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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
Tonight in therapy, my T, at my request, is going to tell me her theories about why I am being so over-the-top triggered by my gynecological issues of late. I asked her at the end of last week's session and she said she didn't have enough time to talk about the "perfect storm" and the layers of things that are going on with me.
So part of me is glad she's going to help me figure it out. The other part is terrified because she didn't say, "I don't think anything unusual is going on with you."
And next week she is on vacation again. I'm not sure how that will be -- last month when she was on vacation, I could have cared a less because we'd been at such an angry place. Now I'm not angry, but I'm not feeling all that connected either.
Sigh.
Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2007, at 9:08:36
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
here's LUCK TG, though you don't need it,
you will be ok. you are strong.but i am wondering about her 'leaving' next week. you might want to let her know that this concerns you...especially if she says anything upsetting to you about your OB issues. if what she says is really upsetting please try to get another appt asap, even before she leaves if possible. or if she has an emergency number or something.
make sure you are covered while she is gone.but remember, we are ALWAYS here!
and you will be ok...deep breaths...you're ok!b2c.
Posted by Poet on August 2, 2007, at 9:44:28
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
Hi Therapygirl,
Sending you lots of luck. I hate those layers of things and I really hate the anxiety of waiting a week to talk about them. I feel for you.
Does your T check her voicemail when she's on vacation? Mine does. Maybe you could leave her a message letting her know how you're doing? I left mine a complete meltdown message and she actually called me. Talk about feeling guilty. Sigh.
More luck coming your way.
Poet
Posted by Poet on August 2, 2007, at 9:44:55
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
Hi Therapygirl,
Sending you lots of luck. I hate those layers of things and I really hate the anxiety of waiting a week to talk about them. I feel for you.
Does your T check her voicemail when she's on vacation? Mine does. Maybe you could leave her a message letting her know how you're doing? I left mine a complete meltdown message and she actually called me. Talk about feeling guilty. Sigh.
More luck coming your way.
Poet
Posted by antigua3 on August 2, 2007, at 10:45:01
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
This may be too late, but please be careful. Many Ts don't like to open a can of worms before they go away because it adds to the separation issue.
As others have said, make sure you have a back up plan to help while she's gone.
best,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2007, at 13:39:20
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
My therapist tries not to say things like that, because I've told him that normalizing sometimes sounds like minimizing, and whatever other people experience, it still hurts *me*. Maybe she's being respectful of the fact that your experience is *your* experience. And that there are reasons for it, and possible ways to help you.
I hope it's not too upsetting, though, given that she's going on vacation. Therapist vacations - bah, humbug.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 15:58:47
In reply to Re: Wish me luck (or something) » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2007, at 13:39:20
Thanks for the support, everybody. I'll let you know how it goes.
I did leave her a voice mail, thanks to your thoughts on the timing of this. I asked her to push me to start out with this topic right off the bat and then do our "check-in" type subjects at the end to help me get back to more solid ground, just in case. This is not the way I'll want to do it once I get there (it always takes me a while to warm up), but I think it's the way I have to do it tonight.
Thanks for helping me think this through.
Posted by annierose on August 2, 2007, at 17:18:03
In reply to Re: Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 15:58:47
Therapy girl -
Thinking of you and hoping you find this healing.
Good luck with the vacation too.
Annie
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 19:39:46
In reply to Wish me luck (or something), posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 6:41:06
So it went fairly well. I'm worn out and I have some processing to do, but I think it was okay.
Here's what she said (keeping in mind that she said it better than I'll be able to write it up):
She said if she had to guess, she would guess that I was sexually abused when I was very young (pre-verbal) by my mother. She said she thinks my mother could have done this based on the abuse I do remember from her and that she would have picked me because I was the only girl. So that was the first layer.
