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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 12:41:01
In reply to Re: Got a letter from Anne » Poet, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 12:31:45
> I'm going to send her some shingles too. A good headache and some shingles should about do it. :)
Well, since stress plays a part in shingles, that'd be only fair, I think. :)
I think it's wise to recognize that you'll never get what you wish from Anne.
I've always thought that my major steps in the road to good mental hygiene were letting go of what I wanted from someone, and accepting that what they gave was all they were going to give. Even if it wasn't good stuff.
I still falter from time to time, obviously, but I think I'm getting better at it.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 15:23:43
In reply to Re: Got a letter from Anne » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 12:41:01
Good point Dinah. You're right. It's so hard, but there's just no other option. Thanks.
I know family stuff plays into this for me. I still try and try (to some extent) to get what I never did from my parents. Anne couldnt have mimiced it more closely if she'd tried. So certainly that's an issue as well. It's always something.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 15:43:58
In reply to Re: Got a letter from Anne » Dinah, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 15:23:43
Psych ward.
Hahah.
I'm really at my breaking point.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 17:10:22
In reply to Next stop..., posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 15:43:58
And what do you do when you tell a "real life" friend that you're not feeling safe, and they flat out ignore you?
Why bother reaching out? He's the only real friend I have.
I know he heard me because I made another comment a few minutes later and he ignored that too. Completely ignored it.
He knew I was in the hospital a few months ago so he knows I mean those things.
Oh yes, I am loved.
I'm not calling Ginny again because I just saw her today. I see her again Thurs.
Btw, please say whatever you want.. I won feel pressured. Unless I guess its "you should jump off a bridge"... then I would. Hah.
Posted by happykat on January 23, 2007, at 18:09:01
In reply to and what do you do when..., posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 17:10:22
((((((((((((wishingstar)))))))))))))))))
Maybe he just doesn't know what to say or do. After I got out of the hospital everyone seemed to be so awkward around me. A few confessed that they just didn't know what to say. It's probably just a case of him not knowing what to say. Plus if he's a guy I think it's alot harder for them anyway.
I've read some of your previous threads and your old therapist Anne sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad you have a different therapist now.
Be well and Stay safe!
Regards,
happykat
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 18:36:09
In reply to and what do you do when..., posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 17:10:22
What do you find helpful? If you think you need to go to the hospital to be safe, then of course you need to go. But do you have any distress tolerance skills you learned?
I'm glad you're seeing Ginny twice a week.
Sometimes it helps me to have mental conversations with my therapist. Sometimes the therapist in my head is even better than my real one.
Posted by muffled on January 23, 2007, at 18:53:54
In reply to and what do you do when..., posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 17:10:22
(((wishy))))
For me its distract and ditract. And sleep. Until you can see Ginny and mebbe discuss some mnore coping skills.
Of course if you know you are truly unsafe you need to reach out to help. I would phone Ginny if your feeling out of control. She would WANT you to phone I would think. I find chat can be a good distraction, just be careful of triggers there and don't be afraid to speak up if the chat is triggereing so we can shift topics as needed.
Goto go,
Thinking of you,
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 19:55:29
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » wishingstar, posted by happykat on January 23, 2007, at 18:09:01
> ((((((((((((wishingstar)))))))))))))))))
>
> Maybe he just doesn't know what to say or do. After I got out of the hospital everyone seemed to be so awkward around me. A few confessed that they just didn't know what to say. It's probably just a case of him not knowing what to say. Plus if he's a guy I think it's alot harder for them anyway.
>***Its possible. When I was in the hospital in Oct, he came and visited twice (I was only there 2 days) and was great. Very supportive, caring, etc. I think he may be of the "snap yourself out of it, its not that bad" mindset though. That may be the real issue. "I dont feel safe" doesnt seem serious to him.
> I've read some of your previous threads and your old therapist Anne sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad you have a different therapist now.
>**That she is! Me too. Thank you.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 19:59:59
In reply to Re: and what do you do when..., posted by muffled on January 23, 2007, at 18:53:54
Thanks muffled. I find chat to be a little scary. I've never been in... it's just a little too "real" for me I think. I'm afraid of making an idiot out of myself. Hah.
Youre probably right that she would want me to call. But I pretty much have a rule for myself that I dont call if I have an appointment very soon, because I'll be there for a session anyway. And I did see her today already. Theres really nothing she could say.
