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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
I'm taking classes in a counseling psych MA program, and have been for a bunch of years. I may one day actually get the degree, but I'm on a really slow track. In the meantime, I love my classes; They're so fascinating, and useful to every day life.
So, last night at class I was chatting with a woman who has been in a couple of my classes. I like her and we seem to have a lot of interests in common, but we're only acquaintances. Well, in the course of our conversation it began to be more and more apparent that she is my Ts sister! At one point she asked me who I was in therapy with, and I said something about wanting to keep that to myself, because it sounded like we knew a lot of people in common. She was understanding.
I never knew her last name, but this morning she sent me an email about something we were talking about last night, and sure enough, her last name is the same as my Ts. Doh!
Now that I think about it, she does look somewhat like my T, and she talks in a similar rhythm, etc. JUST LIKE SISTERS!
This is really discombobulating me for some reason. I think I'll mention it to my T when I see her tomorrow. It feels very awkward, and suddenly makes me want to ask my T all kinds of personal questions. I had a dream last night that I got really angry at my T and stomped out, convinced that I'd never go back. But . . . uh . . . why would I be angry? It's ok for Ts to have sisters, after all.
confusedly
peg
Posted by one woman cine on February 7, 2007, at 9:07:25
In reply to bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
I may be going out on a limb - but you could be feeling intruded upon.
Like someone has intruded upon an intimate relationship you have with your T - You should talk about it though - it could be good grist for the mill. I would also talk about the dream - alot material reveals itself then.
It is discombobulating though.
Posted by Daisym on February 7, 2007, at 11:01:42
In reply to bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
Sometimes when I stumble upon something from my therapist's life, it stirs up in me a kind of jealousy. I can imagine meeting the sister would create that kind of conflict - wanting to know more about your therapist as a sister or friend -- and what is she like with her family -- or what was she like as a child...
OR - here is someone who might know how she feels about her job, or her clients -- it is almost a way to see inside her head a little. And there is conflict in wanting to know and yet not really wanting to invade.
And speaking for me, I'd feel really weird - almost like I was in trouble for intruding, even though it was an accident.
It's hard, isn't it? I'll be interested to hear what she says about this.
Posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 14:58:12
In reply to bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
This can be really confusing. I cant stand when my T's world and mine collide. I usually dont handle it well but I guess, really, its inevitable. It will be good to tell your T about it though, even if it does seem awkward. Talking about what this brings up for you may be very good for your therapy and may also help you one day as a therapist.
PS. I know all abou that slow track graduate degree. One of these years I might be done myself!
Posted by happykat on February 7, 2007, at 16:06:57
In reply to bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
Peg,
That would totally trip me out. I think I would struggle with wanting to pick her brain to find out what my t was really like in her real life (to my own peril, no doubt). Yet if I did I would feel horribly guilty. I'm curious as to what your t will say about this. How long have you been seeing her?
Regards,
Kat
Posted by annierose on February 7, 2007, at 16:32:13
In reply to Re: bizarre coincidence freaking me out » pegasus, posted by happykat on February 7, 2007, at 16:06:57
I am nodding my head and agreeing with my fellow posters. On the one hand it seems like it would be a wonderful way to get to know more about your therapist. But as everyone said, it can also shake up your world with her. We have one way of seeing the person we spend that time with, and if the truth (via her sister's perception) differs, that can cause all sorts of internal angst.
Anytime I learn something about my therapist it always upsets me. Ultimately, I merge the newer knowledge to the person I have come to love. I never regret knowing something, but it is unsettling.
I would tell my therapist about the encounter as well. However, I worry that my new "friend" will now distance themselves from me and think differently of me (IF your therapist tells her sister who you are).
I think my t is an only child. She has never said anything to indicate that, but when I speak about my siblings, her reactions and questions just speak to a person that grew up as an only child. Maybe I'll ask her and find out.
Posted by peddidle on February 7, 2007, at 18:19:07
In reply to bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 8:56:52
I agree with everyone, as well. On the one hand, we want to know more about our T's life outside therapy, because it reassures us that they are real people. On the other hand, knowing something about their life, however simple it may be, can shatter the ideal image we have of them.
I definitely think you should tell your T about it. If nothing else, it might make for a few interesting anecdotes. Just for your own piece of mind, though, you might want to reiterate to her that you do not expect her to deviate from therapist-client confidentiality.
Let us know how it goes!
Posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 19:37:27
In reply to Re: bizarre coincidence freaking me out, posted by peddidle on February 7, 2007, at 18:19:07
. . . for understanding. It is so weird to find out that our Ts exist outside of sessions, isn't it?
I was actually thinking, before I figured things out, that I really liked this person and that maybe I should try to become better friends with her. We exchanged a couple of emails today, and we really do share a lot of interests. And I just like her style (gee, I wonder why?). But I don't think I could actually pursue a friendship with her now, with that kind of secret between us. Too weird. And I don't think I could be friends with her if she knows I'm doing therapy with her sister, either! Dang it! It's not *my* fault that they're sisters. ;)
And YES! I totally wanted to mine her for info about my T. When I started figuring things out last night, I almost asked her whether anyone else in her family was a therapist. It would have been so natural, after she volunteered the info about her sister. But then I decided that, no, that wasn't fair to her or to her sister.
