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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:14:29
I had one of the best sessions I've ever had today. I came clean about my self-destructive behaviors last friday. I talked about really hard stuff. Secrets. I think he did a really good job listening today-- not too much Freudian stuff. blech!
We talked about how the decision to have therapy 1x a week or 2x a week is totally up to me. We talked about my feeling abandoned last friday when he said that maybe I don't need 2x a week. (GOD I can't beLIEVE I talked about feeling abandoned!!! that's SO not like me!)
I said that I missed the intensity of therapy with NewT, and that I'd have to feel safe with quieT before he got to hear my secrets. Then he said- secrets like what? before I knew it I was telling him some really ugly stuff that happened to me.
As I was getting ready to leave he said with a twinkle in his eyes- no more cutting tonight, okay? And I said okay. (good llurpsie, huh?)So, I'm going to make a promise not to cut tonight.
-Ll
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 18, 2007, at 20:51:14
In reply to SI triggers, but good news, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:14:29
I really like QuieT, Llurpsie. I'm so glad you had a good session. You deserve it!
Posted by muffled on September 18, 2007, at 23:06:08
In reply to SI triggers, but good news, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:14:29
RIGHT ON LL!!!
Good for you!
Cutting can get addictive, so if you been getting 'in the habit', its good your giving it a break.
I am so glad your able to work well with this T.
And you just talking a storm!
Its good to hear stuff like this LL.
I am SO happy for you!!!!!
:-)
:-)
:-)
M
Posted by cactus on September 19, 2007, at 2:52:43
In reply to SI triggers, but good news, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:14:29
Ll do you have any suggestions I can try with my sister in regards to cutting. I'm so happy you have made a promise not to hurt yourself. Do you think if I ask my sister to make a promise to me about not cutting would be a good idea? Will it make her likely to, hide it more, or stop her. Good luck with your journey hon, I know it's been a rough ride!!
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2007, at 8:26:26
In reply to Re: SI triggers, but good news » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by cactus on September 19, 2007, at 2:52:43
Hi Cactus
i have been a pretty nasty cutter in the past, but have been pretty good since my little one was born.i think it really depends on the personality of people. for me only a T asking me not to cut had any relevance, and even then sometimes i did it anyway.
HOWEVER:
1. its worth a try, if you have a good relationship with your sister. just express to her how much you are worried about her and how her hurting herself worries you.
DONT try to play guilt, dont tell her that her hurting herself make you feel bad, sometimes that can trigger or make worse. make sure its about her.2. also tell her that she needs to learn WHAT triggers her to cut....keep a log of when and why she cuts... maybe finding triggers can help?
3. Try giving her suggestions of alternatives to cutting.
here are several things that i've done or i've been told to try.
a. exercise (hard)
b. journal-get VERY descriptive of emotions or even what she wants to do to self-harm
c. creative outlet such as drawing, painting, poetry...
d. put it off hour by hour, minute by minute depending on needs. (tell yourself, "it's 3:02, i wont cut till 3:12, then at 3:12 push it to 3:22...etc. or as needed)
e. instead of cutting, paint on body over area of (harm).
f. instead of cutting, try holding ice TIGHTLY in your hand...as long as you can. (this actually freaking hurts, and surprisingly the nurses at the hospital suggested it.)
g. and last but NOT least, if she can't stop cutting. make sure that she is taking care of her wounds. keep the tool clean, clean wounds and cover them so not to get infected. AND if she needs medical attention, make sure she knows to get it. Advocate for her, tell her you will go with her if needed.
h. try asking her if there's anything YOU can do to help her.
i. make sure she knows you are there...anytime.
if i think of anything else i'll let you know.and cactus, take care of yourself too. remember the decisions your sister make are hers, good or bad. you need to take care of yourself first...and then be there for others.
(i wish dearly i had a sister like you)
b2c.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:17:52
In reply to Re: SI triggers, but good news » cactus, posted by B2chica on September 19, 2007, at 8:26:26
Just to continue the very very good list that b2c started...
I sometimes write the name of someone I care about on my cutting spot. i don't want to hurt anybody else, and this reminds me of a good way NOT to hurt anyone.I knit, which is figety. keeps my hands busy. knitting needles are blunt.
I play my violin sometimes. it passes the time. the E-string is particularly excrutiating if I haven't been practicing regularly enough to build up my callouses.
I go for a walk.