I went out this evening and walked around walmart and barnes and noble in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I look like absolute hell, and got a few looks, but its okay. It kept me busy and safe and thats what matters I guess. I'll try to stay busy tomorrow too.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 20:09:47
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 18:36:09
I dont know what I find helpful. I really dont. My distress tolerance techniques basically consist of waiting it out and letting it pass. Thats what I've always done and I guess it works. Sometimes I'll go out and get coffee and read a book, or walk around the mall, or something to get me out of my house, which at least keeps me safe.
I should add that tonights breakdown isnt really about Anne. That situation isnt helping of course, but the negative reaction has pretty much passed. In fact, I decided with ginny today that I'm glad she didnt write anything warm or nice in the letter - it only would have raised my hopes and made me feel sad about losing her again. But for now, I feel okay about that.
I guess the problem is that this doesnt feel like passing distress. It's easier if I'm upset about a particular situation/experience/etc, but this is just general. I've been fighting depression for so long, been on so many meds, and nothing seems to help. I've started hating myself more and more recently. I got offered a job interview for a position that is exactly what I want to do, but I havent returned the call. I just cant do it (the job) right now. I truly believe that I'm worthless these days. So what kind of distress tolerance do I use for that? I dont know. Its not just getting through the evening anymore. I wake up and have all the same issues. It's not going away. I just cant keep doing it. I told Ginny once that it's not that there isnt anything good in my life - there is. But I'd trade it in to get rid of the bad. I wouldnt be my friend if I was someone else.
I just dont know. Thank you Dinah. If you (or anyone) can recommend any ways to tolerate this, I'd love to hear it. Honestly. I'm just feeling a bit hopeless.
Posted by MidnightBlue on January 23, 2007, at 20:30:37
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » Dinah, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 20:09:47
Wishing,
I think distraction helps. Being with people helps. A funny movie or even a funny dumb sitcom can help. Nothing sad or serious.
Try to call about the job interview. You are such an awesome person! Hang in there.
MidnightBlue
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 20:45:54
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » wishingstar, posted by MidnightBlue on January 23, 2007, at 20:30:37
Thanks MB. Can I call you MB?
I rented a couple movies at Blockbuster yesterday. For Richer or Poorer and Somethings Gotta Give. I'll probably watch one in a few minutes and work on a cross-stitch project I've been doing. A movie plus that is enough to keep my mind from wandering much and it usually improves my mood temporarily. But sometimes distracting myself just feels like delaying the inevitable, you know?
I'm hesitant to call about the interview because what if I get it? Thats the real issue. It's doing crisis work with kids/families so I'd hate to take the job and have to quit a few weeks later. Not good for anyone. But I do have to get SOME job. My finances wont let me be jobless for much longer.
Thank you for the compliment. I'm trying to hang in there. Trying.
Posted by caraher on January 23, 2007, at 21:17:23
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » MidnightBlue, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 20:45:54
This will sound strange, but you should interview even if you don't think you can do the job. If you don't get the job, you'll have had the practice interview for the job you eventually want, and it won't matter whether you're up to the work right now. If you do get an offer, you still have the option to decline. You're in charge. And I think it's important to feel "in charge" of whatever aspects of your life you can, as opposed to feeling constantly buffeted by a parade of insults to your psyche.
In the short run, do what you need to do to "stay safe." If distraction is all you need, great. I'm sorry your friend's "real life" support was lacking, but I think that sort of thing can feel scary to people and they don't always know how to react.
Posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 22:16:17
In reply to Re: and what do you do when..., posted by caraher on January 23, 2007, at 21:17:23
I know you're right about the job. But just getting dressed and putting on a professional face just seems beyond my capabilities right now. This is an organization that I do hope to work for at some point, even if not right now, so I think Id rather decline an interview than go for an interview and have it be horrible. I dont know. But I know I cant just not call back. Thats probably the worst choice of all.
My friend has a lot of problems of his own that he doesnt acknowledge (terribly abusive childhood, etc), so it shouldnt really surprise me that he cant handle me reaching out either. But even knowing that intellectually, it's hard not to just shut down in response.
I watched a movie and I'm feeling a little better right now. I'm sure it wont last but every moment counts I guess. Movies seem to help. I dont plan to go back to the hospital unless forced though - it was not a good or helpful experience in most ways.
Posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:46:04
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » caraher, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 22:16:17
Wishingstar - I hope you are able to get past this without too much distress - I don't know what can help you feel better - but remember it's not about you, really.
Silence or lack of communication translates more to an actions, I think, than an emotions. Try not to personalize her actions or lack thereof.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by MidnightBlue on January 24, 2007, at 9:59:19
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » MidnightBlue, posted by wishingstar on January 23, 2007, at 20:45:54
Wishingstar,
Of course you can call me MB! I'm WAY older than you and I hate to tell you this, but in some ways life IS just trying. "Trying" just means you are giving something your best.
