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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 11:49:23
I'm at the end of my rope with my therapy again, and I'm thinking of quitting (too much to go into here). But of course, there's a chance I won't, and there's a good chance that if I do, I'll return to the same T after a period of good, solid thinking and reevaluation.
So, I thought I'd ask all of you (who are willing to share) if you have stories about quitting before it's really "over." If you did, why? Did you ever go back? If so, what was that like? Did the same issues arise between you and your T, or did some of them abate or disappear? Did you have trouble getting an appointment when you wanted to go back? Did you ever regret quitting, wonder if you hadn't tried hard enough, etc.?
Thanks :)
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 12:43:06
In reply to quitting stories? (poss. trigger?), posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 11:49:23
I must have quit at least half a dozen times. The whole deal. Him asking me to come back for one last session even if I didn't pay for it, my crossing my arms and holding fast, and walking away.
He always was very nice about it. He never said anything that he would later regret. He accepted my coming back without undue comment, in a matter of fact way. He says I taught him all he knows about termination.
I imagine the reasons I quit were some real or perceived problem in our relationship. And mind you, our relationship really was pretty bad at that point. The reason I came back was that for some reason I was attached, even in that bad period.
The only really negative side effect was that it took him at least a year longer to trust me than it took me to trust him. I later learned that it really bothered him under his unflappable exterior. He was braced for me to continue doing that.
Not all therapists respond as mine did. My therapist's schedule isn't the sort where each client has a time, and he has never appeared to be in a position where he can't squeeze me in if I need it. So losing my time was never really an issue.
But... While I think I needed to do that at that point in my therapy, in the long run I've learned that with a therapist who is willing to work on things, it's probably better to hash out problems.
If you think solid thinking would lead you back, is there any way to just take a break to do that thinking? Or do the thinking with her?
Posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 13:23:03
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?) » raisinb, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 12:43:06
Thanks, Dinah. It's good to know that others have done it and things can move on anyway.
I don't think it's possible to do the thinking with her. She feels strongly that I should stay, and says so. I love hearing it, but I also am not getting the sort of helpful sounding board/second self, that I'd need to really sort it out. Also, my transference is so intense that when she does try to be neutral, I start to feel very rejected.
I might take the break, but part of what I want to do is to feel strong because I really *did* quit something which might be unhealthy for me. Not sort-of quit with a safety net of "I'll be back in two months," but commit to breaking it off.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 14:58:40
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?), posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 13:23:03
I've found this a pretty good place to think about that part of it. I get different perspectives. Some agree with what I'm thinking and some don't. And all of them give me good information and good insight.
And a bit of distance I just can't seem to get in my own brain.
Posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 15:47:49
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?) » raisinb, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 14:58:40
I've read a lot of threads on the same topic, and I'm always deeply impressed by the insight Babblers can give each other. I'm just paranoid that my therapist will read it (yeah, I know it's unlikely, but it could happen) so I don't feel comfortable about posting details, unfortunately.
Posted by annierose on May 22, 2007, at 6:22:05
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?), posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 15:47:49
I have also quit therapy with this therapist years ago. While I was seeing her, I quit and came back a few times as well, besides the time I just plain quit mid-session. I just didn't have it in me to stay and work through so much stuff. Now that I'm much older, I'm more patient to work through some of the more painful intense feelings that pop up.
One thing I always found helpful, then and now, but it's expensive, is to get a second opinion/consultation. It will give you a bird's eye view of what is happening and often help you continue to work through your "stuff" with your current therapist.
To answer another question of yours, even when I went back after 15 years, my t was happy to see me. But yes, some of the same stuff was there because it's "my" stuff and eventually it surfaces until I work through it. It's much easier to stay and talk about your feelings of wanting to leave - over and over again.
Posted by raisinb on May 22, 2007, at 9:29:05
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?), posted by annierose on May 22, 2007, at 6:22:05
Thanks, Annie. I've had the urge to do that more than once.
Consultation's a great idea, too. I've tried it twice, with no resolution. Both responses were very good, but didn't resolve things for me long-term. I didn't do either in person, though; maybe I just need to bite the financial and emotional bullets and schedule a few appointments with another T. Was that what you did?
Posted by annierose on May 22, 2007, at 17:40:51
In reply to Re: quitting stories? (poss. trigger?), posted by raisinb on May 22, 2007, at 9:29:05
I wrote you a long reply and it's not here - boo hoo.
I told my t that I wanted to talk to another psychologist to get another perspective. I went to a friend's t (big mistake) and then to a therapist my therapist referred me to. He was much more helpful and I appreciated his candor about the complexities of this relationship.
Walking away isn't always the answer - although sometimes it is. If you believe that your t has helped you, you like her and can trust her, then it may benefit you to stick this rupture out. See where it leads you. If you still feel stuck, then you might have an answer in that as well.
I don't think there is ever a right or wrong course of action. Whatever you decide to do, you have learned something.
Posted by raisinb on May 23, 2007, at 14:40:38
In reply to Re: where did my reply go??? » raisinb, posted by annierose on May 22, 2007, at 17:40:51
That's weird. Maybe the posting's still off from the hacking fiasco. Thanks for the shorter reply, anyway :)
Anyway, I might do that. It's interesting that your T referred you to another one for consultation.
I feel like the consultations I've had led to short-term emotional relief, but no long-term resolution, perhaps because I always look to others for answers and don't trust myself to figure it out, and that's what I really need to do.
Whew, I can be ambivalent about ANYTHING.
This is the end of the thread.
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