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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by frida on May 11, 2007, at 16:28:26
Hi..
I just wanted to write this down and share it so I can believe it myself. :-)
I saw my T yesterday, we've been having some very hard, hard sessions because I am finally trying to tell her about how my csa started and what actually happened, after years of being silent and afraid...I still can't talk, it's been really hard...
She has acknowledged it's been hard for her too, because I can't speak no matter how hard she tries and how I tell myself I will...she has admitted how she has felt with this, because at the same time I beg her to help me...and to please stay with me through this...
Lately, she's been more...open with me...
the other day she told me something about herself when she was 2 years old..her first memories...trying to reach the little girl in me that is so terrified and can't say a word..and showing me how it is possible to share...
it meant a lot and truly helped me to let down my defenses a bit...and trust her more.
She has asked me to please honour the relationship we've built and the trust we have...
I've told her how afraid I am of her hurting me or leaving me, she knows all this.
Yesterday I saw her, and she's now going to be absent for two weeks.
Again, I found it so hard to speak...
when I came back home I called her, fortunately she answered the phone, I told her i just wanted to ask her if I do talk and tell, if she'd be there for me...if I can trust that I won't stay alone with this.
She told me that all she wants is for me to accept help...and that of course she'll be there for me ..that we both know how resistant I am and how I stay alone with this and try to handle it all by myself..and how she wants me to be able to share this and stop suffering alone.I thanked her and then she said: "I love you very much".
I was totally taken by surprise and managed to say Thank you...
she said that after all this time and how much we've been through..that she wishes I could feel I can talk and open my heart, knowing this...
She said it twice... :-) She said I love you a whole lot :-) the second time.I couldn't say I love you too, she knows I hope.
I just wanted to share some hope...
I've told her about some of the stories here (just about my fear that these horrible things happen :-( and how afraid I am of being hurt like that)...and I guess I Just wanted to share that there are some therapists who do genuinely care ... she told me that I've changed her too, and I do feel she cares outside T, she has told me now and she's told me of the times she thinks of me, how seeing little children make her think of me when things started, and how I've changed her way of looking at things and how I've touched her heart and life. Just hearing her say I love you yesterday really took me by surprise and I felt sooooo grateful...i couldn't believe she was saying this to me.
I wanted to share this and hang on to this hope and try to believe this.
:-)
Thanks for listening,
Frida
Posted by Daisym on May 11, 2007, at 18:28:06
In reply to T said 'i love you' , sharing some hope., posted by frida on May 11, 2007, at 16:28:26
Thank you for sharing such a lovely moment. I'm smiling for you.
I think you are opening up, you seem to be, more and more, as I read about the work you are doing in therapy.
I worry all the time that my stories will hurt my therapist too. He says no, I can't hurt him. He hurts for me, and with me, but he is OK. She will be OK too. She is strong enough to hear you.
Hold her words close to your heart. You can believe them.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by muffled on May 11, 2007, at 19:34:55
In reply to T said 'i love you' , sharing some hope., posted by frida on May 11, 2007, at 16:28:26
Wow! Frida, that was beautiful and well written.
My T keeps telling me she cares and stuff.
She's bent herself backwards to get me to trust her.
I do.
But why don't I beleive her????????
That she cares???
Reading your post was real good for me, thank you for sharing that.
Hope, gotta have hope.
Muffled
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 11, 2007, at 19:38:21
In reply to T said 'i love you' , sharing some hope., posted by frida on May 11, 2007, at 16:28:26
That's great, Frida. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You and your T have obviously been doing very hard, very important work together.
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2007, at 20:46:43
In reply to T said 'i love you' , sharing some hope., posted by frida on May 11, 2007, at 16:28:26
That's really lovely, Frida. Thank you for sharing it.
This is the end of the thread.
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