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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 24, 2007, at 8:33:19
This is gnawing at me. I was away last week - I had to go back to my home town for some practical things (my partner came with me) - I also saw my pdoc while I was there. It was difficult because I ended up staying with my parents for a few days (long story but something I had hoped to avoid) - like having salt rubbed into raw wounds.
Anyway, I saw my T a few hours before I took the flight. I couldn't concentrate at all or feel anything. The session left me feeling horrible. I would have felt happier sitting in a room on my own for an hour. Every time I plucked up the courage to say anything, I felt it was met by a cold wall, and whatever he said seemed to lack any understanding. I felt like just getting up and going.
When I enter and leave, he always shakes my hand. I wish he hadn't bothered when I left last time.
It irritated me when he made the remark "It could go badly with your parents or ... it might just be fine. I guess you have mixed feelings about it." - I was terrified about seeing them again - the last contact with them was very difficult and he knew it. When I saw my pdoc he was shocked I was even going to see them and immediately tried to work through some coping strategies if things got really bad - the last time I saw him he had helped me plan my 'escape route' as he put it by intervening with my father, so I could get away. This time he said just the right things to make me feel supported and understood.
I'm back in Holland again and have an appointment with my T tomorrow. I wanted to cancel it. A part of me doesn't want to go back (I know it's crazy - I've only seen him a few times and he's meant to be very good so I should stick it out) - I just feel annoyed and don't know how I'm going to be able to talk about it - I have a habit of just 'disappearing' when things get like this - I hate confronting people if they've upset me in some way.
Oh, and for an update on the tissues... I asked about it (which took a lot of courage)... he immediately leaped out of his chair and ran and started rummaging through a draw in the dresser at the back of the room. I quickly said, "no, it's ok, I don't need a tissue, it was just a question!". He returned with several traveler packs of tissues (you know the ones people keep in cars), and dropped them on the table between us, saying, "yes I have a lot of tissues". He apologised for not having tissues already out - even though he hasn't had any on display at any of the appointments so far. I was rather hoping he'd have a 'proper' box of tissues to hand.
I then asked if it would be ok if I ever cried in T and he asked why it wouldn't be. I explained that I would be hit for crying in front of my grandfather, my mother always responded with rage and my father didn't respond at all. To which he said with sarcasm, "you don't think I'm going to hit you, do you!?". This just made me feel stupid and regret bringing the topic up.
Should things be like this in T? I know I can be hyper-sensitive and I should give it a chance - feelings can shift quickly - but I just feel negative. How am I supposed to trust this person and divulge things if the response lacks understanding? No one is perfect of course but compared to the pdoc he couldn't have handled it worse in that last session - probably it's more my fault, I don't know.
Sorry this rant was so long (!!) and thanks for reading :)
Witti
Posted by sunnydays on May 24, 2007, at 9:35:52
In reply to T tomorrow (long), posted by Wittgenstein on May 24, 2007, at 8:33:19
I would say go with your gut. If you've seen him a few times and your feelings are just getting more and more negative, then don't stay. I stayed with a T that was supposed to be an 'expert' on my issues for two and a half years and got no meaningful work done. I figured since he was the expert he must be helping and I just wasn't realizing it. He and I just weren't a good fit, I realize now. I have a T with a lot less education now who is a specialist in a whole different field (substance abuse, which I have absolutely no problem with) and he and I are wonderful together. I love him, and have told him so.
I might give him one more session if you think you could really explain how you're feeling and see his response. Then make your decision. It's not fun having to look for a new T, but it won't be helpful if you stay with a T you don't click with.
Good luck.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:34:40
In reply to Re: T tomorrow (long) » Wittgenstein, posted by sunnydays on May 24, 2007, at 9:35:52
Posted by Honore on May 24, 2007, at 19:49:43
In reply to T tomorrow (long), posted by Wittgenstein on May 24, 2007, at 8:33:19
I'm not sure what to make of his isattunement, Wittgenstein.
On one hand, there are therapists with terrific reputations who aren't sensitive and intuitive; they can be theoretically convincing and get along with other Ts-- but no one knows the quality of someone's work unless they've supervised them-- they really aren't in the room-- so reputations are kind of hit and miss.
On the other hand, I wonder if you could possibly be hearing him as more hostile or off-key than he is. Not that I think you are-- I really don't-- but it's always a question to consider. I know that I often mishear even my own T, whom I've worked with for a long time-- because I hear him through the filter of my experiences with my parents.
I'd probably go back, I think-- and test it out a little more-- on the other hand, if you feel a strong reluctance, it could be that whatever he may or may not have meant-- he isn't the right T for you. Finding a good match is so important-- it transcends almost everything, although of course training and experience are important too.
So if you dont' like him-- don't feel right with him-- it's an important factor to take very seriously.
His not having tissues-- except little packets is a bit odd, to say the least. I mean it's not necessarily that bad-- but it's pretty strange.
Honore
Posted by DAisym on May 25, 2007, at 0:27:41
In reply to Re: T tomorrow (long) » Wittgenstein, posted by Honore on May 24, 2007, at 19:49:43
Isn't it interesting that when a client is sarcastic it typically means they are defending against something or have some hidden hostility. His first response "why wouldn't it be Ok to cry?" is OK - I think hearing you out about your fears is always good. But then being sarcastic seems very odd and defensive. Wonder why he did that?
I agree with what has already been said. If things don't get better soon, I think it might be time to look around again. Does your pdoc do therapy too? That seems ideal.
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 25, 2007, at 3:34:04
In reply to Re: T tomorrow (long), posted by DAisym on May 25, 2007, at 0:27:41
Yeah, I kind of wish I could just have T with the Pdoc. He does give T but he's in the UK and I'm now in the Netherlands - I only saw him last week as I was back in the UK for a few days.
As for my T, in all other respects and for the sessions prior to the last one, I think it was going well - he's already shown in other ways that he is very dedicated and caring - it's just the last session - but now it's made me scrutinise everything. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with me and how I assume people are thinking - I easily freak out.
It could just be that I will get this with any T. I'll go to today's session and see how it works out.
Thanks for the advice :)
Witti
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 25, 2007, at 20:53:01
In reply to Re: T tomorrow (long), posted by Wittgenstein on May 25, 2007, at 3:34:04
Well I went to T today and it was more positive than last time. I need to stick at this - I think this is more about me than him, even if some of his responses were a bit off. I know I shouldn't be blind to things if they aren't working out... oh well, will have to see.
Witti
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