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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on May 7, 2007, at 16:19:32
I'm thinking of writing (and sending) a letter to my old T, Anne. Those of you who have been around for a year will remember her I'm sure. For those who werent, theres lots in the archives but basically the story is... things had started to go badly in our therapy and we'd talked about me going somewhere else, but had definitely not decided on it. I got admitted to the partial hospitalization program and while there, she contacted the director of the program and told him she wouldnt be seeing me anymore. Then wouldnt respond to phone calls, etc. I'd seen her for about two years, with a 6-8month break in the middle. There was absolutely no termination, no chance to ask questions, say goodbye, nothing. I was VERY hurt and angry. It still effects me today I think.
Anyway. I'm thinking of writing her a letter. It wouldnt be an emotional letter. I'd want to say something like "I think that I need to express how this affected me for myself, and I also think that you need to hear it". I'd talk as unemotionally as possible about how I felt abandoned and I believe that her handling of the termination was unethical. It felt (and still feels) like a revictimization in a way. She chocked all my stuff up to transference, but the way she handled me in therapy and with termination mirrored my childhood very closely in many ways. I didnt just make it up. Acting like things are okay and then disappearing (as she did) was already a theme for me.
I'm trying to ask myself what my motivations are. First, I think it really would be helpful for me to get it out. Second, and maybe this is the bigger one, I really want her to get it. I sent a letter not long after but it was very angry and I doubt she really heard my words through that. But I feel like a more objective letter, 8 months later, might reach her a little more. I want her to get in her mind that what she did was wrong and that it hurt me.. even if she didnt respond.
What do you all think? Is it a smart idea? Bad idea? Setting myself up to get hurt? I just dont know. Any questions I should ask myself or things to consider are welcome.
(I'll post later about this but it does look like I'm going to be quitting with Ginny. I talked to her today and it just isnt working.)
Posted by gazo on May 7, 2007, at 19:37:48
In reply to should I write a letter?, posted by wishingstar on May 7, 2007, at 16:19:32
i'm not up to a long post.. but i think you should wait until you have a new T. If you finish with Ginny you'd have that to deal with, if not then you're still in this undecided state for a while until it resolves somehow.
i understand the hurt.. i have been hurt in a way that feels like betrayal... and until you are in a really strong place, i wouldn't advise giving anne that much of your power. Keep it for you. so i wouldn't write it just yet.
i'm sorry about the situation with ginny. i hope you sort that out for the best for you
Posted by annierose on May 7, 2007, at 20:19:56
In reply to Re: should I write a letter? » wishingstar, posted by gazo on May 7, 2007, at 19:37:48
you have decided to leave ginny and immediately you are working with your unresolved feelings with anne.
that says a lot, don't you think?
Posted by wishingstar on May 7, 2007, at 20:42:21
In reply to Re: should I write a letter? » gazo, posted by annierose on May 7, 2007, at 20:19:56
I've actually been considering writing this letter for some time.. even before I started having problems with Ginny. I've drafted it many times and even had it ready to send. I just havent been able to decide if it's the right thing to do. So I thought I'd pose the idea here.
I'm not sure I'm going to be doing any therapy for awhile. Ginny actually put this out there as a suggestion.. take a complete break from therapy itself. I'd already been thinking it but I think she's right. I'm not up to starting with anyone new and I wont be able to start seeing Laurie until August, even if I make that decision. I dont think I'll be any worse off without therapy than I am currently. But you make a good point gazo... I'm sure it'd bring up some feelings and it'd be helpful to be able to process them with someone. I need to think on that.
Thanks both of you.
Posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:38:48
In reply to Re: should I write a letter - to both, posted by wishingstar on May 7, 2007, at 20:42:21
I would think very very very carefully about what you would feel like if she were to respond with something showing she totally did not understand what you were saying and didn't get it. Based on your prior interactions with her, I think it's quite possible, and given how badly you've been feeling I wouldn't want that to happen because I care about you. That would be my only caution, but it's a big thing to think about.
sunnydays
Posted by wishingstar on May 8, 2007, at 7:51:02
In reply to Re: should I write a letter - to both » wishingstar, posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:38:48
Yes.... thats a very good point. My biggest concern isnt that shed respond in a negative way, but that she might not respond at all. I say now that I would be okay with that, but I'm not totally sure if it's true or not. I guess because of my history/family, being ignored tends to be much more painful for me than all the negative words/misunderstanding/etc in the world.
I was in chat last night and realized one thing. I think losing Ginny is renewing some of the old feelings I used to have.. questioning whether the situation with Anne was my fault, etc.. and thats driving me to want to explain myself again. But like I said above, this is something I've been wanting to do for awhile anyway.
I'm leaning towards waiting. It's not like today is my only opportunity.
Posted by muffled on May 8, 2007, at 9:09:56
In reply to Re: should I write a letter - to both » sunnydays, posted by wishingstar on May 8, 2007, at 7:51:02
Wishy, you a smart cookie.
I wish you well.
Nice to see you in chat.
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on May 10, 2007, at 16:03:27
In reply to Re: should I write a letter - to both » wishingstar, posted by muffled on May 8, 2007, at 9:09:56
Well guess who I saw today?
Didnt speak to her, but saw Anne. I was driving and we were near each other at a traffic light. It was a long one, so I sat there for a good 2 minutes. I dont think she saw me, but I definitely saw her. Didnt shake me up all that much.. I guess because we were both in our cars and didnt actually run into each other.. but it did mess with me a little. I feel fine now. Wouldnt have even posted about this but since I'd just posted about writing her a letter, I thought it was a funny coincidence.
Yuck.
This is the end of the thread.
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