Last night I woke up and wanted to do something bad to myself. instead I got the clippers out and cut my hair. don't worry, I didn't do a britney spears. actually it's a cute pixie. kind of sticks up around my cowlick, but that gives it charm. maybe I'll go platinum later on today...
if it's pain she's after- try plucking eyebrows, or leg hairs. it's socially acceptable, and even has a certain aesthetic value. hurts like a MoFo too.
preparing and drinking a pot of tea. it's kind of soothing and relaxing and keeps the hands busy.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:27:30
In reply to more alternatives to cutting, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:17:52
Dear LlurpsieNoodle,
It's time that you got serious and figured out what's triggering the self-destructive behavior. Your mood is great, almost ebullient. Your dreams and plans are coming true. You are able to actualize the things that you wish to be.What gives?
The old stuff is coming up bubbling like a tar pit. The secrets are coming out, and you SWORE you'd never tell. Now you must be punished. but wait!!! there's noone to punish you. never mind, you can punish yourself. see- doesn't that feel right?
There is intense emotion. it is not making sense. it seems to be coming from nowhere and everywhere at once. Wishing that you could make sense of it, you try valiantly to categorize it, put it in a container, control it, harness it. No luck. The only alternative is to numb it. Numb is good. Numb is no more pain. Numb is too much xanax and klonopin. Numb is zoning out with a sharp implement and seeing how far you can go before the physical pain becomes more salient than the spiritual pain.
people come to cutting in pain. figure out what that pain is. acknowledge it. live with it. lean into it. resisting it makes the anxiety creep in, insidiously, like some mist or fog that makes rational thought superfluous.
Rational llurpsie doesn't cut. rational llurpsie knows that intact skin is lovely, radient, soft. cut skin is shameful and ugly. scars that have to be hidden while they fade. covered with band-aids and lied about. Is it worth it for that moment of punishment or numbness? of course not! that's where the crazy part comes in. The crazy part that supercedes the one saying: there are better ways of dealing with this.
love,
llurpsie
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 19, 2007, at 10:15:14
In reply to cutting triggers » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:27:30
((((Llurpsie))))))))
I understand about the wanting to keep it inside, but when the volcano starts errupting, how do you stop it? Did I ever share with you my poem I wrote? Scared to Feel the Pain? It reminds of what you were saying. It is on the writing boards if you do a search. It can be triggery so be careful if you look. mostly child abuse stuff.
It seems like I have had to take a 2 year break since that poem, and now I am going for the gusto with my new T. I have no other choice to deal with it. But it okay to wait untilyou are ready for it. I waited, I am not so sure I am ready yet, but I am going to try.
Llurpise I am sorry I am not keeping in touch with you , I have having trouble with that with a lot of people. But I do care, and I do miss you. I wish you were at your old pad, and I could come and visit you and your kitty. I miss those times.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 10:22:33
In reply to Re: cutting triggers, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 19, 2007, at 10:15:14
it's okay HF,
I'm really bad at keeping in touch too. plus, I haven't been on babblechat that much because I work/volunteer a lot of evenings.just because we don't see eachother that much, doesn't mean that we're out of touch though- that's something that NewT taught me during termination. That the connection lives.
I have read your poem, but I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to read it again. I'm trying to limit my exposure to triggers, and it seems to be working, because I've been feeling really good lately.
take good care,
ll
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 19, 2007, at 10:27:33
In reply to keeping in touch » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 10:22:33
I am so relieved about that, the guilt just gets to me. I like your new T. ;-) I am glad you are doing better, it was so hard to see you in so much pain. Keep up the good work!
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2007, at 13:27:09
In reply to cutting triggers » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:27:30
NICE addition LN! i really like those other 'distractions'.
and your post about SI, boy you hit it right on.
One thing my old T kept trying to tell me is that cutting stops the pain/anger (emotion), but that it is ONLY an emotion, and its ok,to feel it. that i needed to learn to let the emotion flow through me. let it come...accept it, and let it pass right out...i guess our time got cut short cuz i'm still not really able to do that very well.
part of my 'issues' is that i learned very early to NOT express your emotion, that many times it made it worse, or elongated abuse. so i've basically grown up supressing my emotions.
and i recently read something that helped me realize that i was probably taking the emotional pain (which i didn't know what it was, where it came from or how to deal with it) and turn it into physical pain, which i new very well how to take care of. once i injured myself bad enough, then i could ''fix it', by cleaning and bandaging up the wound. i was always more calm at the end. the problem was i was injuring worse and worse i'm assuming to compensate for the emotional pain increasing.so please, just be careful Llurpsie dear.