I'm just lucky that I've never been paired with her for any of the "real play" exercises that we commonly do in these classes. I mean, I've learned quite a bit about the personal lives of some of my classmates, because of the nature of what we're studying. Right now I'm in a Counseling Techniques II class, where we actually pair up in counselor-client-observer triads for the whole semester, and actually counsel each other on real life issues! Talk about awkward if I'd ended up doing that with my T's sister!
Anyway, I'll be sure to let you all know what happens when I talk to my T about this tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd already wondered whether I knew her sister. It's not that big of a program, after all.
peg
Posted by pegasus on February 8, 2007, at 17:37:09
In reply to Thanks you guys, posted by pegasus on February 7, 2007, at 19:37:27
Well, I told her about it today, and she groaned and said, Oh my worst nightmare! And then she said, when my sister started that program I knew this would happen. Then she asked me what was going on for me around it. She asked whether it would have been better if she had warned me that I might run into her sister there, and we agreed that it would not have been better. I would have just wondered about everyone that I met there.
So, basically we just explored what was weird about it for me, and what happens if I wanted to continue to be friendly with her sister. We discussed the possibility that her sister might have also wondered whether I was working with her. Mostly I think what bugged me was the possibility that if things had gone differently I *might* have ended up knowing a whole lot of things about my T that I hadn't wanted to know. And also that I was angry at my T (irrationally, of course) for not being able to protect me from that spillage of my private therapy into the non-private real life.
I think she handled it pretty well. We moved on to other topics afer a while. She was pretty uncomfortable with the idea at first, but not with talking about it.
I do feel better. It was nice that she could identify that I was angry for her not being able to protect me. That felt really right, and I hadn't figured it out on my own.
peg
Posted by littleone on February 8, 2007, at 19:41:03
In reply to How she responded, posted by pegasus on February 8, 2007, at 17:37:09
> I do feel better. It was nice that she could identify that I was angry for her not being able to protect me. That felt really right, and I hadn't figured it out on my own.
It sounds like a really good session. I'm glad it went so well. And yes, it is so very nice when they can point out things we can't see and you get that really right feeling.
Did you work out how you would deal with the sister going forward, eg what you will do if she talks to you more, or what you will do if you get paired up together?
Gold star for pegasus!
Posted by Daisym on February 8, 2007, at 23:54:51
In reply to Re: How she responded » pegasus, posted by littleone on February 8, 2007, at 19:41:03
I guess I've never considered that the therapist can have "my worst nightmare" in relation to worlds colliding! But it makes sense. I'm glad you were able to talk about it so openly and honestly. That irrational anger creeps in, doesn't it? But it is good that she acknowledged it and helped you understand it.
As I drove to therapy today I saw this huge new sign hanging on a nearby building. It said, "Psychotherapy Center - Adults and Children" It was huge! I couldn't help wondering how it would feel to walk under that sign and go in the building right by one of the busiest intersections in town. No way that would feel private.
Tricky business, therapy is, isn't it?
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 9:41:10
In reply to How she responded, posted by pegasus on February 8, 2007, at 17:37:09
I'm glad she responded well. :)
It's nice that she understands how clients feel about worlds colliding. My therapist is a bit dense on the topic.
How do you think this will affect how you interact with her sister?
Posted by pegasus on February 9, 2007, at 10:38:07
In reply to Re: How she responded » pegasus, posted by littleone on February 8, 2007, at 19:41:03
Thanks for the gold star, littleone!
We talked a little bit about how I wanted to deal with her sister going forward, but I'm not really sure about it. I think my T was a little uncomfortable with the idea that I might talk to her, but she made it really clear that it was up to me. When I told her that I didn't want her sister to know that I was doing therapy with her, she said, "Well, *I'm* not going to tell her!" In a funny way. We laughed.
So, I think I'll just play it by ear going forward. If I get paired up with her sister, I'll have to decline, and explain why. It's not the worst thing in the world, because everyone in the program is in therapy anyway, so we all know that much already. But it *would* be pretty embarrassing, probably for both of us. So I'm hoping to just avoid it.
peg
Posted by pegasus on February 9, 2007, at 10:44:37
In reply to Re: How she responded, posted by Daisym on February 8, 2007, at 23:54:51
Yeah, it's funny isn't it, that she said it was her worst nightmare. I told my husband about it when I got home, and he said, "Well, she's pretty lucky if that's her worst nightmare." Which is also kind of funny and true. But I can see how it would be uncomfortable as a therapist to find out that a client had been making friends with a sibling, however unwittingly.
Yikes, I would never do therapy in a building with a huge sign proclaiming that it was for psychotherapy. Discreet is the whole deal. I'm surprised they aren't more aware of that. It's like having a big sign saying, "the therapists in here are very insensitive to the need for discretion." Makes me shake my head. They must wonder why they have so many last minute cancellations of new clients.
sheesh
peg
Posted by pegasus on February 9, 2007, at 10:47:33
In reply to Re: How she responded » pegasus, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 9:41:10
Thanks, Dinah. I'm sorry your T is dense about that kind of thing. It did feel good that she immediately understood that it was very disconcerting.
I think I'm probably going to feel irresistably drawn to her sister, now. Doesn't help that I actually really liked her anyway. And then I'm going to act very strange when I do interact with the sister, so she'll probably give up on being friendly with me, and then I'll feel like an idiot.
Or, maybe I can figure out a way to be friendly with her sister, but not get too close, and not be too weird. That's what I'm going to aspire to.
peg
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