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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
I hate cognitive behavioral therapy.
And yet...it is essentially what therapy has turned into for me, for right now. The person who hurt me most is coming to visit soon (in about a week) and I have been pretending that it isn't going to happen. And then I pretended that I would be just fine with it. And then I fell apart pretty badly so my therapist has been insisting, in a not so gentle way, that we "deal" with this visit.
Dealing with it means thinking about all the possibilities - the triggers, the comments, hugs...whatever - and figuring out what my responses will be. It doesn't feel good, this anticipatory preparation. I know it is necessary, but it still doesn't feel good. He keeps saying, "I never tell you what to talk about but..." He balances his insistence with support and soothing words, but he never lets me get too far from the subject. I'm watching myself fling red herrings out there -- but he just waits me out. Sometimes I dissociate completely and he has to call me back. But then we begin again.
I had a bad night. Really bad. I'm conflicted with needing to not know what happened to me and needing to protect the knowing. There is a war inside my head and my stomach has become the enemy. I just talked to my therapist - he said he has known all along that this would be awful for me, this week in particular will be hard. Probably harder than the visit itself. So he said he was rolling up his sleeves and he is ready to do the work we need to do, so I can get through it. And he said he is making himself really available to me, so I can stay grounded and feel safe.
But I don't feel safe. And I don't know how to "use" him right now. I know I need him. I've said to him that I'm terrified of how needy I feel and how worried it makes me. He just says he can handle it and this is one of those extraordinary times when he will be more pushy and intervene as necessary. He tells me to trust him. I do, I just don't trust myself.
I have no idea how to get through this weekend, except to just "get through it." I told him I would, "take another pill, and say another prayer." He answered, "and get by with a little help from your friends."So here I am, friends. I'll likely be posting a lot. Or not at all, depending on how medicated I stay. *sigh* It isn't supposed to still be this hard.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 1, 2007, at 21:22:04
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. It doesn't seem fair, does it? Just when we think we've had all we can take, here comes some more.
But I'll do whatever I can to support you. Think of all your friends in Babbleland, led by your T, standing in a circle with you in the middle, protecting your heart and your soul.
Posted by sunnydays on June 1, 2007, at 21:51:11
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
(((((((((((Daisy))))))))))
I hate CBT too. It can be so necessary sometimes, but I have never found it fun, either. I know that feeling of anticipation too. Usually it turns out not as bad as I planned for (although not always), but that leads to guilty feelings of wasting too much time worrying about it.
But anyway, all I can say is post here a lot, hold on, and call your therapist as much as you want to. I'm sorry it's so hard. It will get better...once this visit is over, in fact. Even if there is some aftermath to deal with, you won't have the anticipation.
Keep posting Daisy. Try to hang in there. Can you bake? I know sometimes that seems to help you cope with the hard times.
((((((daisy))))))
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on June 1, 2007, at 22:21:24
In reply to Re: Planning and support » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on June 1, 2007, at 21:51:11
I have a week like that coming up visiting kids that are grown and have lots of money and I as the Mother should be the one buying and paying for things for them and I can't plus they can't understand why I not the fun loving Mother i used to be. Now I'm a quivering ball of anxiety. And the pills don't help so what now? Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on June 1, 2007, at 22:27:00
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
Daisy I am so sorry.
I kindof wondered.
You seemed so calm...
NOW you are as I would expect you to be.
I proly say useless stuff, but what I can think of is:
-HANG ON, to T , to us. Its for a week, and I think you need to let yourself lean on your T TONS. Like I mean phoning often, going in as much as is possible. He would want that, I am sure of it. And he is good, he will help.
-I'm not sure if you have much control over when little daisy comes round, but if you can stay Mom adult Daisy as much as possible....
-I like visualization, going to a safe place in my mind
-Give yourself permission to do what you need to do to protect yourself. If that means walking away, no matter what you doing, walk away. Politeness don't matter, you gotta take care of daisy.
-I wish I could say right things. I dunno what to say, I want so bad to help.
I think you are incredibly brave. Braver than I can say.
Why don't you trust yourself?
And mebbe you don't feel safe, but truly, I can't imagine HOW you could ever feel safe, but maybe you can accept being really scared and just with care and planning and support, stay away from panic. Fear is helpful in some amt to keep alert and safe. So fear is not all bad. Mebbe you could accept that fear is OK, but you just goto manage it somehow...with help of T.
I suspect he will make himself very available to support you as needed, hold onto that.
I'll stop now.
Take care.
M
Posted by Fallsfall on June 2, 2007, at 7:13:38
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
You are not alone in this. Your therapist is with you. We are with you. The anticipation is the worst, but if you have gone through all of the scenarios, then you'll be ready for whatever happens. Then you can just do what you've decided and not have to make decisions in the moment.
Don't feel badly about needing your therapist. This is an extraordinary time. He knows that. Just because you need him so much now doesn't mean that you will need him this much forever. So allow the needing. Let him help you.
Keep talking to him and to us. Isolating is not what you need right now. Don't let your fears make you alone - don't let them drive you into the closet. The secret is out. Let it stay out so that you can have help with it.
Love,
Falls
Posted by annierose on June 2, 2007, at 7:26:58
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
I am thinking about you. It's sad.
Falls is right you know. Let your t help you. He wants to. He cares about you. Call him when you need to talk. Reach out and he will reach back.
I know this visit is harder because the secret is out. It needed to. It probably feels more real now that both your conscious and subconscious mind are all on the same page.
I'm here too. I'll be thinking about you.
Posted by Poet on June 2, 2007, at 12:59:46
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
Hi Daisy,
Post as much as you need, too. Babblemail/email me, too.
If that horrible person tries to hug you, step back, cross your arms tightly across your chest and stand your ground.
You are braver than you realize for being willing to be with this person. I avoid my brother as much as possible and the rest of my family thinks it's just old sibling rivalry. Still fighting after all these years, yeah right, mom.
I'm sending you positive thoughts and cyber hugs (((((Daisy)))))
Poet
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 2, 2007, at 17:14:41
In reply to Re: Planning and support » DAisym, posted by Poet on June 2, 2007, at 12:59:46
Daisy, even though you resist CBT approach, there is a time and a place for it. Don't worry, you can get back into your regular groove soon, if not soon enough.
I feel for you. Last week was the first time that I saw my family since... opening the can of worms, to put it nicely. It was SO hard. I had to put on this f*cking smile and pretend to have a good time.
And the worst thing is that they are coming to my graduation this week. A repeat offense. about 4 days ago I told them that I didn't think it would be a good thing if they stayed with me (I used the word "stressful"...). my T said that this and moving and graduation and termination would be pretty bad for me at this point. She's right. We've been doing a lot of planning and preparing scripts and stuff too.
I don't mean to make this thread all about ME, and I sure wish I had better answers about how to handle this stuff.
Maybe that we have survived before and that we will survive again? wiser? stronger? more resources?
((((((hugs for Daisy))))))
(hug for me, maybe)
-Ll
Posted by Happyflower on June 2, 2007, at 18:43:50
In reply to Planning and support, posted by DAisym on June 1, 2007, at 20:20:54
Thinking of you Daisy, I hope you are okay
This is the end of the thread.
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