned.
Second, is pdoc sophisticated enough to understand transference stuff and countertransference.
Third, it doesn't matter that it is not about your T. Talk to T about it anyway. This is the stuff of therapy. Let us know how that goes, please. I care.
RealMe
Posted by antigua3 on October 9, 2007, at 7:11:42
In reply to Re: Very shaky » antigua3, posted by RealMe on October 8, 2007, at 22:06:46
thanks for everyone's kindnes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. It's scary for me to admit these things to anyone, so I usually keep it all tightly wound inside, which isn't good for me.
I have absolutely terrible trust and abandonment issues. I so wish I could learn to deal with them--I certainly cope better, but ED is not the answer, I know.
Yes, my pdoc knows about my ED, but we don't discuss it much. From my perspective (wrongly probably) I think he sees it as me manipulating him. Which maybe it really is. Like I said once before, when I was a teenager, I once got under 80lbs. and NOBODY noticed. It was obviously a scream for help, but I should have learned then it's not a good coping mechanism.
I spoke with my T last night. She absolutely thinks it's the drug and although I had already done it, she encouraged me to call my pdoc--and to keep calling him until he called back! She said to bring in that sheet (on Wed) you get at the pharmacy when you get the drug that tells you about the side effects. Sure enough, when I looked at it, it mentioned strong changes in moods and feelings (can't remember the word) which should be reported to the doctor immediately. And to call her today to let her know how I was feeling.
She's a peach; she called me 3X today before we connected and I appreciate that so much.
So I'll let you know what happens. And yes, I do have concerns about my relationship with my pdoc, but I'm trying to keep a good eye on it to see if it becomes unhealthy for me, if the bad outweighs the good.
thanks everyone,
antigua
Posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2007, at 5:26:10
In reply to Re: Very shaky, posted by antigua3 on October 9, 2007, at 7:11:42
Imagine my surprise when he actually called last night. I wouldn't say it was a "good" conversation, but it helped. He said we'd talk about it all on Tues. but didn't think it was the med.
Just having him call and being able to tell him how I was feeling was helpful. I don't feel so obsessed by it, at least for right now, and that's a good thing. Maybe there's hope for him yet.
antigua
Posted by rskontos on October 10, 2007, at 6:36:45
In reply to pdoc called, posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2007, at 5:26:10
Antigua3, I am so sorry you have been going thur this. I have been in my own heck and didn't go online yesterday until very late. Saw T late but anyway I think everyone gave you the best advice and I am glad you followed it. I am always worried when a doc doesnt want to admit a med can cause stuff but maybe it wasnt' but what if it was? Anyway, I guess he is the professional. I still think you are right to keep your eye on him. It should not amazed me yet it does how much our past can affect our behaviors today. Like you not calling because of dad issues. I am glad you called and grew a little because of reaching past a very big step I think. Good or not it was a needed conversation one that helped you. I hope you are feeling a little better today. rk
Posted by B2chica on October 10, 2007, at 8:00:40
In reply to pdoc called, posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2007, at 5:26:10
i'm SO glad he called you antigua. and i'm so glad that it helped you, even if only for a bit.
b2
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