The next layer is that she thinks the constant emotional abuse and regular physical abuse got all enmeshed with my sexual identity (not sexual preference, but when you are figuring out that you're a sexual being and you have sexual parts). She talked for a while about all the identity things that happen when you are 3ish to 5ish -- figuring out your place in the family, figuring out that you are a good person and people like and respect you (or the opposite in my case due to the abuse), figuring out all that stuff. She thinks that identification process went "underground" with me because of the abuse. She said I got out of it as well as I did (which is not all that well, if you count the 22 years in therapy, LOL) because I was "spirited" and still am. She's never said that to me before. And it makes me a little bit proud. My mother called me dumb, stubborn, fat and a lot of other things, but never, ever appreciated my "spiritedness."
Anyway, she said she thinks that the gynecological exams are bringing forth my inner 3-year-old and that the feeling that the doctors aren't listening to me (or don't care) when I say how painful it is and the lack of power I feel in that situation AND the abuse/sexual identity/possible CSA are all mixed in to produce my over-the-top reaction.
Then she said she didn't think it was necessary for us to delve into the past to try to recover memories or "deal" with possible csa. She thinks we can work on my responses in the present, as in getting me to stand up for myself and demand medication before pelvic exams and speaking up. Of course, to do that, I have to share my abuse history with the doctors and I can't quite picture that right now. But she says we'll work on it.
We were about 30-35 minutes into the session at this point and she asked me if I wanted to stop or keep going. I looked at her and said, "There's MORE????" She laughed and said not really and she thought it was a good place to stop if that felt okay with me.
So we spent the last 20-25 minutes talking about lighter things that are going on at work (I'm getting a promotion) and about my work crush. It feels okay.
And it also feels okay that she will be gone next week. It may be a different story when I go to bed tonight, but right now it's okay.
Thanks again for the support guys.
Posted by B2chica on August 3, 2007, at 10:26:44
In reply to It was okay **slight trigger, maybe**, posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 19:39:46
(((((((TG)))))))))
so glad you're feeling ok....remember...babbles always here for you.
but its good to hear you've got a therapy plan...
thanx for letting us know!have a relaxing weekend and DONT dwell on anything till T comes back, ok? keep thoughts light and cheerful! :)
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2007, at 11:26:33
In reply to It was okay **slight trigger, maybe**, posted by TherapyGirl on August 2, 2007, at 19:39:46
I'm glad it went ok, and congratulations on the promotion!
I doubt it's necessary to go into much detail with the gynecologist, unless they feel they need to know for medical reasons. My experience with them is that they really would prefer you to have meds if you're going to be really anxious, since that makes it easier for them. Extreme anxiety makes gynecological procedures quite difficult. Plus, they have a fair amount of experience, and can probably come to reasonable conclusions based on the request, without you going into a lot of detail. If you tell them you have a therapist or psychiatrist, they'll likely feel there is no need for them to look into it closely.
Or at least my doctors have never been particularly demanding in their questions.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 3, 2007, at 20:42:00
In reply to Re: It was okay **slight trigger, maybe** » TherapyGirl, posted by B2chica on August 3, 2007, at 10:26:44
Thanks, B2. And I think I will be able to take your advice over the weekend. I slept fine last night, although it was with the help of a muscle relaxer. But that doesn't work when I'm overanxious. And I also did fine today -- not ruminating on it. I do mull things over every now and then, but that's more about putting what my T told me into context and fitting it into my brain. NOT worrying or freaking out about it.
Thanks for the support. Babbleland is great, isn't it?
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 3, 2007, at 20:45:04
In reply to Re: It was okay **slight trigger, maybe** » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2007, at 11:26:33
Thank you so much for reframing that conversation for me, Dinah! I can't tell you how much easier it is for me to think of this in terms of making it easier for the docs rather than requesting special treatment because I'm nuts.
So you think I can just say something like these exams are causing me a lot of anxiety and I think it would be better for both of us if I had medication beforehand? Do you mind telling me what medication you've used for anxiety with medical stuff? My T actually suggested the knocking-out drug that they use for a colonoscopy. But I would rather take something less than that if it will work.
This is the end of the thread.
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