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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on January 29, 2007, at 20:52:16
I know I’ve talked about my relationship with my T before, how I’m attracted to him, he says he feels flattered by that, tells me I’m attractive too, etc…
but today I met with him and it was really weird…we met in a different office than usual and there were a lot of different chairs to choose from, it was a pretty big room, for like meetings and stuff I guess. Anyway I chose one over by the window, thinking he would sit in the chair across from it. instead he pulled up a chair like RIGHT near mine.
I couldn’t even cross one leg over the other because my shoe would almost be hitting the middle of his pants if you know what I mean ! I hesitated sitting down, and blurted out something about how I thought if I sat right there, there would be a bad glare from the window, so he got up and was like let’s just do this, and closed the blinds, then sat back down in the super-close chair…
That of course made me paranoid. But then it got worse. the entire time, he stared at me, like wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. when I would talk it almost felt like he wasn’t even listening, he would give no response, just keep looking directly into my eyes. I know I’ve talked about this kind of stuff before, but it's usually not THIS intense.
We talked about some rather heady topics too, which made everything feel even more tense, and he was actually the one that brought it all up today. But one of the things I asked was if he ever felt like I had been inappropriate in there with him/seductive but he said he felt like I had always been appropriate and hadn’t done anything.
I told him that I try to hold myself back in there with him, because I ‘don’t want to piss him off’…(like if I ever made a move on him), I always pictured him getting so infuriated with me and kicking me out if I ever tried. but he said it wouldn’t piss him off…! that he would just have to ‘step in’ and ‘come up with’ some sort of explanation to remind me of the boundaries.
Maybe I am over-reading into everything, but it was like I was unconsciously putting out some sort of warning that I think about seducing him and he says it wouldn’t make him mad?? Is that odd??
I’m so confused. So I have some questions…
How far apart do you and your T usually sit from each other?Do you ever feel like your T stares at you?
What do you think it meant when my T was staring at me like that?
Posted by caraher on January 29, 2007, at 22:05:50
In reply to my T was being weird today..., posted by Karolina on January 29, 2007, at 20:52:16
> Maybe I am over-reading into everything, but it was like I was unconsciously putting out some sort of warning that I think about seducing him and he says it wouldn’t make him mad?? Is that odd??
I'm not sure. It depends a lot on *how* he said that. Was it as if he were giving you the OK to try it? That would be totally inappropriate.
On the other hand, he might simply be giving an honest answer. As a faithful, married man, would it make me *mad* if an attractive woman tried to seduce me? I can't honestly say that it would. At least not at first. But I'd be preoccupied with managing my reaction, both in terms of not violating my own morals in the face of temptation and also trying to be considerate of the feelings of this woman who is risking whatever a rejection might cost her.
Maybe "regular" guys would be angry. By which I mean, men who'd had more experience with women than I've had, who may be more jaded or something.
> I’m so confused. So I have some questions…
>
>
> How far apart do you and your T usually sit from each other?Not ever as close as you did, except the time I brought in my laptop and showed her something on it. She sat next to me on her couch for that, and there was nothing odd about it.
> Do you ever feel like your T stares at you?
Not the way you describe. I have at times felt scrutinized... and the worst time was with an ex-T, where it wasn't even so much his looking as the remark he made about what *I* was looking at. But the story you tell... nothing quite like that.
> What do you think it meant when my T was staring at me like that?
It feels to me as if he was basking his power over you. Pushing the boundaries. If you were uncomfortable - and you clearly were - you should let him know about it. You should ask him, "Why so close?" You should tell him you thought he was boring holes through you with his eyes. There's good, positive eye contact, and then there's just being creepy. Maybe he wasn't as aware of what he was doing and how it looked to you as he should have been. Or maybe he was aware. Neither possibility is terribly comforting!
Sorry you had such a weird session!
Posted by sunnydays on January 29, 2007, at 22:12:31
In reply to my T was being weird today..., posted by Karolina on January 29, 2007, at 20:52:16
> I know I’ve talked about my relationship with my T before, how I’m attracted to him, he says he feels flattered by that, tells me I’m attractive too, etc…
**** Some T's will stretch the boundaries more than others. Being flattered I think is a very kind response -- and probably true. I don't think it necessarily has to mean he's in love with you. But only you know if you feel he's acting inappropriately.
> Maybe I am over-reading into everything, but it was like I was unconsciously putting out some sort of warning that I think about seducing him and he says it wouldn’t make him mad?? Is that odd??**** No, not at all. Think about it from his position - a client is trying to seduce him... why would he be angry? It's a situation that happens often enough that some T's get trained for it, and he has said he would remind you of the boundaries. But I don't think that it would make him mad. Maybe you're thinking the word mad but confusing it with another emotion? I do that a lot.
> How far apart do you and your T usually sit from each other?
***** Maybe about three feet usually, but sometimes he sits closer or farther depending on the day and what we're talking about. Talking about something really uncomfortable it sometimes helps me if he's sitting closer... I just feel emotionally closer to him too. He may just have been trying to let you see if you liked it or not, or he may just not have noticed how close he was sitting.
>
> Do you ever feel like your T stares at you?**** Sometimes, although not really. I mean, he's almost always looking at me, but it's not in a bad way, and I hardly ever make eye contact so I don't really notice it.
>
> What do you think it meant when my T was staring at me like that?
>**** I have no idea. Can you ask him? That would be the most reliable way to find out. Good luck!
sunnydays
Posted by LadyBug on January 29, 2007, at 23:00:55
In reply to my T was being weird today..., posted by Karolina on January 29, 2007, at 20:52:16
I would have been a little nervous with him sitting so close and staring, almost like he was waiting for you to make a move on him.
I don't understand this as my T is female, I'm a female and I don't have erotic feelings for her. Sometimes I wonder how I would act if I had a male T. And then I don't want to know anyway, because my T is awesome!!! I'm pretty sure I'd bring it up as soon as you see him again. It's how we understand each other and learn to grow.
LadyBug
Posted by Karolina on February 4, 2007, at 22:48:58
In reply to my T was being weird today..., posted by Karolina on January 29, 2007, at 20:52:16
Thanks caraher, sunnydays and ladybug for your thoughts on my situation.
Sorry I am just now responding but I just wanted to say thanks, I;ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about everything. I may try to bring up next time (but in a nice way, so I don't offend him or seem accusatory) about how I felt last time. Or maybe if he starts staring again, ask him a question like 'is there something on my face' to make him snap out of it.
I forgot to mention that while he was staring at me like that, at one point when he was talking for awhile, I just totally focused in on his eyes and stared directly back at him and he began to stumble over his words. He was still locking eyes with me the whole time, but then would trail off on his sentences. It was kind of funny = )
As far as the seductive stuff goes, now that I think of it, I don't know why I always thought he'd be mad if I tried something. I was just afraid he would get angry that I was trying to break boundaries and then refuse to see me anymore. So I hope to bring up my feelings about all that next time as well.Thanks again for the feedback
Karolina
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