(and all others that know the struggle of SI)
Posted by cactus on September 19, 2007, at 21:47:42
In reply to Re: cutting triggers » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by B2chica on September 19, 2007, at 13:27:09
thankyou so much for your ideas and support, I'm actually her brother. I know it sounds really selfish but I had just finally stabilized on my meds and then this happened out of the blue. She hasn't done it for years but this was a really bad one. I have plans in action and numbers to ring for support and I'm making sure she isn't left alone ATM, with friends popping in out of the blue, if I have to go out. thanks again
Posted by cactus on September 19, 2007, at 21:51:37
In reply to more alternatives to cutting, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:17:52
Thanks to you again too lurpsie, I actually got her some peppermint tea the other day and we have made a contract that she will call me, or a help line if she feels in danger of harming herself again. She has just been put on lithium so lets pray that it helps her irrational behaviours. You guys have been awesome, thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by B2chica on September 20, 2007, at 7:53:25
In reply to Re: cutting triggers » B2chica, posted by cactus on September 19, 2007, at 21:47:42
oops, sorry bout that cactus! ;^)
and just to rephrase....EVEN MORE do i wish i had a brother like you.
she is Very lucky.
and it sounds like you have some Very good safety measures in place.and i'm glad to hear you found some meds that work for you. sometimes its frustrating cuz here we really only hear when meds aren't working.
i'm about to go back on my meds, and must admit i'm a little hesitant at times. like today, i feel really good so i keep thinking, why should i pay the expense if i don't need them. then...then there are days like monday. But...i'm trying to make it one more months (nursing my little one), i'd like to go longer but i'm getting strong 'recommendations' from both T and pdoc.
so we'll see.-sorry didn't mean to make this about me :)
take care cactus
b2c.
Posted by cactus on September 20, 2007, at 18:10:27
In reply to Re: cutting triggers » cactus, posted by B2chica on September 20, 2007, at 7:53:25
That's OK hon, I only went back on meds about 3-4 months ago myself. Which I have been off this time around for almost 2 years. I have been on and off them for about 13 years. I'm becoming a seasoned veteran now and know when to listen to those warning bells so I don't slide back into previous states I have been in. I just like to thankyou again for your kind words and suggestions, that goes to you too Ll. Take care of yourself and little one, C
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 21, 2007, at 7:24:45
In reply to SI triggers, but good news, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:14:29
I REALLY REALLY wanted to do it a few times this week. Like a chocolate craving. yes, that bad. But then I realized that with chocolate you eventually have to stop because you feel full, or you run out of chocolate. With SI, it's a lot more dangerous.
The other thing that helped (this is truly sick) is that I fell *up* the stairs the other day while carrying teapot and mug. I got some wicked bruises, but saved the teapot and mug. Bruises are nice, because they last for a while but they don't leave the scar. I didn't even have to do it myself, and I can still check them out in a mirror.
-Ll
Posted by B2chica on September 21, 2007, at 8:09:34
In reply to Re: SI triggers, update, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 21, 2007, at 7:24:45
Hi Ll,
first, it's not sick...i think it was a great way of coping.
i'm sorry you fell, However i'm glad it was enough to hold you off on any SI!
Good job Ll!b2c.
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 9:45:42
In reply to Re: SI triggers, update » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by B2chica on September 21, 2007, at 8:09:34
I had my teeth cleaned. The hygenist said i was bleeding quite heavily.
I smiled.
Twisted.
;-)
Muffled
Posted by RealMe on September 21, 2007, at 20:08:59
In reply to Re: SI triggers, update, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 21, 2007, at 7:24:45
UM; I don't think you would want to know what my analyst from Menninger's would have said about that--falling up the stairs and getting bruises; he would have said something off hand about self-destructive tendencies as the thinking is that nothing is accidental. It used to infuritate me to hear such stuff, and I would protest with "no you don't understand; it was an accident" to which he would sit back and chuckle, and I would say, "okay so I was feeling crappy about myself; are you happy now." And, so it would go. You gotta love their (analysts) thinking!!
RealMe
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 22, 2007, at 6:51:28
In reply to Re: SI triggers, update » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by RealMe on September 21, 2007, at 20:08:59
self-destructive?
It was colder than a witches _____ and so I was wearing slippers (the only slippers in the house belong to husband, so they're floppy) and also drinking big pot of tea.
Friggin' cold. silly Canadian air!!!
I'm saving up to buy my own slippers. :)
-Ll
Posted by RealMe on September 22, 2007, at 21:12:28
In reply to Re: SI triggers, update » RealMe, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 22, 2007, at 6:51:28
Self-destructive? Yep; that's what he would say. I can hear my old T saying, wellll, where were your shoes?? with a chuckle, chuckle. Enough to make you want to scream sometimes, but I came to really love that man; he WAS right.
RealMe
This is the end of the thread.
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