Go ahead and go for the job. If you have to quit in a few weeks, you have to quit in a few weeks. But you MIGHT absolutely LOVE it and thrive in that position. You won't know if you don't try....
MB
Posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:21:29
In reply to Re: and what do you do when... » wishingstar, posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:46:04
Posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:25:04
In reply to Re: and what do you do when..., posted by MidnightBlue on January 24, 2007, at 9:59:19
I know trying and taking risks is part of life. I taught preschool for several years and I remember my first teaching position - I was terrified! I remember being afraid I'd fail, wouldnt know what to do, wouldnt be able to control the class, would look stupid, and on and on and on. I think those fears are probably part of any new job or big step like this.
I do have those fears about this too, but I guess the bigger issue is that Im just not sure if I'm capable of working any job, especially one where I have a lot of responsibility. Some days I just cant even get out of bed or get myself in the shower. I just dont know. It's scary. It's not trying something new I'm afraid of - its really just functioning in the world in any way right now. I'd have the same feelings, I think, going back to my old preschool classroom.
See my next post on this thread though.
Posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:30:18
In reply to Re: and what do you do when..., posted by MidnightBlue on January 24, 2007, at 9:59:19
The guy from the mental health agency called again this morning (at 8:15am, while I was still asleep!) and asked if I still wanted the interview and to please tell him either way. Ugh. I was wanting that to disappear.
But I called. I did good, right? I apologized for not calling earlier and said that I have shingles so I've been pretty out of commission recently (which is true, in case you havent seen my other post on that). We set up an interview for 9am Monday.
I wrote in my last post (to midnightblue) about my fears about this. Right now, getting out of bed and not hurting myself is taking all my energy. I'm not sure that I can handle a job. It's not full time, but it's intense and a lot of responsibility. My boss would be a therapist - how funny is that? He said he was interviewing lots of people, which means I might not get it anyway, but the possiblity is there.
This is the ad from the website for the position...
"In-Home Therapeutic Behavior Spec. #9224In the role of an In-Home team member, he/she will act as the 2nd individual on a mental health team providing services to SED/at risk children, adolescents and their families in the client’s home, and community. The services will include; individual, group and family counseling, crisis intervention and stabilization, case management, in-home counseling and community support. The TBS will work closely with the lead clinician on the team. The TBS will display a working knowledge of child and adolescent development and mental health issues. A bachelor’s degree in human services required. This is a part-time hourly position. No benefits."
Me, providing crisis intervention? HAHAHHA. We'll see.
Posted by bil on January 24, 2007, at 13:30:52
In reply to i took the interview, posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:30:18
Hiya, Wishingstar-
Well done, you! Even if you don't take the job, it's something positive you've done for yourself.I think you should be proud of yourself.... and best of luck for Monday, too.
bil
Posted by caraher on January 24, 2007, at 17:34:40
In reply to Re: i took the interview, posted by bil on January 24, 2007, at 13:30:52
Good for you! You're doing something positive for yourself, and I'll bet you'd do a lot better than you think...
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 24, 2007, at 20:16:34
In reply to i took the interview, posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:30:18
That's one way to look at it. Another way to see it is, "Who better to provide crisis intervention than someone who's experienced it?"
It actually sounds perfect for you to me -- and the part-time thing will help as you ease back into things.
I understand your hesitation, but I'm proud of you for taking the interview.
Posted by MidnightBlue on January 24, 2007, at 20:34:55
In reply to i took the interview, posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 12:30:18
YOU CAN DO THIS! You are just down from the shingles and everything else. Shingles is enough to make anyone feel bad!
MidnightBlue
Posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 20:43:33
In reply to Re: i took the interview » wishingstar, posted by MidnightBlue on January 24, 2007, at 20:34:55
Thanks everyone. I'm not sure it's just the shingles making me feel bad... this has been an ongoing thing for years, and I hit very deep lows from time to time. But I guess the reason doesnt matter. I appreciate everyones support so much. I'll let you know what happens Monday. I may let Ginny talk me into admitting myself tomorrow for the weekend if she feels its appropriate so if I'm not around, thatll be why. We'll see. Thanks everyone.
Posted by muffled on January 25, 2007, at 0:35:15
In reply to Re: i took the interview - to all, posted by wishingstar on January 24, 2007, at 20:43:33
I like you lots.
Muffled
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