![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
"Fond"
He said it without prompting, he said it teasingly, and he said it in the midst of another related idea. And when I was too preoccupied to respond, he made sure I'd heard him. I let him know that I had, and appreciated that he had used a manner and word that he knew really meant something to me.
I felt fondness radiating from him today. It was in his smile. I said something that was probably not psychologically healthy, but I'd folded my arms (metaphorically) and stated that I was unwilling to change. And he smiled with knowing understanding, and yes, fondness.
We were even talking about the times that we might not like each other too much, and I was checking to see if he felt committed enough to stick with me even as feelings changed.
Even while he admitted that yes, there might be times he didn't like me in the moment, he would see those moments in the context of our entire relationship (I think this is where the fond statement came in somehow), that yes he was committed to the relationship. And I don't know how someone can sound so fond and affectionate when stating that there would be times he didn't like me, but he managed.
The main topic of conversation was the very positive real life outcome from the previous session, and how I felt he had shifted something in me that had been everpresent for over twenty years. I guess he felt happy and gratified about that.
It was such a very warm session, and I feel so cared about and held in fond affection. :)
I just wanted to share.
Posted by LadyBug on July 17, 2007, at 14:10:26
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
I was so looking for a different "F" word and I was thinking to myself, my T has used the "F" word a time or two or even three.
I was so suprised when you said "fond" was the word. But I'm so happy that you had a warm and caring connection with your T.I long for that because those connections have come and gone but it's been a while due to the trama in my life the past several months. My T is out of the country and I miss her.
I think it's just great when we can be so honest with our T on such a deep level. It feels so good to come away feeling cared about. I hope your heart continues to smile from the connection you share.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 16:26:46
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on July 17, 2007, at 14:10:26
I hope so too. :)
This F word is so much more important than the other one. It's not one he uses easily, being more inclined to say "care for" or "care about". But it's one that means something to me, as he well knows.
As far as the other one, well he doesn't curse or use "vulgar" slang around me. And when he does, he does it carefully and deliberately, yet still looks a bit sheepish. I fear I have an inhibiting effect on him. I'm not sure why since I curse like a sailor myself. Not regularly in front of him though.
Posted by annierose on July 17, 2007, at 16:30:46
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
I sound like a broken record on your recent posts!
I'm glad you feel such warmth and "fondness" from your therapist. I hope the feeling stays around for a long long time. Always tuck those memories close by so they are easily retrievable when rockier moments occur.
It's funny how certain words conjure up varying emotions. When my t once said she was "fond" of me, I was hurt. I wanted her to say she liked me.
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 17:20:31
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » Dinah, posted by annierose on July 17, 2007, at 16:30:46
I think I'll pretend that rockier times will never come again, and that we've reached a new level of relationship. Actually, today sort of felt like that.
But it was possibly more likely it was a reward for giving him the pleasure of really helping me in a fundamental way. It feels good to help others, and I can't imagine that being a therapist takes away that natural feeling.
It *is* funny how different words evoke different feelings in different people. Liking would have left me largely unmoved. But fondness is just what I have always wanted from him. And somehow fondness is associated with a smile in my mind. Just the sort of smile he gave today.
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 18:09:02
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » annierose, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 17:20:31
:( I did it again.
My therapist offered an unearned grace, and I shouldn't try to turn it into something I earned.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 17, 2007, at 18:17:35
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
Thank you so much for sharing this, Dinah. If anyone deserves to have a session like that, it's you. I'm thrilled for you.
And it does my heart good to hear how you two work it out over and over and over and stay so connected.
Posted by Maria01 on July 17, 2007, at 19:19:51
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
LOL! I looked at the title of the thread and immediately thought he dropped the F-bomb!
In all seriousness, sounds like you have a great connection with your T. Too bad you couldn't bottle and sell it! =)
Posted by DAisym on July 17, 2007, at 19:46:57
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
I feel his fondness radiating all the way out here in CA -- :)He has really been on his toes lately. I'm so glad. And it is really great to hear that even after 12 years you can still learn and change as you work together. That is too cool.
We need someone to do the happy dance.
Posted by Phillipa on July 17, 2007, at 22:19:55
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » Dinah, posted by DAisym on July 17, 2007, at 19:46:57
Thought the same thing when I saw the F in the word guess my minds in the gutter so glad you had a wonderful session. Love Phillipa
Posted by OzLand on July 17, 2007, at 22:47:54
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
Did he mean maybe that there would be times that he did not like the way you were acting rather than not liking you as a person. See that is how I would take a statement like that. I know my behavior sucks sometimes, but my therapist is there for me anyway and is kind, etc. It feels weird given my last experience, but my therapist also said the only think he does not tolerate is for patients to lie to him (meaning about big things). Like if I made it up that my husband and I got divorced or that I was dying of some dread disease.
Posted by annierose on July 18, 2007, at 8:58:53
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » annierose, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 17:20:31
I just remembered, my t didn't use the "f" word, instead she said, "I feel warmly towards you." And that just left me feeling like a piece of wet toast.
It makes me smile now to remember the interaction ... I'm missing her so much. Having her gone on vacation and my daughter away at camp at the same time is a lot for me emotionally.
Posted by Poet on July 19, 2007, at 13:42:23
In reply to My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2007, at 12:57:50
Hi Dinah,
Hmm, my therapist has said the other F word LOL. Though she does tell me she cares about me and even though I tell her not to deep down I appreciate at.
Thanks for sharing and for reminding me it's okay that Ts care about us or are fond of us.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2007, at 13:56:27
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » Dinah, posted by Poet on July 19, 2007, at 13:42:23
I'm trying to hold on to that feeling, and succeeding a bit.
But being me, I'm also starting to wonder if he felt guilty because he's planning to abandon me, or something.
And I'm definitely not expecting much next session. It's too easy to get used to those feelings, and feel disappointed when they're not consistently great.
Posted by OzLand on July 19, 2007, at 22:32:42
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2007, at 13:56:27
It seems like this is exactly what you and he should discuss at your next session, what you wrote here. Would that be possible??
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2007, at 22:54:47
In reply to Re: My therapist said the 'F' word » Dinah, posted by OzLand on July 19, 2007, at 22:32:42
I'm sure I could. I'm sure I even have said similar things to him before. I know I have trouble accepting good things from him without waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'd have to think some to decide if that's generalizable to all my relationships or is limited to him. At first thought I'd say it's limited to him.
I can see me mentioning it. But I think that it will gain me a smile or an amused/exasperated sigh.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.